Work Text: 作品正文：
He really shouldn’t have been jealous.
他真不该嫉妒的。
So jealous that if he opened his mouth tongues of fire would’ve licked his cheeks and burnt his hair until it reduced him to nothing but ash.
嫉妒得如此强烈，以至于他若开口，火焰般的妒意便会舔舐他的脸颊，烧焦他的头发，直至将他化为灰烬。
So jealous that it made his stomach hurt, cramping and twisting and turning until it was all knotted together and unable to be resolved.
嫉妒得让他胃痛，绞痛、扭曲、翻腾，直到所有情绪纠结成一团，无法解开。
So jealous that if he even looked at that picture again, he would have thrown his phone or his laptop or tv across the room, shattering it, breaking it into a million pieces, just to break that smile and never be able to see the picture again.
嫉妒得只要再看那张照片一眼，他就会把手机、笔记本电脑或电视扔向房间的另一头，将其砸得粉碎，碎成无数片，只为打破那笑容，再也无法看到那张照片。
He really shouldn’t have been jealous, though. He had no right to be. It wasn’t like they were serious. Nor were they actively a committed pair. It was just… them, working through their differences and similarities to see if the chemistry and attraction that Michael had mistakenly thought was mutual was real.
他真的不该嫉妒的，虽然他没资格嫉妒。他们又不是认真的。也不是什么正式的情侣。只是……他们，在通过彼此的差异和相似之处来验证Michael误以为的相互吸引是否真实存在。
God he was so stupid. He should’ve known better. He should’ve
known
that Yoichi was just fucking around with him and didn’t
actually
care about him, his feelings, nor anything else that they had started to develop since they reconnected post-Blue Lock.
天啊，他真是太蠢了。他早该明白的。他早该知道Yoichi只是在玩弄他，根本不在乎他，不在乎他的感受，也不在乎他们重逢后在蓝色监狱后开始发展的一切。
All of it, months of growth and hope and emotional energy wasted, and for what? Everything to be derailed by a simple photograph.
这一切，几个月的成长、希望和情感投入都白费了，为了什么？一张简单的照片就让一切脱轨。
At least… At the very least, it was better that this happened now than in a month, a year, or later when Michael had put more of himself in this relationship and there was no way his heart could be salvaged. At least now, there was just the deep rage and deep sadness that came along with jealousy, but when all of that washed away, he would be back to square one. A stony heart that was no longer willing to give anyone else a chance, lest they hurt him in the same way as well.
至少……至少现在发生总比一个月、一年或更晚要好，那时Michael已经在这段关系中投入了更多自己，而他的心将无法挽回。至少现在，只有伴随着嫉妒而来的深深愤怒和悲伤，但当这一切消退后，他将回到原点。一颗不再愿意给任何人机会的顽石般的心，以免他们也以同样的方式伤害他。
Picking up his phone, tossed carelessly on the couch after Ness had sent him the article from the trashy online news rag, if one could even call it “news”, Michael unlocked it, the article still on his screen.
他拿起手机，那是 Ness 在给他发了一篇来自垃圾网络新闻杂志的文章后随意扔在沙发上的，如果那还能被称为“新闻”的话。Michael解锁手机，文章依然显示在屏幕上。
Yoichi Isagi Out on the Town with New Boyfriend???
Yoichi Isagi 与新男友外出约会？？？
He should’ve just closed the article. He didn’t need to
see
it again. The image of Yoichi and his new “boyfriend” were permanently burned into his brain. He couldn’t get rid of it. Every time he tried to close his eyes and picture literally anything else, it just came back. Again. And again. And again. Taunting him. Always hanging in the rear of his vision like someone had tattooed it onto his retinas.
他本该直接关闭那篇文章的。他不需要再看一遍。Yoichi和他的新“男友”的形象已经深深烙印在他的脑海中。他无法摆脱。每次他试图闭上眼睛想象其他任何东西，那画面就会再次浮现。一遍又一遍。一遍又一遍。一遍又一遍。嘲弄着他。总是像有人把它纹在他的视网膜上一样，悬挂在他的视野后方。
The up-and-coming Japanese football star had been teasing us for months with rumors of a potential partner, but no one could have expected it to be a fellow former Blue Lock player!
这位冉冉升起的日本足球新星已经用潜在伴侣的传闻戏弄了我们几个月，但没人能想到会是另一位前蓝色监狱的球员！
Michael could have expected it, simply because he thought it was going to be him. He remembered the night when Yoichi laid with him in his bed, and they had both laughed, mocking the paparazzi for never finding out their secrets. They said that they’d be able to hide it until they were ready, and only once they were ready, to announce that they were together.
Michael本可以预料到这一点，因为他曾以为那个人会是自己。他记得那个晚上，Yoichi和他一起躺在床上，他们一起嘲笑狗仔队从未发现他们的秘密。他们说，他们会一直隐藏，直到准备好公开，只有当他们准备好时，才会宣布他们在一起。
Michael supposed that was all a lie too, because Yoichi was apparently never going to be ready. Not for him at least. And certainly not for a more serious relationship that went beyond sneaking around back hallways of hotels so no one would see them enter nor leave the same room. Every reservation and order to their room was made under Michael’s manager’s name, simply to hide the fact that they were there, stealing kisses between bites of room service that would eventually go cold and stale while they wrestled under the covers of a king sized bed.
Michael 认为那也是个谎言，因为 Yoichi 显然永远不会准备好。至少对他来说不会。更不用说一段更严肃的关系，超越了在酒店后走廊偷偷摸摸，以免被人看到他们进出同一房间。每次预订和房间订单都以 Michael 的经理名字进行，只是为了掩盖他们在那里的事实，在享用客房服务时偷吻，最终食物会变冷变质，而他们在一张大床上在被子里纠缠。
He supposed it made sense. He was a secret meant to be hidden away and only called up when Yoichi was bored and needed something to do.
他觉得这很合理。他是一个应该被隐藏起来的秘密，只有在 Yoichi 无聊需要找点事做时才会被召唤出来。
But that wasn’t right… that wasn’t the Yoichi he had come to know. If it had been a few years ago, when he was still young and naive yet highly distrusting of Yoichi and his motivations, then maybe he would have believed that Yoichi was playing with his heart and trying his hardest to ruin Michael.
但这不对……这不是他所认识的 Yoichi。如果是几年前，当他还是个年轻、天真但对 Yoichi 及其动机高度怀疑的时候，也许他会相信 Yoichi 在玩弄他的心，并尽最大努力毁掉 Michael。
The Yoichi he knew… or thought he knew… was kind to him. He smiled with his whole face, joy apparent in his eyes, whenever Michael picked him up from the airport. He was eager, jumping into his arms whenever they were finally alone, giving him such a big hug that his ribs nearly cracked and didn’t let go until he had his fill. He knew Michael… better than even his closest friends, because Michael had thought that he could trust him and could give him pieces of himself that he had never shared with anyone, romantic or platonic.
他认识的Yoichi……或者说他以为自己认识的Yoichi……对他很友善。每当Michael从机场接他时，他总是满脸笑容，眼中洋溢着喜悦。他总是迫不及待地跳进他的怀里，每当他们终于独处时，他会给他一个几乎要压断肋骨的拥抱，直到心满意足才肯松手。他了解Michael……甚至比他最亲密的朋友还要了解，因为Michael曾以为自己可以信任他，可以向他展示那些从未与任何人分享过的自我，无论是浪漫的还是柏拉图式的。
He just thought… that
this
on again off again, almost dating but not quite relationship that he had with Yoichi meant something more than that picture and article showed. He
thought
that Yoichi loved him, and had started calling him his boyfriend in his head, even if that was overly eager and a bit presumptuous. Michael was ready, for the first time in his life, to actually be with someone. To be with
Yoichi
in more than the capacity they had limited themselves to.
他只是以为……这种时而亲密时而疏远、几乎在约会却又未完全确定的关系，对他和Yoichi来说意味着比那张照片和文章所展示的更多。他以为Yoichi爱他，甚至在心里开始称他为男朋友，尽管这显得过于急切和有些自以为是。Michael已经准备好，在他生命中第一次真正与某人在一起。与Yoichi超越他们所限制的关系。
But that picture… he couldn’t think of the way Yoichi had loved him the last time they were together without seeing that. Yoichi had always sworn that he and the annoying little bee boy were just friends. Crossed his heart and hoped to die and told Michael that they were close, but not close in that way.
但那张照片……他无法不想起上次他们在一起时Yoichi对他的爱，那画面挥之不去。Yoichi一直坚称他和那个烦人的小蜜蜂男孩只是朋友。他曾发誓，他们关系亲密，但并非那种亲密。
Michael’s not sure why he believed him. He wasn’t blind. He had eyes that worked perfectly fine. He should have been able to tell.
Michael不确定自己为何会相信他。他并非盲人，双眼功能完好无损。他本应能看穿一切。
But he hadn’t. And now he was sitting in his home with all of the lights off, pressing the heels of his hands into his eyes, trying not to scream or cry or break something that he didn’t want to replace.
但他没有。现在他坐在家里，所有的灯都关着，双手掌根紧压在眼睛上，努力不让自己尖叫、哭泣，或是打碎那些他不想更换的东西。
Even then, when the pressure on his eyes was making him see a rainbow of colors and lights and shapes, he could still see them.
即便在那时，当眼压让他眼前闪现出五彩斑斓的光影与形状时，他依然能看见他们。
Tucked away into a corner, heads pressed together. If he was stupid, it would’ve just looked like the other man was whispering into Yoichi’s ear, but the photo and the article said that they were looking awful chummy, and while no one caught them kissing, it was obvious as to where they were headed after the night on the town. Michael couldn’t tell if the other man was kissing Yoichi’s neck, though he convinced himself it was true just because he knew how much Yoichi liked to be kissed there. He also couldn’t tell if the other’s hands were wandering, but he didn’t like to think about that for long as it turned the jealousy to a blinding rage that made him want to put his hand through the wall.
蜷缩在角落，头紧挨着。如果他够傻，只会觉得是另一个人在Yoichi耳边低语，但照片和文章却显示他们关系异常亲密。虽然没人抓到他们接吻，但很明显，夜游之后他们会去哪里。Michael无法确定另一个人是否在亲吻Yoichi的脖子，尽管他自欺欺人地相信了，只因他知道Yoichi有多喜欢被亲吻那里。他也无法确定对方的手是否在游走，但不愿深思，因为这会激起他嫉妒到极点的愤怒，让他想一拳砸穿墙壁。
Truly, what had he done to deserve this? Of course Michael understood that the beginning of his relationship with Yoichi was not all sunshine and rainbows. Of course they fought, but never to the point of never wanting to see each other again. Of course there were hundreds of reasons why they may not work out as a couple or even to be on the same level as friends with benefits. But he didn’t think he had ever done something so terribly that Yoichi would shun him, tossing him to the side while galavanting around with some other man’s spit on his face.
说真的，他究竟做了什么要遭此报应？当然，Michael明白他与Yoichi关系的开始并非全是阳光彩虹。当然他们争吵过，但从未到再也不想见面的地步。当然，有无数理由说明他们可能无法成为一对，甚至无法在朋友关系中保持平衡。但他不认为自己曾做过什么如此糟糕的事，以至于Yoichi会疏远他，将他抛在一旁，而自己却与另一个男人的唾沫为伍，四处游荡。
Michael locked his phone once again, closing out the article before he did. He had seen enough, and he wanted to remove himself from technology before he did something stupid like sending a pre-typed paragraph telling Yoichi exactly how he felt. He typed it up, deleted it, typed it again, and left it sitting, unsent, while Yoichi tried to get his attention.
Michael再次锁上了手机，赶在关闭文章之前。他已经看够了，不想在做出什么愚蠢的事，比如发送一段预先打好的文字，向Yoichi坦白自己的真实感受。他打出来，删掉，又打了一遍，然后让它静静地躺在未发送栏里，而Yoichi正试图引起他的注意。
Good morning!!! 🐤 早上好！！！🐤
Sleeping in today? I don’t blame you, it was a crazy weekend
今天睡懒觉了？我不怪你，周末真是疯狂
Michael?
Are you okay? It’s been a few hours… you’re normally awake by now.
你还好吗？已经过去几个小时了……你通常这时候已经醒了。
Are you ignoring me or do I need to call someone to come check on you?
你是故意不理我还是需要我叫人来检查一下你？
Michael please you’re making me worry. It’s already the afternoon
Michael 求你了，你让我担心了。已经是下午了
I’m calling you. 我在给你打电话。
Michael sighed, picking up his translating earbuds from the coffee table. He and Yoichi had been working to understand each other’s languages, but right now didn’t exactly seem like a time to leave it up to his meager understanding of Japanese. He didn’t particularly want to talk to Yoichi either, but he figured it would be best to get things out of the way. Put an end to this once and for all.
Michael叹了口气，从咖啡桌上拿起他的翻译耳塞。他和Yoichi一直在努力理解彼此的语言，但此刻似乎并不是依赖他那点可怜的日语知识的时候。他也不太想和Yoichi说话，但他认为最好还是把事情解决掉。一劳永逸地结束这一切。
It would help his heart heal quicker the faster it was over, he supposed.
他想着，事情结束得越快，他的心就能越快愈合。
But, even so, he wasn’t ready for it to end. Right up until this morning, when the article and pictures got sent his way, he was happy. He had woken up, thinking of Yoichi’s pretty little face and the next time they’d get to see each other. Their next planned reunion was only a couple weeks away, and Michael had already begun packing his bags, excitement for their time together an understatement. He was ecstatic, doing all he could to keep his joy under wraps of a week spent with Yoichi, uninterrupted. He even had a few gifts for Yoichi, just to show him he had been thinking of him when he was away.
但即便如此，他还没准备好让它结束。直到今早，当那篇文章和照片被发给他时，他还是快乐的。他醒来时，脑海中浮现出Yoichi那张漂亮的小脸，以及他们下一次见面的情景。他们计划中的下一次重逢仅在几周之后，Michael已经开始收拾行李，对共度时光的期待之情溢于言表。他欣喜若狂，竭尽全力掩饰着与Yoichi共度一周时光的喜悦，不被打扰。他甚至还为Yoichi准备了几份礼物，只是为了让他知道，在他不在的时候，自己一直在想着他。
It all meant nothing now, he supposed. He didn’t even feel like finding the receipts to return the presents. He’d just toss them in the trash on the next garbage cycle, along with any of the other little things Yoichi had left scattered about his house from his numerous videos.
他觉得这一切现在都毫无意义了。他甚至懒得去找收据退回礼物。他会在下次垃圾回收时把它们连同Yoichi在他家里留下的各种小物件一起扔掉，这些小东西都是Yoichi在众多视频中随意散落的。
Rubbing his nose with the back of his hand, Michael sniffed, clearing his nose and trying to keep his eyes from burning. He would
not
cry over this. He wouldn’t. He refused. He would just…. Move on he supposed. He hadn’t cried in years, and he wouldn’t now, even if it hurt so terribly to have his heart broken into so many pieces.
用掌背揉了揉鼻子，Michael吸了吸鼻子，试图清空鼻腔并抑制住眼眶的灼热感。他不会为此流泪。他不会的。他拒绝。他只是……继续前行，他猜想。他已经多年未曾哭泣，此刻即便心碎成无数片，痛彻心扉，他也不会落泪。
Or re-broken, really. His childhood had broken it and ground it into a fine dust already, so the damage Yoichi had done was really just a chip, comparatively.
或者说是再次破碎，实际上。他的童年早已将它碾成了细尘，所以Yoichi造成的伤害，相比之下，真的只是一个小缺口。
Then why did he let the phone ring and ring once he saw Yoichi’s name pop up, letting him know a call was coming through?
那他为什么在看到Yoichi的名字弹出，知道有电话打进来时，任由电话铃声一遍遍响起呢？
Because it hurt more than he would ever admit.
因为那痛楚远超他愿意承认的程度。
Michael, answer me Michael, 回答我
The phone began ringing again immediately, as if Yoichi knew he was sitting there, holding his phone and watching as Yoichi desperately tried to contact him. Though Michael wondered… had Yoichi even seen the article? Or was he continuing on as if nothing had happened? Yoichi was not normally so panicked in trying to get ahold of him. He knew Michael enjoyed his time sleeping in on his days off, so it wasn’t abnormal for him to not answer right away. What was abnormal was Yoichi acting like he was dying simply because he wasn’t answering his phone.
电话立刻又响了起来，仿佛Yoichi知道他正坐在那里，握着手机，看着Yoichi拼命试图联系他。虽然Michael不禁疑惑……Yoichi是否看到了那篇文章？还是他一如既往，仿佛什么都没发生过？Yoichi平时并不至于如此慌乱地试图联系他。他知道Michael喜欢在休息日睡懒觉，所以他不立刻接电话并不奇怪。奇怪的是Yoichi表现得好像因为他不接电话就快要死了似的。
What’s this? [Link] 这是什么？[链接]
Michael clenched his free hand into a fist, rubbing his fingers together as he waited for Yoichi’s response. It was the first message he had sent him all day, and was much better controlled than the breakup text he had been considering.
Michael 紧握着空着的那只手，指尖相互摩挲，等待着Yoichi的回复。这是他一整天来发给他的第一条消息，比他一直在考虑的分手短信要克制得多。
After a couple of minutes, Yoichi finally responded, with another request of “answer me.” At least Yoichi knew what was wrong now. He supposed it was time to hear the excuses his little not-boyfriend had for him. Yoichi rang him again almost immediately, and Michael answered the call, holding the phone up to his ear without saying a word.
几分钟后，Yoichi终于回应了，又发来一条“回答我”的请求。至少Yoichi现在知道问题出在哪里了。他猜是时候听听他那小非男友为他准备的借口了。Yoichi几乎立刻又打来电话，Michael接通了，把手机举到耳边，一言不发。
“Michael.”
“I’m here,” he responded, trying to keep the wetness of tears out of his voice. He wasn’t going to cry. He was
not
going to cry. But hearing Yoichi’s voice, saying his name, was almost too much for his heart to handle at that moment.
“我在这儿。”他回应道，努力不让声音中透出泪水的湿意。他不会哭的。他不会哭的。但听到Yoichi的声音，呼唤他的名字，那一刻几乎让他的心难以承受。
“It really isn’t what it looked like. I’ve already sent the link to my manager to see if he can get it taken down for defamation or rumors or something. Bachira’s not like that, he knows I’m with you-”
“真的不是看上去那样。我已经把链接发给我的经理了，看他能不能以诽谤或谣言之类的理由让它下架。巴奇拉不是那种人，他知道我和你在一起——”
“Are you though? You still say you need more time to determine if you actually want to be official.”
“你真的吗？你还是说你需要更多时间来确定你是否真的想正式在一起。”
“Michael,
please
don’t interrupt me. I’m trying to tell you it wasn’t like that. It was really loud because there was a band playing in the restaurant, and Bachira didn’t want anyone to hear what he was telling me about the date he recently had with
his boyfriend
.”
“Michael，请别打断我。我正想告诉你不是那样的。因为餐厅里有乐队在演奏，声音很大，八神不想让任何人听到他最近和他男朋友约会的事情。”
Yoichi paused, waiting for Michael to respond. But he couldn’t, still wrestling with the ideas of Yoichi leaving him for someone that he swore wasn’t a threat. He did like hearing that it wasn’t as serious as the tabloid made it look, and he knew better than to listen to anything the tabloids posted these days, but
still
his fears felt like such a real possibility.
Yoichi 停顿了一下，等待Michael的回应。但他无法开口，仍在与Yoichi为了一个他发誓不构成威胁的人离开他的念头搏斗。他确实喜欢听到事情并不像小报渲染得那么严重，而且他比谁都清楚，如今不该相信小报上的任何报道，但他的恐惧感依然如此真实。
And he really did not want to turn into a man like his father who ruined their lives simply because his bitch of a mother abandoned them. At least they didn’t have a child together, so if Yoichi abandoned him, then it would only be himself in the fall, he supposed.
他真的不想变成像他父亲那样的人，仅仅因为那个贱人母亲抛弃了他们，就毁了他们的生活。至少他们没有共同的孩子，所以如果Yoichi抛弃了他，那么坠落的就只有他自己，他这么想着。
“Michael… I can hear you thinking. Are you okay?” Yoichi’s voice had lowered to barely a whisper, but still just loud enough for Michael to hear him. He was carefully choosing his words, cautious to not sound accusatory or upset at Michael for jumping to conclusions. But really, was it even a jump when the article made it look like Yoichi’s friend was sucking on his neck?
“Michael… 我能听到你在想什么。你还好吗？”Yoichi的声音压低到几乎成了耳语，但仍足以让Michael听见。他小心翼翼地斟酌着言辞，生怕听起来像是在责备或对Michael急于下结论感到不满。但说真的，当文章描述得像是Yoichi的朋友在吸他的脖子时，这还能算是草率吗？
“I don’t know,” Michael responded. Short and sweet and honest. He really didn’t know. He felt a lot less angry than he did twenty minutes ago, but now in the emptiness of the rage was the uncertainty. If he agreed to continue on with Yoichi, would he ever be able to look at him the same way again? Would he be able to trust him? He wasn’t sure, and that scared him more than even the thought of Yoichi leaving. Because how on earth could he be with someone without the trust?
“我不知道，”Michael回答道。简洁、真诚。他确实不知道。他现在比二十分钟前少了很多怒气，但在愤怒的空虚中，是那不确定感。如果他同意继续与Yoichi同行，他还能像以前那样看待他吗？他还能信任他吗？他不确信，这比想到Yoichi离开更让他害怕。因为没有信任，他怎么能与某人在一起呢？
Would love for the young man be enough for him?
那个年轻人对他的爱意足够吗？
He hoped so. 他希望如此。
“I heard about the article this morning because Bachira told me he woke up with a pillow over his face… his boyfriend had jumped to the same conclusion as you.”
“我今早听说了那篇文章，因为巴奇拉告诉我他醒来时脸上盖着枕头……他男朋友和你得出了同样的结论。”
“It’s not exactly ‘jumping to conclusions’ when it was written out that way.”
“这样写出来，可不算是‘贸然下结论’。”
A pause from Yoichi’s end, before he heard a small snicker that Yoichi tried to hide. Michael could still really hear the laughter in his voice when he spoke once more, now shifting from comforting him to teasing him.
Yoichi 停顿了一下，随后听到 Yoichi 试图掩饰的轻笑声。当 Michael 再次开口时，声音中依然带着笑意，从安慰他转而开始逗弄他。
“You really are jealous, aren’t you?:
“你真的吃醋了，不是吗？”
“So what if I am?” Defensive, Michael knew, but it was fine. He wanted Yoichi to experience an ounce of what he was feeling, even if it really didn’t help their cause much. He wanted Yoichi to understand how this affected him, if Yoichi cared to continue their relationship past this point.
“那又怎样？”Michael 带着防备，心里明白，但没关系。他希望 Yoichi 能感受到他此刻的一丝情绪，即便这对他们的处境并无多大帮助。他希望 Yoichi 能理解这件事对他影响有多大，如果 Yoichi 还愿意继续这段关系的话。
“Why though? You know Bachira wouldn’t do anything. We aren’t like that, and never have been.”
“为什么呢？你知道巴奇拉不会做任何事的。我们不是那样的，从来都不是。”
“But I
don’t
know that, Yoichi? You won’t even let me hold your hand when we go out to dinner? Under the table even. But you let
him
get so close to you that people think you’re an item?” Michael bit his lip, knowing his voice was getting a bit too loud. He was alone in his home, with no neighbors close enough to over hear. But he was still ashamed for yelling. He didn’t want to be that kind of person to Yoichi. Even if he deserved it.
“但我不明白，Yoichi？我们出去吃饭时，你甚至不让我在桌子底下牵你的手？而他却能和你如此亲密，以至于人们都以为你们是一对？”Michael咬了咬嘴唇，意识到自己的声音有些太大了。他独自在家，附近没有邻居能听到。但他仍为自己大喊大叫感到羞愧。他不想成为对Yoichi那种人，即使对方可能活该。
“I thought that was what you wanted, though?” Yoichi’s statement was genuine. It took Michael off guard by a bit, the sadness at being accused so palpable in his voice.
“我以为那正是你想要的，不是吗？”Yoichi的语气真诚。这番话让Michael有些措手不及，被指责的悲伤在他声音中如此明显。
“Why would I want that?” Michael asked, voice rough and shaky. That… that had been all he wanted for the last few months. Maybe he hadn’t wanted it at first, when their relationship was still new and rocky. He didn’t want to get his own hopes up while the ins and outs of their relationship were broadcast for the world to see. He didn’t want
that
, but he did want Yoichi. “All I want is to be official, but you keep telling me no.”
“我为什么要那样？”Michael问道，声音沙哑而颤抖。那……那正是他过去几个月来所渴望的。或许一开始，当他们的关系还新鲜且不稳定时，他并不想要。他不希望在他们的关系细节被全世界围观时，自己抱有太多期待。他不想要那样，但他确实想要Yoichi。“我只想正式一点，但你总是拒绝我。”
He wanted to be official simply so no one else would touch Yoichi. For moments like this to never occur again. So that people, friends and fans alike, would think twice before leaning into
his
boyfriend’s space. But now it was Yoichi’s turn to be quiet. Process. Understand what Michael said.
他想要正式公开，只是为了不让任何人再接近Yoichi。为了不再发生这样的时刻。为了让人们，无论是朋友还是粉丝，在靠近他男朋友的空间时都会三思。但现在轮到Yoichi保持沉默了。思考。理解Michael所说的话。
“Why do you keep telling me no, Yoichi?”
“为什么你总是对我说不，Yoichi？”
“I don’t know…” Yoichi mumbled, and Michael could picture him now. Doing that annoyingly cute thinking face, hand on his chin as he tried to come up with an idea. A recollection of how all of this could have come to be.
“我不知道……”Yoichi喃喃道，Michael能想象出他此刻的样子。他正摆出那副令人恼火又可爱的思考表情，手托着下巴，试图想出一个主意。回忆这一切可能如何发生的经过。
“You don’t know…?” “你不知道……？”
“Maybe I was being stubborn… because you told me no so many times when we first started dating. So I wanted to make you squirm a bit, just like you made me squirm? Maybe…”
“也许我那时很固执……因为在我们刚开始约会时，你多次对我说不。所以我想让你也稍微难受一下，就像你让我难受那样？也许……”
That little shit. 那个小混蛋。
“I already think of you as my boyfriend, if that helps anything. I’m sure it doesn’t, but ever since you asked me the first time, I still thought of us that way, even if I was being a
bit
difficult.”
“我已经把你当成我的男朋友了，如果这能有所帮助的话。我知道这可能没什么用，但自从你第一次问我以来，我仍然那样看待我们，即使我当时有点难搞。”
Running a hand over his face, Michael leaned back into his couch, the plush material cocooning around his body as he threw his head back with a sigh. That really was like Yoichi… in all of his terrible, annoying cuteness.
伸手揉了揉脸，Michael 向后靠在沙发上，柔软的材质包裹着他的身体，他仰头叹息。那家伙真是像极了 Yoichi……那种糟糕透顶却又让人无法抗拒的可爱。
“I hate you so much…” Michael whined, the last of the fear and jealousy evaporating as he heard Yoichi fussing on the other side of the phone.
“我恨死你了……” Michael 抱怨道，听到电话那头 Yoichi 的唠叨声，最后一丝恐惧和嫉妒也随之消散。
“Liar. You
liiiike
me too much to hate me,” Yoichi teased, the smile returning to his voice as the confusion around this whole situation cleared up. Michael still hated it, because he would be fielding questions for days from those who knew he and Yoichi were a something. But, better that they be a something, than nothing at all Michael decided.
"“骗子。你太喜欢我了，根本不可能恨我，” Yoichi 调侃道，随着整个情况的明朗，他的声音中又恢复了笑意。Michael 仍然对此感到不爽，因为他将不得不面对那些知道他和 Yoichi 关系的人接连几天的问题。但，Michael 认为，与其什么都不是，不如成为某种关系。”
“Maybe.” “也许吧。”
“Maybe?” “也许？”
Just maybe Michael liked him a little bit more than anyone else he had ever met before and
maybe
he would give Yoichi a second chance. If he finally agreed.
或许Michael比他之前遇到的任何人都更喜欢他，也许他会给Yoichi第二次机会。如果他最终同意的话。
“So…” Michael drawled off, just to make sure Yoichi was still there. He didn’t exactly want to ask again, only for their service to drop and end the call.
“所以……” Michael 拖长声音说道，只是为了确认 Yoichi 还在。他并不想再次询问，结果服务中断导致通话结束。
“So…?” “所以…？”
“Boyfriend?” Michael asked, much less eloquently than the few times he had asked before. Previously, he had little speeches akin to engagement proposals, but Yoichi didn’t deserve that this time if he was going to be a brat with his emotions. God he hated having emotions sometimes, but it allowed him to fall in love with Yoichi, so he supposed it wasn’t
all
bad.
“男朋友？”Michael问道，这次远不如之前几次问得那么动听。以往，他总会说些类似求婚的深情告白，但这次如果Yoichi还要耍小孩子脾气，那他就不配得到那样的表白了。天啊，他有时真恨自己有感情，但正是这份感情让他爱上了Yoichi，所以他想，这也不全是坏事。
“Boyfriend, yes. I like the sound of that.”
“男朋友，没错。我喜欢这个称呼。”
“Good,” Michael sighed, finally removing his hand from his face. He almost felt human again instead of a raging cesspit of emotions, but he had still wasted more than half his day being angry, and he was in desperate need of a shower to cool his overheated skin. “I’ll call you back later. I need to eat something and shower.”
“好，”Michael叹了口气，终于把手从脸上移开。他几乎感觉自己又像个人了，而不是一个情绪汹涌的污水坑，但他还是浪费了大半天时间在生气上，现在迫切需要洗个澡来冷却过热的皮肤。“我晚点再打给你。我得吃点东西，再洗个澡。”
“Alright, take care of yourself until I get there in a couple weeks, okay?”
“好的，照顾好自己，等我两周后到，好吗？”
“Will do… Love you, Yoichi.”
“会做的…爱你，Yoichi。”
“Love you, too… wait, Michael? Love???”
“也爱你……等等，Michael？爱？？？”
Snickering, Michael hung up the phone, ignoring Yoichi’s whines on the other end of the line for Michael to
answer him
and
explain himself
.
窃笑着，Michael挂断了电话，无视Yoichi在另一端对Michael的哀求，要求他接电话并解释清楚。
It was only fair, right? To leave Yoichi squirming and fussing for the next hour while he took care of himself, just like Yoichi said. At least it would be a much more pleasant squirming of Yoichi blushing and trying to make sure he heard Michael correctly.
这样才公平，对吧？让Yoichi在接下来的一个小时里坐立不安、焦躁不安，而他则自己处理事情，就像Yoichi说的那样。至少这会让Yoichi脸红着，努力确保自己听对了Michael的话，显得更加愉快。
Which of course, he did.
当然，他这么做了。
Michael loved him, unfortunately as that might of been.
Michael 爱他，尽管这可能令人遗憾。
He loved him so unfortunately that he took him back without asking any questions, practically begged to be his boyfriend, and felt better the moment Yoichi assured him that he would never cheat on him or leave him.
他爱他爱得如此不幸，以至于不问任何问题就将他带回，几乎是在乞求成为他的男朋友，而当Yoichi向他保证永远不会欺骗他或离开他时，他立刻感觉好多了。
So unfortunate. 真不幸。
But so fortunate to be loved in return for once. By his sweet, annoying little boyfriend who was currently blowing up his phone, trying to get Michael to confirm.
但能被爱着回应一次，是多么幸运。来自他那甜美又烦人的小男友，此刻正疯狂轰炸他的手机，试图让Michael确认。
But no. If Michael had suffered for hours with the bad news that wasn’t even true, Yoichi could suffer for an hour with the news that most certainly was. It was only just. Michael loved him, and now Yoichi knew.
但没有。如果Michael因为那条甚至不属实的坏消息痛苦了数小时，Yoichi也理应为这条确凿无疑的消息承受一小时的煎熬。这才公平。Michael爱他，而如今Yoichi已知晓。
He wondered if he could take it back, just to make him squirm some more. But no, that would be much too cruel, wouldn’t it?
他琢磨着是否能收回那句话，只是为了让他再难受一会儿。但不行，那未免太过残忍了，不是吗？
He couldn’t be so cruel to the person he wanted to share the rest of his life with. The one he loved, even if he had been so silly to get caught with someone that wasn’t him.
他不可能对那个他想要共度余生的人如此残忍。即使他曾如此愚蠢地被别人吸引，他爱的人依然是她。
Maybe, when Yoichi visited next, he could make sure their relationship was paparazzi official, and let their managers deal with the fallout of Yoichi having two boyfriends in the eyes of the media. Truly, that would be the only way to repair his ego after this day. And Yoichi would understand, because Michael was sure he loved him too, and would let him get away with it.
或许，下次Yoichi来访时，他可以确保他们的关系被狗仔队正式曝光，让他们的经纪人去处理Yoichi在媒体眼中拥有两位男友的余波。说真的，这将是他今天唯一能修复自尊的方式。而Yoichi会理解的，因为Michael确信他也爱他，会让他得逞的。
At least most of it.
至少大部分是。