“Third Things” Can Make Communication Easier
"第三件事 "让沟通更轻松

I ran across an interesting term/concept in Miranda July’s All Fours: third things. A character in the book attributes it to “the Quakers” and describes it like so:
我在米兰达-七月（Miranda July）的All Fours一书中看到了一个有趣的术语/概念："第三事物"（third things）。书中的一个人物将其归因于 "贵格会"，并作了如下描述：

It’s a topic of conversation that doesn’t belong to either party. The soul, usually so shy, can speak more easily through this Third Thing, at a slant.
这是一个不属于任何一方的话题。通常羞于启齿的灵魂，可以通过这 "第三件事 "更轻松地斜着身子说话。

It’s unclear if Quaker author Parker J. Palmer coined this term, but his 2004 book A Hidden Wholeness popularized the concept of third things. From The joy of third things:
目前还不清楚贵格会作者Parker J. Palmer是否创造了这个词，但他在 2004 年出版的A Hidden Wholeness一书中普及了第三事物的概念。摘自第三事物的快乐：

In his book A Hidden Wholeness: The Journey Toward an Undivided Life, Quaker writer Parker J. Palmer talks about “third things,” how people can make emotional connections while talking about something they’re experiencing together. This can happen when people attend a concert or play, view a painting or even watch a baseball game.
贵格会作家帕克-J.-帕尔默在他的著作《隐秘的整体性》（A Hidden Wholeness：贵格会作家帕克-J-帕尔默（Parker J. Palmer）在他的《隐秘的完整：迈向完整生活的旅程》（A Hidden Wholeness: The Journey Toward an Undivided Life）一书中谈到了 "第三件事"，即人们如何在谈论共同经历的事情时建立情感联系。当人们参加音乐会或戏剧演出，欣赏一幅画，甚至观看一场棒球比赛时，都可能发生这种情况。

Palmer believes that the soul is shy and that asking another person to immediately share something very vulnerable can scare them off. Connecting while engaged in third things is a gentler way to communicate.
帕尔默认为，灵魂是害羞的，要求他人立即分享一些非常脆弱的东西会吓跑他们。在做第三件事的时候进行交流，是一种更温和的沟通方式。

Many people have fond memories of special conversations that transpired while they were doing the dishes with a parent or going fishing with a friend. This third thing they do together makes it easy and comfortable for them to converse more deeply, often without even making eye contact.
许多人都对与父母一起洗碗或与朋友一起钓鱼时进行的特别谈话有着美好的回忆。他们在一起做的这第三件事让他们能够轻松自如地进行更深入的交流，通常甚至不需要目光接触。

Many of the best conversations I have with my kids are facilitated by third things: watching a movie, playing video games, kicking a soccer ball around, playing mini golf, or running errands in the car. Conversation is no different that any other activity (like, say, shooting free throws or dancing): it’s much easier and open when you’re not actually thinking too hard about it.
我和孩子们的许多最佳对话都是通过以下第三种方式促成的：看电影、玩电子游戏、踢足球、打迷你高尔夫球或开车跑腿。谈话和其他活动（比如投篮或跳舞）没有什么不同：当你不认真思考的时候，谈话就会变得更加轻松和开放。

• All Fours 全部四个
• Miranda July 米兰达-七月
• parenting 养育
• Parker J. Palmer 帕克-J-帕尔默