Chapter Text 正文
"Were you having a nightmare, Rin?"
"你刚才在做噩梦吗，Rin？"
Rin's sleepy eyes, while still adjusting, lingered on the shape of Isagi, who was standing with a soccer ball at his feet, staring right back at Rin.
Rin睡眼惺忪，还在适应中，目光停留在Isagi身上，后者脚边放着足球，正直勾勾地回望着Rin。
"...Nngh." "...嗯。"
"I heard you say Sae's name. A lot, actually. I've been awake for a couple of hours."
"我听到你提到了 Sae 的名字。实际上，提了很多次。我已经醒了几个小时了。"
"Shut up," Rin grumbled, "It's too fucking early for your shit, Isagi."
"闭嘴，"Rin咕哝道，"现在说这些太他妈早了，Isagi。"
"Well I was getting bored waiting for you to wake up so I went through your stuff and found this ball. I've been practicing heel lifts and stuff like that, anything I can do in this little room."
"好吧，我等你醒来等得无聊，就翻了翻你的东西，找到了这个球。我一直在练习脚跟抬起之类的动作，在这个小房间里能做的任何事情。"
Isagi demonstrated what he'd been practicing and Rin watched him carefully. It was definitely a heel lift, only...
Isagi 展示了他的练习成果，而 Rin 则仔细观察着他。那确实是一个脚跟抬升，只是...
"Your technique is still shit, Isagi. Seriously, how the hell did you make it this far with such shit technique?"
"你的技术还是烂透了，Isagi。说真的，你到底是怎么靠这种烂技术走到这一步的？"
"Hey! That's not very nice!" Isagi then looked down at the ball shyly. "But... Also I know it's true. I'm trying to improve, y'know?"
"嘿！这么说可不太好！" Isagi 然后羞涩地低头看着球。"但...我也知道这是事实。我正在努力改进，你知道的。"
Rin roused himself from bed, making for the kitchenette in his room to prepare his morning tea and rice.
Rin 从床上起身，走向房间里的厨房准备早晨的茶和米饭。
"Want some?" Rin motioned at Isagi with a teabag.
“来点吗？” Rin 拿着茶包向 Isagi 示意。
"Yes, please," Isagi replied.
“好的，谢谢。” Isagi 回答道。
The pair had morning tea together. Afterward, Rin did his morning meditation and yoga practice, Isagi abandoning his technical practice and joining Rin in this, instead. Once Rin's morning routine was through, he retrieved his language study materials and the pair studied together, Isagi English and Rin German.
两人一起享用了早茶。之后，Rin进行了晨间冥想和瑜伽练习，而Isagi则放弃了技术练习，转而加入Rin一同进行。待Rin的晨间日常结束后，他取出了语言学习资料，两人一起学习，Isagi英语和Rin德语。
They did so for a few hours before Isagi decided it was time for him to make his leave. As much as he really did enjoyed spending time with Rin, he also knew Rin was the type who needed his own personal time, and the younger was seemingly reaching a limit with his patience. So they proceeded to pack the study materials back up and Isagi got himself ready to leave.
他们这样学习了几个小时，Isagi觉得是时候该离开了。尽管他确实很享受与Rin共度的时光，但他也知道Rin是需要个人空间的类型，而年轻人似乎已接近耐心的极限。于是他们开始收拾学习资料，Isagi准备离开。
"Why are threw and through pronounced the same in English? I don't get it..." Isagi wondered, pulling his jacket over his shoulders and sliding his shoes onto his feet.
"为什么英语里的 threw 和 through 发音一样？我不明白..." Isagi疑惑着，披上外套，穿上鞋子。
"Wait until you find out there are three different theres. That's just how English is, sometimes it doesn't make sense at all."
"等你发现有三个不同的'那里'时，你就知道英语有时就是这么没道理。"
"Huh. Interesting." "哈，有意思。"
Rin's voice wasn't resonating from behind him as Isagi'd expected but it seemed to be in front of him. After tying the shoelace on his left shoe into a satisfying bow, Isagi glanced upward.
Rin的声音并未如Isagi所料从背后传来，反而像是从前方传来的。在将左脚鞋带系成一个令人满意的蝴蝶结后，Isagi抬头望去。
The shape of a hand was placed against the door above him, fingers spread along the polished surface it was pressed against, each one curved inward with pressure. Rin, whose face was concealed beneath the dark fringe of his bangs, was blocking the door.
一只手的形状贴在他头顶的门上，手指沿着光滑的表面展开，每一根都因压力而向内弯曲。Rin站在门前，他深色的刘海遮住了脸庞。
"Rin...? What is it?" "Rin...? 怎么了？"
Isagi noticed Rin's jaw was clenched, the muscles around it taught with effort.
Isagi注意到Rin的下颌紧绷，周围的肌肉因用力而紧绷。
Truthfully, Rin's heart was still fraught with turmoil. He didn't want to let Isagi leave... Not yet.
说实话，Rin的心中依旧波涛汹涌。他不想让Isagi离开……还不想。
He'd completely spaced out for most of the morning while Isagi was studying English. And how couldn't he? He'd tried to concentrate on his own studies but the events of the previous night were still shining hot and bright in his memory.
整个上午，Isagi在学习英语时，他几乎完全走神了。他怎能不这样呢？他试图专注于自己的学业，但昨晚的事情依然在他记忆中炽热闪耀。
Rin's gaze shifted down, meeting with Isagi's. He felt the cool, crystal-blue of the ocean current that was nestled deep within Isagi's eyes, permeating back into his soul.
Rin的目光下移，与Isagi的相遇。他感受到那深藏在Isagi眼眸中的清凉、晶莹的海洋之流，再次渗透回他的灵魂。
He knew Isagi deserved to hear those words returned to him, along with the sentiment behind them. I love you, too. But as Rin stood there, blocking the door with his hand planted firm against it, he found himself freezing, the words trapped inside his mouth practically begging to be set free.
他知道Isagi理应听到那些话被回赠给他，连同其中的情感。我也爱你。但当Rin站在那里，手坚定地抵在门上挡住去路时，他发现自己僵住了，那些话几乎在嘴里恳求着被释放出来。
He now knew it in his heart—he really did—that he had feelings for Isagi. That same love that Isagi genuinely felt for him, and had shown to him, was no doubt reflected back. And he knew he'd absolutely hate himself, far more than he alread did, if he didn't tell Isagi exactly how he felt.
他现在心里清楚——真的清楚——他对Isagi有感情。那种Isagi真诚地对他产生的爱，以及向他展示的爱，无疑得到了回应。他知道，如果他不说出自己的感受，他会比现在更恨自己。
So why was he hesitating?
那么，他为何还在犹豫？
Perhaps it was because he knew, deep down, even if he felt the same love for Isagi that Isagi felt for him, it would never truly be of the same substance.
或许是因为他内心深处明白，即便他对Isagi怀有与Isagi对他同样深沉的爱意，那份情感也永远不会拥有相同的实质。
Isagi, with his beautiful, warm, cerulean blue-hued soul was picturesquely bold and pure. He undoubtedly loved a love that was capable of breaking down walls, shattering fragile composures, and melting frigid hearts.
Isagi，拥有着美丽、温暖、泛着天蓝光泽的灵魂，他的爱大胆而纯粹，如画般动人。他无疑倾心于那种能摧毁壁垒、粉碎脆弱表象、融化冰冷心灵的爱。
And Rin? What sort of substance was his love made of?
而Rin呢？他的爱又是由何种物质构成的？
He'd never felt romantic love before, and as such, he didn't really know. He really didn't. And it terrified him.
他从未体验过浪漫的爱情，因此，他并不真正了解。他真的不知道。这让他感到恐惧。
When they'd kissed the night before, had Isagi tasted bitterness or heard glass shattering? Felt barbed wire and rusted nails and dull knives in Rin's kiss back to him? Because Rin knew, as much as he'd tasted honey, heard trickling waterfalls, and felt gentle brushes of fresh grass in Isagi's kiss—there was absolutely no way Isagi had felt the same from him.
前一晚他们接吻时，Isagi是否尝到了苦涩，或是听到了玻璃破碎的声音？在Rin回吻中，是否感受到了带刺的铁丝、生锈的钉子和钝刀？因为Rin知道，尽管他在Isagi的吻中尝到了蜂蜜，听到了潺潺的瀑布声，感受到了新鲜草地的轻拂——Isagi绝对不可能从他那里感受到同样的情感。
After all, even the moon high in the midnight sky, as beautiful and mesmerizing as it was, nestled in darkness with only pinpoints of stars surrounding it, was all but an illusion to those who beheld it. Even in its rapture, when it's at its brightest and most prominent peak, when it shone like a lone pearl nested amongst black silk and silver glitter, the moon was still only reflecting the light from the sun that had died on the horizon the evening before it.
毕竟，即使高悬在午夜天空的月亮，美丽而迷人，被黑暗包围，只有星星点点环绕，对那些仰望它的人来说，也不过是一场幻觉。即使在它最明亮、最突出的巅峰时刻，当它像一颗孤独的珍珠嵌在黑色丝绸和银色闪光中闪耀时，月亮仍然只是在反射前一晚太阳在水平线上消逝的光芒。
Rin knew he was capable of loving Isagi immensely. But would it be in the way he truly deserved to be loved? Or would it only be a fallacy, utterly paling in comparison to the love the ocean held for the moon?
Rin深知自己有能力深爱Isagi。但这份爱会是他真正应得的那种吗？还是说，它只会是一个谬误，与海洋对月亮的深情相比，显得苍白无力？
"Rin? Hello?" “Rin？你好？”
Rin snapped back to reality, scoffing at Isagi who was now standing beside him, clearly ready to leave.
Rin猛然回过神来，对站在身旁显然准备离开的Isagi嗤之以鼻。
"Are you standing there for a reason?" Isagi mused, grinning as he took a step in closer to his exit, "Or did you intend to keep me here so you can stare at me with that ridiculous look you have on your face?"
“你站在那儿是有原因的吗？”Isagi若有所思地说，一边笑着向出口迈进一步，“还是你想让我留在这儿，好让你用那副可笑的表情盯着我看？”
Rin's nerves were alight, because as much as he wanted to say what he wanted to say to Isagi, the words would not form. The I love you that was filling his mind and heart threatened his tongue, eager to spill out into sounds off his lips... Only it chose to remain hidden for the moment, eclipsed beneath the shadow that always existed in the dark side of his heart.
Rin的神经紧绷，因为他虽然很想对Isagi说出心里话，但那些词句却无法成形。那句充斥他脑海和心间的“我爱你”威胁着他的舌头，渴望从唇间倾泻而出……只是它此刻选择隐藏，被他心中阴暗面的阴影所掩盖。
"I'll call you," Rin finished, opening the door for Isagi afterwards. This was all he could really manage.
“我会给你打电话的，”Rin最后说道，随后为Isagi打开了门。这已是他所能做到的全部。
Isagi stood in place quietly for another moment, eyes glinting like drops of ocean and cloud as they reflected the pure white of snow outside—before he smiled softly.
Isagi静静地站在原地，片刻后，眼中闪烁着海洋与云朵般的波光，映照着窗外纯净的雪白——随即他温柔地笑了。
"Good," Rin heard, "And I'll answer. I always will, I promise."
"好，" Rin听到，"我会回答。我永远都会，我保证。"
Isagi didn't expect, though, that later that night just past eight-thirty, even though he'd just given the other boy his number that morning, Rin would already take him up on that.
然而，Isagi未曾预料到，就在当晚八点半刚过，尽管他早上才将号码给了对方，Rin却已迫不及待地回应了。
He was shocked by how soon it was, but then again, Isagi had no complaints about this. Rin never really seemed to care all that much about appearances anyway. Isagi answered the call.
他惊讶于时间过得如此之快，但话说回来，Isagi对此并无怨言。Rin似乎从来都不太在意外表。Isagi接起了电话。
"Hey, Rin." "嘿，Rin。"
"Isagi." "Isagi。"
"What's up?" "怎么了？"
"I... I don't know what to do."
“我...我不知道该怎么办。”
"Hm?" “嗯？”
"I feel lost." “我感觉迷失了。”
Lost. Hearing this made Isagi's heart ache deeply... But he somehow thought he knew what Rin meant. How could he not feel that way, on forced stress leave in a foreign country, all by himself with no one to talk to and basically nothing to do? Isagi decided he'd take this opportunity to be a shoulder for Rin to lean on, if that's what Rin wanted.
听到“迷失”这个词，Isagi的心深深地痛了起来……但他似乎明白Rin的意思。身处异国他乡，被迫休假，独自一人无人倾诉，几乎无所事事，怎能不感到如此呢？Isagi决定趁此机会成为Rin可以依靠的肩膀，如果Rin需要的话。
"Keep doing your yoga practice. Read all those pamphlets the medic gave you, like, all of them. Don't skip any of them. Keep up with a healthy diet and light exercise. And if you need to talk about anything, anything at all, talk to me. Quit bottling things up. That sort of behavior won't serve a purpose for you anymore, it'll only make things worse. Then, hopefully, you'll be back out on the field in no time."
“继续做你的瑜伽练习。把医生给你的那些小册子都读完，全部，不要跳过任何一本。保持健康的饮食和适量的运动。如果你需要谈论任何事情，任何事情，都可以找我。不要再把事情憋在心里。那种行为对你已经没有意义了，只会让情况变得更糟。希望你很快就能重返赛场。”
Rin was deathly quiet following this but Isagi could hear the soft static of his breathing on the other line. He smiled a warm smile to himself.
Rin在说完这些后沉默不语，但Isagi能听到电话那头他轻柔的呼吸声。他对自己温暖地笑了笑。
"I'll come see you tomorrow night after practice, if you want."
"明晚训练后我来看你，如果你愿意的话。"
"... Yeah. Okay." "... 嗯。好的。"
"Good night, Rin."
"晚安，Rin。"
"G'nite." "晚安。"
*
After four weeks on his stress leave, Rin was given clearance to return to the field, his blood pressure seemingly having returned back to a healthy level for someone his age. It was short-lived, though, as the team broke for the holiday season two weeks after that in mid-December.
在经历了四周的休假后，Rin获得了重返现场的许可，他的血压似乎已经恢复到了与他年龄相符的健康水平。然而，这种状态并未持续太久，因为团队在十二月中旬就因假期而暂停了工作。
Isagi had visited him almost every night those four weeks of his stress leave, and though Rin wasn't always an easy person to deal with, Isagi was careful and patient with him anyway.
在那四周的休假期间，Isagi几乎每晚都会去看望他，尽管Rin并非总是容易相处的人，Isagi依然对他细心且耐心。
Though Rin's feelings had been uncovered—he now knew that he certainly loved Isagi—something was still holding him back from saying it.
尽管Rin的感情已被揭露——他现在确信自己深爱着Isagi——但仍有某种东西阻止他将其宣之于口。
It was a difficult thing for Rin... To confront these feelings he'd kept hidden for so long. Though it did help that Isagi did not seem to expect to hear it back... Not right away, anyway. He must've had some idea of how difficult this was for Rin.
对于Rin来说，面对这些他隐藏已久的情感是一件艰难的事。不过，Isagi似乎并未期待立即得到回应，这多少有些帮助...无论如何，他肯定能理解这对Rin来说有多么困难。
Two days after the holiday break had started, Rin was alone, packing his suitcase, when his phone buzzed in his pocket. He pulled it out, examining the text from none other than Isagi.
假期开始后的第二天，Rin独自一人收拾行李时，口袋里的手机震动起来。他掏出手机，发现是Isagi发来的信息。
Isagi: Hey. R u going back to Japan for the holidays?
Isagi: 嘿，假期要回日本吗？
He quicky typed out a response.
他迅速敲出回复。
Me: Yes. 我：是的。
I'm packing right now. Landing in Japan tomorrow morning.
我正在收拾行李。明天早上抵达日本。
...
Isagi: sick! I am going back too
Isagi: 酷毙了！我也要回去
My plane is landing in the evening
我的航班傍晚降落。
...
Maybe I will see u over the break ?
放假期间或许能见到你？
...
Me: Yeah. For sure. 我：当然，一定会的。
Text me when you land tomorrow.
明天你到了给我发个消息。
Isagi: OK 👍 Isagi: 好的 👍
U too pls 你也一样，请
Mr doesn't-check-his phoen
那位不查手机的先生
*phone *手机
...
Me: I think I could've figured that out without your spelling correction.
我：我觉得没有你的拼写纠正，我也能猜出来。
...
Isagi: .....! Isagi：.....！
But I need u to know I can actually spell phoen properly lmfao
但我得让你知道我其实能正确拼写“phone”这个词的，哈哈
***PHONE FFS ***是 PHONE 啦，拜托
...
Talk to u tomorrow 明天再聊
Rin clicked his phone screen off and replaced it back into his pocket. He was basically done packing so he stood a moment, carefully going through his travel list, considering if there was anything he'd forgotten. From across the room, his eyes landed on something.
Rin 按灭了手机屏幕，将其重新放回口袋。他基本上已经收拾完毕，于是站了一会儿，仔细地检查着旅行清单，思索是否有遗漏之处。从房间的另一头，他的目光落在了某样东西上。
Slowly and deliberately he approached, then knelt beside his dufflebag. Fingers touched at the lacquer keychain Isagi had gifted him for his birthday. He carefully unlooped it from the shoulder strap and shoved it into his pocket.
他缓缓地、刻意地走近，随后跪在他的旅行包旁。手指触碰到 Isagi 送给他的生日礼物——一个漆面钥匙扣。他小心翼翼地将其从肩带上解下，塞进了口袋。
THE NEXT DAY 次日
Rin was in his childhood house watching television in his childhood bedroom. He sipped the cup of hot tea he'd made for himself as he flicked through channels for something to watch.
Rin 正坐在他童年时的卧室里，看着电视。他啜饮着为自己泡的热茶，一边切换频道寻找想看的节目。
Being back in this familiar setting was relaxing for Rin. He didn't have to worry about slacking off on grocery shopping and meal prepping because his parents kept the kitchen stocked, nor would he be forced to eat the shit food they served in Blue Lock.
回到这个熟悉的环境让Rin感到放松。他不必担心疏忽了购物和备餐，因为父母总是让厨房备货充足，也不会被迫吃蓝锁里提供的那种糟糕食物。
He stopped on a news channel that was talking about a plane that crashed a couple of hours earlier. There was a severe structural failure that hadn't been caught during the pre-flight inspection, apparently.
他停在一个新闻频道前，正在报道几个小时前一架飞机坠毁的事件。显然，飞机在起飞前的检查中未能发现严重的结构故障。
Rin sighed relief, grateful that it wasn't his plane. However, as he listened further...
Rin松了口气，庆幸那不是他的飞机。然而，随着他继续听下去...
"... The plane was traveling from Germany to Japan..."
“...这架飞机是从德国飞往日本的...”
He froze, dropping the hot cup of tea he was cradling onto the nightstand beside him.
他僵住了，手中捧着的热茶杯滑落，砸在了床头柜上。
It was then that he realized... He hadn't heard from Isagi. Rin had texted when his plane had landed that morning, but he hadn't heard a word back since then.
就在那时，他意识到...他一直没有收到Isagi的消息。Rin在那天早上飞机降落时给他发了短信，但从那以后他就再也没有收到任何回复。
He pulled his phone out of his pocket anxiously to check the time. It was 6:58 PM. He immediately got to work drafting a text. However, as he saw the Read at 09:32 AM badge beside the last text he'd sent, he changed his mind and hit the call button instead.
他焦急地从口袋里掏出手机查看时间。已经是晚上 6 点 58 分了。他立刻开始草拟一条短信。然而，当他看到自己最后发送的短信旁边显示的“已读于上午 9:32”标记时，他改变了主意，转而拨打了电话。
Riiiing. Riiiing. Riiiing. Riiiing—
铃——铃——铃——铃——
"Hey, this is Isagi Yoichi. I'm currently unavailable, please leave me a message and I'll—"
"嘿，我是Isagi Yoichi。我现在没空，请给我留言，我会——"
Rin hung the phone up, his pulse suddenly hammering in his chest, and he shot up to his feet. Pacing side-to-side in an attempt to calm himself, he glared down at the phone screen at Isagi's non-response, then swore under his breath.
Rin挂断了电话，心跳骤然加速，猛地站起身来。他来回踱步试图平复心情，瞪着手机屏幕上Isagi的沉默回应，随后低声咒骂了一句。
Isagi was probably just busy—
Isagi可能只是忙——
"—emergency response has confirmed there were no survivors found in the wreckage following the plane crash—"
“—紧急救援部门已确认，在飞机失事后，残骸中未发现幸存者—”
Rin frantically slammed his finger against the call button again, waiting in agony as the phone rang and rang and rang again but once more, Isagi did not pick up.
Rin 疯狂地再次按下呼叫按钮，痛苦地等待着电话一遍遍响起，但又一次，Isagi 没有接听。
"Hey, this is Isagi Yoichi. I'm currently unavailable, please leave me a—"
“嘿，我是 Isagi Yoichi。我现在无法接听，请给我留言—”
Rin hung up again, this time, the force of his finger colliding with the screen sent the device falling onto the carpet beneath him. He knelt to retrieve it but toppled forward, now becoming painfully aware that his legs were weak and trembling.
Rin再次挂断电话，这一次，手指与屏幕的猛烈碰撞让手机跌落在他身下的地毯上。他跪下想要捡起，却向前倾倒，这才痛苦地意识到自己的双腿虚弱且颤抖。
When he reached out for his phone, laying on the carpet screen-down, he saw trembling paper-white fingers outstretched. His own fingers.
当他伸手去拿屏幕朝下躺在地毯上的手机时，他看到伸出的手指苍白如纸，颤抖不已。那是他自己的手指。
Isagi... You're supposed to text me... Text me when you landed... Where are you?
Isagi...你应该给我发信息的...落地后给我发信息...你在哪儿？
"—the families of those that passed in the plane crash have already been notified. This will truly be a dark holiday season for many of these families—
—那些在飞机失事中遇难者的家属已经得到通知。对许多这样的家庭来说，这将是一个极其黑暗的节日季—
Rin's hand was trembling so fitfully now, when he did finally manage to pick up his phone again it immediately fell right back out of his grasp and onto the carpet.
Rin的手现在颤抖得如此剧烈，当他终于设法再次拿起手机时，它立刻又从他手中滑落，掉在了地毯上。
Something like this hadn't happened to him in a long time... Not since the day Sae had returned from Spain, actually. With his breaths coming shallower and shallower, head starting to feel light, Rin knew exactly what was happening to him. He was having a panic attack.
这样的事情他已经很久没有经历过了...实际上，自从 Sae 从西班牙回来那天起就没有过。随着呼吸越来越浅，头也开始感到晕眩，Rin清楚地知道自己正在经历什么。他正在经历一场恐慌发作。
Because if Isagi... If that was Isagi's plane... If he was gone... How could Rin possibly move on from this?
因为如果Isagi... 如果那是Isagi的飞机... 如果他不在了... Rin怎么可能从这一切中走出来？
Isagi couldn't leave him... There was still so much Rin needed to say to him. He couldn't leave Rin like this, terrified. Cold. Alone. Everything else had gone wrong in his life, everyone else had completely forsaken him, was this only to be yet another tragedy for him to endure?
Isagi不能离开他... 还有太多Rin需要对他说的话。他不能就这样留下Rin，恐惧、冰冷、孤单。他生命中的一切都出了错，每个人都彻底抛弃了他，难道这只会是他要承受的又一个悲剧吗？
Shaking violently now and struggling to breath properly, Rin simply flipped his phone over on the ground so the screen was facing up and a quivering finger tapped on the call button.
现在剧烈颤抖着，努力正常呼吸，Rin只是将手机翻转过来，让屏幕朝上，颤抖的手指点击了通话键。
Riiiing. Riiiing.— 铃铃铃。铃铃铃。——
"Pick up, damnit... Pick up... Isagi—"
“接电话啊，该死的...接啊...Isagi——”
"Rin? Hey!" “Rin？嘿！”
Ah. Such relief. 啊，如释重负。
"Isagi... Why... Why didn't you text me when you landed? Why didn't you fucking pick up? I called... Twice..." Rin tried to keep the panic from seeping into his voice but it trembled.
"Isagi... 为什么... 你落地后为什么不给我发消息？为什么不接电话？我打了... 两次..." Rin 努力不让恐慌渗入声音，但还是颤抖了。
"I'm sorry! I forgot to text you. I was so excited to see my parents... Hey, are you okay?"
"对不起！我忘了给你发消息。我太兴奋要见父母了... 嘿，你还好吗？"
"Fuck, Isagi... You said you'd always answer..."
"操，Isagi... 你说过你会一直回应的..."
Rin was struggling to catch his breath, his lungs were feeling tight and his vision persistently unsteady. Still reeling from his panic attack, Rin could only do one thing in response to Isagi's absurd question.
Rin 正努力喘息，肺部感觉紧绷，视线也持续不稳。刚从恐慌发作中缓过来的 Rin 面对 Isagi 荒谬的问题，只能做出一个反应。
He laughed. 他笑了。
Isagi tensed at the sound, though, because it was downright bizarre. It wasn't laughter of joy or happiness or humor, it was a sound that seemed to reflect distress. And this was Rin, the guy who didn't possess a single comedic bone in his body.
Isagi 听到那声音时紧张起来，因为它实在古怪。那不是喜悦、快乐或幽默的笑声，而是一种似乎反映着痛苦的声响。而这是 Rin，那个身上找不到一丝幽默细胞的家伙。
"Rin? What's going—" “Rin？怎么回事——”
"Where do you live?" Rin blurted out.
“你住哪儿？”Rin 脱口而出。
"Um. Saitama..." “呃，埼玉……”
"Send me your address."
“把你的地址发给我。”
Saitama was a few hours away by train, but Rin would go anyway. He had no other choice.
埼玉离这里有几个小时的车程，但Rin还是会去。他没有其他选择。
"What? I'm just finishing dinner."
"什么？我刚吃完晚饭。"
"I'm coming over."
"我这就过来。"
"Oh. Well... I'll ask my parents if you can."
"哦。那...我问问我爸妈行不行。"
"I'm coming anyway. They can kick me out after I get there if they want but I'm still coming."
"无论如何我都会去。他们要是愿意，等我到了再把我赶出来，但我还是要去。"
"You're acting weird. Is everything okay, Rin?
"你行为怪异。一切都好吗，Rin？"
"Your address, Isagi. Send it."
"你的地址，Isagi。发过来。"
Rin hung the phone up after this and got to work dressing himself. When Isagi's address popped up in their chat, he put it into Google Maps. By train, it would take him about two and a half hours to get there.
Rin挂断电话后，开始忙着给自己穿衣打扮。当Isagi的地址在聊天中弹出时，他将其输入谷歌地图。乘火车的话，大约需要两个半小时才能到达。
Whatever, Rin thought, scratching a note onto a piece of paper for his parents, who hadn't arrived home from work yet.
无所谓了，Rin想着，在一张纸上给还没下班回家的父母留了个便条。
There would be no more hesitation from him... This felt like a warning somehow. Rin now believed if he didn't steel himself and take his fate into his own hands, he would end up regretting it.
他不会再犹豫了……这感觉像是一种警告。Rin现在相信，如果他不坚定意志，掌控自己的命运，最终会后悔的。
So, once again, Rin found himself braving the cold outside in pursuit of his destiny.
于是，Rin再次鼓起勇气，迎着寒风，追寻自己的命运。
*
When Rin found himself in front of Isagi's house it was 9:38 PM and he was freezing. With one hand, he knocked on the door, trying to ignore how nervous he was.
当Rin站在Isagi家门前时，已是晚上 9 点 38 分，他冻得直哆嗦。他单手敲门，努力忽视内心的紧张。
It wasn't only Isagi in there, it was Isagi's parents, too.
屋内不仅有Isagi，还有Isagi的父母。
When the door opened, it was Isagi himself standing there in the doorway, all beautiful blue eyes and soft dark hair and smooth skin.
门一开，站在那儿的正是Isagi，他那双美丽的蓝眼睛、柔软的深色头发和光滑的皮肤，一切都那么迷人。
"Come on in," Isagi gestured inside his house, smiling, "My parents said you can sleep in the guest bedroom if you want." After Rin stepped inside and started to unlace his boots, Isagi's voice reduced down to a whisper.
"进来吧，" Isagi笑着示意他进屋，"我爸妈说如果你想的话，可以在客房睡。" Rin进门后开始解鞋带，Isagi的声音压低成了耳语。
"What's going on with you? Why did you have to come out here tonight? I made up some story about you having a fight with your parents so they'd let you stay over..."
"你怎么了？今晚为什么非得来这儿？我编了个你和你父母吵架的故事，他们才同意让你留宿……"
Rin pulled his jacket off and hung it on the coat rack. "I just—"
Rin脱下外套，挂在了衣帽架上。“我只是——”
"You're Yocchan's friend!"
“你是 Yocchan 的朋友！”
Rin looked sideways at the person who'd addressed him. It appeared to be Isagi's mother.
Rin斜眼打量着跟他说话的人。看起来像是Isagi的母亲。
She was shorter than the both of them with honey brown hair and eyes, cheeks sporting a strong natural blush. The shape of her face and eyes as well as her smile were the same as her son's.
她比他们俩都矮，拥有蜂蜜色的棕发和眼睛，双颊自然泛着健康的红晕。她的脸型、眼睛以及笑容都与她的儿子如出一辙。
"Isagi Iyo, I'm Yocchan's mom," she reached to shake his hand with a smile that reminded Rin of Yoichi.
"Isagi 伊予，我是洋酱的妈妈，"她微笑着伸出手，那笑容让Rin想起了Yoichi。
"Itoshi Rin." He took her hand and shook it.
"Itoshi Rin。"他握住她的手，轻轻摇了摇。
"Of course I know who you are. You and Yocchan made such a great team in the world cup. I don't know anything about football, but it was really wonderful to watch you two play together!"
当然我知道你是谁。你和 Yocchan 在世界杯上组成了那么棒的搭档。我对足球一窍不通，但看你们俩一起比赛真是精彩极了！
Of course she knew who he was. Rin felt like an idiot for introducing himself like that, yet he didn't know what else he was supposed to do. Just assuming she already knew his name and not giving a proper introduction would've probably been rude.
Rin觉得自己像个傻瓜，这样自我介绍，但他也不知道还能怎么做。要是假定她已经知道他的名字而不正式介绍，可能会显得很失礼。
"Your socks look wet, Rin. Wanna come upstairs and I'll get you a dry pair?" Isagi interjected calmly, though the look he gave Rin was questioning.
“Rin，你的袜子看起来湿了。想上楼来吗？我给你拿双干的。”Isagi平静地插话道，尽管他给Rin的眼神带着疑问。
"Yeah. Thanks." "嗯，谢谢。"
"Would you like some tea, Itoshi-kun?" Iyo asked.
"你要来点茶吗，Itoshi君？" 伊约问道。
"Oh... Um, sure. Thanks. And you can just call me Rin."
"哦... 呃，好的，谢谢。你可以直接叫我Rin。"
"Give me ten minutes then, Rin." The mother of the house shuffled off and around the corner, probably to the kitchen, leaving the two of them alone again.
"给我十分钟，Rin。" 屋子的母亲拖着脚步离开，绕过拐角，大概是去了厨房，留下他们两人独处。
"My dad went to bed early, he's a bit of an early bird like that. Maybe you could meet him tomorrow morning," Isagi explained, leading Rin over to the staircase. They ascended together and Isagi lead Rin into his room.
"我爸早早就睡了，他有点像那种早起的人。或许你明天早上可以见见他，" Isagi解释道，领着Rin走向楼梯。他们一起上楼，Isagi带着Rin进了自己的房间。
It was a fair bit smaller than Rin's own room, posters and figures and collector's cards of Noel Noa and other prominent players were lining the walls on the far side near Isagi's bed. Rin was unsurprised that Isagi idolized Noa; he was regarded as the world's best striker, after all.
这房间比Rin自己的要小不少，墙上贴满了诺埃尔·诺亚和其他知名球员的海报、玩偶和收藏卡，靠近Isagi床的那一侧。Rin并不意外Isagi崇拜诺亚；毕竟，他被誉为世界最佳前锋。
"You gonna tell me what's going on? Is everything okay? Did something happen?" Isagi pressed, pulling his dresser open to grab a pair of socks.
“你打算告诉我发生了什么吗？一切都还好吗？有什么事吗？”Isagi追问道，拉开抽屉拿出一双袜子。
"Yeah." “是啊。”
Isagi was about to turn back but he suddenly felt arms wrapping tight around his waist, holding him firm in place. When he gazed down, he saw that he wasn't imagining it, after all.
Isagi正要转身，却突然感到双臂紧紧环住了他的腰，将他牢牢固定在原地。当他低头看去，发现这并非幻觉。
Rin was actually hugging him.
Rin真的在拥抱他。
"What is it?" Isagi asked quietly, "C'mon. Tell me what happened."
“怎么了？”Isagi轻声问道，“快点，告诉我发生了什么。”
Rin's embrace only grew tighter, absorbing Isagi's warmth and relishing the feel of him in his arms.
Rin的拥抱愈发紧实，汲取着Isagi的温暖，沉醉于他依偎在怀中的感觉。
He always knew Isagi was small, but now he could really feel it. Isagi wasn't delicate or anything like that—he was strong for his size, actually. But he was still... Small. The feel of his narrow waistline was a perfect fit in Rin's arms, almost too good to be true.
他一直知道Isagi身材娇小，但此刻他真切地感受到了。Isagi并非柔弱，实际上，他虽小却强健。但他依然……很小。他那纤细的腰身在Rin的臂弯中恰到好处，仿佛过于完美而不真实。
Rin buried his face into the side of Isagi's neck, warmth radiating off the skin there. A chill from the winter air still lingered on Rin's face, and as such, it caused Isagi to flinch a little.
Rin将脸埋进Isagi的颈侧，那里的皮肤散发着温暖。冬日的寒气仍残留在Rin的脸上，因此，这使得Isagi微微一颤。
Isagi was right here in his arms, not out in that plane wreckage. As he stood there with Isagi pulled tight against him, Rin felt in that moment that he never wanted to let him go.
Isagi就在他的怀中，而非那片飞机残骸之中。当他紧拥着Isagi站在那里时，Rin在这一刻感到自己再也不想放开他。
"I had a panic attack," Rin mumbled, the sound of his voice muffled against the skin of Isagi's neck.
“我刚才恐慌发作了，”Rin咕哝道，声音因贴着Isagi的颈肤而显得模糊。
"Really? Why? Because I didn't text you?"
真的吗？为什么？因为我没给你发消息？
"On the news, there was this plane crash... I didn't pay enough attention but for some reason, I thought it was your plane... And you weren't answering me, either..."
新闻上说有架飞机坠毁了……我没太在意，但不知怎么的，我以为是你那班飞机……而且你也没回复我……
"Oh..." Isagi whispered, the exhalation almost more of a gasp.
“哦……”Isagi 低声说道，那口气几乎更像是一声喘息。
"I overreacted. I was being dumb. But I just really wanted to see you after that."
"我反应过度了。我当时很傻。但我真的只是想在那之后见到你。"
"Rin..."
Isagi's hands clasped against Rin's and he leaned backward into the embrace, savoring its warmth and comfort for as long as he possibly could.
Isagi的手紧握着Rin的，他向后靠进那个拥抱，尽可能长时间地享受着它的温暖和安慰。
Rin had never seemed like much of a hugger to Isagi, for obvious reasons. Actually, he didn't seem like much of a kisser, either. Or an anything-er, for that matter. All of this was a side to Rin Isagi had never seen before. It was startling for him to see, but also so very beautiful for him to behold.
Rin对Isagi来说，从未显得是个爱拥抱的人，这显而易见。实际上，他也不像是个爱接吻的人。或者说，他不像是个爱做任何事的人。这一切都是Rin Isagi从未见过的Rin的另一面。这对他来说是令人惊讶的，但同时也是极其美丽的。
"I love you," Rin whispered, the words rolling off his lips like a sigh of relief, "I really do love you, Isagi."
"我爱你，" Rin 轻声低语，话语如释重负般从唇边滑落，"我真的爱你，Isagi。"
He could no longer deny nor shove aside these feelings, and bottling them up forever wouldn't do him any good. Rin knew Isagi deserved to hear it, and he also knew how badly he wanted to say it.
他再也无法否认或压抑这些情感，永远将它们深藏心底对他并无益处。Rin 知道 Isagi 理应听到这句话，他也深知自己有多么渴望说出口。
Love was not a language his heart had spoken for such a terribly long time—he'd been stuck in stagnation, trapped in nothing but cold and dark and utter apathy, closed off to not only everything and everyone around him, but also shut out from himself. From the true Itoshi Rin and all his human thoughts and emotions, basically anything that he believed would tie him down.
爱，已是他心灵久未诉说的语言——他陷入了停滞，困于冰冷、黑暗与彻底的冷漠之中，不仅对周围的一切人和事封闭了心扉，甚至也与自己隔绝。与真正的 Itoshi Rin 以及他所有的人类思想和情感，基本上任何他认为会束缚自己的东西，都隔绝了。
"I love you too, Rin. I really do."
“我也爱你，Rin。真的。”
Isagi was completely breathless, caught off guard by this sudden affectionate side Rin was showing him.
Isagi 完全喘不过气来，被Rin突然展现的柔情打了个措手不及。
Sudden for him, maybe, but Rin had been stewing on all these new feelings that were being brought out from deep inside of him since the night Isagi had spent in his hotel room... Since they'd kissed.
对他来说或许是突如其来，但自从Isagi在他酒店房间过夜的那晚起，Rin就一直沉浸在这些从内心深处涌现的新情感中……自从他们接吻之后。
Isagi pivoted around in place so they were facing eachother. He stroked a hand across Rin's cheek gently, the graze of his fingertips tingling against Rin's cold skin.
Isagi原地转身，与对方面对面。他温柔地用手抚过Rin的脸颊，指尖轻触在Rin冰凉的皮肤上，带来一阵微妙的刺痛感。
Rin gazed into the deep blue ocean softly, relishing the calm that was washing over him in that moment. It was like a tidal wave sweeping him up, overcoming him with such a vast relief.
Rin凝视着那片深邃的蓝色海洋，静静享受着那一刻涌上心头的宁静。仿佛一股巨浪将他卷起，以无比宽广的慰藉淹没了他。
Isagi. It was Isagi. Isagi，正是Isagi。
He could feel things stirring in his chest and gut, unfamiliar things. Desire, maybe? It was new for Rin, but he urged himself on to meet with those blossoming feelings that were now filling him, pandering to some need that he didn't even know he had.
他可以感觉到胸口和腹中涌动着陌生的情绪，或许是欲望？这对Rin来说是全新的体验，但他鼓励自己去迎接那些正在萌生的情感，迎合某种连他自己都未曾察觉的需求。
Rin leaned forward until their lips touched, a kiss sending warmth and chills across both their necks.
Rin倾身向前，直到两人的唇瓣相触，一个吻让温暖与寒意在彼此的颈间交织。
They hadn't kissed since their first kiss, but Rin would be damned if that would be their last kiss. He absolutely couldn't stand the idea of something happening to Isagi or something happening between them and that being both the first and last time they ever kissed. It was almost too much of an idea for him to take.
自那初吻之后，他们未曾再吻过，但Rin发誓绝不让那成为他们的最后一吻。他绝对无法忍受任何可能发生在Isagi身上的事，或是他们之间发生的事，导致那成为他们唯一且最后的吻。这个念头对他来说几乎难以承受。
This kiss sparked a fire which burned hotter than their first kiss—it was less sweet and more savory. Not that he knew what he was doing, but Isagi didn't either, so to hell with it.
这个吻点燃了一团火焰，比他们的初吻更加炽热——少了些甜蜜，多了几分浓烈。并非他知道自己在做什么，但Isagi也同样不知所措，管他呢。
The force behind Rin's kiss was arching Isagi backward against the edge of his dresser, which sat about waist high off the floor. Isagi shuffled onto the surface to keep himself comfortable, only Rin pressed in even further, snaking his hands up along Isagi's neck and rifling fingers through his hair.
Rin的吻势将Isagi推得后仰，抵在了他腰高的梳妆台上。Isagi为了保持舒适，挪到了台面上，而Rin则更加深入，双手沿着Isagi的脖颈蜿蜒而上，手指穿梭于他的发间。
By the time Rin finally relented, pulling his face back so their lips were only inches apart, Isagi was pushed all the way back against the wall behind him. The porcelain skin on his face and neck were dusted with pink, hair tousled from Rin's hands running through it, and his lips were plump, round, and red as rosepetals.
直到Rin终于退让，将脸拉开，使得两人的唇仅相隔数英寸，Isagi已被完全推至身后的墙壁。他瓷白的脸颊和脖颈染上了粉红，发丝因Rin的手指穿梭而凌乱，双唇饱满、圆润，红如玫瑰花瓣。
Isagi's chest heaved a few times with heavy breath. He was about to speak, when—
Isagi的胸膛随着沉重的呼吸起伏了几次。他正要开口，这时——
"Yocchan! Rin-chan! Tea is ready!"
"Yocchan！Rin-chan！茶泡好了！"
Isagi huffed. "Okay, mum! Be right down!"
Isagi哼了一声。"好的，妈妈！马上下来！"
At that moment, Rin did have the though that tea would be nice to help warm him up... But he also felt he wasn't done with Isagi yet. However, when he leaned in again, Isagi stopped him by planting a hand against his chest.
就在那一刻，Rin确实想过喝杯茶来暖暖身子……但他也觉得和Isagi的事还没完。然而，当他再次靠近时，Isagi用手抵住他的胸膛阻止了他。
"I think that's enough for now," Isagi remarked, grinning with a cocky, toothy smile. "I'm right here. No plane crash. I'm not going anywhere, hm? Let's go have tea with my mom."
“我觉得现在这样就够了，”Isagi带着自负的露齿笑容说道，“我就在这儿。没遇上飞机失事。我不会去任何地方的，嗯？我们去找我妈喝茶吧。”
"Yeah..." Rin muttered, "Alright."
“嗯……”Rin咕哝着，“好吧。”
What, exactly, was this feeling? Rin knew now how deep his love for Isagi truly was—it was as unfathomable as the ocean is deep, that much was now painfully clear to him. But what else was this?
这究竟是一种怎样的感觉？Rin如今深知自己对Isagi的爱有多深——它如同深邃的海洋般难以测度，这一点如今对他来说痛苦地清晰明了。但除此之外，还有什么呢？
Rin had spent so many of his teenage years suppressing himself in every way possible, burying anything and everything he felt beneath red-hot fury, every emotion, every feeling, every urge Isagi was pulling out of him now was like a completely new experience for him.
Rin在青春期的大部分时间里，竭尽所能地压抑自己，将所有感受深埋于炽热的愤怒之下，如今Isagi从他内心牵引出的每一种情感、每一种感觉、每一种冲动，对他来说都如同全新的体验。
Itoshi Rin, 17-years-old, was uncovering the whole truth of his heart's desire for the very first time ever. But more than that—he was experiencing something else that was completely foreign to him. It was a thing that often went hand-in-hand with love... A thing called lust.
17 岁的ItoshiRin，正首次揭开内心渴望的全部真相。但不仅如此——他还经历着某种对他完全陌生的东西。那是常常与爱相伴相生的……一种名为欲望的东西。
Rin stood in the centre of Isagi's room in dumbfounded silence, unable to rid himself of the image of Isagi that was now rooting itself deep in his mind from moments before—the sight of Isagi, shoved against the wall, flustered, with messy hair, pink cheeks and red lips and narrow sapphire eyes shimmering deviously with a small grin to boot.
Rin 站在 Isagi 房间的中央，目瞪口呆地沉默着，无法摆脱刚才深深烙印在脑海中的 Isagi 的形象——看到 Isagi 被推到墙边，慌乱无措，头发凌乱，脸颊绯红，嘴唇艳丽，狭长的蓝宝石眼眸闪烁着狡黠的光芒，嘴角还挂着一丝得意的微笑。
Yeesh. Rin never knew such a thing could leave him feeling so... So bothered.
哎呀。Rin 从未想过这样的情景会让他感到如此...如此困扰。
"Let's go have tea," Rin heard, shaking him out of his daze. He looked up from the floor, his gaze meeting with Isagi's, which was fixed firmly and steadily on him.
“我们去喝杯茶吧，”Rin 听到这句话，从恍惚中惊醒。他抬起头，目光与 Isagi 坚定而沉稳的眼神相遇。
"Sure, Yocchan," Rin teased, hoping the provocation would bring some sort of banter or something else to rid him of these strange new feelings.
“当然，Yocchan。”Rin打趣道，希望这种挑衅能引发些许斗嘴或其他什么，以摆脱这些奇怪的新感觉。
Isagi jutted his elbow into Rin's ribcage as they departed the room together.
他们一起离开房间时，Isagi用肘部戳了戳Rin的肋骨。
"Only my parents get to call me that."
“只有我父母才能这么叫我。”