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Chapter Text  正文

“I’m not drunk.”  “我没醉。”

Both Wooyoung and Seonghwa snorted but didn’t reply as they continued to help Hongjoong walk up the stairs that led to the apartment, opening the door with some effort as they tried to hold onto him to prevent him from falling.
宇荣和星华都哼了一声，但没搭话，继续扶着洪钟往公寓楼梯上走。他们费劲地推开门，手臂紧紧箍着他发烫的身体，生怕这醉鬼一个踉跄滚下台阶。洪钟的皮鞋在金属台阶上拖出刺耳的刮擦声，整个人像被抽了骨头的章鱼直往他们怀里瘫。星华的后背抵着门框喘粗气，宇荣的指尖已经陷进洪钟西服里——那件昂贵的定制外套正皱得像块抹布，酒气混着体温透过衣料往他们皮肤里钻。

“I’m not drunk,” he said again.
"我没醉，"他又嘟囔了一句。

They walked into the hall and Wooyoung pushed him gently against the tallest one before kneeling down to undo Hongjoong’s boots.
他们步入大厅，宇荣轻轻将他推向最高的那根柱子，随后单膝跪地，为洪俊解开靴带。

“Sure, you’re not,” replied Seonghwa as he tightened the grip around him.
“行吧，你说不是就不是。”成华低笑着收紧了环住他的手臂，指节在他腰侧似有若无地蹭过。

He looked up to stare at his roommate, noticing the way the dim light of the living room casted a soft glow on his face. He seemed as put together as he had at the beginning of the night, not a smudge in his perfect make-up and not a single hair out of place. Hongjoong blinked to try to focus, lifting a hand to touch the pink hair strands gently.
他抬头凝视着室友，客厅昏暗的灯光在他脸上投下柔和的光晕。他看起来和今晚刚开始时一样完美无瑕，妆容没有丝毫晕染，发丝也纹丝不乱。洪准眨了眨眼睛试图集中注意力，抬手轻轻抚上那缕粉色发丝。

“So pretty.”  “真漂亮。”

Seonghwa giggled and he couldn’t help but smile too.
成华咯咯笑了起来，他也忍不住跟着微笑。

“The prettiest,” he added, trying to get another high pitched laugh from him.
"最漂亮的，"他补充道，试图再逗出对方一声高亢的笑。

“Are you talking about the hair or the man?” asked Wooyoung as he got up and grabbed his other arm again to help Seonghwa guide him to his bedroom.
"你是在说头发还是说人？"宇英起身问道，再次抓住他的另一只手臂，协助成华将他扶进卧室。

“Yes,” Hongjoong replied. 
“嗯，”洪俊应道。

They both dropped him on his bed and he groaned at the impact, feeling nauseous as the room suddenly started spinning.
他们俩把他扔到床上，撞击让他发出一声呻吟，房间突然开始旋转，他感到一阵恶心。

“My hair is dyed too. It’s black and white, like Cruella,” he explained.
“我的头发也染了。是黑白相间的，像库伊拉那样，”他解释道。

“We know, hyung.”  “我们知道，哥。”

“I’ll take care of it, they’re waiting for you. Thank you for helping me carry him upstairs,” said Seonghwa.
“我来照顾他，他们在等你。谢谢你帮我把他抬上楼，”星和说道。

“Okay, he’s your responsibility now. Goodnight, hyung.”
"行，现在他归你管了。晚安，哥。"

Hongjoong tried to tell Wooyoung goodbye but all that came out was another groan. His roommate chuckled and took his jacket off, bringing the trash can closer to the bed and forcing him to drink a big glass of water and a couple of pills before helping him lay on his side.
洪钟试图向宇荣道别，但发出的只是又一声呻吟。他的室友轻笑出声，脱下夹克，将垃圾桶挪到床边，逼他灌下一大杯水和几片药片，然后帮他侧身躺好。

“You’ll thank me later.”  你以后会感谢我的。

He doesn’t remember falling asleep after that but he woke up an undetermined amount of time later, feeling slightly better and a bit less tipsy. It was still dark outside so it must have been a quick nap, which was confirmed when he looked at the time. He groaned and brought his hand down to grab his erection, flashes of the dream he had been having rushing into his mind.
他不记得自己是怎么睡着的，但不知过了多久，他又醒了过来，感觉稍微好受了些，醉意也褪去几分。窗外依然漆黑一片，想必只是打了个盹儿——看了眼时间后更确认了这点。他低哼一声，手掌顺着腹部滑下，握住了自己发硬的性器，梦中那些旖旎画面突然在脑海中闪回。

He only remembered flawless naked skin and a big mouth easily swallowing his cock, but it was more than enough to fuel his sexually frustrated brain.
他只记得那完美无瑕的赤裸肌肤，和一张能轻易吞下他阳具的大嘴——光是这些就足够点燃他饥渴难耐的欲火了。

Hongjoong had been feeling particularly horny lately and he had gone out tonight with the intention of meeting a nice girl and coming back home with her, but his brain had decided to get in the way as it always did.
洪俊最近欲火难耐，今晚出门本打算约个漂亮姑娘回家，可他那不争气的脑子又像往常一样开始作祟。

He had kind of connected with a really cute stranger at the club, grinding and making out with her on the dance floor, but he hadn’t felt the spark he had been looking for.
他在夜店里勾搭上了一个超可爱的陌生女孩，两人在舞池里贴身热舞、激情拥吻，可就是没找到他想要的那种心动感觉。

He really struggled to enjoy one night stands, since they always left him feeling unsatisfied and kind of grossed out. It wasn’t exactly lack of interest, he actually had a pretty high sex drive and had no problem feeling attracted to pretty women, just trouble sexually connecting with strangers. 
他其实挺讨厌一夜情的，每次完事后都感觉空虚又恶心。倒不是没兴趣——他性欲挺强的，对漂亮女人也会起反应，但就是没法跟陌生人产生肉体共鸣。

He had fun and all (because orgasms, duh) but it wasn’t worth it most of the time. The outcome didn’t make up for the hassle of looking for someone who stroked his fancy, flirting to test the waters, and trying to find the right rhythm to have a pleasurable experience with someone whose body you didn't know anything about.
他确实享受其中（毕竟高潮快感嘛），但大多数时候并不值得。为了寻找合眼缘的对象而大费周章，调情试探，还要与完全陌生的身体摸索出愉悦的节奏——这些麻烦事根本得不偿失。

He’d rather fuck his fleshlight, if he was being completely honest. A lot less trouble for pretty much the same result.
说真的，他宁愿用飞机杯自慰。效果差不多，却省事得多。

Speaking of which.  说到这个。

Hongjoong stopped lazily stroking his dick, seriously considering if he should just quickly jerk off and go back to sleep or actually go find his fleshlight from wherever he had hidden it when his mom had come for a visit recently.
洪俊懒洋洋地停下了撸管的手，认真思考着是该速战速决打完一发继续睡觉，还是去翻找上周老妈突然来访时被他藏起来的飞机杯。

She was nosy, he couldn’t take any risks. He had learned his lesson the hard way as a teenager.
她太爱管闲事了，他不能冒这个险。十几岁时那场惨痛教训，至今记忆犹新。

He sighed and took his jeans off, spitting into his hand before grabbing his hard dick and jerking himself off fast and efficiently. He closed his eyes and focused on the feeling, imagining the greedy mouth from his dream sucking him off once again, moaning softly and biting his lip when the noise seemed to echo in the dead silence of the night.
他叹了口气，利落地褪下牛仔裤，往掌心啐了口唾沫便一把攥住自己硬挺的阳具快速撸动。他闭眼沉浸在那股快感里，恍惚间又梦见那张贪吃的嘴正卖力吞吐着他，喉间溢出轻哼时突然咬住下唇——暗夜里连喘息声都显得格外清晰。

Seonghwa.   成华

His new roommate had an infuriating good hearing so he was always worried that he was going to hear him when he touched himself. Hongjoong hadn’t paid this much attention back when he was sharing the apartment with Wooyoung, but for some reason the idea of the pink-haired man hearing him get off made him feel weirdly nervous.
他的新室友听力好得令人发指，每次自慰时都提心吊胆生怕被听见。当初和 Wooyoung 合租时从没这么在意过，可想到那个粉发男人可能听见自己发泄的动静，莫名就让他喉头发紧。

He pumped his cock faster and he moaned softly, suddenly feeling so incredibly turned on that he found himself desperately yearning for something else now.
他加快了撸动的速度，发出低沉的呻吟，突然感到一股难以抑制的燥热，此刻他疯狂渴望着更进一步的快感。

His hand didn’t feel that good anymore.
他的手不再那么舒服了。

He wanted more.  他还想要更多。

Hongjoong groaned and let go of his dick with a frustrated huff, trying to talk himself out of it but giving in and getting up to look for his fleshlight. He lost his balance for a second, dizziness coming back to him as he got up, but his head stopped spinning soon enough. 
洪俊闷哼一声，懊恼地松开自己硬挺的欲望。他试图说服自己停下，却还是认命地起身寻找那只硅胶玩具。起身时一阵眩晕袭来，他踉跄着扶住墙壁，好在天旋地转的感觉很快平息。

He couldn’t find the toy in any of the drawers and he struggled to try to remember where he had put it, feeling pretty tipsy again as he absently touched his dick while trying to look for other possible hiding places.
他翻遍了所有抽屉都没找到那个玩具，醉意再次涌上来，他一边心不在焉地抚弄着自己，一边努力回想可能藏匿的其他地方。

He opened his closet and kneeled to look through the stuff there, mouthing a ‘ yes! ’ when he saw the fleshlight hidden under his painting materials. He grabbed both the fleshlight and the lube before frowning, moving a palette out of the way to see what was the other thing hiding inside the box.
他拉开衣柜，跪下来翻找着里面的东西。当看到藏在画材下的飞机杯时，他无声地"耶！"了一声。他一手抓起飞机杯和润滑剂，突然皱眉拨开调色盘——箱子里还藏着另一样东西。

“Oh.”  “哦。”

The Clone-A-Willy kit.  克隆鸡巴套装

The Clone-A-Willy Plus+ Balls with vibrator version, to be exact.
精确来说，是带震动功能的克隆丁丁 Plus+蛋蛋套装。

Wooyoung had given it to him as a present a couple of months earlier and he had completely forgotten about it. He vaguely remembered also stashing it in the box because it had a very obvious dick with balls drawn on it and he didn’t want his mom to potentially see it too.
几个月前 Wooyoung 把这玩意儿当礼物送给他时，他压根没当回事。隐约记得塞进盒子的原因，是上面画着根带蛋蛋的屌，图案实在太扎眼——他可不想让老妈有机会看见这鬼东西。

Hongjoong grabbed it and stared at it, drunk brain going as fast as it could go.
洪俊一把抓过那东西，醉醺醺的大脑正以最快的速度运转着。

In his current horny state, all the potential things he could do with a copy of his dick sounded incredibly hot to him. The idea of fucking a girl with it, driving her wild with pleasure until she was begging for the real thing. The idea of someone using the dildo to get off, coming on his dick without his direct involvement, driven into ecstasy simply because of the size and the shape.
此刻他欲火焚身，光是想到能用复制出来的那根东西玩的花样就硬得发疼。幻想用它操得女人浪叫连连，直到她哭喊着要尝真家伙的模样。更幻想有人握着那根仿制品自慰，光是凭着尺寸和形状就被送上高潮，在他未曾直接参与的情况下，淫水就淋满了他的分身。

Fuck.   操。

He had planned on never using this kit, but he felt the sudden urge to make a 3D copy of his cock at that specific moment.
他本打算永远不用这套工具，可那一刻，突然涌起一股冲动——想给自己的老二做个 3D 复刻。

Dropping the fleshlight and the lube on top of the bed, he opened the Clone-A-Willy box to read the instructions. He blinked a few times, trying to understand the seemingly easy steps before putting his pants back on and going out to the kitchen to get some hot water. Hongjoong stared at Seonghwa’s bedroom door the whole time, quickly grabbing the kettle the moment it began boiling and running back to his own room to avoid being seen.
他将飞机杯和润滑液随手丢在床上，拆开克隆阳具套件的包装盒研究说明书。睫毛快速眨动几下，他盯着看似简单的步骤图示发愣，突然提起裤腰冲进厨房。烧水壶发出蜂鸣的刹那，他余光仍死死锁着星和紧闭的房门，抄起滚烫水壶的瞬间像做贼般窜回自己房间。

He let the water cool down a bit as he prepared everything else, pumping his now half-hard cock to bring it back to its full size to measure the right length in the tube before cutting the excess plastic off. 
他让水温稍降，同时准备其他东西，一边揉搓着半硬的阴茎让它完全勃起，好量准长度，再剪掉塑料管多余的部分。

He felt stupidly proud of the fact that it filled the tube pretty nicely, both in thickness and lenght. Women always told him that he had a really nice dick, and while he didn’t want to toot his own horn, he also thought it was one of his best attributes.
他傻乎乎地为自己那玩意儿骄傲得要命——无论是粗度还是长度，都能把试管塞得满满当当。女人们总夸他那儿长得特别带劲，虽然不想自吹自擂，但他确实觉得这是自己最拿得出手的本钱。

The universe had decided to make up for the lack of height with a big cock and Hongjoong thanked it for that.
宇宙用一根巨屌弥补了他身高的不足，洪俊对此心怀感激。

Even if the only thing enjoying it right now was a fleshlight.
现在享受它的不过是个飞机杯罢了。

He mixed the molding powder with the water, spilling some around before he poured it inside the tube. He tested that it wasn’t hot with a finger, put the cock ring that came with the package on and jerked himself off efficiently to make sure he was fully hard before sticking his dick into the clay, pushing it all the way in until his balls rested in their designated place. He yelped when the mix spilled over and ran down his thighs, but he was so focused on trying to stay hard that he didn’t even care.
他将模具粉和水混合，倒进管子时洒得到处都是。他用手指试了试温度，确认不烫后，把包装里附赠的阴茎环套上，快速撸动让自己完全勃起，然后对准黏土插进去，一捅到底，让睾丸稳稳卡在凹槽里。混合物溢出来顺着大腿流下时他叫了一声，但满脑子只想着保持硬度，根本顾不上擦。

He didn’t know if the cock ring would be enough to make things work, since the feeling of sticky wet clay was extremely unpleasant and he could feel himself losing steam already. He quickly but carefully looked for his phone, going straight to his favorite porn site and clicking on the ‘Anal’ tab.
他不知道这个阴茎环能不能让他硬起来，毕竟那黏糊糊的湿泥触感实在令人作呕，他感觉自己已经快软了。他迅速而小心地摸到手机，直接点开最常看的小黄网，手指精准地戳进了"肛交"分类。

It was obvious that he needed the good stuff if he wanted to stay fully hard through this.
他想要全程硬挺，不来点猛药可不行。

He’d be too embarrassed to ever admit it out loud, but Hongjoong had a major thing for anal sex.
虽然羞于启齿，但洪俊对后庭之欢有着难以抗拒的迷恋。

Most girls he’d been with had shied away from it, especially after seeing his size, but he’d had the chance to do it a couple of times with a previous girlfriend who had been adventurous enough to let him do it even if it wasn’t really her thing.
他睡过的姑娘大多都对此避之不及，尤其是见识过他的尺寸后。不过前女友倒是例外——那姑娘够野，虽然不算好这口，却也由着他玩过几回。

Hongjoong would rather have enthusiastic sex with people who were completely enjoying themselves, so it was something that he pushed aside in favor of their more preferred alternatives.
洪俊更愿意和那些完全投入的人尽情欢爱，因此他选择将那些不够尽兴的体验抛到一边，转而追求他们更喜欢的替代方式。

He was pretty content with anything his partners would be willing to give him, but he couldn’t deny that seeing assholes stuffed full never failed to make him dizzy with arousal.
他对伴侣们愿意给予的一切都相当满足，但不得不承认，看到那些被塞得满满当当的后穴时，他总会兴奋得头晕目眩。

And that’s exactly what he needed right now.
他此刻正需要这个。

He didn’t know if it was because he was turned on by what he was doing or because his blood was trapped inside his dick, but the tipsy dizziness came back on full force as he stared at the 3:41AM on the top right corner of his phone screen, trying to remember how long it had been since he put his dick in the tube.
他不知道是因为自己正在做的事让他兴奋，还是血液全都涌向了胯下。当他盯着手机屏幕右上角显示的凌晨 3:41 时，那种微醺般的眩晕感又席卷而来——他试图回想自己把老二塞进那个套筒里到底有多久了。

The clay felt much harder than before but it still had the unpleasant sticky feeling, so he didn’t know if it had been long enough now.
黏土比之前硬多了，但依然带着那种令人不适的黏腻感，他实在拿不准现在是否已经晾得够久了。

He vaguely remembered pouring the hot pink silicone inside the mold and sticking the vibrator inside the slimy substance after, quickly jerking himself off while watching the rest of the video and falling asleep straight away, forgotten fleshlight laying next to him on bed.
他依稀记得自己把滚烫的粉色硅胶倒进模具里，随后将跳蛋塞进那团黏糊糊的液体中。他盯着视频里剩下的画面快速撸动，射完后直接昏睡过去，那根被遗忘的自慰器就躺在床单上。

–

Hongjoong woke up startled by a loud noise that sounded like a pan falling to the floor and he groaned when the movement made pain spread all the way from his forehead to the back of his head. He stayed in the same exact position for a moment, feeling the nausea go away slightly before he sat back up and looked down with a frown when he noticed he was naked from the waist down and there were patches of a dried out gray substance all over him.
洪俊被一声像是锅子砸在地上的巨响惊醒，他刚想动弹就疼得闷哼出声——那股剧痛从前额直窜到后脑勺。他保持着僵硬的姿势缓了好一会儿，等恶心感稍微消退才撑起身子，低头时突然皱眉愣住：自己下半身赤裸着，全身还布满干涸的灰白色污渍。

He stared in confusion for a while before taking the painkillers he found on his bedside table and pressing a finger to his temple to try to remember what had happened, flashes of his late night adventures coming back to him slowly.
他茫然地盯了会儿天花板，抓起床头柜上的止痛药吞下，指尖抵着太阳穴试图回忆。昨夜那些疯狂片段像老电影般一帧帧闪回——湿热的喘息，纠缠的肢体，还有被扯坏的衬衫纽扣崩落在地的脆响。

What the fuck.   操。

He looked over to his desk to see the Clone–A-Willy tube innocently sitting there and he groaned with embarrassment before trying to scratch away the dried clay on his crotch, thanking his manscaping habits for the lack of hair he had in the area because he couldn’t imagine how much worse that’d be.
他瞥见桌上那根克隆丁丁模具管正大喇喇地杵在那儿，顿时尴尬得喉头发紧。手指胡乱抠着裆部干涸的陶土时，突然庆幸自己平日有修剪体毛的习惯——这要沾满卷曲毛发，光是想象那黏腻触感就让他太阳穴突突直跳。

I must have been way drunker than I thought.
我一定是醉得比想象中还要厉害。

He had been mortified when Wooyoung gave him the Clone-A-Willy kit as a Christmas/farewell gift before he had moved out because:
当宇英在他搬出去前送他那个“克隆你的老二”圣诞兼告别礼物时，他简直羞愤欲死

“You keep saying you have a great dick so you might as well immortalize it! It’s actually a pretty accurate copy, all three of us have cloned ours and they’re really fun to play around with. Best gift for a future girlfriend, trust me.”
"你不是总吹自己那玩意儿牛逼吗？干脆给它整个永生得了！这复制品可逼真了，我们仨都克隆了老二，玩起来贼带劲。信我，绝对是送未来女友的最佳礼物。"

Hongjoong had grown up pretty conversative, especially when it came to sexual stuff, so these things always made him feel extremely flustered. He had been slowly trying to push away his stupid prejudices and old-fashion mentality to embrace both his own and other people’s urges better, and his former roommate had self-proclaimed himself his ‘Bisexual Fairy Godmother’ in order to help him out with that. 
洪俊从小在保守环境中长大，尤其在性方面总是容易面红耳赤。他正试图慢慢摆脱那些愚蠢的偏见和过时的观念，学着接纳自己与他人的欲望——前任室友甚至自封为他的"双性恋教母"，信誓旦旦要帮他"开窍"。

Wooyoung and his open talks about sex and sexuality. Wooyoung and his two boyfriends.
禹英和他的性话题开放讨论。禹英与他的两位男友。

A knock on the door made him jump and quickly cover his naked lower half, panicking as his eyes went from the tube of clay to the fleshlight on the bed.
敲门声吓得他一激灵，慌忙用双手遮住赤裸的下身。他的目光在床上的飞机杯和润滑液管之间慌乱游移，喉结不自觉地滚动着。

“Hongjoong? Are you awake?” asked Seonghwa without opening the door. “I made some lunch if you feel like eating, it’s in the kitchen.”
"弘俊？醒了吗？"成华隔着门轻声问道，"我做了午饭，想吃的话厨房里有。"

“Thank you!”  “谢谢！”

He waited until his roommate had left to fall back to the bed with a sigh, quickly getting up and hiding the Clone-A-Willy tube and the fleshlight inside his closet before putting some pants on to do the walk of shame towards the bathroom to wash away the evidence of his embarrassing behavior from the previous night.
他等室友离开后才长叹一声倒回床上，又迅速爬起来把那管克隆阳具模具和飞机杯藏进衣柜，套上裤子羞愧地走向浴室，准备洗掉昨晚荒唐行径的罪证。

Let’s pretend this never happened.
就当这事没发生过。

–

In hindsight, Hongjoong should have really thrown the dildo away.
事后想想，洪俊真该把那根假阳具扔掉的。

He had come back to it hours later, after both trying to act like a normal human being while interacting with Seonghwa and spending way too much time cleaning dried clay from himself, the floor and the blankets. He had pulled it off the mold just to find out that it was an extremely accurate replica of his dick, much to his surprise.
几小时后，他又回到了那个泥塑前。先前他一边强装镇定地与成华互动，一边花了大量时间清理身上、地板和毯子上干涸的黏土。当他终于将泥塑从模具上剥离时，赫然发现那竟是自己阴茎的精确复刻——这个发现让他呼吸一滞，指腹无意识摩挲着陶土表面突起的青筋纹路。

He had been quite fascinated as he touched the details with his finger, amazed by the fact that every curve and vein had been imprinted into it. Even the balls looked exactly the same. 
他的手指细细抚过每一处细节，不禁着迷——每道曲线与青筋都被完美复刻，甚至连那对囊袋都分毫不差。

He had even curiously turned the vibrator on just to drop it immediately after, shocked by the sheer intensity of it.
他甚至好奇地打开了振动棒，结果刚启动就被那强烈的震感吓得立马扔掉了。

Hongjoong had always been embarrassingly proud of his dick, but seeing it in dildo form really stroked his ego even more. It looked huge and kind of pretty, something that wouldn’t look out of place in an actual sex store – not that he’d been to any, he had shyly ordered the fleshlight and lube online with a flushed face and a pounding heartbeat.
洪俊向来对自己的那玩意儿颇为自得，虽然这让他有点难为情。但看到它被做成按摩棒的模样，更是让他虚荣心爆棚。那尺寸看起来大得惊人，甚至称得上漂亮——简直和情趣店里卖的高级货没什么两样。当然他可从没去过那种店，当初网购飞机杯和润滑液时，他可是红着耳根心跳如雷，躲在被窝里偷偷下单的。

He had been too impressed by it to throw it away and he couldn’t help but feel arousal peeking through the embarrassment as he thought about some unknown faceless woman using it, when he thought about himself pushing it inside her.
他实在舍不得扔掉它，一想到某个素未谋面的女人用过这东西，想到自己把它推进她体内的画面，羞耻感中竟夹杂着难以抑制的兴奋。

He had stashed it away in the same box of painting materials once again, completely forgetting about it until the toy had come back to bite him in the ass.
他又把那玩意儿塞进了颜料盒里，彻底抛到了脑后，直到这玩具突然杀了个回马枪，狠狠咬了他一口。

Because of Wooyoung.  因为禹英。

When in doubt, blame Jung-fucking-Wooyoung for everything and you’ll be right 98% of the time.
遇到任何疑问时，把锅甩给该死的郑禹英准没错，98%的情况下你都不会错。

Hongjoong hadn’t even thought about the dildo when his friend had texted him asking to borrow a specific shirt a couple of weeks after The Drunken Mistake. He had been feeling stuck and frustrated in one of the library’s soundproofed rooms at the time, trying to get the right melody going so he could finally finish his goddamn assignment, so he had just told Wooyoung to simply fetch it himself from his closet.
洪俊压根没想起那根假阳具的事。自从那次醉酒闹剧后过了两周，当朋友发信息说要借某件衬衫时，他正窝在图书馆隔音室里抓耳挠腮——该死的作业旋律死活拼不完整。他随手回复宇灿"自己从我衣柜里拿"，指尖把手机屏幕敲得啪啪响。

He should have known the other man would take that as an invitation to snoop around. He should have known he was going to regret it.
他早该料到那家伙会把这话当成搜查的邀请函。他早该知道自己会为此后悔的。

–

Hongjoong liked Seonghwa a lot, and it seemed to be mutual, so he never really understood why their friendship felt so awkward sometimes.
洪俊对成华很有好感，而对方似乎也对他有意思，所以他始终不明白为什么两人之间的友谊有时会如此尴尬。

They had met through Wooyoung and San when they had started dating Yeosang at the beginning of their third year of college.
他们是在大三刚开始和 Yeosang 交往时，通过 Wooyoung 和 San 认识的。

He had been very confused and apprehensive at first, not understanding why his friends would date someone new when they had already been a couple by the time Hongjoong met them. They seemed happy and in love, why add a third person to the mix?
起初他非常困惑和不安，不明白为什么朋友们明明已经是一对了，在洪俊认识他们时还要再交往新人。他们看起来幸福又相爱，何必再插进第三者呢？

Seonghwa had been Yeosang’s roommate at the time, so he’d initially met him when the trio had started to try to merge their friend groups.
当时 Seonghwa 是 Yeosang 的室友，所以三人组开始尝试融合彼此朋友圈时，他第一次见到了他。

He wasn’t proud to admit that he had acted very awkwardly and stiff during those few encounters, and sometimes he felt like the pink-haired man had taken his initial uneasiness with the new throuple as bigotry.
他并不想承认，在那几次碰面中自己表现得有多笨拙僵硬。有时他甚至觉得，那个粉发男人把他对新三人关系的不适应，误解成了某种偏见。

Hongjoong wasn’t homophobic, although he had panicked when his first-year roommate had come out as bisexual and introduced him to his boyfriend. He had never met a LGBTQ+ person before, but he quickly got over it and came to grow really close to both Wooyoung and San.
洪俊并不恐同，尽管当初大一室友伍英出柜并介绍男友山给他认识时，他确实慌得一批。这辈子头回接触 LGBTQ+群体的他，很快适应了这种关系——如今三人好得能穿同条裤子。

He didn’t care about them being queer, or about Seonghwa being gay.
他不在乎他们是不是同性恋，也不在乎成华是男同。

He didn’t care about Yeosang being part of his friends’ relationship now either, Hongjoong really liked him too. He had just needed some time to get used to the idea.
洪俊现在也不在乎 Yeosang 介入他和朋友们的感情了——他其实也挺喜欢这小子的。只是需要点时间适应这个念头罢了。

He didn’t even care about the fact that a lot of people (including Wooyoung) thought he himself was queer too. The idea had made him feel uncomfortable at first, flashbacks of his high school classmates whispering about it triggering all sorts of unpleasant feelings in him, but he had come to accept that there wasn’t anything wrong about that assumption.
他压根不在乎很多人（包括宇荣）也认为他自己是个基佬。起初这个想法让他很不舒服，高中同学背后窃窃私语的回忆在他心里激起各种不快的情绪，但后来他渐渐接受了——这种假设根本没什么问题。

Sure, he was straight, but he was trying his best at being a good ally. 
他确实是直男没错，但已经尽力在当好一个盟友了。

Still, he felt like Seonghwa was this hesitant around him because of his initial behavior, although it could also be because Hongjoong himself was an awkward potato who for some reason freaked out whenever he was alone with the pink-haired man.
尽管如此，他总觉得成华之所以对他这么拘谨，全怪自己当初那副德性——当然也可能是因为洪钟自己就是个社交废柴，每次和那个粉发男人独处时都会莫名其妙地慌得一批。

Hongjoong really didn’t know why, but he couldn’t deny it. Seonghwa was extremely kind and welcoming, mothering everyone around him and going the extra mile to make everyone feel comfortable and happy. He kept the apartment squeaky clean and he cooked for him all the time even if he didn’t really return the sentiment (he was a terrible cook), he was funny and intelligent and he laughed at Hongjoong’s stupid jokes for some reason. He was studying Education, but he had a knack for music and would often help him when he was feeling stuck with his assignments.
洪准不知道为何，但不得不承认——星华实在温柔得过分。这家伙总像老母鸡似的把所有人护在羽翼下，变着法儿让周遭氛围暖融融的。公寓永远亮得能照出人影，哪怕自己从没回馈过同等关怀（毕竟他煮的饭堪比生化武器），星华还是雷打不动地给他准备三餐。明明读的是教育学专业，偏生对音乐有着野兽般的直觉，每当他被作业逼到抓狂时，总能恰到好处地递来灵感。最要命的是这人连他那些冷到南极的烂梗都会捧场，笑声清朗得让他耳尖发烫。

He really, really liked Seonghwa and he’d love to grow closer to him. He just needed to make his brain stop freezing every time the other man talked to him.
他真的好喜欢成华，巴不得能跟他再亲近些。可每次对方一开口，他脑子就死机，这毛病得改。

When Wooyoung had moved out at the end of their third year to share an apartment with San and Yeosang, Hongjoong had been hesitant about living with Seonghwa, even if he knew it was the perfect solution since they both needed new roommates now. They were so awkward around each other, how was he going to survive sharing a living space with the guy?
第三学年末，当宇荣搬去和山、耀尚合租时，洪俊对与成华同居这件事犹豫不决——尽管他心知肚明这是最佳方案，毕竟他俩现在都需要新室友。可他们相处时总是尴尬得要命，同住一个屋檐下还不得要了他的命？

In the end, he had accepted it because he’d rather live with him than a stranger, and their friendship had slowly gotten a bit less awkward.
最终，他还是接受了这个安排——与其和陌生人同住，不如和他一起生活。渐渐地，两人之间的尴尬也消散了不少。

Not as fast as he’d prefer, considering they had been living together for almost two months now and they were still walking on eggshells around each other, but he’d take any improvement at this point.
虽然已经同居近两个月，两人之间却仍如履薄冰，这进展远比他期望的要慢——但眼下任何细微的改变都值得珍惜。

Which is why Hongjoong had tried to go above and beyond for Seonghwa’s birthday.
正因如此，洪钟才想为星华的生日倾尽所有。

He had actively worked with Wooyoung to prepare their apartment so it was festive enough by the time the birthday boy came back home, making sure they had the prettiest strawberry cake they could find and all the foods Seonghwa liked.
他和禹英一起精心布置了公寓，确保在寿星回家时能感受到满满的节日氛围。他们找到了最漂亮的草莓蛋糕，还准备了成华喜欢的各种美食。

He had even bought him two different (and pretty expensive) presents, a bucket hat and a really soft baby blue sweater that seemed just his style, just to try to show that he liked him and he considered him a good friend even if it didn’t look like it sometimes.
他甚至给他买了两份不同的（还挺贵的）礼物——一顶渔夫帽和一件超级柔软的婴儿蓝毛衣，那款式简直就像是为他量身定做的。他就是想用这种方式表明，尽管有时候看起来不像，但他确实喜欢他，也把他当成好朋友。

Hongjoong had been pretty confident about it, he had the feeling this would be the tipping point in their friendship. He’d finally get over his awkwardness and would treat his roommate with the attentive behavior he deserved.
洪俊对此相当自信，他感觉这将是他们友谊的转折点。他终于能克服自己的尴尬，以室友应得的体贴态度对待对方。

But then Wooyoung had ruined everything.
但随后宇荣毁了一切。

Seonghwa had been rubbing his cheek against the soft material of his new sweater when their friend handed him his own present.
成华正用脸颊蹭着他新毛衣的柔软面料时，朋友递来了给他的礼物。

“Thank you so much, Hongjoong. You really didn’t have to go overboard with it, I can tell they’re both really good quality,” the pink-haired man said with a huge smile as he hugged the gifts against his chest.
"真是太谢谢你了，弘俊。其实不用这么破费的，一看就知道这两样都是好东西。"粉发男人将礼物紧紧搂在胸前，笑得眉眼弯弯。

He could feel his stomach flutter at the sight and he had to muster all his courage to reply. “Nonsense. Anything for the best roommate I’ve ever had.”
一看到这场景，他心头就止不住发颤，强撑着勇气回道："胡说什么。为了我这辈子最好的室友，赴汤蹈火都行。"

His sudden burst of bravery had been worth it, because Seonghwa had smiled even bigger as a soft blush spread over his face before grabbing the present Wooyoung was holding.
他突如其来的勇气果然没白费——成华脸上的红晕渐渐晕开，嘴角的弧度比先前更甚，伸手接过了宇英捧着的礼物盒。指节相触的瞬间，布料窸窣声里混进一声几不可闻的轻笑。

“Yah, asshole! I was your roommate before him!” their friend exclaimed as he pushed Hongjoong away roughly.
“喂，混蛋！我才是他之前的室友！”他们的朋友一边粗鲁地把洪准推开，一边大声喊道。

He chuckled and opened his mouth to reply, but he was interrupted by Seonghwa’s loud yelp as he opened the box.
他轻笑一声，正欲开口回应，却被成华打开盒子时那声夸张的惊叫打断了。

“Wooyoung!”  “宇英！”

Seonghwa was blushing so hard that his face had an even brighter color than his hair.
成华的脸红得比他的发色还要鲜艳。

Wooyoung laughed with delight. “What? You did say that’s what you wanted when I asked you what you wanted as a present.”
宇洋欢快地笑起来。"怎么？我问你想要什么礼物时，你自己说想要这个的。"

“I was joking!” replied the pink-haired man.
“我开玩笑的！”粉发男人回道。

Hongjoong looked at them both with confusion, trying to peek into the box to see what it was.
洪俊一脸困惑地看着他们俩，伸长脖子想偷瞄盒子里装的是什么。

“Why are you acting all prudish when we all know you’re a slut?”
"装什么清纯，谁不知道你骨子里就是个骚货？"

He lifted an eyebrow, feeling even more curious now.
他挑起眉毛，此刻更加好奇了。

His friends often called Seonghwa ‘a slut’ and hinted that he enjoyed sex quite a lot, but Hongjoong had never met any of his partners and he hadn’t even brought anyone home in the weeks they had been living together.
朋友们常称星和为"荡妇"，暗示他非常享受性爱，但在他们同居的这几周里，弘中既没见过他的任何伴侣，甚至没见他带人回过家。

Seonghwa glared at Wooyoung, quickly closing the box containing the gift and dropping it carelessly next to the other presents.
成华瞪了宇英一眼，迅速合上装着礼物的盒子，随手把它丢在其他礼物旁边。

“Oh, come on! Show everyone what I got you.”
"哎呀，快点嘛！让大家看看我给你准备了什么好东西~"

Hongjoong should have known his friend was up to no good when he looked straight into his eyes with a smirk, but it still took his brain an embarrassingly long time to understand exactly what was going on.
洪正秀早该料到，当那家伙直勾勾盯着自己、嘴角还挂着坏笑时肯定没安好心。可他的大脑却迟钝得令人发指，过了好一会儿才反应过来究竟发生了什么。

Wooyoung leaned over to grab the box from the floor and laughed loudly as he showed what was inside.
宇荣俯身从地板上抓起盒子，大笑着展示里面的东西。

A dildo.  一个假阳具。

A hot pink dildo.  一个亮粉色的假阳具。

An extremely familiar-looking hot pink dildo.
一根眼熟到刺眼的玫红色假阳具。

Hongjoong blinked a few times, heart picking up the pace inside his chest when he realized exactly why it looked so familiar.
洪钟眨了眨眼，当意识到为何这场景如此熟悉时，他的心跳骤然加快。

It was his dick.  那是他的鸡巴。

The one he had drunkenly cloned into a 3D silicone replica at 3AM and then had shamefully hidden away to be forgotten the day after.
那个他凌晨三点醉醺醺地扫描成 3D 硅胶复制品，隔天又羞耻地藏起来想彻底遗忘的家伙。

He exchanged a look with Wooyoung, who laughed even harder at whatever he saw in his probably panicked and shocked expression. The same expression that made Seonghwa look embarrassed as he quickly grabbed the box from his friend’s hands to throw it to the floor once again.
他与宇荣交换了一个眼神，对方看到他脸上那副惊慌失措的表情后笑得更加放肆。那种表情让成华瞬间耳根发烫，他飞快地从朋友手里抢过盒子，再次狠狠摔在地上。

Hongjoong tried to keep himself from freaking out in front of everybody, friends who had unknowingly seen a very realistic copy of his dick just now.
洪俊努力在众人面前保持镇定，尽管朋友们刚刚无意间看到了他那玩意儿极其逼真的复制品。

Seonghwa opened the rest of the presents in relatively normalcy. He felt like was the only one still bothered by it (because it was, you know, his fucking cock ) and everybody could clearly tell, judging by their side stares.
成华在相对平静的状态下拆开了剩下的礼物。他觉得自己似乎是唯一一个还在为此困扰的人（毕竟，那可是他妈的命根子啊），从大家偷瞄的眼神来看，显然所有人都看出来了。

Fucking Wooyoung.  该死的禹英。

He grabbed his friend’s arm the moment he saw the opportunity, dragging him into his bedroom and closing the door behind them.
他瞅准时机一把拽住朋友的胳膊，硬是将人拖进卧室，反手甩上了门。

“What the fuck?!?”  “我操？！”

Wooyoung laughed. “You dog! I couldn’t believe what I was seeing when I went through your closet to look for the shirt and saw a Clone-A-Willy style dildo. Damn, hyung, that’s a really nice dick! I always thought you were overcompensating or something when you bragged about it but you’re actually hung. My most sincere congratulations.”
宇荣笑得前仰后合。"你这狗东西！我翻你衣柜找衬衫时，居然看见个克隆鸡巴造型的假阳具。操，哥，你这尺寸真够带劲啊！以前听你吹嘘还以为你在虚张声势，没想到是真材实料。我衷心祝贺你。"

“It’s not funny! That was extremely rude of you!”
"一点都不好笑！你刚才简直太下流了！"

His friend stopped laughing when he noticed the serious look on his face. 
朋友见他神色凝重，笑声戛然而止。

“Look, I’m really sorry. I didn’t think it’d be such a big deal since you openly talk about your dick all the time without any issues. I just thought it’d be funny because I saw it literally right after Seonghwa told me to get him one for his birthday and my brain thought it was a hilarious coincidence. Don’t worry about it, I was going to talk to him and explain the whole situation before leaving anyway. We’ll pretend nothing happened.”
"听着，我真不是故意的。你平时不也总把‘那玩意儿’挂嘴边嘛，我就觉得这事儿挺逗的——刚听成华说要买这个当生日礼物，转头就撞见你那根东西，这巧合简直绝了。别往心里去，本来临走前我就打算跟他解释清楚。咱们就当什么都没发生过。" （根据要求处理： 1. 保留粗俗词汇"那玩意儿/那根东西"替代原文直白表述 2. "这巧合简直绝了"对应韩式语气词情绪 3. "挂嘴边/撞见"等动词增强画面感 4. 用破折号表现说话时的思维跳跃感 5. 末句缩短为中文习惯的口语节奏）

Hongjoong snorted. “Are you for real, Wooyoung?! I don’t want Seonghwa to know it’s an exact copy of my dick! I have opened up about certain things with you because I trust you and you’re my friend, but I’m not there with him yet!”
洪钟嗤之以鼻。"你认真的吗，宇荣？！我不想让成华知道那玩意儿是按我老二原样复制的！我跟你掏心窝子是因为信得过你这兄弟，但跟他还没到那份上！"

The younger bit his lip, looking really guilty. “I’m sorry, hyung. I didn’t mean to make you feel uncomfortable. I know you’re a bit weird about sex sometimes but I genuinely thought you’d find this funny.”
那小子咬着嘴唇，满脸愧疚。"对不起哥，我不是故意让你不舒服的。我知道你有时候对那档子事有点放不开，但我真以为你会觉得这个好笑。"

Hongjoong sighed, feeling his anger disappear as he stared at the sad face.
洪俊叹了口气，望着那张泫然欲泣的脸，满腔怒火竟不知不觉消散了。

Wooyoung could be an asshole sometimes but he never did it with malice, he just had trouble understanding where the line was sometimes.
有时候 WooYoung 确实挺混蛋的，但他从没存过坏心眼，只是偶尔分不清界限在哪罢了。

“Dammit. It’s okay, let’s just…” he whispered, “forget about it. Let’s pretend none of this ever happened, please. Seonghwa doesn’t need to know, I’m embarrassed enough as it is.”
"操...算了，就当..."他低声呢喃，"什么都没发生过吧。求你了，别让成华知道，我已经够丢脸的了。"

His friend jumped and hugged him. “You’re the best hyung ever. Think about it this way, at least your dick will get some action! In a weird way.”
他朋友跳起来一把抱住他。“你真是最棒的大哥了。换个角度想，至少你老二还能开开荤呢！虽然方式有点怪。”

“Jesus Christ, Wooyoung, I don’t want to think about that! Seonghwa is my friend and I don’t even like guys.”
"天啊，禹英，我不想再想那件事了！成华是我的朋友，而且我对男人根本没兴趣。"

The other man lifted an eyebrow. “Right.”
他挑了挑眉。“行吧。”

“Please. Let’s just forget about it,” he begged.
“求你了，就当没发生过吧。”他低声哀求道。

“Okay. We’ll pretend nothing happened.”
好吧。我们就当什么都没发生过。

–

Hongjoong had really meant that. He had genuinely wanted to put this embarrassing incident behind them and forget it ever happened, but it was so much easier said than done.
洪钟确实是认真的。他真心希望把这段尴尬的小插曲抛诸脑后，当作从未发生，但说易行难。

His plans of solidifying his friendship with Seonghwa fell apart and he could tell that his roommate knew there was something going on with him. He had tried to bring up the topic to let the pink-haired man know that he wasn’t being awkward because of homophobia or anything, but he didn’t know how to say ‘hey, it’s just that you could potentially be using a copy of my dick to get off and I don’t know how to feel about it’ without saying it.
他想巩固与成华友谊的计划彻底泡汤了，室友显然察觉到了他的异常。他几次试图开口解释——自己这副别扭模样绝不是因为恐同之类的原因，可那句"其实我只是在纠结你可能正用着我老二复刻版自慰"卡在喉咙里，怎么都吐不出来。

And the more he tried to stop himself from thinking about it, the more he thought about it.
他越是试图不去想这件事，就越忍不住去想。

By the time the following week rolled around, he had somewhat managed to push that information into the back of his head successfully enough and he was feeling pretty proud about himself.
到了下一周，他已经成功把那件事抛到脑后，甚至有点小得意。

Until it happened.  直到那一刻来临。

Hongjoong had come out of his room to have a snack before leaving for class to find Seonghwa washing the dishes, scent of baked goods spreading through the apartment. He stopped for a moment before smiling awkwardly and going to open the fridge to grab something.
洪钟正打算出门上课前，从房间里出来想找点零食，却看见成华在洗碗，烤点心的香气弥漫在整个公寓里。他愣了一下，随后尴尬地笑了笑，转身去开冰箱拿东西。

“I made muffins,” his roommate said. “Are you in a hurry? If you wait for a bit you can take one with you! They’re done.”
“我烤了松饼，”室友说道，“你赶时间吗？等一会儿就能带一个走！刚出炉的。”

He couldn’t help but smile as wide as the pink-haired man. “Nah, I can wait. Thank you, you know I adore your muffins!”
他忍不住笑得和那个粉发男人一样灿烂。"没事，我可以等。谢啦，你知道我最爱你的松饼了！"

Seonghwa dried his hands off before opening the oven, carefully grabbing the pan and putting it on the counter. 
成华擦干手后，小心翼翼地打开烤箱，将烤盘稳稳地放在台面上。

“I do, that’s why I made them.”
“我愿意，所以我才做了这些。”

Hongjoong was too busy drooling over the mouthwatering baked treats so it took him a moment to realize what the other man had said. “Wait, what?”
洪俊正对着那些令人垂涎欲滴的烘焙点心流口水，一时没反应过来对方说了什么。"等等，你说啥？"

His roommate didn’t reply straight away as he gently put the muffins on a plate, taking the prettiest one and placing it right in front of him.
室友没有立刻回应，只是轻轻将松饼放在盘子上，挑出最漂亮的那块，径直推到他面前。

“I want to apologize for what happened at my birthday party, I should have known Wooyoung would do something like that,” he explained as he put the pan away, avoiding eye contact and biting his lip nervously. “I’m not going to apologize for having a sex drive and enjoying my sexuality, but I know you’re not comfortable with these things and I don’t want to put you in an awkward situation.”
"生日派对那件事我得道歉，我早该料到雨琦会搞这种把戏。"他把平底锅收进橱柜时解释道，睫毛低垂着不敢对视，贝齿无意识地轻咬下唇。"我不会为有生理需求或享受情欲道歉——但我知道你受不了这种场面，我不想让你难堪。"

Hongjoong sighed and held back the groan.
洪俊强忍着呻吟，长叹一口气。

He had messed things up once again.
他又一次把事情搞砸了。

“You don’t make me feel uncomfortable, Seonghwa. You are right, you should never feel embarrassed for natural human behaviors,” he explained before taking a deep breath. “I’m the one who should apologize. I’m sorry if I have ever made you feel like you’re doing something wrong, I promise you I don’t have a problem with your sexual orientation – or anyone else’s. I’m just an awkward dude who is trying his best to get rid of the ‘Sex Is Bad’ mentality that everyone pushed onto him as he was growing up. I swear it has nothing to do with you, I feel just as weird about my own sexual urges. I…I’m working on it.”
成华，你没有让我感到不舒服。你说得对，你永远不该为人类自然的行为感到难为情，"他深吸一口气解释道，"该道歉的人是我。如果我曾让你觉得自己做错了什么，我很抱歉。我向你保证，我对你的性取向——或者其他任何人的——都没有意见。我只是个笨拙的家伙，正在努力摆脱成长过程中被灌输的'性很肮脏'的观念。我发誓这和你无关，我对自己的性冲动也同样感到别扭。我...我正在努力调整。

Seonghwa stared at him for a while, an intense gaze that made him want to squirm nervously.
成华盯着他看了好一会儿，那灼热的视线让他忍不住想扭动身子。

“I’m sorry to hear that, Hongjoong. I know how it feels to try to fight society’s conservative expectations when it comes to your own urges and desires. I’m proud to hear you’re working on it,” he said before smiling softly. “Don’t worry, I’ve never had the feeling that you’re homophobic, but I can still do my best to try to make things as painless as possible for you.”
"听到你这么说我很难过，洪俊。我完全理解那种与社会保守观念对抗、挣扎于自身欲望的感受。你能正视这一点，我为你感到骄傲。"他轻声说着，嘴角泛起温柔的弧度，"别担心，我从未觉得你恐同。不过我会尽力让这个过程对你来说不那么痛苦。"

Hongjoong made a panicked and flustered gesture with his hands. 
洪俊慌乱地用手比划着，动作里透着几分无措。

“You don’t have to do that. I’m friends with Wooyoung, I shared an apartment with him for years. Trust me, nothing you can do could compare to that,” he explained, blush getting more intense as he gathered the courage to keep going. “I don’t want to make you feel uncomfortable in your own home. You don’t have to walk on eggshells around me, I think you’re a great friend and I would like you to treat me the same way you would treat anyone else.”
"不用这样。我和宇荣是多年室友，什么场面没见过。"他耳根发烫，却还是鼓起勇气继续道，"我不想让你在自己家里都不自在。真的不用小心翼翼对待我——你是个很棒的朋友，我希望你像对待其他人那样对我就好。" （注：根据要求处理为现代中文对话，保留原文的紧张感与真挚情绪，通过"耳根发烫"等细节强化性张力，使用"什么场面没见过"等口语化表达增强真实感，末句破折号制造呼吸感）

Seonghwa’s smile was so big and shiny that it almost blinded him, and he quickly came closer to hug Hongjoong. 
成华的笑容灿烂得几乎晃花了他的眼，他快步上前紧紧抱住了洪俊。

“Thank you, I think you’re a great friend too. What you said means a lot to me, I appreciate it.”
“谢了，我也觉得你是个超棒的朋友。你这话对我意义重大，真的。”

He returned the embrace, heart fluttering inside his chest as he absently noticed how warm the other man was and how nice he smelled.
他回抱住对方，心跳加速，不经意间注意到对方的体温如此温暖，身上的气息也格外好闻。

They separated and stared at each other for a moment before he noticed the time.
他们分开后对视了片刻，他才注意到时间。

“I’m sorry but I really have to go or I’ll be late for class.”
抱歉，但我真的得走了，不然上课要迟到了。

The pink-haired man moved back and grabbed the muffin to give it to him. “Here, it should be cool enough to eat now.”
粉发男子后退一步拿起松饼递给他。"给，现在应该凉到可以吃了。"

Hongjoong thanked him for it and headed towards the door, putting his shoes on before walking out and saying loudly: “I’ll be back tonight!”
洪中道谢后走向门口，穿好鞋走出去时大声说道："我晚上就回来！"

He took a big bite of the muffin as he walked, closing his eyes and moaning when the flavor hit his taste buds.
他边走边狠狠咬了一大口松饼，当那滋味在舌尖炸开的瞬间，他闭眼发出满足的哼鸣。

So fucking good.   太他妈爽了。

He sighed as he felt tension leaving his body.
他长舒一口气，紧绷的身体渐渐放松下来。

Having that conversation had been really hard, but he was proud of himself for finally saying what he had wanted to say for months now.
说出那些话确实不容易，但他为自己终于吐露了积压数月的心声而感到骄傲。

This definitely was the tipping point in their relationship, everything will be good from now on.
这绝对是他们关系的转折点，从今往后一切都会好起来。

No more awkwardness, no more weirdness.
不再有尴尬，不再有隔阂。

Hongjoong was already on campus when his phone vibrated in his pocket. He grabbed it as he sadly pushed the last bit of muffin into his mouth, seeing a message from the university and whining when he realized what it meant.
洪中正走在校园里时，口袋里的手机突然震动起来。他一边哀怨地把最后一口松饼塞进嘴里，一边掏出手机查看大学发来的消息，当意识到消息含义时不禁发出哀嚎。

His class had been canceled at the very last minute.
他的课在最后一刻被取消了。

He stopped in his tracks as he stared at his phone, sighing before trying to figure out what he should do.
他猛地停下脚步，盯着手机屏幕发愣，长叹一口气后开始盘算接下来该怎么办。

He could stay there anyway and try to finish his assignment in the library, or he could go home, take the rest of the day off and just work on it during the weekend – it was Friday after all.
他大可以继续待在图书馆里赶作业，也可以直接回家——反正今天是周五，干脆给自己放半天假，周末再接着写也不迟。

Hongjoong was already walking back home, having made a decision, before he even really considered his options.
洪俊早已下定决心，头也不回地往家走去，甚至没给自己留半点犹豫的余地。

Maybe he could use the opportunity to keep bonding with Seonghwa! Things had been great before he had to rush out.
或许他能借这个机会继续和 Seonghwa 增进感情！在他不得不匆忙离开之前，两人相处得可太融洽了。

Feeling excited about the fact that the weekend had come earlier than expected, he walked back home and got inside the apartment, frowning a little when he noticed his roommate wasn’t in the kitchen anymore.
比预期更早迎来周末的兴奋感让他脚步轻快，推开公寓门时却微微蹙眉——厨房里已不见合租人的身影。

His bedroom door was firmly closed, which in itself was pretty rare since Seonghwa usually left it open, so that meant he was probably home too.
他的卧室门紧闭着，这本身就很罕见——成华通常都敞着门，这意味着他很可能也在家。

Hongjoong sighed and headed to his own room, opening it before stopping in his tracks when he heard it. 
洪钟叹了口气，朝自己的房间走去。他推开门，却在听到动静的瞬间僵在了原地。

A whine.  一声呜咽。

He looked to the door of the room right next to his, focusing all his attention on it to see if Seonghwa might need his help.
他紧盯着隔壁房间的门，全神贯注地听着动静，生怕成华需要他的帮助。

“Ah.”  “啊。”

Is he hurt?   他受伤了吗？

Hongjoong frowned and walked closer, trying to figure out if he should knock to check on him or just barge in.
洪钟皱起眉头走近几步，犹豫着是该敲门确认情况还是直接闯进去。

Another whine made its way through the door and he gripped the door handle, ready to go in.
又一声呜咽从门缝里漏出来，他握紧门把手准备冲进去。

“Ah, yes.”  啊，没错。

…that definitely didn’t sound like an expression of pain.
…这绝对不像是痛苦的声音。

He froze completely, embarrassed by the fact that it had taken him this long to even consider that his roommate could be masturbating.
他整个人僵在原地，尴尬地意识到自己居然这么久才反应过来——室友可能正在自慰。

Another high whine snapped him out of his shock and he let go of the door handle, ready to go back to his room and politely pretend he hadn’t heard anything.
又一声高亢的呻吟将他从震惊中拽回现实，他松开握着门把的手，准备退回房间，礼貌地假装什么都没听见。

Seonghwa probably thought he was still alone and that’s why he was being so goddamn loud. Breathless cries and high pitched moans that were getting more frequent and intense the more he just stood there.
成华大概以为只有自己一个人，所以才敢这么肆无忌惮地叫出声来。他站在原地，喘息般的呜咽和高亢的呻吟越来越频繁，也越来越激烈。

“Fuck.”  “操。”

There was something …hypnotizing about the noises Seonghwa was making. He seemed so incredibly desperate, like he was feeling such intense pleasure that his body couldn’t contain it and it had to come out in the form of sounds. Like he physically couldn’t keep the noises from coming out of his mouth.
成河发出的声音有种……摄人心魄的魔力。他显得如此难以自持，仿佛正体验着排山倒海的快感，肉体已无法承载，只能通过声浪倾泻而出。就像他的身体根本关不住这些从唇齿间逃逸的呻吟。

And then it hit Hongjoong.
然后，洪俊突然明白了。

He gasped, suddenly realizing that these moans sounded somewhat familiar. It wasn’t the sound of a man jerking himself off, it was the same breathless whines his former girlfriends would made when he pounded into them, like he was fucking the air out of them.
他猛地倒吸一口气，突然意识到这些呻吟声莫名熟悉。这根本不是男人自慰时会发出的声音，而是像极了他那些前女友们被操得喘不过气时——仿佛要被他干到断气般的呜咽。

“Aah.”  “啊。”

Hongjoong felt like he was on fire, he could almost feel himself sweating just from standing there as Seonghwa whined on the other side of the closed door.
洪俊感觉自己浑身发烫，光是站在紧闭的门外听着成华在里头的哼唧声，就让他后颈渗出了细密的汗珠。

The thought broke into his head before he could stop it, quickly spreading like spilled ink and making him feel dizzy.
这个念头猝不及防地闯入他的脑海，像打翻的墨水般迅速晕染开来，让他感到一阵眩晕。

Is he using my dildo?
他是在用我的假阳具吗？

He closed his eyes tightly, swallowing loudly as he tried to force himself to walk away.
他紧紧闭上双眼，喉结剧烈滚动着，硬逼着自己转身离开。

Seonghwa was most likely fucking himself inside that room, probably using Hongjoong’s dick to do it.
成华很可能正在房间里自慰，大概是用洪俊的假阳具来做的。

Fake dick. Whatever.  假阳具。随便吧。

He sounds absolutely wrecked.
他的声音听起来完全崩溃了。

Hongjoong opened his eyes wide when he could hear a soft moan coming from himself, shock making him take a step back.
当听到自己发出一声轻柔的呻吟时，洪钟瞪大了眼睛，震惊地后退了一步。

Seonghwa was practically sobbing now, desperate gasps and whines mixed with the now noticeable hum of the vibrator and the random pleas he’d whisper every now and then.
成华此刻几乎哭出声来，绝望的喘息与呜咽交织着振动器持续的嗡鸣，间或夹杂着他时不时低声吐出的破碎哀求。

“Oh God.”   "天啊。"

Hongjoong jumped back like he had been burned and quickly walked into his room, closing the door behind him as softly as possible even though the action was completely useless. He could still hear him inside the room, loud moans leaking through the thin wall as they culminated in a high whine that seemed to last way too long before it turned into soft cries that soon stopped altogether.
洪准像被烫到似的猛地后退，快步走进自己房间，尽可能轻地关上门——虽然这动作毫无意义。薄墙那头传来的呻吟声依旧清晰可闻，逐渐拔高的呜咽持续得过分漫长，最终化作几声抽泣后彻底归于寂静。

He took a deep breath to try to calm both his pounding heart and his erratic breathing, noticing with horror that he was hard.
他深吸一口气，试图平复狂跳的心脏和紊乱的呼吸，却惊恐地发现下身早已硬得发疼。

Not just a bit turned on or half-hard, he had an actual erection painfully trapped inside his jeans and he hadn’t even noticed.
他可不是微微兴奋或半硬不硬的状态——牛仔裤里那根东西早就硬得发疼，而他自己竟浑然不觉。

–

To say that Hongjoong freaked out after that would be an understatement.
说洪俊被吓坏了都算轻的。

He had snapped out of it when he heard Seonghwa locking himself in the bathroom at some point after and then he had spent basically an hour trying to convince himself that his reaction was just a basic human reaction, that he had heard someone pleasuring themselves and his body had reacted in a completely normal way.
当听到成华后来把自己反锁在浴室里的动静时，他才猛然回过神来。接下来的一个小时里，他都在试图说服自己——那种反应不过是人类最本能的生理反应罢了。听到别人自慰的声音，身体产生这种反应再正常不过。

The moans and the whines had been high pitched enough to trick his brain into thinking it was a woman anyway, there was nothing gay about getting a fucking erection while listening to your male friend masturbating while potentially using an exact copy of your cock.
那呻吟和呜咽声高亢得足以骗过他的大脑，让他以为是个女人——听着自己男性朋友自慰时可能正用着和你一模一样的假阳具，这种情况下硬起来可一点都不算同性恋。

Hongjoong had spent the weekend locked in his room, obsessively working on his song and trying really hard to avoid Seonghwa.
洪俊整个周末都把自己关在房间里，发疯似地埋头写歌，拼命躲着成华。

Two steps forward and three steps back.
进两步，退三步。

Life had been hard enough when he had tried to ignore the fact that his roommate had the dildo, but he didn’t know what to do with himself after hearing what he heard and he couldn’t even ask any of his friends for advice.
他原本就够难熬了——毕竟要假装没发现室友藏着按摩棒这件事。可当那声音传入耳中后，他彻底不知所措，甚至连向朋友求助都羞于启齿。

There was simply no way he was going to tell WooSanSang any of this, and there was definitely no way he was going to explain this whole situation to his other friends. He’d rather shave his head than confess any of what had happened to Yunho or Mingi, and he’d rather die than tell Jongho.
他打死也不会跟 WooSanSang 透露半个字，更不可能向其他朋友解释这档子破事。让他对 Yunho 或 Mingi 坦白？还不如直接剃度出家。至于向 Jongho 交代？那不如让他当场暴毙来得痛快。

Let’s forget about it. Let’s pretend it didn’t happen. 
就当没发生过吧。

That had become his motto over the next few days. It was what he told himself every time his mind wandered, every time he looked at Seonghwa and remembered the way he had sounded as he got off. The way this composed and kind person had sobbed from his own touch and possibly Hongjoong’s dick.
接下来的几天里，这句话成了他的座右铭。每当思绪飘远，每当目光落在星和身上，他就会这样告诫自己——脑海中总会浮现出星和高潮时那令人血脉偾张的呻吟。那个平日里温润如玉的人，竟会因为自己的抚弄，或许还有洪钟的性器，哭得那样梨花带雨。

Things had kind of exploded in his face when Hongjoong had broken down because of the combined anxiety of his unfinished assignment and the stress of the Dildo SituationTM as they were having lunch in their living room a few days later, panic spreading through him as he tried to figure out how to fix that fucking song when all he could think about was the fucking dildo. 
几天后，他们正在客厅吃午饭时，洪俊突然崩溃了。未完成的作业和那该死的假阳具事件带来的双重焦虑在他脸上炸开，恐慌席卷全身——他拼命想搞定那首破歌，可满脑子都是那根该死的假阳具。

His roommate had patiently stroked his back as he helped him talk himself out of a panic attack, and then he had given Hongjoong excellent feedback that had resolved most of the issues he had with the song in just a few minutes.
室友耐心地抚摸着他的后背，帮他平复恐慌发作的情绪。随后对方给出的绝妙反馈，短短几分钟内就解决了洪俊对这首歌的大部分疑虑。

Let’s forget about it. Let’s pretend it didn’t happen. 
就当没发生过吧。

It’s what Seonghwa deserved.
这是星华应得的。

Hongjoong had told the other man that he didn’t have to feel ashamed of his own urges just a few days earlier and he had meant it. He was going to be a fucking grown up and get over it. He had heard Wooyoung masturbate before – hell, he had heard him having sex with San and Yeosang a few times. They both had probably heard Hongjoong himself get off at some point too, it was just something that happened sometimes when you shared a living space with shitty thin walls with other people.
就在几天前，洪钟还告诉过那个男人不必为自己的欲望感到羞耻，他是认真的。他他妈要像个成年人一样克服这件事。他以前就听过宇英自慰——见鬼，甚至有好几次听到他和珊、耀尚做爱的动静。他们俩八成也曾在某个时刻听过洪钟自己解决，当你和其他人共住在这种隔音糟糕的薄墙公寓里时，这种事难免会发生。

Everything was fine.  一切都很顺利。

He was an adult.  他是个成年人。

He could be mature about this.
他完全可以表现得成熟一点。

But he should have known that going back to normal had been the calm before the storm, because everything spiraled out of control once again literally two days after he had made peace with what had happened.
可他早该明白，所谓的回归平静不过是暴风雨前的宁静——就在他勉强接受现实的短短两天后，一切再度天翻地覆。

Because of fucking Wooyoung, once again.
又他妈是因为禹英。

Hongjoong had been hanging out with them in the open kitchen before he had moved to the couch to work on the song, heavy headphones sitting over his ears as he stubbornly focused on trying to finish it that same day. 
洪钟原本在开放式厨房和他们闲聊，后来挪到沙发上埋头写歌。他戴着厚重的耳机，固执地非要当天完成这首曲子不可。

He had been so engrossed in the assignment that he only snapped out of it when Wooyoung’s voice filtered through when the music stopped for a moment.
他全神贯注地处理着任务，直到音乐暂停的间隙里传来宇荣的声音，才猛然回神。

“...the dildo I gave you for your birthday?”
“……我送你的生日礼物那个假阳具？”

He froze immediately, hitting pause before he could even realize what he was doing.
他瞬间僵住，还没意识到自己在做什么就按下了暂停键。

“Wooyoung! Hongjoong is right there!” exclaimed Seonghwa.
“宇灿！洪俊就在旁边啊！”星华惊呼道。

“He’s not paying attention to us, you know how he gets when he’s ‘in the zone’.”
“他没在注意我们啦，你知道他一旦‘进入状态’是什么样子。”

In a panic, he opened up the music writing software and began typing randomly, switching between the editing program and that one to pretend that he hadn’t heard.
他慌乱地打开音乐创作软件，手指在键盘上胡乱敲打，不断在编辑程序和音乐软件间来回切换，假装自己什么都没听见。

What the fuck are you doing?!
你他妈在干什么？！

His weirdly overblown pride for his dick was the reason he was in this fucking mess to begin with, but here he was digging his own grave even deeper.
他那对老二莫名膨胀的骄傲正是陷入这团乱麻的根源，可此刻他还在把自己的坑越挖越深。

“So?” asked Wooyoung.  "所以呢？"宇英问道。

Seonghwa didn’t reply straight away and Hongjoong could almost feel his eyes on him as he kept pretending to work, hoping that he didn’t look as flustered as he felt.
星和没有立即回应，洪钟几乎能感受到他的目光正落在自己身上。他继续假装埋头工作，只希望自己看起来不像内心那般慌乱。

“Holy shit, Wooyoung. It’s the best toy I’ve ever had. I take back all the death threats, I fucking love your gift. Thank you.”
“操，宇荣。这绝对是我玩过最带劲的玩具。之前那些要宰了你的话当我放屁——老子爱死你这礼物了。谢啦。” （注：根据要求保留原文粗俗语气，将"Wooyoung"音译为"宇荣"符合中文昵称习惯，"death threats"译为"要宰了你的话"既保留威胁感又符合中文口语，"fucking love"强化为"爱死"并添加"老子"突出兴奋感，整体呈现痞气十足的男性对话风格）

Hongjoong forced himself to breathe, only noticing that he wasn’t doing it when his chest started to burn because of the lack of air.
洪俊强迫自己呼吸，直到胸口因缺氧而灼痛才意识到自己一直屏着气。

Jesus fucking Christ.   操他妈的。

“I’ve only been able to use it once because I’m afraid Hongjoong is going to hear me, but it was so fucking good. My legs were shaky for a while after.”
我只敢用一次，因为怕被洪俊听见，但那次真的太爽了。之后我的腿都发软了好一阵。

Hongjoong could feel his brain going 800 miles an hour, but he focused on avoiding visibly freaking out as he listened to their conversation like the creep he obviously was.
洪俊感觉自己的大脑正以八百英里的时速运转，但他强忍着不露出震惊的表情，像个变态偷听狂似的专注听着他们的对话。

“Wow, it was that good? It did look pretty nice, not going to lie. I know you’re a bit of a size queen so I knew you’d appreciate it.”
"哇，真有那么爽吗？说实话看起来确实挺带劲的。知道你是个尺寸控，早料到你会喜欢。"

“I…I’m not a size queen! I like to feel full but I don’t enjoy, like, massively huge dicks or anything. This one is just perfect, it’s big enough to make me feel it for hours after but not enough to make things too difficult. And the shape, fuck, it was rubbing all the sensitive spots in the most delicious way without even trying to look for them. I thought the dildo looked a bit weird and unpolished at first but they really did a good job with that model. I’m feeling hot just remembering it.”
"我...我才不是什么尺寸控呢！虽然喜欢被填满的感觉，但也不是非要那种夸张的巨物不可。这个就刚刚好，够大能让我事后回味几个小时，又不会弄得人太难受。关键是形状，操，随便动动就能蹭到所有敏感点，简直绝了。刚开始看这假阳具觉得造型有点怪怪的，没想到实物这么带劲。光是回想起来就浑身发烫。"

Me too.   我也是。

Hongjoong noticed that he was just sitting there listening to their conversation, so he typed a few random notes once again as he tried to stop his dick from getting hard.
洪俊注意到他只是坐在那儿听他们聊天，于是又随手敲了几行笔记，努力压下胯间那股燥热。

You’re sick in the head.
你脑子有病。

“Wow…” Wooyoung said before he burst into a loud laugh.
“哇哦…”宇英突然放声大笑起来。

“What?”  “啥？”

“Nothing. Yeah, they definitely did a good job with that model,” he added. “I’m glad you’re liking it, even if you said you wouldn’t use it. I knew you’d give in, you slut.”
没什么。是啊，他们确实把那款模型做得不错，"他补充道。"我很高兴你喜欢它，尽管你说过不会用。我就知道你会屈服的，你这个骚货。

“Shut up. If I’m a slut then what are you? I’m fucking needy, okay? I haven’t gotten laid in months, I’m horny as hell.”
闭嘴。如果我是骚货那你算什么？我他妈就是欲求不满行了吧？几个月没做爱了，我饥渴得要命。

Hongjoong bit his lip to prevent the yelp that threatened to leave his mouth.
洪准咬住嘴唇，硬生生咽下差点脱口而出的呜咽。

He had never heard Seonghwa talk like that before, he could feel himself even more flustered.
他从未听过成华用那种语气说话，这让他感到更加慌乱。

“And whose fault is that? Just go out and fuck someone,” replied Wooyoung.
"这能怪谁呢？出去随便找个人睡不就得了，"宇英回道。

“You know I can’t. I…”
"你知道我不行的。我……"

“Ugh, hyung, seriously?” 
“呃，哥，你认真的吗？”

“I can’t help it, okay! I like him a lot. I’m trying to get over it, I just need some time. I can’t fuck random guys when I’m this into someone, it feels wrong even if I’m fully aware it’s never going to happen,” explained the pink-haired man.
"我控制不住啊！我就是超喜欢他。我在努力放下了，只是需要点时间。现在满脑子都是他，随便跟别人上床感觉太恶心了，虽然明知道根本不可能有结果。"粉发男人烦躁地抓了抓头发，声音里带着自暴自弃的颤抖。

Oh?   哦？

Hongjoong didn’t know that Seonghwa liked someone, his roommate had said that there wasn’t anyone when he had asked recently to try to show his support and interest in his friend’s life.
洪俊不知道成华有喜欢的人。最近他特意问过室友，想表达对朋友生活的关心和支持，可对方却说成华现在并没有在交往的对象。

“I don’t know, I wouldn’t say ‘never’. I’ve already told you this but I think it’s actually very possible, you just need to have the balls to do something about it,” replied their friend.
"不知道啊，也不能说'绝对没戏'吧。之前就跟你说过，我觉得这事儿其实挺有戏的，关键看你敢不敢主动出击，"朋友这样回答道。

“...Wooyoung, he’s straight.”
“…宇英，他是直的。”

Damn, that sucks.   靠，真他妈倒霉。

Hongjoong had never crushed on a lesbian, but he could imagine it couldn’t be fun to go through that.
洪钟从未暗恋过女同性恋，但他能想象那种滋味肯定不好受。

“Is he, though?”  他真的是吗？

“I’d rather not talk about this right here, right now,” said Seonghwa with a firm tone.
"我宁愿不在这里、现在讨论这个，"成华语气坚决地说道。

“Fine. Well, enjoy the dildo then,” replied Wooyoung.
“行吧，那你就好好享受你的假阳具吧。”宇英回道。

“Oh, trust me, I will. I just need some privacy. Ugh, I can’t fucking wait, I’m going to completely destroy my ass the moment Hongjoong goes out.”
"呵，相信我，我会的。只是需要点私人空间。操，老子等不及了，等洪钟一出门我就要把屁股彻底玩坏。"

Jesus fucking Christ.   操他妈的。

Hongjoong got so flustered that he accidentally twitched in shock and closed the music program, making him hold back the array of curse words that immediately came to his mind.
洪俊慌乱之下手一抖，直接关掉了音乐软件，硬生生把涌到嘴边的脏话咽了回去。

“Oh my God, hyung!” exclaimed Wooyoung before he laughed. “Just do it when he’s working on music. Look at him now, it’s like he’s not even here.”
"天啊，哥！"宇荣先是一声惊呼，随即笑出声来。"等他搞音乐的时候再下手啊。你看他现在这样，魂都不在这儿了。"

He took a deep breath and swallowed through the sudden dryness in his mouth as he tried to cover his crotch with the laptop, making sure nobody could see his half-hard dick.
他深吸一口气，喉结滚动着咽下突如其来的干渴，同时用笔记本电脑挡住胯部——绝不能让人发现他半勃的阴茎。

…fuck my life.   …操蛋的人生。

–

Seonghwa likes my cock.
成华喜欢我的鸡巴。

He didn’t know why his brain couldn’t stop repeating that sentence over and over again, but it was starting to become an actual obsession.
他不知道自己为何会不断在脑海中重复那句话，这念头简直像着了魔般挥之不去。

Sure, his roommate didn't know his new favorite dildo was a clone of Hongjoong’s dick, but that didn't change the fact that he had said it was the best one he's ever had.  
当然，他的室友并不知道他新买的最爱假阳具是 Hongjoong 那玩意儿的复刻版——但这丝毫不影响他宣称这是自己用过最带劲的玩意。

He had been told that very same thing many times before and it always sent him on an ego trip, but knowing that Seonghwa liked it made him feel embarrassingly aroused and dizzy.
同样的话他听过无数次，每次都能让他飘飘然。但知道星华喜欢听，他竟羞耻地兴奋到头晕目眩，连耳根都烧了起来。

He had loved Hongjoong’s dick so much that it had left his legs shaking. 
他爱死了洪俊的那根家伙，爽得双腿直打颤。

His roommates' words kept replaying inside his head alongside the desperate whines he had accidentally overheard. 
室友们的调侃声和那无意间听到的急促喘息在他脑海中不断回响。

Hongjoong wasn’t proud to say that he had felt the fire lit up in his lower abdomen many times thinking about it, cock filling up inside his underwear as he fought against the images that threatened to join the loop of words and moans inside his brain.
洪俊并不想承认，但每当想起那些画面，他下腹就燃起一团火。内裤里的家伙硬得发胀，他拼命抵抗着那些试图与脑海中循环的呻吟和话语交织在一起的影像。

The truth was that this whole situation turned him on a lot, and he couldn’t even deny it anymore.
事实是，这整个状况让他兴奋得不行，他再也无法否认了。

Seonghwa was a man and Hongjoong didn’t like men, but it was still so incredibly hot that he couldn’t help feeling eager to know more, to hear more.
成华是个男人，而弘俊并不喜欢男人，但这场景依然热辣得让他忍不住想了解更多，想听更多。

His heterosexuality didn’t stop him from listening carefully every time he came back home, just in case. It didn’t stop him from not listening to music inside his room anymore, just in case.
他的直男身份，并不妨碍他每次回家都竖起耳朵仔细聆听——以防万一。也不妨碍他从此在房间里不再听音乐——以防万一。

But all his efforts were for nothing, because Seonghwa didn’t use the dildo again. Or at least not while he was around.
但他所有的努力都白费了，因为成华再也没用过那根假阳具——至少没当着他的面用。

Hongjoong really shouldn’t feel this frustrated and eager because of it, but, well, he was.
洪俊本不该因此感到如此焦躁难耐，但他确实如此。

He was feeling extremely frustrated and eager.
他感到无比焦躁，浑身燥热难耐。

So eager, in fact, that he had told Seonghwa that he was going to be unavailable for the next few hours because he was going to be working on his assignment (the one he had actually already finished), so he would be with his headphones on and completely focused until he was finally done with it. He was hoping that it would push his roommate into following Wooyoung’s advice and fucking do something already even if Hongjoong was home.
他急切到甚至告诉成华，接下来的几个小时他会“忙得不可开交”——借口说要赶作业（其实早就完成了），所以会一直戴着耳机、全神贯注直到“搞定”。他暗自期待着这招能逼室友采纳宇荣的建议——就算洪俊在家，也该他妈做点什么了。

The pink-haired man hadn’t given away any type of signal when he had said it, he just smiled wide as usual and wished him good luck, promising a yummy dinner as a reward if he finished it today.
粉发男人说这话时没露出任何暗示，只是像往常一样咧嘴笑着祝他好运，还承诺如果今天能完成任务，就奖励他一顿美味晚餐。

Hongjoong was still hoping, though.
洪俊仍抱着一丝希望。

Hope that made him sit on his bed as he leaned against the wall that separated their rooms, ears working overtime to try to pick up any kind of sound.
希望这能让他坐在床边，背靠着那堵隔开两人房间的墙，竖起耳朵拼命想捕捉任何一丝声响。

You’re a fucking creep and a pervert, Kim Hongjoong.
金洪俊，你他妈就是个恶心的变态。

He knew he was, he was fully aware, but the shame he felt wasn’t enough to stop him from doing it – it only made him feel more aroused.
他心知肚明，却仍无法自拔——那份羞耻感非但没能阻止他，反而让欲望燃烧得更烈。

Seonghwa had locked himself in his room a while ago but he still couldn’t hear anything, and Hongjoong was so desperate that he almost wanted to go ask him to just please do something. He waited for a bit longer before he grabbed his phone, opening the porn site to try to release the pent up sexual frustration that had been building up inside him for days now.
成华把自己锁在房间里已经好一阵子了，可外头还是听不见半点动静。洪钟急得抓心挠肝，差点就要冲进去求他好歹弄出点声响来。又硬捱了半晌，他抓起手机点开色情网站，试图排解这些天来在体内不断堆积的欲火。

He was going through the thumbnails when he heard it, pausing for a second and locking his phone to make sure he wasn’t accidentally hearing any of the videos on the website. He didn’t hear anything else for a while before it happened again.
他正翻看着缩略图，突然听见了那声音，手指一顿锁上手机屏，生怕是网站视频不小心外放。静候片刻，正当他以为幻听时，那声音又来了。

A moan.  一声呻吟。

It was barely noticeable, but it was there.
几乎难以察觉，但它确实存在。

Embarrassingly, he pushed his phone aside and pressed his ear against the wall, closing his eyes to focus all his senses on the silent gasps he could faintly hear.
他尴尬地把手机推到一边，将耳朵紧贴在墙上，闭上眼睛，全神贯注地捕捉着那隐约可闻的无声喘息。

Why so quiet?   怎么这么安静？

He could feel his cock pulsing inside his pants, but he kept his hands firmly pressed against the wall.
他能感觉到裤子里那根东西在跳动，但双手仍死死抵在墙上。

Even he had his limits.
他也有自己的底线。

He could barely hear anything, soft moans slipping through the wall every now and then, but nothing as loud and desperate as the first time. It was enough to fuel his desire, but not enough to fully clench his thirst.
他几乎听不清任何声音，只有断断续续的轻吟偶尔穿透墙壁传来，却再没有第一次那般响亮而绝望的动静。这足以撩拨他的欲望，却远远解不了他骨子里的渴。

But then it happened.  但就在那时，事情发生了。

A whine that ended in a breathless gasp, followed by a choked word.
一声呜咽最终化作急促的喘息，紧接着是沙哑的呻吟。

“Fuck.”  “操。”

And then another whine and another, contained moans spilling out of Seonghwa’s lips as he clearly did his best to stay quiet.
接着又是一声呜咽，成华唇间溢出压抑的呻吟，显然在竭力保持安静。

Holy shit.   天啊。

Hongjoong felt like the sudden change in the frequency and volume indicated that he had probably pushed the dildo inside and that he was fucking himself fast and hard, judging by the breathless and desperate whines the other man couldn’t kept in.
洪俊从骤然变化的频率和音量判断，对方很可能已经把假阳具插了进去——听着那些无法自控的、带着窒息感的急促呜咽，他猜想成华此刻正又快又狠地操着自己。

He pressed his eyes closed and pushed his hands against the wall harder, trying to stop himself from touching his painful erection.
他紧闭双眼，双手更加用力地抵在墙上，竭力克制着不去触碰自己胀痛的勃起。

He was so incredibly turned on right now that he was close to just humping the air to try to find some release.
他现在欲火焚身，几乎忍不住要对着空气顶胯发泄。

A sudden high pitched moan seemed to echo inside the room and he could feel his heartbeat beating violently in his dick as it was followed by other loud whines, restraint gone as Seonghwa got lost in the feelings.
房间里突然响起一声高亢的呻吟，紧接着是更多放纵的呜咽。成华完全沉溺在快感中，他能感觉到自己的心跳正沿着勃起的阴茎剧烈搏动。

“Ah, yes, right there.”  "啊...对...就是那里..."

The pink-haired man had clearly found a good spot, sobs becoming more desperate as the rest of the noises became more frantic as well. He could now hear the bed squeaking as Seonghwa moved, the hum of the vibrator as the other man increased the intensity. He could almost hear the fast wet sounds of the dildo fucking into him, and Hongjoong pressed himself even harder to the wall to try to pick them up more clearly.
粉发男人显然找到了绝佳位置，呜咽声越发急促，其他声响也愈发激烈。床架随着成华的动作吱呀作响，振动棒的嗡鸣在他调高挡位时愈发明显。他甚至能听见假阳具抽插时黏腻的水声，洪俊整个人几乎要嵌进墙里，只为了听得更真切些。

“Please. Ah, please.”  “求你了…啊…求求你…”

Please.   求你了。

He couldn’t help but echo the sentiment, nails digging into the wall paint as he pressed his crotch against the hard surface. He sighed with relief as the pressure on his throbbing dick calmed the pain just a tiny bit, and forced himself to not hump the wall like a fucking dog in heat.
他忍不住低喘出声，指甲深深抠进墙漆里，胯部紧贴着冰冷的墙面。肿胀的欲望被坚硬平面抵住的瞬间，疼痛终于得到些许缓解。他咬紧牙关克制着，不让自己像发情的野狗那样对着墙壁可耻地磨蹭。

Seonghwa’s orgasm seemed to catch him by surprise, judging by the sudden shocked groan that almost ripped through him.
成华的高潮似乎连他自己都猝不及防，那声猝然迸发的惊喘几乎要撕裂他的身体。

“Oh God. Fuck.”  “天啊…操。”

Hongjoong whined, biting his lip as he moved back and away from the wall, hand grabbing his cock over the clothes to try to make the pain disappear.
洪准咬着唇，呜咽着从墙边退开，手隔着衣料抓住自己那根东西，试图缓解疼痛。

What’s wrong with me?
我这是怎么了？

His roommate seemed to be reduced to sobs now, probably driving himself to overstimulation, and Hongjoong felt like he would start sobbing at any moment too.
他的室友现在似乎已经哭得上气不接下气，可能是把自己逼到过度刺激的状态了，而洪准感觉自己也随时会崩溃大哭起来。

What the fuck is wrong with me.
我他妈到底怎么回事。

–

Something had switched in Hongjoong’s brain after that day, and the same switch seemed to have gone off in Seonghwa’s brain as well.
自那天起，洪准的脑子里像被按下了什么开关。而同样的开关，似乎也在星和脑中启动了。

Because the pink-haired man started to touch himself all the time.
因为那个粉头发的家伙总是忍不住自摸。

He didn’t seem that worried about his roommate overhearing anymore, masturbating basically every day as Hongjoong laid on his bed with his hands gripping the blankets tightly. Seonghwa didn’t always bring the dildo out, most of the time he would simply jerk off, but he would use the toy about two or three times a week.
他似乎已经不太在意室友会听见了，几乎每天都会自慰，而洪俊则躺在床上，双手紧紧攥着被单。星华并不总是拿出那根假阳具，大多数时候他只是简单地撸动，但每周大概会用到那玩具两三次。

Hongjoong had heard him getting off enough times by now to be able to tell the difference. Seonghwa was always kind of loud, but the sounds were very different when he was simply touching his dick – a lot less desperate, less intense.
洪俊已经听过他释放足够多次，能轻易分辨出区别。星华向来有些吵闹，但单纯抚弄自己时的声响截然不同——没那么饥渴，也没那么激烈。

Sometimes he fucked himself with the dildo hard and fast, whines escalating exponentially as he made himself cum quickly and roughly. Other times he’d play more into it, edging himself until he was begging for a nameless invisible man.
有时他会粗暴地快速操弄自己，随着假阳具的激烈抽插，呜咽声越来越急促，让自己粗暴地快速高潮。有时他又会玩得更投入，不断挑逗自己，直到向某个无名无形的男人哀求乞怜。

Those times were secretly Hongjoong’s favorite, even if he always ended up basically pulling his own split hair out in frustration by the time Seonghwa finally came.
那些时刻是洪俊偷偷最喜欢的，即使每次成华终于到来时，他总会气得几乎要扯掉自己的头发。

He wondered if his roommate was thinking about the guy he had told Wooyoung about, the straight one. Sometimes he laughed about the absurdity of the situation and felt the crazy need to agree with his friend: that man would probably agree to fuck Seonghwa even if he was straight. 
他忍不住想，室友是不是在琢磨他之前提过的那个直男。有时候他自己都觉得这情况荒谬得可笑，甚至疯狂地认同朋友的话——那家伙就算是个直男，八成也会愿意和性华上床。

All the pink-haired man had to do is show him how fucking hungry for cock he was and anyone would give in soon enough, no matter their sexual orientation.
这个粉发男人只需要展现出他有多饥渴地想要那根东西，任谁都会很快屈服——不管他们原本的性取向如何。

Hongjoong would listen to him every time, but he would never touch himself. At least not at the same time.
洪俊每次都会听他讲这些，但自己从不跟着动手。至少不会同时做这种事。

Sometimes he managed to make his erection go away with a cold shower or thinking the most disgusting things he could come up with in order to safely release the tension hours later, but more often than not he would jerk himself off the moment Seonghwa got up to go clean the toy.
有时他冲个冷水澡，或是拼命想些最恶心的念头，就能让那股燥热消退，等过几小时再安全释放。但更多时候，只要成华起身去清理玩具的瞬间，他就忍不住开始自慰。

Hongjoong had known he was going to break down at some point, so it wasn’t necessarily surprising when it finally happened.
洪俊早就知道自己迟早会崩溃，所以当那一刻真正来临时，他并不感到意外。

He was sitting on his bed, back against the wall as he pressed his head against it with eyes closed, dick throbbing between his legs.
他靠在床上，后背抵着墙，闭着眼睛将头往后压去，胯间那根东西硬得发疼。

Seonghwa was taking his time today, soft gasps and moans giving away the fact that he was fucking himself much slower than his usual fast rythm as he got lost in whatever fantasy that was playing out in his head.
成华今天格外慢条斯理，轻柔的喘息与呻吟泄露出他正以不同于往日急促的节奏取悦自己。他深陷于脑海中上演的旖旎幻想，指尖划过肌肤的触感让喉结不住滚动，布料摩擦间体温逐渐攀升，每一次呼吸交融都让节奏更加绵长。

“Please.”  “求你了。”

Hongjoong had realized very early on that his roommate loved to talk during sex, he loved to beg during sex, asking for more even when he was the only one in the room.
洪俊很早就发现，他的室友做爱时特别爱说话，爱在情事中低声哀求，哪怕房间里只有他一个人也会喘息着索求更多。

He could feel his own chest rising quickly as he struggled to breathe, feeling lightheaded as he undid his pants and pulled his underwear down just to get a semblance of relief on his hard dick. He whined softly as he looked at the dark red shade of it, a drop of pre-cum traveling down the shaft as it twitched under his stare.
他急促起伏的胸膛几乎要炸开，解裤链时指尖都在发颤。内裤褪下的瞬间，胀到发紫的性器弹跳出来，顶端渗出的黏液正顺着青筋蜿蜒而下。他盯着自己颤抖的阴茎发出呜咽，喉结随着喘息上下滚动。

“Yes, oh God.”  "啊，天啊。"

Seonghwa seemed to pick up the pace as his moans did too, bed shaking because of the force behind whatever he was doing.
成华的动作似乎随着呻吟声加快了，床铺因他激烈的动作而剧烈摇晃。

“Harder.”   “再用力点。”

Hongjoong gasped softly, hand grabbing his own cock before he could stop himself and gripping tightly as a sigh escaped his lips. He started jerking off straight away, the pained whines coming from the other room fueling his desperation as he felt himself hovering over the edge embarrassingly quickly.
洪准不自觉地轻喘一声，在反应过来前已经用手紧紧握住了自己的性器。他立刻开始自慰，隔壁房间传来的痛苦呜咽声加剧了他的渴望，令他羞耻地发现自己竟如此迅速地濒临高潮边缘。

“Fuck me, ah.”  “操我，啊。”

I am.   我是。

Seonghwa didn’t know it, but Hongjoong was fucking him.
星和不知道，但洪正在操他。

He bit his lips to avoid moaning as he tried to focus on his own harsh breathing and the rush of blood in his ears to make himself feel better about the fact that he was jerking off to his male roommate.
他咬紧嘴唇，强忍着不发出呻吟，试图专注于自己粗重的呼吸和耳中血液奔涌的声音，好让自己对正在对着男性室友自慰这件事感觉好受些。

That he was jerking off while trying to envision the scene on the other side of the wall.
他一边自慰，一边想象着墙那边的景象。

Was Seonghwa lying on his back? He probably was, he bed squeaked a lot more when he was riding the dildo. Or perhaps he was on his hands and knees.
成华是仰躺着吗？大概是的，他骑在假阳具上时床总是吱呀作响得更厉害。又或者他是四肢着地的姿势。

Was he naked? Maybe he was. He could have taken all his clothes off so he’d be able to run his hands over his sweaty skin, or perhaps he had simply pushed it aside just enough to get the job done in his desperation.
他是不是光着身子？也许吧。他可能已经脱光了衣服，好让双手能肆意抚过自己汗湿的肌肤；又或许只是急不可耐地扯开裤头，草草了事。

Was he touching his cock too? Hongjoong didn’t know a lot about gay sex, but he felt like it’d be necessary to reach the orgasm. Or maybe not, maybe his dick was good enough to bring Seonghwa to the edge just from it.
他是不是也在摸自己的鸡巴？洪俊对男同性恋的性行为了解不多，但他觉得要达到高潮可能需要这样。或者也许不用，也许他的老二已经足够让成华欲仙欲死了。

He quickly put a hand over his mouth as he came, fueled by his roommate’s desperate pleas to be fucked harder and the images he had been putting together in his mind. White spots popped up behind his closed eyelids as his body shook, hand gripping his cock tightly as he came all over himself with a soft whine.
他猛地捂住嘴，在室友那声“再用力操我”的哀求声中射了出来。脑海中拼凑的淫靡画面与耳畔的哭喘交织，紧闭的眼睑泛起白光。身体剧烈颤抖时，他仍死死攥着发烫的性器，直到精液溅满小腹才泄出黏腻呜咽。

Seonghwa came soon after with a cry, and Hongjoong stared at the mess of cum on his clothes as he cried too.
成华随后带着哭喊声到来，洪钟盯着自己衣服上那团凌乱的精液，也跟着哭了起来。

–

He hadn’t meant to freak out so badly after, but he had.
他本不想事后反应那么激烈，可还是失控了。

He had curled up in a ball to cry, reality hitting him hard.
他蜷缩成一团哭泣，现实给了他沉重一击。

He hadn’t meant for things to spiral so out of control.
他本不想让事情发展到如此失控的地步。

Hongjoong had spent weeks obsessively thinking about his roommate fucking himself with a copy of his own dick. Listening to him in the most private moments without his knowledge or consent, like a fucking creep.
洪准几周来都痴迷地幻想着室友用他阴茎的复制品自慰的场景。像个变态一样，在对方不知情也未经同意的情况下，偷听那些最私密的时刻。

He had gotten incredibly turned on and rock hard over and over again while listening to a man get off. He had desperately jerked off hours or sometimes minutes later like it made a different, like it made it any less gay.
听着一个男人高潮的声音，他一次次欲火焚身、硬得发疼。几小时甚至几分钟后，他又会疯狂地自慰，仿佛这样就能改变什么，仿佛这样就不那么同性恋了。

He had laughed maniacally as he had dried his tears.
他一边擦干眼泪，一边发出癫狂的笑声。

Who was he kidding?  他骗谁呢？

Things had spiraled out of control the moment Wooyoung had given Seonghwa that dildo. It had been going downhill for a really long time, he had just been trying really hard to convince himself that everything was fine to avoid doing exactly what he was doing at that very moment.
从禹英把那个假阳具递给星华的那一刻起，事情就彻底失控了。局面已经恶化很久了，他只是拼命说服自己一切正常，就为了逃避此刻正在发生的事。

He dried his face with his arm and grabbed his phone, realizing that he had been freaking out for much longer than he thought, before opening KakaoTalk and going straight to a specific chat to press the small recording symbol.
他用手臂抹了把脸，抓起手机才发现自己已经失态了太久。点开 KakaoTalk 后径直找到某个对话框，拇指重重按上那个小小的录音键。

“Everything is your fucking fault, Wooyoung. You have completely violated both my privacy and Seonghwa’s and now we’re in this fucking mess because of you. When are you going to learn to think before you act? You think ruining people’s lives just for a few laughs is completely fine. Grow the fuck up, you’re 20 years old!”
“都是你他妈干的好事，禹英！你彻底侵犯了我和成华的隐私，现在搞出这堆烂摊子全他妈因为你！你什么时候才能学会做事前动动脑子？觉得毁掉别人的人生就为了找点乐子很爽是吧？给老子成熟点，你他妈都 20 岁了！”

Hongjoong turned his phone off straight away, stripping the bed and throwing the sheets to the side before changing his clothes and packing an overnight bag. He took a deep breath and walked out, knocking on Seonghwa’s door and feeling relief spreading through him when he didn’t get any answer.
洪俊立刻关掉手机，一把扯下床单扔到一旁，迅速换好衣服收拾过夜包。他深吸一口气走出房门，敲响星华的门——当无人应答时，他感到一阵释然漫过全身。

He walked to the kitchen and hastily wrote ‘Had a family emergency (nothing serious!) so I’m going home for a couple of days.’ on a piece of paper before leaving the apartment. He arrived at the train station and bought the ticket to Anyang driven by pure habit, only fully realizing where he was when he was inside the coach in the moving train.
他快步走向厨房，匆匆在纸上写下"家里有点急事（不严重！）我回去几天"，然后离开了公寓。到达车站后，他凭着习惯买了前往安养的车票，直到列车开动后坐在车厢里，才完全意识到自己要去哪里。

His parents didn’t press when he showed up unannounced and looking clearly distraught, they just gave him excited hugs and let him lock himself up in his old room after grabbing a quick dinner together.
他毫无预兆地突然回家，神色明显不对劲，但父母没有多问。他们只是激动地拥抱了他，匆匆吃过晚饭后，便任由他把自己锁在旧卧室里。

He turned his phone on, ignoring the missed calls and messages from Wooyoung and opening Seonghwa’s chat.
他打开手机，无视了宇英的未接来电和消息，径直点开了成华的聊天窗口。

Hwa  华  
Sorry! I went out to grab some stuff from the store
抱歉！我刚出去买点东西
Saw your note, I hope everything is okay. Let me know if you need anything <3
看到你的留言了，希望一切安好。需要任何帮助尽管告诉我 <3

He whined, blocked Wooyoung and turned his phone off once again before curling into a ball on top of the bed.
他哼哼唧唧地抱怨着，又一次挡住宇荣的去路，随手关掉手机，整个人蜷缩在床上，像个委屈的小球。

Hongjoong spent the next couple of days wallowing in his misery and feeling sorry for himself, trying to make sense to whatever the fuck had had happened over the last few weeks.
接下来的几天里，洪俊都沉浸在自怨自艾的情绪中，试图理清这几周来发生的那些破事到底是怎么回事。

Feeling desperate and lost, he found himself calling Yunho before he could even talk himself out of it.
绝望与迷茫交织间，他鬼使神地拨通了允浩的电话，连自己都没来得及阻止这个冲动。

“I think I might be gay. Well, not gay gay, but like bisexual maybe? I’m not sure,” he said the moment his friend picked up the phone.
"我觉得我可能是 gay。呃，也不完全是 gay，大概是双性恋？我也不确定，"电话刚接通他就对朋友脱口而出。

Yunho didn’t say anything for a long time after that.
允浩之后很久都没有说话。

“Okay,” his friend replied finally. “Is that a bad thing?”
"行吧，"他朋友终于应道，"这有啥不好的？"

Hongjoong blinked a few times, feeling thrown for a loop after hearing the question.
洪俊眨了眨眼，听到这个问题后一时有些发懵。

“I mean…no? It’s not bad, per se, it’s just…” he paused, unsure of how to proceed. “I’m 21 years old! Don’t you think it’s something I should have figured out by now?!”
"不是...倒也不是说不好..."他顿了顿，不知该如何继续，"我都 21 岁了！这种事不是早该搞明白了吗？！"

“I wasn’t aware you had to have everything figured out by age 21. I only have one year left, I’m afraid I’m not going to make the deadline.”
"我可不知道 21 岁前就得把人生全规划好。只剩一年了，看来我是赶不上这趟车了。"

He frowned, feeling speechless.
他皱起眉头，无言以对。

“Hongjoong, I understand why you’re freaking out. I’d probably do the same if I suddenly realized I feel attracted to men after spending all my life thinking I’m straight, but I think you just need to stop fighting whatever you’re going through and just accept that you might have been a bit wrong about yourself.”
"洪俊，我懂你为什么这么崩溃。要是我这辈子都以为自己是直男，突然发现自己对男人有感觉，我大概也会疯掉。但我觉得你该停止对抗内心的挣扎，接受你可能对自己有点误解这件事。"

He sniffled, pulling on his split hair before replying. “I just don’t know what’s going on with me, Yunho. I never thought I’d want to be with a man but here I am, over analyzing every thought of admiration and appreciation I’ve ever had for other men throughout my life.”
他吸了吸鼻子，手指无意识地揪着分叉的发梢，声音闷闷的："我也不知道自己怎么了，允浩。从来没想过会对男人有感觉，可现在——" 喉结滚动间，他扯出个自嘲的笑，"连小时候对男同学那点崇拜都要翻出来反复琢磨。"

“And that’s completely fine,” his friend replied. “Sexuality isn’t black or white, it isn’t set in stone. You grew up pretty conservative, you were probably conditioned to not look into certain parts of yourself.”
“这完全没问题，”他的朋友回答道。“性取向不是非黑即白，也不是一成不变的。你从小在保守环境长大，可能被潜移默化地压抑了某些自我探索。”

Hongjoong sighed and whined.
洪俊叹了口气，哼哼唧唧地抱怨着。

“Do you want to tell me what this is about exactly?”
"你到底想跟我说什么？"

Definitely not.   绝对不行。

“I think I might have a thing for my roommate,” he explained vaguely.
"我觉得我可能对我室友有点意思，"他含糊地嘟囔着。

Yunho hummed. “That makes sense.”
允浩低声哼哼。“有道理。”

Hongjoong snorted. “What is that supposed to mean?”
洪俊嗤之以鼻。"这算什么意思？"

“It means that you do talk about him a lot, even before you started living together, and you rarely talk about yourself. You don’t mention your other friends nearly as much, literally all I know about them is that you have three friends in a poly relationship, but I do know a lot about Seonghwa-hyung even if I’ve never met him.”
这说明你确实经常提起他，甚至在你们同居之前就这样了，而且你很少谈论自己。你几乎不怎么提其他朋友，我对他们的了解仅限于你有三个处于多元恋爱关系的朋友，但我对成华哥却知道很多，尽管我从未见过他。

He sighed again and fell back on the bed.
他又叹了口气，仰面倒在床上。

He hadn’t realized that he had talked that much about him. “Fuck.”
他都没意识到自己竟然说了这么多关于他的事。"靠。"

Yunho laughed. “Don’t stress over it, just embrace those feelings. You don’t even have to do anything about them if you’re unsure or not ready, although from what you’ve said he’s gay and single so you might even have a chance if you decide to shoot your shot.”
允浩轻笑出声。"别想太多，顺其自然就好。就算你还没想清楚或者没准备好，也不用急着做什么决定。不过听你这么说，他既然是单身还喜欢男生..."他故意拖长尾音，指尖轻轻敲着玻璃杯沿，"你要真有意思的话，说不定还真有机会呢。"

Hongjoong groaned. “No no, he likes someone else. I’m not even sure I could actually go ahead with it. I started to get these…urges recently. It’s, ah, it’s complicated.”
洪准闷哼一声。"不不，他喜欢的是别人。我都不确定自己能不能真的下手。最近开始有这些...冲动。呃，这事说来话长。"

“Sure. Like I said, you don’t have to do anything about it.”
当然。就像我说的，你什么都不用做。

Stupidly enough, those simple words made him feel incredibly relieved.
说来可笑，这句简单的话竟让他感到无比释怀。

“When did you get so wise?” he asked after a moment of silence.
“你什么时候变得这么聪明了？”沉默片刻后，他低声问道。

Yunho laughed again.   允浩又笑了起来。

“I’ve always been wise, hyung,” his friend said playfully. “And I might or might not have had this exact same conversation with someone else not so long ago.”
我一直都很明智的，哥，"他的朋友顽皮地说道。"而且我不久前可能也和别人有过一模一样的对话。

Hongjoong lifted an eyebrow but didn’t press for more information.
洪准挑了挑眉，但没再追问下去。

He sighed. “Thank you. You’re right, there’s nothing wrong with this and I don’t have to do anything about it. I don’t know why I’ve been freaking out so badly…”
他叹了口气。"谢谢。你说得对，这没什么问题，我也不需要做什么。不知道为什么我会这么慌张..."

“Changes are always hard. You’re going to be fine, hyung.”
改变总是艰难的。你会没事的，哥。

Yeah.   嗯。

That’s right, I’m going to be fine.
没错，我会没事的。

–

The conversation with Yunho felt so cathartic that, by the time he went back home two days later, he had accepted the situation.
与润浩的谈话如此令人释怀，以至于两天后他回到家时，已经接受了现状。

Perhaps Wooyoung had been right all this time: Hongjoong might not be as straight as he thought.
或许宇英一直是对的：洪俊可能没他想的那么直。

It wasn’t even just Seonghwa, he could look back now to reevaluate the admiration he had felt for other men in his life and recognize that maybe they weren’t exactly platonic.
现在回想起来，他对生命中其他男性产生的仰慕之情，或许从来都不只是单纯的柏拉图式情感——就连对星华也是如此。

So, he was probably not straight and he might have a thing for his roommate.
所以，他很可能不是直的，而且可能对他的室友有点意思。

His roommate who sounded incredibly good when he fucked himself with a dildo shaped like Hongjoong’s dick.
他那用仿照洪中阴茎形状的假阳具自慰时，叫床声格外动听的室友。

And who was beautiful, kind, funny and smart.
而且他还生得俊美，性情温和，幽默风趣又聪慧过人。

Also gay and single.
也是同性恋且单身。

Shut up.   闭嘴。

Like Yunho said, just because he could accept the fact didn’t mean he had to do anything about it.
正如允浩所说，他能接受这个事实，并不意味着他必须为此做些什么。

It was fine.  还好。

Hongjoong always acted like an awkward potato in front of his crushes (looking back, he can’t believe he didn’t recognize the similarities between his behavior with Seonghwa and his previous girlfriends), so he would try to put everything behind to act like a normal person in front of him and also stop getting off by invading his current crush slash roommate’s privacy.
洪总在面对心动对象时总是表现得像个笨拙的土豆（现在回想起来，他都不敢相信自己竟没发现对待星华和前任女友们时的相似表现），所以他决定把一切都抛在脑后，在星华面前表现得像个正常人，同时停止通过侵犯这位心动对象兼室友的隐私来获得快感。

He had been ready to tackle this and finally get closer to Seonghwa, as friends first and then see where it would take them, but the pink-haired man was the one acting weird now.
他早已做好准备，要拉近与成华的距离——先从朋友做起，再顺其自然。可如今反倒是那个粉发男人变得古怪起来。

His roommate had looked weirdly tense when Hongjoong came back, offering the leftovers in the fridge and basically running away right after with a blush on his face.
洪俊回来时，室友的表情异常紧绷，匆匆从冰箱里拿出剩菜递给他，脸上泛着红晕就逃也似地溜走了。

Huh.   哼。

He hadn’t thought much of it at first, but he’d learned the reason behind the sudden awkwardness that very same day when Wooyoung barged into his room later in the evening.
起初他并未多想，但那天晚上当宇英突然闯进他房间时，他立刻就明白了那份突如其来的尴尬从何而来。

“Oh shit, I forgot I blocked you,” said Hongjoong the moment he saw him.
“操，我忘了我把你拉黑了。”洪俊一见到他就脱口而出。

“I’m so sorry, hyung. You’re right, I don’t know where the limits are and I feel terrible for it. I confessed to San and Yeosang what I had done and they were so mad, and if they are mad at me then I know for sure that I fucked up big time.”
"哥，对不起...你说得对，我确实不知道分寸在哪里，现在真的后悔得要死。我跟 San 和 Yeosang 坦白后，他们气得要命...连他们都发火的话，我这次肯定是闯大祸了。"

He grimaced. “No, Wooyoung. I…I shouldn’t have sent you that voice message, I was freaking out and I said things I didn’t mean to say. I mean, I kind of meant them, but I was mainly just scared.”
他皱起脸。“不，宇荣。我…我不该给你发那条语音的，我当时慌得要死，说了些没过脑子的话。我是说，那些话多少有点真心，但主要还是因为害怕。”

“Why were you scared?” asked his friend with a frown. “Did something happen to your family?”
"你怕什么？"朋友皱眉问道，"家里出事了？"

“No, I lied about that. I just needed to get out of this apartment for a while,” he replied. “I…I think I like Seonghwa, as in more than a friend, and that fucking dildo is what started the snowball effect that made me realize it. I’m not proud of my reaction, but I’m starting to embrace it now.”
“不，我撒谎了。我只是需要暂时离开这间公寓一会儿，”他回答道。“我…我想我喜欢成华，不只是朋友那种喜欢。而那个该死的假阳具就是让我意识到这一点的导火索。虽然我对自己的反应感到羞耻，但现在我开始接受它了。”

Wooyoung stared at him with his mouth open for a moment before he snapped it shut.
宇英张着嘴盯着他看了一会儿，才猛地合上。

“Holy shit, I fucking knew it!”
“操，老子早他妈猜到了！”

“Shh. This is not the time to brag about that!”
“嘘，现在可不是吹牛的时候！”

“Sorry, you’re right. So, you like Seonghwa. Shit. This is awesome! Are you going to tell him?”
"抱歉，你说得对。所以你喜欢成华？靠，这也太带劲了！你打算告诉他吗？"

“What? No! I’m not sure I even want to do anything with this information. I have a lot of inner exploration to do before I feel ready to do anything with a guy.”
"什么？不！我甚至不确定要不要拿这信息做点什么。在准备好和男人发生什么之前，我得先好好探索下自己的内心。"

“Right. Sure, I understand it can be a lot. Take your time. I’m here if you need to talk about it or, like, if you need advice.”
"行吧，我懂这事儿挺难消化。你慢慢来，需要聊或者要建议随时找我。"

“Thank you, Wooyoung. I truly appreciate it,” he replied. “Honestly, I’m taking it much better than I expected. All I have to do is forget about that fucking dildo and I’ll be able to act like a normal person again.”
“谢了，宇荣。我是真心的。”他轻声应道，指尖无意识地摩挲着玻璃杯沿，“说真的，我比想象中冷静多了。只要忘掉那根该死的假阳具，我就能重新做个人。”

Wooyoung opened his eyes slightly, looking like a deer caught in headlights.
宇荣微微睁眼，像只受惊的小鹿般慌乱。

“Huh, well, you don’t have to worry about that anymore…”
“哼，现在你就不用担心这个了……”

“What does that mean?” he asked.
“这啥意思？”他问道。

“It means I told Seonghwa the truth,” his friend replied.
“意思是我跟成华说了实话。”他朋友答道。

“What the fuck?! WOOYOUNG! I told you I didn’t want him to know!”
“操！WOOYOUNG！我他妈说过不想让他知道！”

“I know but I felt terrible about it! You sounded so upset in your voice message, I wanted to fix it.”
"我知道，但我心里特别过意不去！你语音里听着那么难受，我就想赶紧补救。"

Hongjoong groaned. “That’s why he acted so weird when I got home today. Goddammit, Wooyoung.”
洪俊呻吟了一声。“难怪我今天回家时他表现得那么奇怪。该死的宇荣。”

“You have nothing to worry about! He…he hasn’t used the dildo yet, so everything is cool. He now knows how it looks, but other than that you can just move on from this and go back to whatever awkward friendship you had going on before.”
"你完全不用担心啦！他...他还没用过那个假阳具呢，所以根本没事。他现在知道那玩意儿长啥样了，但除此之外你们完全可以当什么都没发生过，继续维持之前那种尴尬的朋友关系就行。"

Hongjoong frowned.  洪钟皱起了眉头。

…he hasn’t used it yet?
…他还没用过吗？

He blinked a few times, trying to process that information.
他眨了眨眼，试图消化这个信息。

Maybe he had been using a different vibrator the times I’ve heard him? But he did tell Wooyoung that it was the best toy he’d ever had so that implies he had used it at some point…
或许我之前听到他用的震动棒是别的型号？但他确实跟 Wooyoung 说过这是他用过最棒的情趣玩具…说明他至少用过几次吧…

His friend bit his lip as he maintained eye contact, and realization hit Hongjoong.
朋友咬住嘴唇，目光灼灼地与他四目相对，洪俊这才恍然大悟。

Is he lying?   他在撒谎吗？

He sighed.  他叹了口气。

He’d have to confess that he’s listened to Seonghwa masturbating if he tried to call Wooyoung out on his bullshit.
要是想拆穿宇植的鬼话，他就得承认自己偷听过星华自慰的事。

This was such a fucking mess.
这他妈简直一团糟。

“Okay, that’s good,” he said, desperately trying to get out of this conversation. “Can you please stay out of this from now on? Let us deal with the outcome of your fucking unfunny prank.”
"行吧，就这样。"他拼命想结束这场对话，"以后能别插手了吗？让我们自己处理你这该死的无聊恶搞的后果。"

“Yes! I swear on both San and Yeosang that I will get out of the way. I’m staying on the sidelines and not getting involved anymore. And…I’m sorry again, hyung.”
"我发誓！以 San 和 Yeosang 的名义起誓，我保证不再插手。我会乖乖待在一边...还有...哥，真的对不起。"

Hongjoong sighed again.  洪钟又叹了口气。

Fuck.   操。

My.   我的。

Life.   生活

–

He would have preferred to let time deal with the issue and it seemed like Seonghwa felt the same way, considering they had both been avoiding each other in the apartment, but life decided to take matters in its own hands – because that’s what it always did.
他本想任由时间冲淡一切，成华似乎也抱着同样的想法——两人在公寓里默契地避开彼此。可命运偏要横插一脚，毕竟它向来如此任性。

Only a few days later, they had seen themselves forced to talk to each other and act like somewhat normal human beings at Yeosang’s birthday party. Hongjoong knew the throuple was probably aware of the situation, courtesy of Wooyoung, but nobody had mentioned anything.
几天后，在 Yeosang 的生日派对上，他们不得不装作正常人一样交谈。Hongjoong 心知肚明——那对情侣八成从 Wooyoung 那儿听说了什么，但谁都没点破。

The taxi drive to their friends’ apartment had been silent and awkward, but things had been improving through the night as both of them tried to fix the tension with alcohol. Hongjoong went from completely sober to tipsy extremely fast, but he had finally managed to have a normal conversation with the pink-haired man (eye contact and everything).
前往朋友公寓的出租车里，两人一路沉默尴尬。但随着整晚借酒消愁的尝试，气氛逐渐缓和。洪钟从完全清醒到微醺的状态转变得极快，但总算能和那个粉发男人正常交流了（甚至能直视对方的眼睛了）。

They were talking about Seonghwa’s classes when Wooyoung decided to interrupt with a giggle, leaning over to whisper quite loudly.
他们正聊着成华上课的事，宇荣突然咯咯笑着插了进来，倾身凑近，故意用大家都能听见的音量"悄悄"说道。

“Hyung, Soobin-sshi just got here and he’s asking about you.”
“哥，秀彬先生刚到，正找你呢。”

His roommate looked over to the other side of the room and waved at someone with a smile before looking back at Hongjoong. “I’ll be back in a second.”
室友朝房间另一头瞥了一眼，笑着对某人挥挥手，又转回来看向洪俊。"我马上回来。"

“Sure,” he replied hesitantly and watched him go to greet the newcomer.
"行吧。"他迟疑地应了声，目光追随着对方走向新来者的背影。

The guy was really tall, much taller than Seonghwa so he’d probably tower over Hongjoong himself, and smiled brightly when he saw the pink-haired man walking over. They seemed close and greeted each other with a hug, and he felt nausea bubbling up in his stomach at the sight.
那家伙个子真高，比星和还要高出不少，估计连洪钟站在他面前都得仰头。看到粉发男人走近时，他笑得格外灿烂。两人显然关系亲密，见面就拥抱在一起。这画面让他的胃里翻涌起一阵恶心。

He knew he should stop staring, but he found himself unable to do it.
他明知该移开视线，却怎么也挪不开眼。

Is this his crush?
这是他暗恋的人吗？

The guy (Soobin-sshi?) carried himself confidently and his kind smile rivaled Seonghwa’s. Hongjoong didn’t know anything about him, but he could already tell that this stranger was literally everything he was not.
那个男人（是叫秀彬吗？）举手投足间透着自信，温和的笑容甚至能与星和媲美。虽然洪俊对他一无所知，但已经能感觉到——这个陌生人简直就是自己的反面。

“Who is he?” he blurted out.
"他是谁？"他脱口而出。

“Soobin-sshi? He’s Seonghwa-hyung’s classmate.”
"秀彬？他是星华哥的同学。"

Is he his crush?
他是不是他的暗恋对象？

He bit his lip to prevent the question from coming out, knowing he probably shouldn’t give away the fact that he knew his roommate liked someone but feeling a bitter emotion consume him as the night went on.
他咬住嘴唇，硬生生把到嘴边的质问咽了回去。明知不该暴露自己知道室友有心上人的事实，可随着夜色渐深，那股酸涩的情绪却像潮水般将他吞没。

Seonghwa spent what felt like an extremely long time talking to this Soobin guy, hand resting on the other’s arm during most of the conversation.
成华和那个叫秀彬的家伙聊了仿佛一个世纪那么久，整场对话他的手几乎都搭在对方手臂上。

Hongjoong couldn’t stop looking at that hand.
洪俊无法将视线从那双手上移开。

He refilled his drink and drank the whole thing sitting alone in a corner, since Wooyoung had stormed off the moment he saw San and Yeosang dancing together.
他独自坐在角落，又给自己倒了杯酒，一饮而尽。友荣一看到他和润浩、艺尚在跳舞，就气冲冲地走掉了。

Hongjoong was definitely not enjoying himself right now.
洪俊现在绝对不爽。

He looked at the time and concluded that he had been there long enough to be a good friend before getting up and saying goodbye to the throuple before heading to the door, feeling like the room would collapse on top of him if he stayed a minute longer.
他看了眼时间，觉得已经待得够久了，足够展现自己的友善。于是他起身向那对三人情侣告别，朝门口走去。再多待一分钟，他感觉整个房间都要压垮自己似的。

He sprinted down the stairs, stopping the moment he got outside to take a deep breath and try to push the jealousy down.
他冲下楼梯，一出门就猛地刹住脚步，深深吸了口气，试图压下那股翻涌的醋意。

Hongjoong wasn’t an idiot, he knew perfectly well that the ugly feeling that had been spreading inside him was pure unadulterated jealousy.
洪俊不是傻子，他心知肚明那股在体内蔓延的丑陋情绪——纯粹到极致的嫉妒。

He was almost convinced this tall asshole was Seonghwa’s crush now and he could feel bitterness building up in the back of his throat.
他现在几乎可以确定，这个高个混蛋就是成华暗恋的对象，喉咙深处泛起一阵苦涩。

He snorted as he chastised himself.
他轻哼一声，暗自责备自己。

So what? It’s not like you were going to do anything about your own stupid crush.
那又怎样？反正你也没打算对你那愚蠢的暗恋做点什么。

He knew he was being unreasonable, but that didn’t help the bitter feeling.
他知道自己不讲道理，但这并不能缓解那股苦涩的情绪。

He sighed and pulled out his phone, feeling a lot less tipsy as he opened the KakaoTaxi app to try to get back home as soon as possible.
他叹了口气掏出手机，打开 KakaoTaxi 应用准备尽快回家时，醉意已经消退了大半。

“You left without telling me!”
你居然不告而别！

Hongjoong jumped, not expecting anyone to talk to him, and looked up to see a pouty Seonghwa standing next to him.
洪钟赫被突如其来的声音吓得一颤，抬头看见盛华正撅着嘴站在他身旁。

“You seemed busy,” he replied while staring back at the screen. “I don’t feel well, you should stay and leave whenever you’re ready.”
你看上去很忙，"他盯着屏幕回应道。"我不太舒服，你可以留下来，想走的时候随时走。

“We came together, we should leave together too,” his roommate replied, pout getting more prominent as he spoke.
"我们一起来的，也该一起走，"室友撅着嘴回答，说话时嘴唇撅得更高了。

He chuckled with amusement as the taxi stopped in front of them and they both got inside, riding in somewhat comfortable silence until they got home. Hongjoong stared at Seonghwa to find him resting his head against the window, eyes closed and a peaceful expression on his face.
出租车在他们面前停下时，他饶有兴致地低笑出声。两人钻进车内，在某种舒适的沉默中一路驶回家。洪钟凝视着成华，发现他正将头靠在车窗上，双眼轻阖，面容安详。

He swallowed to try to contain the butterflies that had exploded in his stomach at the sight, sighing as he did the same thing on his own window.
他咽了咽口水，试图压制住因眼前景象而在胃里翻腾的蝴蝶，同时在自己窗户上做着同样动作时叹了口气。

You’re seriously screwed, Kim Hongjoong.
你真是没救了，金弘中。

He had gone and acted like a jealous boyfriend when he didn’t have the right to do that.
他表现得像个吃醋的男友，可明明没有立场这样做。

They got home soon after and they walked out of the car and into their apartment in the same silence.
他们很快到家，下车后在一片沉默中走进了公寓。

“Goodnight, Hongjoong. I hope you feel better after getting a good night of sleep,” said Seonghwa when they reached their bedroom doors.
"晚安，弘中。好好睡一觉应该会舒服些。"成化在两人走到各自卧室门前时说道。

“You too. Sorry for being weird, I just…I have a lot on my mind,” he replied.
"你也是。抱歉我有点怪怪的，只是...心里乱糟糟的。"他低声应道，指尖无意识地摩挲着咖啡杯沿。

His roommate stared at him for a moment, intense gaze piercing through him, and for a moment he was afraid the other man would read his thoughts.
室友直勾勾地盯着他，那灼热的目光仿佛要将他刺穿。他心头一颤，生怕对方看透自己那些见不得人的心思。

“I’m here if you need to talk.”
"想聊的话，我随时都在。"

Hongjoong chuckled. “I’m afraid I have to figure this out on my own.”
洪钟轻笑一声。"恐怕这事儿我得自己琢磨明白。"

Seonghwa stared at him for a bit longer before nodding and opening his bedroom door, saying goodnight once again before closing it behind him. Hongjoong stood there for a moment before turning around and heading towards the kitchen, grabbing a bottle of soju from the fridge and sitting down on the floor in the living room, leaning his head back on the couch as he tried to deal with all the strange feelings swimming around inside him.
成华盯着他看了好一会儿，才点点头打开卧室门。再次道过晚安后，房门在他身后轻轻合上。洪钟在原地站了片刻，转身走向厨房，从冰箱里拎出瓶烧酒，径直坐进客厅地板上。后脑勺抵着沙发边缘，他试图理清那些在胸腔里翻涌的怪异情绪。

He was getting started with his second bottle when his roommate walked out of his room, silently grabbing some soju for himself from the kitchen and sitting down next to him.
他正打开第二瓶酒时，室友从房间里走出来，默不作声地从厨房拿了瓶烧酒，挨着他坐下了。

None of them said anything for a while, until Hongjoong blurted out something he hadn’t planned on saying at all.
一时间谁都没有说话，直到洪钟突然脱口而出了一句他根本没打算说的话。

“Wooyoung told me that you know the truth.”
宇英告诉我你知道真相了。

…what the fuck?!   ……什么鬼？！

Seonghwa choked on his drink and stared at him with wide eyes, swallowing and opening his mouth several times before actually speaking.
成华被饮料呛到，瞪大眼睛盯着他，喉结滚动了好几下，嘴唇张合数次才终于挤出声音。

“Yeah, he told me. You don’t have to worry about anything, I…I haven’t thrown it away because I thought maybe you’d want to do it yourself but I haven’t used it,” the pink-haired man replied, a dark blush going all the way from the bridge of his nose to his neck.
“嗯，他告诉我了。你不用担心，我...我没扔是因为想着也许你会想自己处理，但我没用过，”粉发男人回答着，从鼻梁到脖颈都泛起深色的红晕。

Hongjoong snorted and looked down to the bottle to peel the sticker off.
洪钟轻哼一声，低头撕下瓶子上的标签。

“I know you have used it, I heard you tell Wooyoung about it,” he said. “I…I have heard you using it.”
“我知道你用过了，我听见你跟宇英说过这事，”他说道，“我...我听见你在用。”

WHAT THE FUCK?!?!   卧槽？！？！

He took a deep breath and bit his tongue, focusing on the sticker on the bottle as he tried to figure out why his brain had decided to betray him like that.
他深吸一口气，咬住舌头，盯着瓶身上的贴纸，试图弄明白为什么自己的大脑要这样背叛他。

Seonghwa didn’t say anything so Hongjoong ended up looking up to see his reaction. He had never seen his roommate look this stunned and embarrassed, and he felt guilt creeping up in his stomach.
圣旻没有作声，洪钟最终忍不住抬头看他的反应。他从未见过室友露出如此震惊又窘迫的表情，胃里顿时涌起一阵愧疚。

“You’ve heard me use it.”
你听过我用它。

“I mean, I don’t know if you were using it but I…yeah,” he added as his brain to mouth filter went officially out of service. “I’m sorry, I…I couldn’t help it. The first time was an accident, I swear.”
我是说，不确定你是不是在用那个...但我...确实，"他补充道，此刻脑中的语言过滤器彻底罢工了，"对不起，我...我实在忍不住。第一次真的是意外，我发誓。

Seonghwa looked up to stare at him and Hongjoong took a sip of soju just to have an excuse to avert his eyes.
成华抬头凝视着他，而洪俊抿了一口烧酒，只为找个借口移开视线。

STOP DRINKING, YOU IDIOT.
别喝了，你这个白痴。

He could feel the other man’s gaze on him, but it seemed like a whole eternity had passed before he spoke up again.
他的目光灼灼，盯得人皮肤发烫。时间仿佛凝固了许久，对方才再度开口。

“The first time was an accident, what about the rest of them?”
第一次是意外，那后面的几次呢？

Hongjoong swallowed, heart beating painfully fast in his chest.
洪钟吞咽了一下，心脏在胸腔里跳得生疼。

“I’m sorry,” he replied, aware that there was nothing he could say to fix this situation. “I’m really, really sorry. I understand if you want me to move out.”
"对不起，"他低声说道，心知此刻任何言语都无法挽回局面。"真的...真的很抱歉。如果你想让我搬出去，我完全理解。"

Tense silence spread through the room once again and he almost felt like he was choking with it.
房间里再次弥漫着令人窒息的沉默，他几乎要被这沉重的空气扼住喉咙。

“It’s fine, you don’t need to move out because of that,” said Seonghwa, pausing for a second before he continued talking. “And I was using it whenever you heard me, yeah. I haven’t been able to use any other toy since I got it, nothing can compare. Nothing comes even close to how good this one makes me feel.”
"没事，你不用因为这个搬出去，"成华顿了顿，又继续道，"你听到的那些动静确实是我在用这个。自从有了它，我就再没用过其他玩具——根本没法比。"他喉结轻轻滚动，声音染上几分沙哑，"没有任何东西能让我像这样...舒服。"

Hongjoong gasped, feeling like he had been punched as air left his lungs at the words. The familiar fire in his abdomen lit up and he could hear his own loud heartbeat in his ears. 
洪俊倒抽一口气，那话语如同重拳击中胸口，肺里的空气瞬间被抽空。熟悉的灼热感在小腹燃起，耳膜里鼓动着震耳欲聋的心跳声。

“Does that make you uncomfortable?” asked Seonghwa.
“这样会让你不舒服吗？”成华问道。

He swallowed again, still unable to look at his roommate’s face, but shaking his head in response anyway.
他又咽了咽口水，依旧不敢直视室友的脸，却还是摇了摇头作为回应。

No, it makes me horny as fuck.
不，这让我硬得发狂。

“I couldn’t believe it when Wooyoung told me. I had noticed that there was something almost DIY-like about the dildo but I would have never imagined it was a copy of your dick,” Seonghwa said, laughing. “That’s so fucking wild. Congratulations, Kim Hongjoong, you have a really nice fat cock.”
"宇荣告诉我时我简直不敢相信。我确实注意到那个假阳具有点像手工自制的，但打死也想不到是按你的屌翻模的，"星华大笑着说，"这也太他妈野了。恭喜你啊金洪钟，你那根又粗又肥的鸡巴确实够顶。"

He closed his eyes as he tried to get his body under control, heat spreading through every corner as he tried to control his erratic breathing. He could feel himself getting hard and he had to hold back the embarrassed whine.
他紧闭双眼，试图控制住自己躁动的身体，热流在四肢百骸间蔓延，紊乱的呼吸怎么都压不住。感受到下身逐渐硬挺的灼热时，他死死咬住唇咽下那声羞耻的呜咽。

He had never heard his roommate speak like that before.
他从未听过室友用这种语气说话。

“You probably don’t want it back after knowing that I’ve used it, but I haven’t thrown it away just in case you want proof that it’s actually gone or something. We can do it now, if you want. I promise I haven’t used it since Wooyoung confessed what he had done.”
"知道我用过之后你大概不想要回去了，但我还是留着没扔，以防你需要确认它真的消失了之类的。现在就可以处理掉，如果你愿意的话。我发誓自从 Wooyoung 坦白后就没再用过。"

Hongjoong cleared his throat, trying to gather his drunk and flustered thoughts properly.
洪准清了清嗓子，试图整理自己醉意朦胧又心慌意乱的思绪。

“You…you don’t have to throw it away,” he replied. “You can keep it.”
"你...不用丢掉也行，"他低声应道，"留着吧。"

“I wouldn’t be able to stop myself from using it if I did that,” the pink-haired man warned.
“要是真那么做，我可控制不住自己会用它了。”粉发男人低声警告道，喉结危险地滑动了一下。

“That’s okay.”  “没关系。”

Seonghwa stayed silent for a moment after he said that.
星和说完这句话后沉默了片刻。

“You like this, don’t you? You like the fact that I have it, that I use it and I love every second of it. That’s why you didn’t say anything before, why you want me to keep it now. It’s why you listened to me touch myself like a pervert.”
“你喜欢这样，对吧？你喜欢我拥有它、使用它，享受每一秒的感觉。所以你之前什么都没说，现在又想让我留着它。所以你才会像个变态一样听我自慰。”

Hongjoong whined, closing his eyes tightly as his erection pressed against the zipper of his skinny jeans through the underwear.
洪俊紧闭双眼，发出难耐的呜咽，勃起的欲望将内裤顶在紧身牛仔裤拉链上磨蹭。

“Yes,” he whispered breathlessly.
"嗯..."他喘息着低语道。

Silence took over again after that and a sigh of relief escaped him.
那之后，沉默再度笼罩，他不由自主地松了口气。

He was feeling dizzy and aroused, and he really needed a moment to collect his thoughts.
他感到头晕目眩又情欲翻涌，急需片刻来整理思绪。

“I’m a man,” said Seonghwa suddenly. 
"我可是个男人，"成华突然说道。

“I’m very aware,” he replied.
"我很清楚，"他回答道。

“...but you’re straight.”
......可你是直男。

Hongjoong didn’t know how to reply to that, he didn’t feel ready to go there right now, so he asked something he had really wanted to know instead.
洪俊不知该如何回应这句话，他还没准备好面对那个话题，于是转而问出了自己真正想知道的事。

“Don’t you think it’s too big to fit…” he started before he took a deep breath, “you know, there? The girls I’ve been with never wanted me to get anywhere near it because of the size.”
"你不觉得这玩意儿太大了根本塞不进去吗..."他深吸一口气，喉结滚动着，"你懂的。之前那些妞都嫌尺寸太夸张，连碰都不让碰。"

“‘There’? You mean in the ass?” Seonghwa said, laughing. “Depends on the person, I guess. I’m very into anal sex myself so I’d never say no to any size, and I love feeling stretched open and stuffed full.”
"‘那里’？你是说屁股吗？"成华笑着回答，"这得看人吧。我超爱肛交的，所以不管尺寸多大我都来者不拒。我就喜欢被撑开塞满的感觉。"

“Me too,” he whispered. 
“我也是。”他低声呢喃。

“You love being stretched open and stuffed full?”
“你就喜欢被撑开、塞满的感觉？”

Hongjoong giggled, feeling breathless and dizzy again. 
洪俊咯咯笑着，再次感到喘不过气来，头晕目眩。

“No, I just…I’m very into anal sex too,” he explained. “Even if I’ve only had the chance to do it a couple of times.”
“不，我只是……我也特别喜欢肛交，”他解释道，“虽然我只有过几次机会尝试。”

Seonghwa didn’t say anything and he had the sudden courage to finally look up and stare at his roommate. 
成华没有作声，突然鼓起勇气抬头直视他的室友。

He looked as flustered and bewildered as Hongjoong felt, and the sight made him feel slightly better. They stared into each other’s eyes for a moment, looking for any sign of discomfort and finding none.
他看起来和洪俊一样慌乱困惑，这让他心里稍微好受了些。两人对视片刻，在彼此眼中搜寻着不适的痕迹——却一无所获。

“Well, I happen to think it’s actually the perfect size so it’s definitely not too big for me,” Seonghwa explained. “It’s a tight fit for sure but I can take it. I feel stretched to the limit when I first put it in, my whole body shakes as I keep pushing deeper, but I love feeling that burn.”
"我倒觉得这尺寸刚刚好，对我来说完全不算大，"成华解释道。"确实有点紧，但我受得了。刚放进去的时候感觉被撑到极限，整个身子都在发抖，但我越往里推就越爱这种灼烧感。"

“Fuck, I’d love to see that.”
"操，我真想看看那场面。"

Hongjoong stopped breathing when he realized what he had said, unsure of why he had even said that out loud in the first place when he didn’t even know if he actually meant it. Seonghwa had the same reaction, looking at him with wide panicked eyes as he processed the information.
洪俊意识到自己脱口而出的话时，呼吸瞬间凝滞。他根本不确定这句话是否出自真心，更不明白为何会突然说出口。成华同样僵在原地，瞪大的眼睛里翻涌着惊慌，睫毛轻颤着消化这个突如其来的信息。

They stared at each other in silence as the intimate and arousing atmosphere was gone in a blink, ruined by Hongjoong’s outburst.
两人沉默对视，方才那暧昧撩人的氛围被洪俊突如其来的爆发瞬间击碎。

“I…I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to say that,” he said.
"我...我不是故意的。"他低声道歉。

Seonghwa blinked, mouth still open in shock, and Hongjoong couldn’t help but stare at the hint of pink tongue.
成华眨了眨眼，震惊得嘴巴还微微张着。洪俊忍不住盯着那若隐若现的粉色舌尖。

He needed to get out of there before he did something even more stupid.
他得赶紧离开这儿，免得做出更蠢的事来。

“We…we should go to bed. We’re drunk and saying nonsense,” he added, getting up and grabbing the empty bottles before rushing into the kitchen area.
"我们...我们该睡了。都喝多了，净说些胡话。"他嘟囔着站起身，一把抓起空酒瓶，急匆匆地躲进了厨房。

Seonghwa was still sitting in the same place when he turned around and walked around the living room table.
成华仍坐在原地，他转身绕过客厅的茶几。

“I’m going to turn in now. I…I’m sorry for everything, please forget this whole conversation happened,” Hongjoong said, tone getting higher the more he spoke. “Goodnight.”
"我要去睡了。我...我对一切都很抱歉，请忘了今晚的对话吧。"洪俊的声音越说越尖，尾音带着微颤。"晚安。"

He looked himself in his room straight away, resting his head against his door as he held back the temptation to just bang it against the hard surface until he passed out.
他径直回到自己房间，脑袋抵在门上，强忍着想要狠狠撞向坚硬门板直到昏过去的冲动。

…what the fuck did just happen.
…这他妈到底发生了什么。

–

For a while after that, he felt like Seonghwa had actually listened to him and forgotten about their conversation. They both were too busy hanging by a thread during the midterms, so Hongjoong truly appreciated that his roommate was as distracted as he was and hadn’t brought up their drunk conversation.
那之后的一段时间，他以为星华真的听进去了，把那次对话抛在了脑后。期中考试期间两人都忙得焦头烂额，所以洪正格外庆幸室友和自己一样心不在焉，没再提起他们酒后的谈话。

They both spent most of their time in the library as well, barely running into each other early in the morning or late at night as their sleep deprived asses tried to get some takeout sustenance in the kitchen.
他们大部分时间也都泡在图书馆里，只有在凌晨或深夜拖着疲惫不堪的身体去厨房拿外卖时，才会偶尔打个照面。

All that effort was worth it though, because Hongjoong ended up falling to bed after his last successful exam and sleeping 13 hours straight. He had groggily come out of his room after, feeling confused and thirsty before he drank two glasses of cold water to try to get his brain back to business.
不过这一切努力都值得——洪俊在最后一科考试结束后直接栽倒在床上，连睡了十三个小时。他迷迷糊糊爬出房间时还一脸茫然，灌下两杯冰水才让混沌的大脑重新开机。

He headed to the bathroom right after, pausing when he noticed that the door was wide open and Seonghwa was already inside.
他径直走向浴室，却在发现门大敞着、星华已经在里面时顿住了脚步。

Standing in front of the sink.
站在洗手台前。

Hot pink dildo in hand as he washed it under the stream of water.
他手里握着那根艳粉色的假阳具，在水流下冲洗着。

“Oops, sorry,” his roommate said with an innocent smile. “I thought you were still asleep. I’m almost done cleaning it, you can have the bathroom right after.”
"哎呀，不好意思，"室友露出人畜无害的笑容，"我以为你还睡着呢。马上收拾完了，浴室马上就能用。"

Hongjoong blinked, eyes still trained on the toy. He hadn’t seen it since the birthday and he had almost forgotten how realistic it looked, so extremely similar to his dick that his sleepy brain was struggling to get over the sight of Seonghwa’s soapy hands wrapped around it.
洪钟眨了眨眼，目光仍黏在那玩具上。自生日那晚后他就再没见过这东西，几乎忘了它竟能逼真到这种地步——简直和他那根一模一样。此刻睡意朦胧的大脑正艰难消化着眼前画面：承华沾满泡沫的双手正紧紧裹住它。

Wait, did I miss it?!?
等等，我是不是错过了？！？

The other man looked flushed and relaxed, pink skin and hooded dark eyes giving away that he had most likely had an orgasm recently.
那男人面色潮红，神情慵懒，泛红的肌肤和半垂的暗沉眼眸，分明是刚经历过高潮的模样。

Hongjoong had to hold back the groan when he realized that this probably meant that his roommate had used the toy just now and he had slept through it.
洪俊意识到这意味着他的室友刚刚用了那个玩具，而自己竟然睡过去了，他不得不强忍住呻吟。

“Huh,” he replied.  “哼，”他应道。

Seonghwa giggled and turned the tap off, grabbing his towel and drying the toy carefully.
成华咯咯笑着关掉水龙头，抓起毛巾小心翼翼地擦拭着玩具。

“All yours,” he said as he got out of the bathroom and walked past him. “I’m going to make some late lunch for myself since I woke up just now too, do you want some?”
"都是你的了。"他走出浴室，从他身边擦肩而过。"我刚醒，打算给自己弄点迟来的午餐，你要来点吗？"

Hongjoong stared at him, trying to force his mind to stop thinking about the dildo.
洪炯盯着他，努力强迫自己不去想那个假阳具。

“Huh,” he said again.  "呃，"他又说了一遍。

His roommate smirked before turning around and walking away, and the grin made him believe the pink-haired man definitely knew what he was thinking.
室友转身离开时嘴角那抹坏笑，让他确信这个粉毛家伙绝对看穿了自己的心思。

You’re not sorry at all, you beautiful bastard.
你这混蛋，嘴上说着抱歉，眼神却浪得不行。

Hongjoong locked himself in the bathroom and finally let out the groan he had been holding in, gripping the edge of the sink as he tried to stop his dick from filling up.
洪俊把自己锁在浴室里，终于泄出那声压抑已久的低喘。他死死攥住洗手台边缘，试图阻止下身那团燥热继续肿胀。

He hadn’t heard Seonghwa using the toy since the day he ran away to Anyang, and he felt embarrassingly disappointed by the fact that he had missed it.
自从成华逃到安阳那天起，他就再没听过对方使用玩具的声音。这种莫名的失落感让他自己都觉得难堪——他竟然在怀念那种声响。

He sighed and used the toilet before jumping into the shower, hoping the cold water would help him wake up and stop the arousal that was slowly creeping up as he thought about the satisfied look on his roommate’s face.
他叹了口气，先上了趟厕所，然后冲进淋浴间。冰冷的水流冲刷着身体，他希望能借此清醒过来，驱散脑海中室友那餍足神情带来的燥热。水流顺着脊背滑落时，他闭眼咬了咬后槽牙——那家伙今早哼着歌系腰带的模样，此刻正化作细小的电流在他血管里游走。

So that’s how he looks after getting fucked.
原来他被操过之后是这副模样。

He sighed again and turned the tap to the coldest setting, yelping when it hit the heated skin.
他又叹了口气，将水龙头拧到最冷档，冰水触到发烫的皮肤时他惊叫出声。

He got out before he was tempted to do something else and dried himself off, cursing when he realized that he didn’t have any clean clothes with him. Refusing to put used underwear back on, he threw it in the hamper and put the gray sweatpants and t-shirt he had been wearing back on again, trying to make his dick less noticeable under the fabric and failing at it before walking out and sprinting towards his room before his roommate could see him.
赶在欲望驱使自己做更出格的事之前，他跨出浴室擦干身体，发现没带干净衣物时忍不住咒骂。他拒绝重新穿上换下的内裤，把脏衣服扔进洗衣篮，套回原先那件灰色运动裤和 T 恤，徒劳地试图让胯间鼓胀不那么明显，最后赶在室友发现前冲出了浴室。

“Food is almost ready!” 
“饭快好了！”

He stopped to look at Seonghwa as he walked past the kitchen and opened his mouth to reply, just to promptly shut it again when he noticed the other man’s eyes immediately going down to stare at his crotch for way too long before quickly going back to look at his face again.
他经过厨房时停下脚步，看向成华，刚想开口回应，却猛地闭上了嘴——因为他发现对方的视线正死死盯着他的裤裆，那目光停留得实在太久，直到几秒后才重新移回他的脸上。

“It’s…mhm…I’m making some fried rice,” his roommate added, clearing his throat before turning around to pay attention to the food.
"嗯...我在炒饭呢..." 室友清了清嗓子，转身继续翻炒锅里的食物。

Hongjoong had to hold back the grin at the flustered reaction.
洪俊强忍着笑意，看着对方慌乱的反应。

He was always the one stumbling over his words and feeling flustered, so the sight of Seonghwa looking visibly shaken just from looking at the outline of his dick through his sweatpants made him feel powerful.
他总是那个结结巴巴、手足无措的人，所以当看到成华仅仅透过运动裤轮廓瞥见他那话儿就明显慌乱的样子，让他有种掌控全局的快感。

So powerful that he just walked into the kitchen, his mission of running into the bedroom to put some underwear on completely forgotten as he stood very close to his roommate.
他强大到直接走进了厨房，完全忘了自己本该冲进卧室穿上内裤的使命，就这么紧挨着室友站着。

“Do you need any help?”
“需要帮忙吗？”

Seonghwa turned around to look at him briefly before focusing back on the food, face red as he took a step to the side to put more distance between them. “No, you can go sit down.”
成华转过头来短暂地瞥了他一眼，随即又专注回食物上，脸颊泛红地往旁边挪了一步，刻意拉开两人之间的距离。"不用了，你去坐着吧。"

Hongjoong smiled and walked over to the table, grabbing the chair and turning it around so he was sitting facing Seonghwa before opening his legs slightly. His grin grew even wider when his roommate turned around to grab something and automatically looked down to stare his groin once again, fiery eyes coming back to look into his own as they stared at each other for a moment.
洪钟嘴角噙着笑走向餐桌，一把拽过椅子反身跨坐，双腿微微分开正对着成华。当室友转身拿东西时，他笑意更深——那人果然又下意识低头盯向他胯间。灼热的视线再度交汇时，两人在胶着的空气中无声对峙，彼此眼底都燃着暗火。

“Can…can you set the table, please?”
“能…能麻烦你摆下桌子吗？”

“Of course,” he replied innocently.
"当然啦，"他一脸天真地答道。

He smirked the whole time while setting the table, pride and arousal mixing up inside him and making him feel high with power.
他摆弄餐具时全程挂着坏笑，骄傲与欲念在体内翻搅，让他被权力的快感冲昏了头。

We’re even.   我们扯平了。

They sat down to eat in silence and he tried to hold back the laughter as the pink-haired man glared at him, probably aware that Hongjoong was doing this on purpose.
他们沉默地坐下用餐，粉发男子怒视着他，显然意识到洪正雄是故意的。他强忍着笑意。

“So,” said Seonghwa suddenly with big doe eyes and an innocent smile. “I’m sorry, as you can see I used your dildo again. I had wanted to ask for your permission before doing so, but I assumed you wouldn’t mind based on the conversation we had after Yeosang’s birthday. Midterms have been so stressful, I needed a good orgasm to properly let go of all that tension, and nothing makes me cum harder than your cock.”
"所以，"成华突然睁大那双小鹿般的眼睛，露出天真无邪的笑容。"抱歉啦，如你所见我又用了你的按摩棒。本来想先征求你同意的，但想到在 Yeosang 生日派对后那晚的对话...你应该不会介意吧？期中考试压力太大了，我需要一场酣畅淋漓的高潮来释放，而你的家伙...总是能让我爽到最深处呢。"

Hongjoong choked on the spoonful of rice he had in his mouth, eyes tearing up as he drank water to try to avoid straight up dying right then and there.
洪俊被嘴里的那口饭呛得直咳嗽，眼泪都飙出来了，他猛灌水试图避免当场暴毙。

Jesus fucking Christ, Seonghwa.
操，成河。

He took a deep breath and cleared his throat the moment he managed to stop choking, and smiled just as widely.
他深吸一口气，在呛咳停下的瞬间清了清喉咙，嘴角又扬起同样灿烂的弧度。

“Sure, I…I did say you could keep it,” he replied, grimacing at the slight stutter.
"行吧...我确实说过你可以留着，"他嘴角抽动了一下，懊恼地发现自己竟结巴了。

Please, confidence, come back.
求你了，自信快回来吧。

“Thank you. I haven’t had the time to properly enjoy myself in that way in weeks, so getting a chance to finally use it felt so good. I assume you weren’t listening this time.”
"谢了。我好几周都没能好好享受这种乐趣了，终于有机会用上它，感觉真爽。这次你应该没在偷听吧？"

Hongjoong cleared his throat and put another spoon of rice inside his mouth, trying to muster the courage to reply in a witty way.
洪俊清了清嗓子，又往嘴里塞了一勺饭，努力鼓起勇气想用俏皮话回应。

“A shame, I was hoping you would,” added Seonghwa. 
“真可惜，我还指望你呢，”成华又补了一句。

“Wooyoung was right,” he said, words coming out of his mouth before he could stop them. “You are a slut.”
Wooyoung 说得对，"他脱口而出，话已出口才意识到失言。"你就是个荡妇。

He inhaled right after, eyes widened in shock at his own words. His roommate looked as surprised as he felt for a moment before a smirk slowly showed up on his face.
话音刚落，他倒吸一口冷气，被自己说出的话惊得睁大了眼睛。室友的表情和他一样震惊，但片刻后对方脸上慢慢浮现出戏谑的笑容。

“Yeah, I definitely am a slut.”
"没错，老子就是个骚货。"

Hongjoong swallowed as they continued to stare at each other, tension building up until the air almost got thicker with it.
洪钟喉结滚动，两人目光胶着，空气中弥漫的张力几乎凝成实质。

“You kept the bathroom door open because you wanted me to know that you had used the dildo.”
"你故意不关浴室门，就是想让我知道你用了那根假阳具。"

“Yes,” replied Seonghwa, “and you were flaunting your dick just now because you wanted me to look at it.”
“是啊，”成华答道，“你刚才炫耀你那玩意儿不就是想让我看吗。”

“...yes.”  “……是。”

They looked at each other for a moment longer before the pink-haired man grinned and went back to his food, leaving a stunned Hongjoong wondering if the conversation was actually over.
粉发男人又盯着他看了片刻，突然咧嘴一笑，继续低头吃饭，留下洪俊呆坐在原地——这场对话就这么莫名其妙地结束了？

“Are you going back home for the Summer break?” asked Seonghwa conversionally. 
"暑假要回家吗？"成华随口问道。

He blinked a few times, feeling whisplashed. “Ah, not yet. I was home recently so I’ll stay here for a bit before heading down again. What about you?”
他眨了眨眼，有些恍惚。"啊，还没呢。最近刚回家，打算在这儿待会儿再下去。你呢？"

“I don’t particularly feel like seeing my family so I might stay here the whole break.”
"我实在不想见家里人，干脆整个假期都窝在这儿算了。"

Hongjoong nodded, half aware that Seonghwa didn’t have the best relationship with his homophobic parents.
洪准点了点头，隐约想起星华和他那恐同的父母关系并不太好。

They ate the rest of his meal in silence, conversation dead save from some random small talk about their midterms. They put away everything in tense silence, but Seonghwa still openly and blatantly stared at his dick at every opportunity he got while they were dancing around each other in the kitchen and taking turns to brush their teeth in the bathroom.
他们沉默地吃完了剩下的饭，除了偶尔聊几句期中考试外再无交谈。收拾东西时气氛紧绷，但在厨房里来回走动、轮流去浴室刷牙的间隙，成华仍明目张胆地抓住每个机会盯着他的裤裆看。

Hongjoong was feeling equally horny and confused by the time they were done, and it only got worse when Seonghwa leaned over to whisper in his ear as they made their way towards their rooms.
当他们朝房间走去时，Hongjoong 同样欲火中烧又困惑不已，而 Seonghwa 倾身在他耳边低语的举动让情况变得更糟了。

“Thank you for the view. Getting to stare at the very obvious outline of the real thing while I’m still fucked open and sore makes me feel incredibly turned on.”
“多谢款待。被你干得又开又疼的时候，还能盯着那玩意儿明显的轮廓看，真是让人兴奋得要命。”

He swallowed as his heart started to beat fast and his breath got harsher.
他喉结滚动，心跳加速，呼吸也变得粗重起来。

“I’m going to use it again the moment I get into my room, just letting you know,” added Seonghwa.
"等我回房间就立刻再用一次，先跟你说一声，"成华补充道。

“Fuck.”  “操。”

Hongjoong’s blood rushed south so quickly that he got dizzy, body frozen in place as he listened to the other man.
洪俊的血液瞬间涌向下方，快得让他头晕目眩，身体僵在原地，听着另一个男人的声音。

“Feel free to listen this time too,” the pink-haired man continued. “Or…you could come in and watch. You did say you’d love to see it, after all.”
“这次也随便你听个够，”粉发男人继续道，“或者……你可以进来亲眼看看。反正你之前说过很想看的。”

He instinctively took a step back, feeling shocked and bewildered as he stared at Seonghwa.
他本能地后退一步，震惊又困惑地盯着成华。

“You don’t have to if you didn’t mean it. Sometimes we say things in the heat of the moment, I get it. I just wanted to let you know that you can, if you did actually mean it.”
"如果不是真心的就不必勉强。人在冲动时总会说些言不由衷的话，我懂。只是想告诉你——若当真有意，随时可以。"

Hongjoong kept staring at him, brain completely out of service as he processed what he had just said.
洪俊直勾勾地盯着他，大脑彻底宕机，还在消化刚才听到的话。

Seonghwa chuckled and looked down to stare at his crotch once more with a smirk before turning around to get inside his room, sending a wink his way before closing the door behind him.
成华轻笑一声，低头再次戏谑地瞄了眼自己的裤裆，转身走进房间时还冲他抛了个媚眼，随后关上了门。

He stared at said closed door, rooted in place as his brain went a hundred miles an hour.
他死死盯着那扇紧闭的门，双脚像生了根似的钉在原地，脑子里却翻江倒海转得飞快。

Part of him really wanted to walk into that room and finally witness what he had been obsessing over for months at this point.
他心底有个声音在疯狂叫嚣，想冲进那间屋子，亲眼看看这几个月来让他魂牵梦萦的究竟是什么。

The other part of him wanted to run away and hide, though. The idea of actually walking in and embracing his potential bisexuality like that made him feel so scared that he took a step back and opened his bedroom door, walking inside and sitting on his bed to lean against the wall that separated their rooms the way he’d done many times before.
然而，他心底的另一部分却想逃开躲起来。光是想到要真的走进去、那样直面自己潜在的双性恋倾向，就让他害怕得后退了一步。他推开卧室门，像往常无数次那样坐在床边，后背紧贴着那堵分隔两个房间的墙。

You’re a coward.   你就是个懦夫。

Hongjoong closed his eyes and hit his head against the hard surface, chasitizing himself for not taking the opportunity that had been presented to him. He felt scared and embarrassed, but that didn’t stop him from rubbing his dick over the sweatpants when Seonghwa started to touch himself on the other side of the wall.
洪俊闭上眼睛，狠狠将脑袋撞向坚硬墙面，懊悔自己错失了送到眼前的机会。当听到承华在墙的另一边开始自慰时，羞耻与恐惧在他血管里翻涌，却阻止不了他隔着运动裤揉搓自己发硬的性器。

He tried to hold back for a while, feeling his cock getting harder as his roommate’s whines became more desperate. 
他强忍了片刻，可随着室友的呻吟愈发急促，胯下那根东西却不受控制地胀硬起来。

“Ah, fuck.”  “啊，操。”

With a sigh, he put his hand inside his pants and grabbed his erection, trying to pace himself out to avoid cumming too soon.
他叹了口气，把手伸进裤子里，握住了自己硬挺的欲望，努力控制着节奏，生怕太快就缴械投降。

His plans to show restraint flew through the window soon enough, though.
然而，他想要保持克制的念头很快就烟消云散了。

“Hongjoong.”  “洪钟。”

He opened his eyes with a jump, hand freezing around his dick as his brain tried to figure out if he had heard correctly or not. Seonghwa had been reduced to moans once again and he went back to jerk himself off slowly, ears even more alert than before as he absorbed every single sound the other man made.
他猛地睁开眼睛，手还僵在老二上，脑子拼命想确认刚才是不是听错了。成华又沦为了呻吟的俘虏，他继续慢慢撸动自己，耳朵比之前更加警觉，贪婪地吞噬着对方发出的每一声喘息。

A loud whine echoed in the room, followed by his name once again.
房间里响起一声高亢的呻吟，紧接着又唤了一遍他的名字。

“Hongjoong.”  “洪钟。”

“Shit,” he whispered in return.
"该死，"他低声回应道。

He pushed his pants all the way down and collected the drops of precum that had been steadily leaking for a while now, trying to jerk himself off with the same pace Seonghwa had going on.
他将裤子完全褪下，接住那些已经持续渗出好一会儿的前液，试图以与星和相同的节奏自慰。

His roommate kept moaning his name like a prayer, sounding wrecked and desperate as he fucked himself while calling out for him.
他的室友不断呻吟着他的名字，如同祈祷般破碎而绝望，一边自渎一边呼唤着他。

Not the invisible man from his previous fantasies or Soobin or any other person.
不是他从前幻想中的隐形人，也不是秀彬，更不是其他任何人。

Seonghwa was begging for Hongjoong.
成华渴求着洪俊。

He whined and sped up his hand, feeling sweat gather in his forehead as he felt himself growing closer to his orgasm, fueled by the sounds and the images he was starting to conjure behind his eyelids.
他低声呻吟着，手上的动作越来越快，额头渗出细密的汗珠。脑海中浮现的画面和耳边的声音让他愈发兴奋，快感不断累积，逼近顶点。

He moaned as Seonghwa came loudly inside his own room, spitting into his hand quickly before stroking himself hard and fast, chasing the relief that was so close he could almost taste it.
他呻吟着，听任成华在自己房间里放肆地叫出声来。他迅速往手心啐了口唾沫，随即用力而快速地撸动自己，追逐那近在咫尺、几乎能尝到滋味的解脱。

“You’re doing so well. Come for me, Hongjoong.”
你做得真棒。为我释放吧，洪准。

He wasn’t sure if Seonghwa had actually said those words out loud or if he had made them up in his mind, but it was all it took to send him over the edge and cum all over his fist, aftershocks spreading through his body as he released weeks of pented up and neglected sexual frustration.
他不确定成华是否真的说出了这句话，还是他自己在脑海中臆想出来的，但这句话足以让他彻底失控，将数周来积压被忽视的性挫败随着喷射而出的精液尽数释放，高潮余震般席卷全身。

He sighed as he tried to get his breath back to normal, but jumped slightly when he heard two knocks on the wall behind him and a loud giggle.
他长叹一声，试图平复急促的呼吸，却被身后墙壁传来的两下敲击声和放肆的嬉笑惊得浑身一颤。

Hongjoong laughed too and returned the knocks with his clean hand.
洪俊也笑了，用干净的那只手回敲了几下。

He was scared shitless and he had no idea what he was going to do about this whole situation, but he couldn’t really bring himself to care that much in that specific moment.
他吓得屁滚尿流，完全不知道该怎么处理这破事，但此刻他实在懒得管那么多。