一个外地女孩，死在了我出租的公寓 A girl from out of town died in the apartment I rented

这件事，一直想记录下来，但只要提笔就觉得沉重，不知从何写起。6月下旬平平无奇的某天，一通电话将我卷入了很长一段时间的情绪黑洞。
This matter, I've always wanted to record it, but every time I pick up the pen, it feels heavy, and I don't know where to start. On an otherwise unremarkable day in late June, a phone call plunged me into a long emotional black hole.

我的租客，死在了我的房子里，时间久到尸体已经高腐，面目难辨。
My tenant died in my house, and the body was so decomposed that it was unrecognizable.

慌乱的一上午，因为我人不在西安，于是，物业、中介、开锁公司在我的授权下，打开了房门，物业全程给我拍摄视频，房门打开前的每一秒，我都祈盼是虚惊一场，但直到开锁师傅彻底将门打开，指着屋内的地板，很小声的回过头说：“人死咧”。声音轻到我要把手机声音键开到最大才能听清楚这三个字。视频也到此戛然而止。
It was a chaotic morning. Since I was not in Xi'an, the property management, the agent, and the locksmith company, under my authorization, opened the door. The property management recorded a video for me throughout the process. Every second before the door was opened, I hoped it was a false alarm. But until the locksmith completely opened the door, pointed to the floor inside, and very quietly turned back and said, "Someone's dead." The voice was so soft that I had to turn my phone's volume to the maximum to hear those three words clearly. The video ended abruptly at that point.

房门再次掩住，开锁师傅离开，摆了摆手，开锁费，算了。物业报了警，一切要等警察来。警察出警不算慢，可远在新疆的我却觉得无比漫长……自杀？谋杀？突发疾病？入室杀人？又或者死者是谁，是我的租客吗？无数的疑问在我的脑海盘旋。
The door was closed again, the locksmith left, waving his hand, and waived the unlocking fee. The property management called the police, and everything had to wait for the police to arrive. The police were not slow to respond, but for me, far away in Xinjiang, it felt like an eternity... Suicide? Murder? Sudden illness? Home invasion? Or who was the deceased? Was it my tenant? Countless questions swirled in my mind.

警察来了，法医也来了，尸体被抬走，30楼一上午的喧嚣戛然而止。
The police arrived, the forensic doctor also came, and the body was taken away. The commotion on the 30th floor came to an abrupt end that morning.

■《被嫌弃的松子的一生》剧照 ■ Still from "Memories of Matsuko"

今年4月初，我在北京出差，突然接到中介电话，我在2月底委托她帮我出租的房子，有人要租，这个房子是个只有50平的单身公寓，但因为地段和装修都算好，租金不算便宜，挂出去后询问的人很多，但基本都嫌贵而一直未租出。
At the beginning of April this year, I was on a business trip in Beijing when I suddenly received a call from the agent. Someone wanted to rent the apartment I had entrusted her to rent out at the end of February. This apartment is a 50-square-meter studio, but because of its good location and decoration, the rent is not cheap. Many people inquired about it after it was listed, but most thought it was too expensive and it remained unrented.

直到4月，我都快忘了出租这件事，却突然接到中介电话。租客很干脆，从看房到签合同，没有超过两天。当然，租客选房，我也选租客，我询问中介，租客的具体情况，信息很少但足够我放心，91年的单身女孩，从宁夏来，职业是会计，目前正在西安找工作。
By April, I had almost forgotten about renting it out, but suddenly received a call from the agent. The tenant was very straightforward; it took less than two days from viewing the apartment to signing the contract. Of course, while the tenant was choosing the apartment, I was also choosing the tenant. I asked the agent about the tenant's specific situation. The information was sparse but enough to put me at ease: a single girl born in 1991 from Ningxia, working as an accountant, currently looking for a job in Xi'an.

看房、验房、网签合同等流程都很顺利，只是交租金时，一波三折。一开始租客问我要了支付宝账户，但没有转来，后又加了微信，也没有转来，辗转多次，我也没催，直到下午她转给我，中介说，因为输错密码导致锁卡，专门去银行办理了解锁才将钱转出。
The processes of viewing the apartment, inspecting it, and signing the contract online all went smoothly, except for the rent payment, which had several twists and turns. Initially, the tenant asked for my Alipay account but didn't transfer the money. Then she added me on WeChat but still didn't transfer the money. After several attempts, I didn't urge her, and it wasn't until the afternoon that she transferred the money to me. The agent said it was because she had entered the wrong password, which locked her card, and she had to go to the bank to unlock it before she could transfer the money.

这个细节，我当时并未在意。 I didn't pay attention to this detail at the time.

粗心的我，并没有意识到。但她的死亡，从她交租金时其实就已经埋下伏笔。半年的房租，后来我才了解到都是她的母亲找村里亲友借的。如果时光倒流，我一定劝她别花这钱，回老家。可当时，她甚至对我屏蔽了朋友圈，我对她的情况，几乎一无所知。
Careless as I was, I didn't realize it. But her death had already been foreshadowed when she paid the rent. I later learned that the half-year rent was borrowed by her mother from relatives and friends in the village. If I could turn back time, I would definitely advise her not to spend that money and go back home. But at that time, she even blocked me from her Moments on WeChat, and I knew almost nothing about her situation.

大好年华本该是奋斗的年纪，但究竟什么是压死她的最后一根稻草？
The prime years of life should be a time for striving, but what exactly was the last straw that broke her?

时至今日，事情早已了结，警方也已结案，可她的生理死因，依然是个谜。就和她的骨灰、遗物最终被父亲像丢垃圾一样丢弃掉再无踪迹，永远都不会有答案了。
To this day, the matter has long been settled, and the police have closed the case, but the cause of her death remains a mystery. Just like her ashes and belongings, which were discarded by her father like trash and disappeared without a trace, there will never be an answer.

■《被嫌弃的松子的一生》剧照 ■ Still from "Memories of Matsuko"

整理这些记忆，依然觉得内心烦乱，过程中有太多颠覆认知的地方，太多中国社会、中国农村难以触及、根深蒂固的痛点。
Sorting through these memories still leaves me feeling troubled. There are too many aspects that overturn my understanding, too many deep-seated pain points in Chinese society and rural China that are difficult to touch.

我该如何叙述，一个西部贫困山村女孩，经过怎样的努力，考入北京某211名校，毕业后的几年，一心考公，多次取得家乡省份事业单位笔试第一的成绩，却连连因面试环节落榜，最终又怀着怎样的失望远走他乡，依然没有找到与内心孤傲、与名校出身、与家人期望相匹配的工作，最后又是在怎样的绝望中结束了自己短暂的33岁的生命？
How should I narrate the story of a girl from a poor mountain village in the west, who, through great effort, was admitted to a prestigious 211 university in Beijing? After graduating, she focused on taking civil service exams, repeatedly achieving the top score in the written exams for provincial public institutions, but consistently failing in the interview stage. Ultimately, she left her hometown with disappointment, unable to find a job that matched her inner pride, her prestigious education, and her family's expectations. In the end, in utter despair, she ended her short life at the age of 33.

我也曾气愤过，气愤人要寻死，方法千千万，却为何死在租住的房子里，让我蒙受巨大损失；气愤她莫名奇妙、不留只言片语的离开，让我也背负过嫌疑。但随着案件的深入调查，我却又恨不起来，我为死者年轻生命的消逝而惋惜，也心疼死者面朝黄土背朝天一辈子却依然一贫如洗的双亲，也因西北贫困落后地区的风俗习惯而落泪，但很多时候谈起来，只有一声叹息……
I was also angry, angry that people would choose to die, with countless methods available, but why did she die in the rented house, causing me great loss; angry that she left inexplicably without a word, making me a suspect. But as the investigation deepened, I couldn't hate her anymore. I felt sorry for the loss of her young life, and my heart ached for her parents who had worked hard all their lives but remained poor. I also shed tears for the customs and habits of the impoverished and backward regions of the northwest. But many times when I talk about it, all I can do is sigh...

尸体被法医拉走后，警方很快就联系到了她的父母。 After the body was taken away by the forensic doctor, the police quickly contacted her parents.

原来她的家人，在一周前也将女儿按失踪人口报了案，他们最后一次联系到女儿，是4月20日，女儿微信问母亲要生活费，母亲表示家里确实没有钱了，要等她去借。此前的4月9日，母亲才问亲人借款1万多元转给女儿支付房租，4月21日，母亲再次找人借到1000元，转给女儿，从后续警方调查来看，这1000元还是死者母亲分两次各借500元凑的，女儿没有收，随即拉黑了所有亲人。
It turned out that her family had reported her as a missing person a week earlier. The last time they contacted her was on April 20th, when she asked her mother for living expenses via WeChat. Her mother said that the family really had no money and that she would have to borrow some. On April 9th, her mother had borrowed more than 10,000 yuan from relatives to pay her rent. On April 21st, her mother borrowed another 1,000 yuan and transferred it to her. According to the subsequent police investigation, this 1,000 yuan was borrowed in two installments of 500 yuan each. The daughter did not accept the money and immediately blocked all her relatives.

至此一直到她死去，都再也没有联系过任何亲人。 From then until her death, she never contacted any relatives again.

为什么没有收这救命的钱，反而拉黑了所有人？ Why didn't she accept this life-saving money and instead blocked everyone?

答案我们永远不会知道了，只是从警方掌握的细枝末节里推测，女孩心高气傲，从小学习成绩好，村里无论谁提到她都是竖起大拇指，作为家里甚至村里的骄傲，她一是愧疚父母又因她而借钱，毕竟自己已经33岁了，还没有找到满意的工作；二是1000元杯水车薪，不是她的预期。反观她的父母，作为宁夏西海固地区、六盘山深处的农民，能把一个非独生的女孩子供到北京去读书，毕业近十年一直负担没有工作的女儿的生活开销，实在堪称伟大。
We will never know the answer, but from the details grasped by the police, it is speculated that the girl was proud and ambitious. She had good academic performance since childhood, and everyone in the village would give a thumbs up when mentioning her. As the pride of her family and even the village, she felt guilty that her parents had to borrow money because of her. After all, she was already 33 years old and still hadn't found a satisfactory job. Additionally, the 1000 yuan was a drop in the bucket, not meeting her expectations. On the other hand, her parents, as farmers in the deep mountains of Liupan in the Xihai Gu region of Ningxia, were truly remarkable for being able to support a non-only daughter to study in Beijing and continue to bear the living expenses of their unemployed daughter for nearly ten years after graduation.

要知道，死者家乡这个县直到2019年才脱贫摘帽，而宁夏的西海固地区农村曾经也是重男轻女较为突出的地方，一个农村贫困家庭的女孩能坚持读书的不会太多，往往是很早就嫁作人妇。但在我后面与死者父亲面对面的交流中，老人透露出了对女儿厚重的期望，“她把书读下了，是我们全家的希望，甚至是村里的希望，家里就指望她了”，这里我似乎理解了女孩对考公的执着，也能感受到她巨大的压力。
It should be noted that the county where the deceased's hometown is located only got rid of poverty in 2019, and the rural areas of Xihai Gu in Ningxia used to have a significant preference for boys over girls. It was rare for a girl from a poor rural family to persist in studying, as they often got married at an early age. However, in my later face-to-face conversation with the deceased's father, the old man revealed his heavy expectations for his daughter, "She finished her studies, she is the hope of our whole family, even the hope of the village, the family is counting on her." Here, I seemed to understand the girl's persistence in taking the civil service exam and could feel her immense pressure.

直到6月初，女孩家人一直联系不到女孩，报了案。我远在新疆，一直和办案民警保持联系，对方表示我不必着急回去，目前回去了也没用，第一步要等死者父母从宁夏赶到西安后进行dna鉴定，确定死者就是我的租客。
Until early June, the girl's family had been unable to contact her and reported her missing. I was far away in Xinjiang, but kept in touch with the investigating police officers. They told me not to rush back, as it would be of no use at the moment. The first step was to wait for the deceased's parents to arrive in Xi'an from Ningxia for a DNA test to confirm that the deceased was indeed my tenant.

我不断询问死者死因，警方谨慎，只告诉我死亡时间大约两周至20天，尸体高腐是因为那些天西安持续高温。而从房屋内情况初步来看，屋内整洁，门窗完好，基本可排除他杀，但还需要再次的现场勘验，并通过调取死者的电话记录、楼宇监控甚至购物记录等大量的外围调查去验证。等案件清晰明了后我再回去也不迟。
I kept asking about the cause of death, but the police were cautious and only told me that the time of death was approximately two weeks to 20 days ago. The high level of decomposition was due to the continuous high temperatures in Xi'an during those days. From the initial inspection of the house, it was clean and tidy, with intact doors and windows, which basically ruled out homicide. However, further on-site investigation was needed, along with extensive external investigations such as checking the deceased's phone records, building surveillance, and even shopping records to verify. It wouldn't be too late for me to return once the case became clear.

死者父母当晚就从宁夏赶到了，民警告诉我dna已经提取，2-3个工作日出结果，等结果出来，我就可以从新疆动身。死者父母目前情绪激动，无法接受。“就莫法提么”民警的话语里满是无奈。
The deceased's parents arrived from Ningxia that night. The police told me that the DNA had been extracted and the results would be available in 2-3 working days. Once the results were out, I could set off from Xinjiang. The deceased's parents were currently very emotional and unable to accept the situation. "There's nothing we can do," the police said helplessly.

6月的最后一天，我向单位请了长假，飞往西安。 On the last day of June, I took a long leave from work and flew to Xi'an.

飞机上，我的手机有三个未接来电，都是办案民警，到家已经凌晨，我给民警发去短信，我已回来，全力配合调查。
On the plane, I had three missed calls on my phone, all from the investigating police officers. By the time I got home, it was already early morning. I sent a text message to the police officer, saying I had returned and would fully cooperate with the investigation.

人生中第一次做笔录，是正儿八经在询问室里。其实在我回来之前，民警的外围调查就已经基本结束，我的笔录除了要使案卷更具完整性，更重要的是，死者父母坚决不同意解剖尸体查验死因，理由是家乡风俗不允许人死后无全尸。
The first time in my life I made a statement was formally in the interrogation room. In fact, before I came back, the police had already completed most of the external investigation. My statement was not only to make the case file more complete but also because the deceased's parents firmly refused to allow an autopsy to determine the cause of death, citing local customs that do not permit a body to be incomplete after death.

因为不同意解剖查验死因，这起自杀事件要结案就变得异常麻烦，民警需要做大量外围调查来证明这不是一起刑事案件，办案民警也很头大，只是楼宇监控就好几个t的视频。
Because they refused to allow an autopsy to determine the cause of death, closing this suicide case became extremely troublesome. The police needed to conduct a lot of external investigations to prove that this was not a criminal case. The investigating officers were also very troubled, as there were several terabytes of surveillance video from the building alone.

私下我也表示不解：尸体既已腐烂，解不解剖又有什么区别呢？除非女儿为何死去，父母其实心里是知道原因的。民警表示认同，并说出了另一个很重要的原因：死者家人从宁夏来到这里住在旅店，每天开销很大，而解剖验尸需要一定时间，他们不想等，也等不起，只想尽快了结。
Privately, I also expressed my confusion: since the body was already decomposed, what difference would an autopsy make? Unless the parents actually knew the reason for their daughter's death. The police agreed and mentioned another important reason: the deceased's family had come from Ningxia and were staying in a hotel, incurring significant daily expenses. An autopsy would take some time, and they did not want to wait and could not afford to wait; they just wanted to resolve it quickly.

也正是在民警抽丝剥茧的调查中，这个女孩最后两个多月的生活轨迹逐渐清晰呈现，那是任谁看了都会心痛的非正常生活。
It was precisely during the police's meticulous investigation that the girl's last two months of life gradually became clear. It was an abnormal life that would make anyone feel heartbroken.

我，是死者生前微信上的唯一联系人。尽管我还是被她屏蔽了朋友圈的，但也是唯一可以与她微信互发信息的人，其他仅有的几个联系人都被她拉黑。警方让我提供每次与女孩微信联系的时间和内容，因为没有删聊天记录的习惯，所有记录得以保存。
I was the only contact on the deceased's WeChat before she died. Although she had blocked me from viewing her Moments, I was still the only person who could exchange messages with her on WeChat. All her other contacts had been blacklisted. The police asked me to provide the times and contents of each WeChat interaction with the girl. Since I don't have the habit of deleting chat records, all the records were preserved.

4月9日，中介让她加我微信并将半年房租转给我。我收钱后告诉她有任何问题随时联系我，同时交代她去物业进行租住人员登记并办理门禁。
On April 9th, the agent asked her to add me on WeChat and transfer six months' rent to me. After receiving the money, I told her to contact me anytime if she had any questions and instructed her to register with the property management and obtain access control.

4月10日，她询问我阳台的电动晾衣机使用方法，同时将我在房间装饰摆放的所有玩偶集中到酒柜里，还给我拍了照片，说她不需要这些。我说如果要使用酒柜，可自行将这些玩偶处理掉，她也表示不用酒柜。
On April 10th, she asked me how to use the electric clothes dryer on the balcony. She also gathered all the dolls I had placed in the room and put them in the wine cabinet, sending me a photo saying she didn't need them. I told her that if she wanted to use the wine cabinet, she could dispose of the dolls herself, but she said she didn't need the wine cabinet.

4月17日，她给我发视频，又发语音电话，因为我正在开会就拒绝了，让她打字说，她很慌乱，说家里来了一个天然气公司的工作人员，以屋内天然气管道不合规为由，要求买保险并同时更换气管，并让我接听该工作人员的电话。我询问她有无检查对方工作证件，是否确认为天然气公司工作人员，她向对方提出此要求时，对方没有多说而是离开了。我随即联系物业，询问当日有无天然气公司人员来小区入户排查，得到否定答案。当时我第一反应是，这个女孩怎么会如此没有生活经验，感觉会很容易受骗。
On April 17, she sent me a video and then a voice call. Since I was in a meeting, I declined and asked her to type instead. She was very flustered and said that a staff member from the natural gas company had come to her house, claiming that the indoor gas pipeline was non-compliant and required her to buy insurance and replace the gas pipe. She asked me to take the call from the staff member. I asked her if she had checked the person's work credentials and confirmed if they were from the gas company. When she made this request to the person, they left without saying much. I immediately contacted the property management to inquire if any gas company personnel had come to the community for inspections that day, and received a negative answer. My first reaction was that this girl seemed to lack life experience and could easily be deceived.

联想到她身份证上的地址，那个偏远的宁夏农村，我忍不住和她说，这边不比她的老家，一个人居住凡事要多留个心眼，不害人也别被人骗，为了给她壮胆，我还告诉她，我和我爱人都是公安，如果遇到任何事，都可以咨询我。
Thinking about the address on her ID card, a remote rural area in Ningxia, I couldn't help but tell her that this place is different from her hometown. Living alone, she needs to be more cautious. I also told her that my partner and I are both police officers, and she can consult me if she encounters any issues.

6月3日，我收到国网陕西电力的短信，提示我电费已欠费23.17元，如果还不缴费，房屋将于6月4日13点断电。我主动联系她提醒她缴电费，如果断电了冰箱里的东西会腐烂，我是上午发信息给她，她直到下午17点才回复我：知道了姐，冰箱里没东西。
On June 3, I received a message from State Grid Shaanxi Electric Power, informing me that my electricity bill was overdue by 23.17 yuan. If not paid, the power would be cut off at 1 PM on June 4. I proactively contacted her to remind her to pay the electricity bill, warning that the items in the refrigerator would spoil if the power was cut. I sent her the message in the morning, and she didn't reply until 5 PM: "Got it, sis, there's nothing in the fridge."

6月13日，我再次收到国网陕西电力的短信，提示我家中已欠电费24.17元，请尽快缴费。对比10天前欠费金额，只多欠了1元，我意识到房子里确实于6月4日13点前断电了，于是再次联系她，这一次，没有得到任何回应。
On June 13, I received another message from State Grid Shaanxi Electric Power, informing me that my home had an overdue electricity bill of 24.17 yuan and to pay it as soon as possible. Comparing the amount with 10 days ago, it had only increased by 1 yuan. I realized that the power had indeed been cut off before 1 PM on June 4. I contacted her again, but this time, I received no response.

最后一次联系她，是6月25日，当日小区物业联系我，我们这栋楼30层有很大的臭味，经过排查，确定味道的源头就是我的房子，物业联系了房客，电话是关机状态，又联系到我，希望我能打开房门，我联想到此前她没有回复我的信息，心里隐约担忧，给她打了多个语音电话均无人接听，打手机，关机。
The last time I contacted her was on June 25. That day, the property management contacted me, saying there was a strong odor on the 30th floor of our building. After investigation, they determined that the source of the smell was my apartment. The property management tried to contact the tenant, but the phone was turned off. They then contacted me, hoping I could open the door. Recalling that she hadn't responded to my previous messages, I felt a vague sense of worry. I called her multiple times, but no one answered. When I called her mobile phone, it was turned off.

最终我联系了当时的中介，并委托中介、物业和开锁公司三方共同撬开门锁，结局便是开头所述，最不愿看到的事情，发生了。
In the end, I contacted the intermediary at that time and entrusted the intermediary, the property management, and the locksmith company to jointly pry open the door lock. The outcome was as described at the beginning, the thing I least wanted to see happened.

做完笔录，逐字核对，最后摁上手印，需要我配合公安机关的工作算是完成了。民警提醒我，现在想删掉对方微信就可以删了。但事情远没有结束，还有最不愿意面对的事情，就是与死者家属的见面。
After completing the statement, verifying it word by word, and finally pressing my fingerprint, my cooperation with the public security bureau was considered complete. The police reminded me that I could delete the other party's WeChat now if I wanted to. But the matter was far from over; the most difficult thing to face was meeting the deceased's family.

因为家属希望得到一些补偿，或者说人道主义的抚恤，需要和我面谈。其实那两日在派出所，我多次与死者父亲擦肩，但当时我们彼此并不知道对方是谁，民警也认为从法律上讲，我可以不直接与对方家属接触，也没有赔偿的义务。民警可以代替我带死者父母去我的房子收拾死者遗物。
Because the family hoped to receive some compensation, or humanitarian relief, they needed to talk to me in person. Actually, during those two days at the police station, I passed by the deceased's father several times, but at that time, we did not know who each other was. The police also believed that, legally speaking, I did not have to directly contact the deceased's family and had no obligation to compensate. The police could take the deceased's parents to my house to collect the deceased's belongings on my behalf.

但民警也多次告诉我，对方家里确确实实很贫困，从死者的生前的消费记录来看，她无论吃饭还是买任何东西，都几乎没有超过五块钱，都是买很差很差的东西凑合吃凑合用，最后一次楼宇门禁识别人脸进入是5月20几号，此后无论是监控视频还是单元门禁都没有显示她有过外出，这期间也没有点过外卖，家里也没有做饭的痕迹，电话记录也显示她没有与任何人通过话，她几乎是在极度的孤独中死去的……
But the police also told me many times that the other family was indeed very poor. From the deceased's consumption records during her lifetime, it was clear that whether she was eating or buying anything, she almost never spent more than five yuan, always buying very poor-quality items to make do. The last time the building's access control recognized her face was on May 20-something. After that, neither the surveillance video nor the unit's access control showed that she had gone out. During this period, she did not order any takeout, there were no signs of cooking at home, and phone records showed she had not talked to anyone. She almost died in extreme loneliness...

联想到法医推测她的死亡时间是6月15号左右，我震惊了，民警是没有把话说透，20多天时间，独自在房间里，没有外卖没有做饭，她极大可能是把自己饿死在房间内的……我曾要求看死者父亲的笔录，被拒绝，但民警还是读了一段他借钱给女儿开销的过程，我在民警办公室就没忍住落下泪来。民警说，如果可以，给对方一点经济补偿吧。
Recalling that the forensic doctor estimated her time of death to be around June 15, I was shocked. The police did not spell it out, but for more than 20 days, alone in the room, without takeout or cooking, she most likely starved herself to death in the room... I once requested to see the deceased's father's statement but was refused. However, the police read a part about him borrowing money for his daughter's expenses, and I couldn't help but shed tears in the police office. The police said, if possible, give the other party some financial compensation.

最终，我们还是在派出所的调解室见面了。民警回避，只有我们双方到场。
In the end, we still met in the mediation room of the police station. The police officer stepped aside, and only the two of us were present.

对方来的是死者的父亲，以及两个远房表哥，外表都是朴实的西北男人面貌，我们聊了许多，关于死者本人的经历，关于他们的家庭状况。
The other party was the deceased's father and two distant cousins, all of whom appeared to be simple northwestern men. We talked a lot about the deceased's experiences and their family situation.

女孩心气高，主意正，总想着要争口气，做事情决心大，就如她高考取得优异成绩也如她考公多次笔试第一，他的家人至今仍旧认为是考试不公，第一名都不被录取，一定是因为他们农村家庭没有背景，名额被有背景的人顶了去，字里行间对当今社会有很大怨气。
The girl had high aspirations and a determined mind. She always wanted to prove herself and was very resolute in her actions. Just as she achieved excellent results in the college entrance examination and consistently ranked first in the civil service exams, her family still believes that the exams were unfair. They think that she was not admitted because their rural family had no connections, and the spot was taken by someone with a background. Between the lines, there is a lot of resentment towards the current society.

我说既然是这样果决的性格，愿望没有达成，她会不会就是已经做好了死去的准备，在她没有工作，没有收入来源的情况下，去送快递送外卖，也是能养活自己的营生，但为什么没有去做，反而是抱着不成功便成仁的心态，并且离开的如此决绝，连封遗书都没有留下。
I said that given her decisive character, if her wishes were not fulfilled, could it be that she was already prepared to die? In the absence of a job and income, delivering packages or food could have been a way to support herself. But why didn't she do that? Instead, she had an all-or-nothing mentality and left so resolutely, without even leaving a suicide note.

她的父亲认为女儿的性格做得出这样的事，但他很快回到正题，既然人已经走了，死者为大，希望我作为房东能够给予一定补偿，他的老伴已经在旅店里病倒了，也急于回宁夏，事情了结后，会尽快将女儿尸体火化，然后找个地方把骨灰扔了，“就当她没来过吧。”
Her father believed that his daughter was capable of such an act, but he quickly returned to the main topic. Since she was already gone, he hoped that I, as the landlord, could provide some compensation. His wife had already fallen ill in the hotel and was eager to return to Ningxia. After the matter was settled, they would quickly cremate their daughter's body and then find a place to scatter her ashes. "Just pretend she never came," he said.

轻轻几个字，我感觉我的头皮都炸开了，我问他为什么扔掉骨灰？怎么舍得？以后不祭奠了吗？他轻轻哼了一声，没啥祭奠了，他们那里的风俗，女孩没嫁人就死了的，不允许进自家祖坟，即使嫁人了，没生娃就死了的，也入不了夫家祖坟，最后都是尸骨难寻。
With just a few gentle words, I felt my scalp explode. I asked him why he threw away the ashes. How could he bear to do that? Wouldn't he pay respects in the future? He gave a light hum and said there was nothing to pay respects to. According to their customs, if a girl dies unmarried, she is not allowed to be buried in her family's ancestral grave. Even if she is married but dies without having children, she cannot be buried in her husband's ancestral grave. In the end, her remains are hard to find.

我一时间感觉很气愤，说这些都是落后的风俗，况且风俗算什么，这是你女儿，你管他风俗不风俗，你就非埋进自己祖坟又怎样？以后也有个烧纸钱的地方。女孩的表哥说，这不是一家的事，人这样死了，村里人也不允许带回去的……
I felt very angry for a moment and said these were outdated customs. Besides, what do customs matter? This is your daughter. Why should you care about customs? Why not bury her in your own ancestral grave? At least there would be a place to burn paper money in the future. The girl's cousin said it wasn't just a family matter. If a person dies like this, the villagers wouldn't allow her to be brought back...

我同意了给予一定的补偿，只想尽快结束，不想再将自己缠绕在如此离奇复杂的事件中。最后一件事就是带他们去房屋内拿取女孩遗物，谈妥后我去找民警要房屋钥匙（案件结束前房屋贴了封条钥匙也由警方保管），准备带他们去拿遗物，死者其中一个表哥表示必须在出派出所前把赔偿给他们的钱转给死者父亲，他可能怕我走出去就赖账。
I agreed to provide some compensation, just wanting to end this quickly and not entangle myself in such a bizarre and complex event any longer. The last thing was to take them to the house to retrieve the girl's belongings. After negotiating, I went to the police to get the house key (the house was sealed and the key kept by the police until the case was closed), preparing to take them to get the belongings. One of the deceased's cousins insisted that the compensation money be transferred to the girl's father before leaving the police station, possibly fearing that I would default once we left.

面对这样的不信任，我稍稍为之前的恻隐之心感到懊悔。女孩父亲打开收款码，我将钱转给他。
Faced with such distrust, I felt a bit regretful for my previous sympathy. The girl's father opened the payment code, and I transferred the money to him.

派出所离房子并不远，不到两站路，我提议走路前往，那天下着毛毛细雨，我们都没有撑伞，各怀心事很快就走到了楼下，我把钥匙交给他们，并把房号告诉他们，委托他们离开时把所有窗户打开，我就不上去了，在楼下等他们。
The police station was not far from the house, less than two bus stops away. I suggested we walk. It was drizzling that day, and none of us had an umbrella. Each of us was preoccupied with our own thoughts, and we quickly reached the building. I handed them the key and told them the apartment number, asking them to open all the windows when they left. I didn't go up with them and waited downstairs.

他们走后，我坐在楼下的长椅上，仰头看着30层，心里难以诉说的难过，楼下是闹市区，人群熙攘，车水马空，人们都奔赴在各自的生活中，欣欣向荣，可是这些热闹再也与短暂住在30楼的那个女孩无关了。
After they left, I sat on the bench downstairs, looking up at the 30th floor, feeling an indescribable sadness. Downstairs was a bustling area, crowded with people and traffic. Everyone was busy with their own lives, thriving, but all this hustle and bustle had nothing to do with the girl who had briefly lived on the 30th floor.

来来往往的人群，有人知道30楼逝去了一个年轻的生命吗？有人在乎吗？也许我会一直记住她，原因仅仅是她住过的房子未来几年都只能闲置，我也不会踏入，她带给我的直接经济损失会使我记住她吧。
Among the coming and going crowds, does anyone know that a young life was lost on the 30th floor? Does anyone care? Maybe I will always remember her, simply because the house she lived in will be vacant for the next few years, and I won't step into it. The direct economic loss she caused me will make me remember her.

可是，她来到人世一场，从西北山村考入首都北京，有过人生的高光时刻，最终却落得如此下场，是谁之过？是社会、家庭还是自身性格呢？什么是压死骆驼的最后一根稻草，我仍然没有答案。
However, she came into this world, got admitted to the capital Beijing from a village in the northwest, had her moments of glory in life, but ended up like this. Whose fault is it? Is it society's, her family's, or her own personality? What was the last straw that broke the camel's back? I still don't have an answer.

想到等会就将与死者的家人再无往来，想到他们还要长途跋涉赶回宁夏，我去附近的便利店去买了一些水和面包，想让他们带在路上，刚出便利店就远远看到他们已经拖着一个并不大的行李箱下了楼，女孩的遗物真的少得可怜。
Thinking that I would have no further contact with the deceased's family after a while, and that they still had a long journey back to Ningxia, I went to a nearby convenience store to buy some water and bread for them to take on the road. Just as I left the store, I saw them from a distance, dragging a not-so-large suitcase downstairs. The girl's belongings were really pitifully few.

可下一刻，我就目睹了女孩的父亲，将那个行李箱毫不犹豫的扔进了路旁的垃圾桶，没有丝毫不舍，没有丝毫留恋，头也不回的走了。她就这样消失了，没有留下一点痕迹，是父母消失的女儿，是村里消失的骄傲，是我素未谋面的消失的房客……
But the next moment, I witnessed the girl's father unhesitatingly throw the suitcase into a roadside trash can, without any reluctance or nostalgia, and walked away without looking back. She disappeared just like that, leaving no trace. She was the daughter who disappeared from her parents' lives, the pride that disappeared from the village, and the tenant I had never met who disappeared from my life...

我还是迎上去，将手中买的东西递给女孩的父亲，交接塑料袋提手的一霎那，我短暂的碰触到了女孩父亲的手，又像触电般收了回来。因为想到他刚刚在房间是收拾了遗物，那个房间，此前才搬运走了一具腐烂的尸体，我突然有一种难以名状的反胃。
I still went up and handed the things I bought to the girl's father. At the moment of handing over the plastic bag handle, I briefly touched the girl's father's hand and then withdrew it as if I had been electrocuted. Because I thought that he had just been tidying up the room where a decayed corpse had been moved out earlier, I suddenly felt an indescribable nausea.

抬头才发现，女孩的父亲满脸涨的通红，像刚喝过酒似的，双眼明显哭过，整个人的状态就是马上要哭出来的样子，连谢谢两个字都说的结结巴巴，仿佛再多说一个字，情绪就要喷涌出来。他养了30多年的女儿，他能不难过吗？可是所谓风俗甚至是迷信思想割裂了最后的亲情，他真的能放下吗，我是不信的。
Only when I looked up did I realize that the girl's father's face was flushed red, as if he had just drunk alcohol. His eyes were obviously swollen from crying, and he looked like he was about to cry again. He stuttered even when saying thank you, as if saying one more word would cause his emotions to overflow. He had raised his daughter for over 30 years; how could he not be heartbroken? But the so-called customs or even superstitions had severed the last bit of familial bond. Could he really let go? I don't believe it.

道别时我想我们此生都不会再有交集了，我嘱咐他们一路平安，保重身体，在我心里，这是替他们死去的女儿向她的父亲作最后的告别。
When saying goodbye, I thought we would never cross paths again in this life. I wished them a safe journey and to take care of their health. In my heart, this was a final farewell on behalf of their deceased daughter to her father.

一想到我是死去女孩唯一的联系人，我没有删掉她的微信。
Thinking that I was the only contact of the deceased girl, I did not delete her WeChat.

作者 | 十二橡树 | 陕西人
Author | Twelve Oaks | Shaanxi person