40 Life Lessons I Know at 40 (That I Wish I Knew at 20)
我在 40 岁时懂得的 40 条人生经验（但愿我在 20 岁时就知道了）
Today is my 40th birthday.
今天是我 40 岁生日。
When I turned 30 a decade ago, I wrote an article sharing life lessons to survive your 20s and crowd-sourced advice on how to excel in your 30s. And apparently you guys loved it.
十年前我刚满 30 岁时，我写了一篇文章，分享了度过 20 多岁的人生经验，并就如何在 30 多岁时出人头地征求了大家的意见。显然，你们很喜欢这篇文章。
So, here’s more of the good stuff: 40 life lessons I now know at 40 that I wish I knew at 20.
所以，这里有更多好东西：我在 40 岁时知道的 40 条人生经验，真希望我在 20 岁时就知道了。
Dig in. 快看
1. Your Relationship With Others Is a Direct Reflection of Your Relationship With Yourself
1.你与他人的关系是你与自己关系的直接反映
If you treat yourself poorly, then you will also unconsciously seek out and tolerate others who treat you poorly.
If you treat yourself with dignity and respect, then you will only tolerate others who treat you with dignity and respect.
如果你以尊严和尊重对待自己，那么你也只会容忍别人以尊严和尊重对待你。
Get right with yourself, get right with the world.
正确对待自己，正确对待世界。
2. The Only Way to Feel Better About Yourself Is to Do Things Worth Feeling Good About
2.自我感觉良好的唯一方法就是做值得自我感觉良好的事情
Respect is earned, not given.
尊重是赢得的，而不是给予的。
3. The Only Failure Is Not Trying
3.唯一的失败就是没有尝试
The only rejection is not asking. The only mistake is not risking anything.
唯一的拒绝就是不问。唯一的错误就是不冒任何风险。
Success and failure are fuzzy concepts that only exist in your mind before you do something. Not after.
成功和失败是模糊的概念，只存在于你做事之前的脑海中。而不是之后。
After the fact, everything will be a mixture of both. The only real failure is doing nothing.
事后，一切都将是两者的混合体。唯一真正的失败就是什么都不做。
4. No One Is Coming to Save You
4.没人会来救你
No single thing will solve all your problems. No goal, no achievement, no relationship.
没有任何一件事能解决你所有的问题。没有目标，没有成就，没有关系。
No one will ever fix you. You will always feel mildly inadequate and somewhat dissatisfied with your life.
没有人会解决你的问题。你总是会对自己的生活感到轻微的不足和不满。
Nothing is wrong with you for feeling this way.
你有这种感觉并没有错。
On the contrary, it might be the most normal thing about you.
相反，这可能是你最正常的一面。
5. Be the Partner You Want to Have
5.成为你想要的合作伙伴
If you want a healthy and fit partner, then be healthy and fit yourself. If you want a loyal and trustworthy partner, then be loyal and trustworthy yourself.
如果你想要一个健康体魄的伴侣，那么你自己也要健康体魄。如果你想要一个忠诚可靠的伴侣，那么你自己也要忠诚可靠。
To put it another way, would you date you?
换一种说法，你会和你约会吗？
If not, then that’s a fucking problem.
如果没有，那就他妈有问题了。
6. The Most Valuable Things in Life Compound Over a Long Period of Time
6.生命中最有价值的东西是长期积累而成的
I’m talking about health, wealth, knowledge, confidence, relationships.
我说的是健康、财富、知识、自信和人际关系。
These things will frustrate you when you’re young because they are slow.
在你年轻的时候，这些东西会让你感到沮丧，因为它们很慢。
But if you start building them from a young age and you don’t stop, by the time you’re in your 30s and 40s you will have an incredible life.
但是，如果你从年轻时就开始培养这些能力，并且一直坚持下去，到三四十岁时，你就会拥有一个不可思议的人生。
7. The Most Sexy and Exciting Things in Life Are the Opposite
7.生活中最性感、最刺激的事情恰恰相反
These things start out extremely fun, but then have intense diminishing returns.
这些东西一开始非常有趣，但后来回报率会急剧下降。
When you’re young, these things distract you and occupy a lot of your time and attention. I’m talking about social media, casual sex, drugs and alcohol, video games, gambling, vacations, and blowjobs.
当你年轻的时候，这些东西会分散你的注意力，占据你大量的时间和精力。我说的是社交媒体、随意性行为、毒品和酒精、电子游戏、赌博、度假和口交。
The first time is incredible. The second time is almost as good. But then it’s all downhill from there.
第一次令人难以置信。第二次也差不多。但之后就开始走下坡路了。
Be sure to experience all of these things for a little bit, but then quickly move on.
一定要把所有这些事情都体验一下，然后迅速继续前进。
Well, except the blowjobs. Don’t move on from the blowjobs.
除了口交别再提口交的事了
8. If You’re Not Turning Down Things That Excite You, Then You’re Not Focused Enough on What Matters
8.如果你没有拒绝让你兴奋的事情，那么你就没有足够专注于重要的事情
Our world is overflowing with stimulation and opportunity.
我们的世界充满刺激和机遇。
If you aren’t struggling to turn down options, then you haven’t correctly prioritized what matters to you.
如果你没有努力拒绝各种选择，那么你就没有正确地优先考虑对你来说重要的事情。
9. Taking Responsibility for All of Your Problems Alleviates More Suffering Than It Creates
9.对自己的所有问题负责，减轻的痛苦多于造成的痛苦
Most people assume that if you take responsibility for all the pain in your life, then you will just feel worse about it.
大多数人认为，如果你对生活中的所有痛苦负责，那么你只会感觉更糟。
But the opposite is actually true. The more responsibility you take, the more you empower yourself to actually do something about that pain.
但事实恰恰相反。你承担的责任越多，你就越有能力为这种痛苦做些什么。
That’s because… 这是因为
10. You Give Power to Who You Blame
10.你把权力交给了你所指责的人
When you blame someone else for your problems, you’re giving them power over you. You’re allowing them to define and dictate your happiness and well-being.
当你把自己的问题归咎于别人时，你就把控制自己的权力交给了别人。你允许他们定义和支配你的幸福和福祉。
This is fucking stupid, so don’t do it.
这太他妈愚蠢了，所以别这么做。
It’s not worth it. 这不值得。
11. If You Have to Tell Someone You’re That, Then You’re Not That
11.如果你必须告诉别人你是那样的人，那么你就不是那样的人
A rich man doesn’t feel the need to show people he’s rich.
有钱人不会觉得有必要向别人展示他的富有。
A smart man doesn’t feel the need to tell people he’s smart.
聪明人不会觉得有必要告诉别人他很聪明。
A confident person doesn’t have to show people he’s confident. He just is.
一个自信的人不需要向别人展示他的自信。他就是自信。
Don’t say it. Be it.
不要说出来。说出来
12. Motivation Is Not the Cause of Action, but the Effect
12.动机不是行动的原因，而是结果
If you want to feel motivated to do something, take the smallest action towards doing it.
如果你想有动力去做某件事情，那就采取最小的行动去做。
Then let the momentum carry you forward.
然后让这股动力带着你前进。
13. Love Is Not the Cause of Commitment, but the Effect
13.爱不是承诺的原因，而是结果
You don’t wait until you have a perfect relationship to commit to a person.
你不能等到拥有了一段完美的关系后才去承诺一个人。
You commit to the person in order to create the perfect relationship.
你对对方做出承诺，才能创造完美的关系。
14. Passion Is Not the Cause of Good Work, but the Effect
14.激情不是做好事的原因，而是结果
You don’t wait until you find something you love doing.
你不能等到找到自己喜欢做的事情时才去做。
You learn to do something well, and the process of developing competency and agency then causes you to become passionate about it.
你要学会做好一件事，而能力和能力的培养过程会让你对这件事充满热情。
15. The Person You Marry Is the Person You Fight With
15.与你结婚的人就是与你吵架的人
The house you buy is the house you repair. The dream job you take is the job you stress over.
你买的房子就是你修的房子。你梦寐以求的工作就是你倍感压力的工作。
Everything comes with an inherent sacrifice. Whatever makes us feel good will inevitably also make us feel bad.
任何事情都有其内在的牺牲。任何让我们感觉良好的事情，都不可避免地会让我们感觉糟糕。
16. A Happy Life Is Not a Life Without Stress. It’s a Life of Meaningful Stress
16.幸福生活不是没有压力的生活。而是有意义的压力生活
Nuff said. 不说了。
17. Don’t View Exercise as an Exchange for Something
17.不要把锻炼看作是一种交换
You don’t work out to lose a few pounds or earn that hamburger or an ice cream. With this mindset, you will lose motivation quickly and quit.
你锻炼不是为了减掉几磅体重，也不是为了赢得汉堡包或冰淇淋。抱着这种心态，你很快就会失去动力而放弃。
Instead, view exercise as an investment. For every unit of energy you put in, you will receive multiple units of energy back.
相反，应将锻炼视为一种投资。你每投入一个单位的能量，就会获得多个单位的能量回报。
The catch is that these units of energy you get back will be spread out over weeks, months, and years.
但问题是，你获得的这些能量单位将分散在几周、几个月甚至几年中。
This is why exercising hardcore occasionally is far inferior to exercising a little bit every day.
这就是为什么偶尔坚持锻炼远不如每天锻炼一点点的原因。
18. Trust People 18.信任别人
Most people are good. And while you might get hurt or embarrassed sometimes, the alternative is just way worse.
大多数人都是好人。虽然有时你可能会受到伤害或感到尴尬，但另一种情况会更糟。
19. There’s No Such Thing as a Life Without Problems
19.没有没有问题的生活
Warren Buffett has money problems. A homeless guy has money problems.
沃伦-巴菲特有金钱问题。流浪汉也有金钱问题。
Buffett’s money problems are way more desirable than the homeless guy’s. But problems don’t just disappear, they get exchanged and upgraded for better problems as you grow and evolve.
巴菲特的金钱问题比流浪汉的问题要好得多。但问题不会就这样消失，随着你的成长和发展，它们会被交换和升级为更好的问题。
The solution to today’s problem will be the seed of tomorrow’s.
解决今天的问题将成为明天问题的种子。
Set your expectations accordingly.
设定相应的期望值。
20. Growth Is Rarely Accompanied by Joy and Celebration
20.成长很少伴随着喜悦和庆祝
On the contrary, growth is usually painful to some degree.
相反，成长通常在某种程度上是痛苦的。
That’s because growth requires loss — a loss of your old values, your old behaviors, your old loves, your old identity.
这是因为成长需要失去--失去原有的价值观、原有的行为、原有的爱和原有的身份。
Change always has a component of grief to it, so be sure to let yourself grieve.
变化总是带有悲伤的成分，所以一定要让自己悲伤。
21. Fuck Being Normal 第 21 次 去他妈的正常
Statistically speaking, a normal person is physically unhealthy, emotionally anxious and depressed, socially lonely, and financially in debt.
据统计，正常人身体不健康，情绪焦虑抑郁，社交孤独，经济上负债累累。
So yeah, fuck being normal.
所以是的，去他妈的正常。
22. If You Can’t Say No, Then Your Yeses Mean Nothing
22.如果你不能说 "不"，那么你的 "是 "就毫无意义
We are defined by what we give up, what we sacrifice, and what we reject.
我们的定义取决于我们放弃什么、牺牲什么、拒绝什么。
If you sacrifice nothing and reject nothing, then you have no identity. You are merely a reflection of the preferences and demands of the people around you.
如果你什么都不牺牲，什么都不拒绝，那么你就没有身份。你只是周围人的喜好和要求的反映。
In other words, if you don’t decide who you are, other people will decide for you.
换句话说，如果你不决定自己是谁，其他人就会替你决定。
23. Be Careful How You Define Yourself
23.谨慎定义自己
Your identity is a self-constructed mental prison, confining you to a life of desperately seeking and finding things to validate whatever you’ve chosen to become.
你的身份是一个自我构建的精神牢笼，将你的生活限制在拼命寻找和发现事物来验证你所选择成为的人。
Define yourself as loosely and ambiguously as possible. You will feel less defensive towards the world and be willing to change when it’s necessary.
尽可能宽松、模糊地定义自己。这样，你对世界的防备心就会减少，并愿意在必要时做出改变。
24. Don’t Make Assumptions About People
24.不要对人做出假设
You have no fucking idea what they’ve been through.
你他妈根本不知道他们经历了什么。
Don’t make assumptions about yourself either. Chances are you have no idea what you’re talking about.
也不要对自己做出假设。你很可能根本不知道自己在说什么。
The last person we’re objective about is ourselves.
我们最不关心的人就是我们自己。
25. No One Thinks About You as Much as You Think About Yourself
25.没有人比你更关心自己
Whatever you’re insecure about, chances are 99% of people around you haven’t even noticed it.
无论你有什么不安全感，你周围 99% 的人可能都没有注意到。
This is because everybody else is too busy thinking about themselves.
这是因为其他人都忙着考虑自己。
This may strike you as a little bit depressing, but it’s actually liberating. It means that you are judged far less than you think.
你可能会觉得这有点令人沮丧，但这其实是一种解放。这意味着你受到的评判远比你想象的要少。
26. Confidence Does Not Come From an Expectation of Success. It Comes From a Comfort With Failure
26.自信不是来自对成功的期待。自信来自对失败的从容面对
There’s a word for someone who feels a need to succeed in everything: a fucking narcissist.
有一个词可以形容凡事都要成功的人：他妈的自恋狂。
Don’t be a narcissist. Embrace your flaws. Embrace failure.
不要自恋。拥抱你的缺陷。拥抱失败。
27. Develop a Willingness to Be Disliked
27.培养被 "嫌弃 "的意愿
This will grant you the freedom to do what needs to be done, even if it’s unpopular.
这样你就可以自由地去做该做的事，哪怕是不受欢迎的事。
28. You Cannot Be a Life-Changing Presence to Some People Without Also Being a Complete Fucking Joke to Others
28.对某些人来说，你是改变生活的存在，而对另一些人来说，你却完全是个该死的笑话
Part of the price of having impact is some hate. And usually that hate is proportional to the impact.
产生影响力的代价之一就是要招致一些仇恨。而仇恨通常与影响力成正比。
29. Floss and Wear Sunscreen Every Day
29.每天使用牙线和涂抹防晒霜
Look, I know I sound like your mom right now, but trust me, in 20 years you’re going to be thanking me.
听着，我知道我现在听起来像你妈妈，但相信我，20 年后你会感谢我的。
30. Extraordinary Results Come From Repeating Ordinary Actions Over an Inordinate Amount of Time
30.非凡的结果来自于长时间重复普通的行动
Any overnight success is secretly the result of quietly working in obscurity for years, if not decades.
任何一夜成名的成功，都是默默耕耘数年甚至数十年的结果。
31. Choosing a Partner Is Not About Romance
31.选择伴侣与浪漫无关
You’re also choosing a confidant, counselor, career advisor, therapist, investor, teacher, travel buddy, roommate, best friend, business partner.
您也在选择知己、顾问、职业顾问、治疗师、投资者、老师、旅行伙伴、室友、挚友、商业伙伴。
And no, I’m not saying you should make your partner be all these things.
不，我不是说你应该让你的伴侣做这些事情。
I’m saying whether you want to or not, your partner is going to become all of these things. That’s what a relationship is.
我是说，不管你愿不愿意，你的伴侣都会变成这些人。这就是恋爱关系。
So choose fucking wisely.
所以，选择他妈的要明智。
32. Don’t Overestimate Romantic Love
32.不要高估浪漫的爱情
Love doesn’t fix relationship problems. It doesn’t make trust issues go away.
爱不能解决关系问题。它不会让信任问题消失。
The truth is, love can harm as much as it heals. It’s an amplifier. It makes a good relationship better and a bad relationship much worse.
事实上，爱既能伤害人，也能治愈人。它是一个放大器。它能让好的关系变得更好，让坏的关系变得更糟。
Don’t get me wrong, love is great. Love is beautiful when it works.
别误会，爱情是伟大的。当爱情奏效时，它是美丽的。
But to make a healthy relationship, by itself love is not enough.
但要建立健康的关系，光有爱是不够的。
33. Trust Is the Currency of All Relationships
33.信任是所有关系的货币
Every good relationship is built off the back of years of trust.
每一段良好的关系都是在多年的信任基础上建立起来的。
Every failed relationship fails because of broken trust.
每一段失败的恋情都是因为失去了信任。
Therefore, honesty and integrity are the backbones of a life of healthy relationships and therefore happiness.
因此，诚实和正直是健康人际关系的基石，也是幸福生活的基石。
Dishonesty and a lack of integrity might be a shortcut to some short-term gains, but you’re completely fucking yourself in the long run, so fucking stop it.
不诚实和缺乏诚信可能是获得短期利益的捷径，但从长远来看，你完全是在自取灭亡，所以他妈的别再这样做了。
Speaking of which… 说到这里
34. If All of Your Relationships Have the Same Problem…
34.如果你的所有关系都有同样的问题...
Newsflash: you’re the fucking problem.
新消息：你才是他妈的问题所在。
35. There’s No Such Thing as a Bad Emotion, Only a Bad Response to an Emotion
35.没有坏情绪，只有对情绪的坏反应
Every emotion can be used constructively or destructively.
每一种情绪都可以被建设性地利用，也可以被破坏性地利用。
One of the most useful things you can ever learn in your life is to figure out how to channel your negative emotions constructively.
你一生中学到的最有用的东西之一，就是学会如何建设性地引导你的负面情绪。
36. Go to Bed and Wake Up Early
36.早睡早起
My whole life, I always promised myself I would never be that guy who went to bed at 9PM on a Friday and got up at 5AM to hit the fucking gym.
在我的一生中，我总是向自己保证，我永远不会成为那个周五晚上 9 点睡觉，早上 5 点起床去健身房锻炼的人。
But kids, I hate to tell you, mornings are the real shit. Sorry.
但是孩子们，我不想告诉你们，早晨才是真正的垃圾。对不起
37. You Don’t Have to Prove Anything to Anyone, Including Yourself
37.你不必向任何人证明任何事，包括你自己
Let me say that again: you don’t have to prove anything to anyone, including yourself.
让我再说一遍：你不必向任何人证明什么，包括你自己。
38. Life Advice Is Like Clothing
38.生活建议就像衣服
Try it on. And if it doesn’t fit, discard it and try something else.
试穿一下。如果不合身，就扔掉它，试试别的。
Also: like clothing, bad advice will be useless within a few weeks, but good advice will last you a lifetime.
另外：就像衣服一样，不好的建议在几周内就会失去作用，但好的建议会让你终生受用。
39. Nothing Meaningful in Life Is Easy, Nothing Easy in Life Is Meaningful
39.生活中没有什么有意义的事是容易的，生活中没有什么容易的事是有意义的
We think we’d like to have everything handed to us on a silver platter. But the truth is that we don’t appreciate or enjoy things that we don’t struggle for.
我们认为，我们希望把一切都放在银盘上交给我们。但事实上，我们并不珍惜或享受那些我们没有为之奋斗的东西。
So stop avoiding the difficult things in your life and instead find the difficult things you enjoy.
因此，不要再回避生活中的困难，而是要找到自己喜欢的困难。
And finally… 最后
40. It’s Never Too Late to Change
40.改变永不嫌晚
A friend of mine once told me a story about his grandmother. He said that when her husband died, she was 62 and for the first time in her life, she began to take piano lessons.
我的一位朋友曾给我讲过一个关于他祖母的故事。他说，她的丈夫去世时，她已经 62 岁了，这是她人生中第一次开始学钢琴。
For weeks, she practiced all day, every day.
几周来，她每天都在练习。
At first, the family thought it was just a phase, a way for her to process her grief. But months went by and she continued to play every day.
起初，家人认为这只是一个阶段，是她处理悲伤的一种方式。但几个月过去了，她仍然每天玩耍。
People started to wonder if she was crazy or something was wrong with her. They told her to give it up, face reality. But she kept going.
人们开始怀疑她是疯了还是出了什么问题。他们让她放弃，面对现实。但她还是坚持了下来。
By the time she was in her 90s, she’d been playing piano every day for over 30 years, longer than most professional musicians have been alive. She had mastered all of the classics — Mozart, Beethoven, Bach, Vivaldi.
在她 90 多岁的时候，她已经每天弹钢琴超过 30 年，比大多数专业音乐家在世的时间还长。她掌握了所有的经典曲目--莫扎特、贝多芬、巴赫、维瓦尔第。
Everyone who heard her play swore that she must have been a concert pianist in her youth. No one believed her when she said that she took her first lesson in her 60s.
每个听过她演奏的人都发誓，她年轻时一定是一位音乐会钢琴家。当她说自己在 60 多岁时才上第一堂钢琴课时，没有人相信。
I love this story because it shows that even at an impractical old age, you still have more time left to learn something than most professionals at that thing have even been alive.
我喜欢这个故事，因为它告诉我们，即使到了不切实际的年纪，你仍然有更多的时间去学习一些东西，甚至比大多数专业人士在世的时间还要长。
I didn’t start writing until I was 27. I didn’t start my YouTube channel until I was 36.
我直到 27 岁才开始写作。我直到 36 岁才开始我的 YouTube 频道。
In every phase of my life, I’ve started five to ten years later than most people. Yet it didn’t matter.
在我人生的每个阶段，我的起步都比大多数人晚五到十年。但这并不重要。
I get emails all the time from people asking me, hey, I’m 20 or 40 or 60 or 80, is it too late? Can I change? Is there time?
我经常收到一些人的电子邮件，他们问我：嘿，我已经 20 岁、40 岁、60 岁或 80 岁了，现在还来得及吗？我能改变吗？还有时间吗？
The answer is it’s never too late. There’s always time.
答案是永远不会太晚。总是有时间的。
The only question is how long we’re going to sit here and make excuses and pretend there’s not.
唯一的问题是，我们还要在这里坐多久，还要找借口假装没有。
NEED HELP FIGURING OUT WHAT TO GIVE A FUCK ABOUT?
需要帮助找出什么是最重要的吗？
I wrote a 50-page guide on personal values to help you do just that. Check it out.
我写了一本长达 50 页的个人价值观指南，可以帮助你做到这一点。快来看看吧。
