Kaeya finds himself in a peculiar enemies-with-benefits arrangement with his ex-sworn brother, and if he hadn’t experienced it himself, he would have no idea how they somehow got here.
凯亚发现自己与他的前誓兄弟处于一种奇特的“敌人变朋友”的关系中，如果他本人没有经历过，他根本不知道他们是如何到达这里的。

The first time it happened, Kaeya was half-convinced it was a dream his drunken self concocted up as a bizarre way to comfort him. A perverted, secretive fantasy from the deepest vestiges of Kaeya’s mind never meant to be spoken aloud, a pathetic wish for change. And yet Kaeya had actually let his thoughts spill like oil onto water on a random night when everyone had left Angel’s Share except Kaeya—and for reasons Kaeya still can’t discern, Diluc had indulged him. Let Kaeya unzip his trousers and use his hand and mouth till Diluc painted Kaeya’s face white. Gave him a wet rag and once Kaeya cleaned his face off, bid him goodnight and closed the door behind him as if nothing had ever happened.
第一次发生时，凯亚半信半疑，认为这是他醉酒后编造的一个奇怪的梦境，用以安慰自己。来自凯亚内心深处扭曲、隐秘的幻想，从未打算大声说出来，只是一个可怜的改变愿望。然而，凯亚实际上在所有人都离开天使份额，只剩下他一个人的某个夜晚，让他的思绪像油一样洒在水中——原因凯亚至今无法理解，迪卢克却纵容了他。让凯亚解开裤子，用手和嘴直到迪卢克把凯亚的脸涂成白色。给了他一块湿布，凯亚擦干净脸后，祝他晚安，关上门，仿佛什么都没发生过。

Maybe it should have ended there. It didn’t.
也许它本该在那里结束。但它没有。

The second time, Kaeya found him as Darknight Hero prowling the streets of Mondstadt at midnight, and Diluc bought his silence by making Kaeya cry out as he fucked him in an alleyway.
第二次，凯亚在午夜时分发现他在蒙德街头游荡，化身为暗夜英雄，迪卢克在一条小巷里与他发生关系，以此换取了他的沉默。

Do you miss me?  Kaeya thought but didn’t ask.
你有没有想我？凯亚心想，但没有问。

When they found themselves alone for a third time, Diluc brought him upstairs to the spare bedroom and rode Kaeya till he saw stars. 
当他们第三次独自在一起时，迪卢克把他带到楼上的备用卧室，直到他看到星星，才让凯亚停下。

Do you still care for me?
你还关心我吗？

The fourth time, Kaeya dragged Diluc back to his apartment because he could not explain that a pretty bird had made him miss Diluc so terribly that he didn’t know what to do with himself.
第四次，凯亚把迪卢克拖回他的公寓，因为他无法解释一只漂亮的鸟让他如此想念迪卢克，以至于他不知道自己该怎么办。

Please don’t hate me.
请别恨我。

For a fifth time, Diluc invited Kaeya over to the Dawn Winery under the pretence of a dinner to placate Adeline’s wishes for reconciliation. They rushed off to the nearest bedroom as soon as dessert was over and all the maids were dismissed. 
第五次，迪卢克以晚餐为借口邀请凯亚到黎明酒庄，以安抚艾德琳寻求和解的愿望。甜品结束后，所有女仆都被打发走，他们急忙跑进最近的卧室。

After that time, Kaeya stopped counting for the sake of his own sanity. He could not bear remembering. 
在那之后，凯亚为了自己的精神健康停止了计数。他无法忍受回忆。

And somehow they’re here again, just a few minutes after Diluc kicked everyone out of the tavern after closing time besides Kaeya, quietly staring at each other as they wait for one of them to finally break and close the distance between them.
他们不知怎么又在这里，就在迪卢克在打烊后把所有人都赶出酒馆，除了凯亚，他们静静地相互凝视，等待其中一人终于打破沉默，缩短彼此之间的距离，仅仅几分钟之后。

This shouldn’t happen. They should not be left alone together when all they will end up doing is hurting each other—whether that be through sex or murder. The only outcome is bloodshed, regret, and tears. But it doesn’t matter anyway. They are fated to find each other again, and again, and again—for better or for worse. 
这不应该发生。他们不应该单独在一起，因为他们最终只会互相伤害——无论是通过性行为还是谋杀。唯一的结局是血腥、遗憾和泪水。但无论如何都无所谓。他们注定会一次又一次地找到彼此——无论好坏。

Because wherever Kaeya goes, the ghost of Diluc follows—and it does not really ease Kaeya’s mind to know that he more than likely haunts Diluc too. They have no reprieve from each other.
因为无论凯亚走到哪里，迪卢克的鬼魂都会跟随——而且凯亚知道他很可能也在困扰着迪卢克，这并没有真正让凯亚感到安心。他们彼此之间没有喘息的机会。

A year ago, he may have thought he could not affect Diluc any longer, but when your target is as well known as the streets you grew up in, it didn’t take long to extricate an emotion or two out of him. Now, Diluc’s mask of indifference falls down as soon as the two of them are finally alone, and Kaeya does not feel bad for the satisfaction he feels in that.
一年前，他可能以为他已经无法影响迪卢克了，但当你所针对的目标就像你长大的街道一样众所周知，从他的身上挖掘出一些情感并不需要太多时间。现在，当两人终于独处时，迪卢克的冷漠面具立刻垮了下来，凯亚也为他在这种满足感中感到高兴。

As if his entire body isn’t thrumming in anticipation, Kaeya lackadaisically spins around on a bar stool to watch Diluc walk to the front door to lock it and dim the lights. There is this precarious moment—not necessarily hesitation because they have long since given up on figuring out how they feel about this newfangled back and forth between them—where Diluc stares at him like he has no idea what to do next. Kaeya wishes it could just be lust that he sees in those ruby-coloured eyes.
就像他的整个身体没有因为期待而颤动一样，凯亚懒洋洋地转着酒吧椅，看着迪卢克走到前门锁上并熄灭灯光。有一瞬间很危险——并不一定是犹豫，因为他们早已放弃去弄清楚他们对这种新奇的来回感觉如何——迪卢克看着他，好像不知道接下来该做什么。凯亚希望他看到的只是那双宝石色的眼睛中的欲望。

Are you scared of me? Kaeya wants to ask when Diluc looks at him like that. Of what I’ve done to you? Of who I’ve become because of you? 
你害怕我吗？凯亚想问，当迪卢克那样看着他时。是我对你做了什么？还是因为我而变成了怎样的人？

Or even the other way around—of who you’ve become, the things you’ve done?
甚至反过来——关于你变成了什么样的人，你做过的事情？

Kaeya never does ask; he simply does the next already well-practised step in their uncanny waltz and hops off the stool to walk over, grabs Diluc’s collar, and kisses the bar owner as hard as he can.
凯亚从不询问；他只是简单地按照他们不可思议的华尔兹中的下一个已经熟练的步骤行动，从凳子上跳下来走过去，抓住迪卢克的衣领，然后尽可能地亲吻酒吧老板。

They rarely speak to one another as these rare explosive moments happen. It is all rough and all a game of push and pull. Of crushing lips against lips, because to acknowledge any other sort of pain would rightfully draw them apart yet again. Of pressing bodies unceremoniously against any nearby surface, because like all their conversations, it’s in a grapple of power. Of hands running through mussed-up tresses, forever in their self-made tug-of-war. 
他们很少交谈，因为这些罕见的爆炸性时刻发生时。一切都是粗糙的，是一场推拉游戏。嘴唇紧贴嘴唇，因为承认任何其他类型的痛苦都会让他们再次分开。身体无礼地紧贴着任何附近的表面，因为像他们所有的对话一样，它是一场力量的角斗。手指穿梭在凌乱的发丝中，永远在进行他们自创的拔河比赛。

“Kaeya.”  “凯亚。”

What they do say, is each other’s names—invariably cementing their crimes, coining the wrongness of it all.  
他们所说的，只是彼此的名字——不可避免地巩固了他们的罪行，铸就了这一切的错误。

Kaeya licks into his mouth, as if he’s searching for a memory Diluc refuses to recognise. Meanwhile, Diluc unbuttons Kaeya’s blouse and shucks off his own coat, long since past caring about the fact they’re stripping in his own bar. More clothing is carelessly tossed onto a nearby table till their torsos are bare, and Kaeya wants to stop and appreciate the pretty freckles smattered across Diluc’s chest. But Kaeya cannot stop the flurried kisses Diluc presses to his lips, and then his jaw, then neck, and he does not even try. Diluc does not drop to his knees, but it’s something akin to that as he lowers himself onto the hardwood floor and his deft fingers immediately go to pull down Kaeya’s waistband. Not as if in worship though—that would be laughable. Diluc doesn’t seem capable of showing any tenderness towards Kaeya, and he would never try.
凯亚舔了舔嘴，仿佛在寻找迪卢克不愿承认的记忆。与此同时，迪卢克解开凯亚的衬衫，脱下自己的外套，早已不在乎他们在自己的酒吧里脱衣服的事实。更多的衣物随意地扔到附近的桌子上，直到他们的身体裸露，凯亚想要停下来欣赏迪卢克胸膛上斑驳的漂亮雀斑。但凯亚无法阻止迪卢克在他嘴唇、下巴、脖子上匆忙的亲吻，他甚至没有尝试。迪卢克没有跪下，但那类似于跪下，当他自己趴在硬木地板上时，他灵巧的手指立刻去拉凯亚的腰带。但这并不是在崇拜——那将是可笑的。迪卢克似乎无法对凯亚表现出任何温柔，他永远不会尝试。

It confuses Kaeya, that a man so hell-bent on hating him kisses him so much, kisses him as if Kaeya is noxious, addictive air he cannot forgo. But it is just another way of using Kaeya, and Kaeya is a self-aware fool who will give in each time. How can he not? He doesn’t know when the last time will be. He doesn’t know if Diluc will grow tired of him and toss him away like a dandelion after you’ve blown away all the seeds. So he clings on, determined to prove himself useful, crawling back to Diluc every time Diluc offers him an opening.
它让凯亚感到困惑，一个如此憎恨他的人却如此频繁地亲吻他，仿佛凯亚是那种他无法抗拒的有毒、上瘾的空气。但这只是利用凯亚的另一种方式，而凯亚是一个自我意识的傻瓜，每次都会屈服。他怎能不呢？他不知道最后一次是什么时候。他不知道迪卢克是否会厌倦他，像吹走所有种子后丢弃蒲公英一样将他抛弃。因此，他紧紧抓住，决心证明自己的有用，每次迪卢克给他一个机会时，都会爬回去。

Is it love that brings him back each time? Is it obsession? Masochism? Detestation? Kaeya fears he will never know. It doesn’t matter in the grand scheme of things when he’s getting a smidgen of what he can pretend is affection later. 
是他每次回来都是因为爱吗？是痴迷？自虐？厌恶？凯亚害怕自己永远无法知道。当他能假装得到一点他所谓的关爱时，在大局中这并不重要。

In the back of Kaeya’s mind, he wishes it were not so convoluted. The naive, childish part of him wants the saccharine; he wants gentility and ease reminiscent of their long bygone past. There is nothing uncomplicated about this exchange, but it is better than nothing at all. 
在凯亚的内心深处，他希望事情并非如此复杂。他天真幼稚的那部分渴望甜蜜；他想要的是那种让人联想到他们久远过去的优雅和轻松。这次交流并不简单，但总比什么都没有要好。

And at the very least, Diluc likes to suck him off before he fucks Kaeya, and he does a damn good job of it too. 
至少，迪卢克喜欢在和他上床之前先让他爽，而且他在这方面做得相当出色。

Ha, picture that, Diluc liking anything relating to Kaeya at all. No wonder he’s such a quick-shot when Diluc gags on his cock and looks as though he really does want for Kaeya to feel immense pleasure.
哈，想象一下，迪卢克喜欢任何与凯亚有关的东西。难怪当迪卢克堵住他的鸡巴时，他会如此迅速，看起来好像他真的想让凯亚感受到巨大的快感。

Well. Kaeya knows that he does want this with him. This is all supposedly voluntary, and if one of them were to ever revoke their consent, their wishes would be respected immediately—they may be cruel to each other, but to retraumatize is a step too far. 
好吧。凯亚知道他确实想要和他在一起。这一切都应该是自愿的，如果他们中的任何一个人想要撤销同意，他们的愿望将立即得到尊重——他们可能彼此残忍，但重新创伤是一步太过分了。

But is it really uncoerced, when they continually helplessly orbit each other, as the stars and moons do in Teyvat’s fake sky? Is there any escape from Diluc’s beguiling eyes, his perpetually warm hands, his wicked tongue? Kaeya hasn’t found it yet. He’s not sure if he wants to look for it at all.
但当他们像提瓦特虚假天空中的星星和月亮一样不断无助地绕着彼此旋转时，这真的是无拘无束的吗？能否逃离迪卢克的迷人眼神、他那始终温暖的手、他那邪恶的舌头？凯亚还没有找到。他甚至不确定是否想要去寻找。

“Diluc…” Kaeya whines the name of the man sucking his soul out of his dick as he takes Kaeya as far as he can down his throat. Even here, Diluc likes to prove that he’s better. Kaeya doesn’t care much for competition in this case, not when he feels that he’s getting close. He gives Diluc’s now loose and messy ponytail a tug in warning, and when Diluc looks up into his eyes and simply nods, he lets go, watching as Diluc struggles only the slightest bit to swallow everything down. They’ve practised quite a bit by now, and Diluc is a fast learner.
“迪卢克……”凯亚抱怨着那个吸走他灵魂的男人，同时把凯亚吞到喉咙深处。即使在这里，迪卢克也喜欢证明自己更出色。凯亚对此并不太在意，毕竟他觉得自己的进步很快。他轻轻拉了拉迪卢克现在松散凌乱的马尾辫作为警告，当迪卢克抬头看着他，只是简单地点头时，他松开了手，看着迪卢克努力吞咽，但只是稍微挣扎了一下。他们现在已经练习了很多次，迪卢克是个快速学习者。

When Diluc pulls away and stands up, wiping his mouth with the back of his arm even though he didn’t dribble a single drop of Kaeya’s spend, his breathing is heavy and ragged. He presents his fingers to Kaeya’s mouth, and obedient in a way Kaeya never is anywhere or with anyone else, Kaeya sucks on them immediately, tonguing each crease and crevice. Once Diluc is seemingly satisfied with how wet his fingers have become with Kaeya’s saliva, he demands in a hoarse voice, “Turn around and bend over.”
当迪卢克拉开距离并站起来，尽管一滴也没溅到凯亚的饮料上，他还是用胳膊肘擦了擦嘴，他的呼吸沉重而粗重。他将手指伸到凯亚嘴边，凯亚以一种他从未在任何地方或对任何人表现出的顺从，立刻吮吸它们，用舌头舔遍每一个褶皱和缝隙。一旦迪卢克似乎对凯亚唾液使他的手指变得多湿润感到满意，他沙哑地要求，“转过身去，弯下腰。”

It’s not right, Kaeya knows, to posture himself in front of a man who has only been capable of enacting pain on him in recent years. If their exchanges could be classified as a relationship at all, it would be a lurid, toxic one. But Kaeya only feels impossibly good when he feels the heat of Diluc’s fingers scissoring him open, because if there’s anything that can soothe a tortured soul such as Kaeya’s, it is the one who wrecked him in the first place.
它不对，凯亚知道，在一位近年来只能对他施加痛苦的男人面前摆出姿态是不对的。如果他们的交流可以算作一种关系的话，那将是一种令人厌恶、有毒的关系。但凯亚只有在感受到迪卢克的指尖撕裂他的热度时才会觉得难以置信地好，因为如果有什么能安抚像凯亚这样的受折磨的灵魂，那最初摧毁他的人就是最好的。

Kaeya can pretend it is like medicine being injected into his body as Diluc splits him open with his cock. He can act as if the slow but short-lived pace is a silent apology. He can try to believe that this is the only way Diluc knows how to talk to him. 
凯亚可以假装这就像是被注射到他的身体里，迪卢克用他的阴茎把他劈开。他可以表现得好像这种缓慢但短暂的步伐是一种无声的道歉。他可以试着相信，这是迪卢克知道如何与他交谈的唯一方式。

Diluc’s teeth nip at the bare, vulnerable tan skin of Kaeya’s nape as he looms over him, pressing that scarred, broad chest to Kaeya’s equally as marked back. Obscene, squelchy sounds that would make even the likes of Rosaria blush fill the room, and yet Kaeya makes no effort to hide his moans, to tamper down the hums coming from Diluc’s own throat. The walls are soundproof, and he’s a sinner anyway. He’s too tired to care. What’s the point of pretending like this can be anything else than it is? Like they can be anything else but enemies stuck with each other forever, tied to the name spelt on the gravestone of a loving father?
迪卢克的牙齿咬在凯亚裸露、易受伤害的棕褐色皮肤上，他俯视着他，将那道疤痕累累、宽阔的胸膛紧贴在凯亚同样明显的背上。房间里充满了淫秽、粘滑的声音，即使是罗莎莉亚也会脸红，然而凯亚并没有试图隐藏他的呻吟，也没有试图压低从迪卢克喉咙里传来的嗡嗡声。墙壁隔音，他无论如何都是个罪人。他已经累得不在乎了。假装这一切不是它本来的样子有什么意义？像他们可以不是永远被束缚在一起的敌人，被刻在爱心父亲墓碑上的名字所束缚吗？

They were not enemies once; it is what binds them together besides this deplorable, ineluctable attraction. But it is hard to dig deep and find relics of that softness underneath the violent way Diluc pounds into him from behind, his fingertips branding themselves into the sides of Kaeya’s waist as Kaeya’s hands latch onto the other edge of the table for dear life. 
他们曾经并非敌人；除了这种令人遗憾、无法抗拒的吸引力外，正是这种力量将他们紧紧相连。但深入挖掘，却难以找到那柔软的遗迹，因为迪卢克从背后用暴力撞击他，指尖烙印在凯亚腰侧，而凯亚则紧紧抓住桌子的另一边，为了宝贵的生命。

It’s a shame. In another universe, they would have made love, would have cherished each other, had a healthy relationship naturally bloom from years of happily intertwining their souls together. Because you can say what you want about the Diluc of now and the Kaeya of today—but there’s no denying the fact that there is no one who knows either of them as well as each other. Kaeya knows that no one else took such good care of him, no one else who listened as well, who reassured him at every turn, who tried so hard for Kaeya as much as Diluc did—up until he didn’t. 
这是一件遗憾的事。在另一个宇宙里，他们会相爱，会珍惜彼此，从灵魂深处幸福地交织在一起，自然而然地培养出一段健康的关系。因为你可以对现在的迪卢克和今天的凯亚说任何你想说的话——但无法否认的事实是，没有人比他们更了解彼此。凯亚知道，没有其他人像迪卢克那样照顾他，没有其他人像他那样倾听，在他每一步都给予安慰，为他付出如此多的努力——直到他不再这样做。

But it was Kaeya’s fault that their relationship was ruptured so suddenly, right? His problems are because of Diluc, and yet they remain because of himself, so he can’t blame Diluc for any of that either.
但关系突然破裂是凯亚的错，对吧？他的问题是因为迪卢克，但问题仍然存在是因为他自己，所以他也不能把责任归咎于迪卢克。

Even the downright perfect feeling of Diluc’s cock is a problem, because Kaeya knows that everyone he will have, and has had, pales in comparison to the only person Kaeya has ever easily trusted in his entire life.
即使迪卢克的阴茎完美无缺的感觉也是个问题，因为凯亚知道，无论他将来会拥有谁，或者曾经拥有过谁，都无法与凯亚一生中轻易信任的那个人相比。

Gods. What must they look like to others besides two ex-sworn brothers taking their guilt and frustration out on each other? A dull tapestry of distressed fabric, barely hanging onto a wall with loose, fraying threads? A splintered mirror in a cracked frame, bloodied but shimmery shards scattered around? A rusty set of a lock and key, edges so rough and jagged they can only fit together with enough pressure?
神啊。他们在外人眼中看起来会是什么样子呢？除了两个曾经的誓言兄弟，将他们的罪恶和挫败感发泄在彼此身上？一幅布满破损的织物，勉强挂在墙上，松散的线头四处飘扬？一个破碎的镜框中的碎片，血迹斑斑但闪烁着光芒？一套生锈的锁和钥匙，边缘粗糙且参差不齐，只有足够大的压力才能勉强合拢？

Kaeya forgets where he was trying to go with this extended metaphor as Diluc bullies his prostrate and wraps his lithe fingers around Kaeya’s throat. He never squeezes—it’s just a reminder that he could. 
凯亚忘记了他在用这个扩展的隐喻试图去哪里，因为迪卢克欺负他跪地，并用他灵活的手指绕住凯亚的喉咙。他从不真的挤压——这只是提醒他他可以这么做。

Their sex should be so much more vicious. They could be throwing each other around, never stopping to ask for what the other wants, harshly ignoring any overstimulation. It should leave much more than just a few long-lasting bruises and fingerprint marks on Kaeya, should leave Diluc with more than just deep scratches and purpling bite marks. But it’s never that painful, and Diluc never pushes for anything rougher than what they can simply do with hands and teeth and belts, so Kaeya doesn’t ask for more either. Even though he could, for Diluc. Even though he would. 
他们的性应该更加凶猛。他们可以互相抛来抛去，从不停下来询问对方想要什么，粗鲁地忽视任何过度刺激。这应该在凯亚身上留下不仅仅是几处长期淤青和指纹，应该在迪卢克身上留下不仅仅是深深的划痕和紫色的咬痕。但这从未那么痛苦，迪卢克也从未要求比他们用手、牙齿和皮带能做的更粗暴的事情，所以凯亚也不会要求更多。尽管他可以为迪卢克做到，尽管他会。

Diluc could so easily kill him here. Kaeya would let him—a last form of penance. But Diluc never does more than threaten, and Kaeya still wonders why. After all, outside of their filthy rendezvouses, all Diluc does is snarl at him in the most restrained gentlemanly way possible and draw his claymore as soon as Kaeya dares to come too close or makes an ill-received joke. Or worse, treats Kaeya as if he never meant anything to him at all.   
迪卢克在这里轻而易举就能杀了他。凯亚会让他——这是一种最后的赎罪方式。但迪卢克从未做过超过威胁的事，凯亚仍然不明白为什么。毕竟，除了他们那肮脏的约会之外，迪卢克只是以最克制的绅士方式对他咆哮，并在凯亚敢靠得太近或讲一个不受欢迎的笑话时立刻拔出他的长剑。或者更糟，把凯亚当作对他毫无意义的人对待。

But maybe he just likes panting curses and Kaeya’s name in the Cavalry Captain’s ear. Maybe he likes trailing his hands up and down Kaeya’s bony spine, feeling the bumpy ridges. Maybe he likes biting down on Kaeya’s shoulders. Maybe he likes rhythmic beats of skin meeting skin. Maybe he likes the expressions Kaeya makes when he pulls his hair back for a heated, desperate kiss that leaves both of them breathless and dazed. 
但他可能只是喜欢在骑兵队长的耳边低声诅咒，还有提到凯亚的名字。他可能喜欢把手沿着凯亚瘦削的脊椎上下移动，感受那些凹凸不平的脊背。他可能喜欢咬住凯亚的肩膀。他可能喜欢皮肤接触皮肤的节奏性敲击。他可能喜欢凯亚在激烈而绝望的吻中扯回头发时做出的表情，那场吻让两人都气喘吁吁、神志不清。

What a confusing man. But he’s Kaeya’s confusing man, and for whatever reasons that are beyond Kaeya, Kaeya is his only dance partner in this sordid dance that they do. 
多么令人困惑的人。但他是凯亚的困惑之人，无论是什么原因超出了凯亚，凯亚是他在这场肮脏的舞蹈中唯一的舞伴。

“I’m close.” Diluc mumbles, teeth tugging on the shell of Kaeya’s ear to make sure Kaeya hears him. “Where do you want it?”
“我快到了。”迪卢克咕哝着，用牙齿扯着凯亚的耳朵，确保凯亚能听到他。“你想在哪里？”

“Inside.” Kaeya answers in a throaty gasp, and even though they both know the clean-up is more irksome this way, Diluc always indulges Kaeya when he asks. 
“里面。”凯亚沙哑地回答，尽管他们都知道这样清理更麻烦，但迪卢克每次都会满足凯亚的请求。

And Diluc—kind in the strangest of places—slides his hand to wrap around Kaeya’s cock. Wholly unnecessary for someone who should just be using Kaeya for his body, for his own pleasure. 
并且迪卢克——在奇怪的地方也显得温柔——将手滑向绕住卡耶亚的阴茎。对于应该只利用卡耶亚的身体，为了自己的快乐的人来说，这完全是多余的。

With a few more trembling, uncoordinated thrusts, Diluc reaches his peak with a gravelly groan, pulling Kaeya’s ass flush to his hips. Kaeya can’t help but reach his own end quickly as he feels Diluc fill him up, moaning at the animalistic satisfaction that spreads throughout his body alongside the delightful shivers of a well-built orgasm. 
随着几股颤抖、不协调的推搡，迪卢克发出沙哑的呻吟达到高潮，将凯亚的臀部紧紧贴在自己的臀部。凯亚忍不住迅速达到自己的高潮，感受到迪卢克充满自己，伴随着高潮带来的愉悦颤抖，身体中弥漫着动物般的满足感。

Archons, Kaeya almost wishes that Diluc didn’t know how to play his body like the taut lines of a lyre. It would make it so much easier to let go. 
天神，凯亚几乎希望迪卢克不知道如何像竖琴的紧绷琴弦一样操纵自己的身体。这样让他放手会容易得多。

But it is peaceful in Kaeya’s mind for once. It is quiet, it is sated. Kaeya will not give this up, no matter how embarrassing it feels to give yourself up again and again to a man who once tried to end your life. After all, that same man was once the little boy who brought Kaeya minty bean soup whenever he was sick. That same boy held his hand as they ran through fields of vibrant grass in search of pretty flowers to lay on Diluc’s mother’s gravestone at the cathedral. That same man was a young teenager who trained with him, intending to make the blue-haired teen his second-in-command. Kaeya will never be able to separate that kind boy from the scornful man who returned from Snezhnaya.
但这一次，凯亚的内心是平静的。它很安静，很满足。无论再次将自己一次次地交给曾经试图结束你生命的人有多么尴尬，凯亚都不会放弃。毕竟，那个人曾经是每次凯亚生病时都会给他带来薄荷豆汤的小男孩。那个男孩会在他们穿过充满活力的草地寻找漂亮的花朵，放在大教堂里迪卢克的母亲的墓碑上时握着他的手。那个人曾经是一个年轻的青少年，和他一起训练，打算让这位蓝发少年成为他的副手。凯亚永远无法将那个善良的男孩与从斯涅日内亚回来的那个轻蔑的男人分开。

Diluc doesn’t move immediately. Sometimes he does, and it leaves Kaeya feeling cold, used, and lonely. But sometimes, if they make it to a bed, he holds Kaeya for more than a few minutes, going so far as to drape the blanket over them both. Kaeya always gets up first though—lest he becomes accustomed to this generosity and starts thinking Diluc will treat him like that outside of their meetings.
迪卢克并不立即行动。有时他会，这让凯亚感到寒冷、被利用和孤独。但有时，如果他们到了床上，他会抱着凯亚超过几分钟，甚至把毯子披在他们俩身上。不过凯亚总是先起床——以免他习惯了这种慷慨，开始认为迪卢克在他们的会面之外也会这样对他。

Today, Diluc seems content to spend a minute or two motionlessly sprawled on top, and Kaeya closes his eyes and forgives the discomfort he feels from the table underneath them for these precious few moments of serenity.  
今天，迪卢克似乎满足于一动不动地躺在上面一两分钟，而凯亚闭上眼睛，原谅了他们下面桌子带来的不适，享受这宝贵的几秒钟宁静。

Diluc’s breathing pattern eventually evens out, and he slowly pulls out, eliciting another subdued whimper out of Kaeya. Kaeya can barely hear the swishes of Diluc’s pants as he pulls them back on over the still-rushing pounding of his heartbeat. Kaeya stays in his bent-over position, not ready to stretch and stand up on his shaky legs just yet, but his eyes fly open and he shrieks when he feels something cold and wet touching his abused hole. He whips his head around to an abashed Diluc holding a rag to his ass. 
迪卢克的呼吸模式最终平稳下来，他慢慢地抽离，引起凯亚发出一声压抑的呻吟。凯亚几乎听不到迪卢克穿回裤子时的沙沙声，因为他的心跳仍在激烈地跳动。凯亚保持弯腰的姿势，还不打算伸展身体站起来，但当他感觉到冰冷湿润的东西触碰到他受伤的部位时，他的眼睛猛地睁开，发出一声尖叫。他猛地转过身，看到羞愧的迪卢克正用一块布擦拭他的臀部。

“Sorry, I should have used hot water.” Diluc mutters, before pressing the rag to Kaeya once again to scoop out the cum he emptied out into the blue-haired man.
抱歉，我应该用热水。迪卢克咕哝着，再次把布压在凯亚身上，把从他身上挤出来的精液舀出来。

“Next time.” Is all Kaeya can say in return, biting his lip, shocked by the earnestness. What a tragedy, when such gestures and apologies would not have seemed so out of the blue just a little over five years ago, and now all it does is give Kaeya a weird sense of discomfort mixed with surprised delight.
下次再说。”凯亚只能如此回应，咬着嘴唇，被这份真诚所震惊。多么悲剧，如果这样的举动和道歉在五年前不会显得如此突然，而现在它只是给凯亚带来了一种奇怪的不适感，夹杂着惊喜。

When Diluc is done, he continues to be the eccentric man that he is and helps Kaeya stand up. There is yet another tense moment, where Diluc holds Keaya up and they stare into each other's eyes, robbed of any words to say. That is, before Diluc closes his eyes and leans in, pressing the softest, gentlest of kisses to Kaeya’s lips. A kiss that is laced with a terrifying brand of tenderness—a kiss inappropriate to have anything to do with the mangled mess of their current pseudo-relationship. 
当迪卢克完成之后，他继续保持着他古怪的本性，并帮助凯亚站起来。又是一个紧张的瞬间，迪卢克扶起凯亚，他们互相凝视着对方的眼眸，无言以对。那就是，在迪卢克闭上眼睛，倾身向前，用最温柔、最轻柔的吻印在凯亚的唇上之前。一个带着令人恐惧的温柔之吻——一个与他们的当前虚假关系混乱一团格格不入的吻。

“What was that for?” Kaeya dares to ask with a bated breath after Diluc pulls back. 
那是为了什么？”在迪卢克收回手后，凯亚屏住呼吸地问道。

What do you see, when you look at me? What makes you stay?  
你看着我时，看到了什么？是什么让你留下？

Diluc looks less on edge as Kaeya feels, but he has this faux-air of nonchalance on. “I just wanted to.” He says.
迪卢克看起来没有凯亚那么紧张，但他却装出一副漫不经心的样子。“我只是想这么做。”他说。

“Oh. Okay.” What else is Kaeya meant to say to that? What is he meant to do in response to the warm, stirring feeling in his chest, the tiniest flickers of dreadful hope? 
哦。好吧。那凯亚还打算说什么？面对胸中的温暖、激动的情感，以及那微弱的、可怕的希望闪烁，他打算如何回应？

“Can I kiss you again?” Diluc asks in a quick rush of air, and Kaeya's jaw nearly drops open. For the first time in a long time, Kaeya can see a trace of the young, sweet, honest boy he grew up with. 
“我可以再亲你一次吗？”迪卢克急促地问道，凯亚的下巴几乎要张开了。很长时间以来，凯亚第一次看到了他小时候那个年轻、甜美、真诚的男孩的影子。

Hesitantly, Kaeya places his hands on Diluc’s cheeks, no longer so round and squishy but still quick to redden—his face is emanating a blazing heat. Kaeya’s thumb grazes the bottom of one plush, now swollen lip, watching how Diluc responds to his touch. Diluc says nothing in opposition; instead, he slowly snakes his hands up Kaeya’s sides to hold his waist, ghosting the marks he’d just left. He does not pull. He waits.
犹豫地，凯亚把手放在迪卢克的颊上，不再那么圆润和柔软，但仍然容易泛红——他的脸上散发出炽热的温度。凯亚的拇指轻轻滑过一瓣丰满的嘴唇底部，观察着迪卢克对他触碰的反应。迪卢克没有反对地说什么；相反，他慢慢地将手沿着凯亚的腰侧向上移动，握住他的腰，仿佛在抹去他刚刚留下的痕迹。他没有拉扯。他等待着。

Kaeya could never really deny him where it mattered. “Of course you can.” He finally replies, and he barely says the last word before Diluc’s lips are on him again—with none of the expected anger behind them. No grief, no vehemence. The kisses only feel so intense because they are completely out of the ordinary. And because Diluc is holding Kaeya as if he’s a recently discovered treasure, kissing him as though he is a spouse welcoming their partner back home, appreciating him instead of just squeezing as much out of Kaeya as he wants. Kaeya lets his body relax, lets his hands caress the sides of Diluc’s face, and lets himself kiss Diluc back without listening to the alarm bells ringing in his head.
凯亚无论如何也无法否认他在意的地方。“当然可以。”他终于回答，在他再次被迪卢克吻上之前，几乎没说出最后一个字——他们之间没有预期的愤怒。没有悲伤，没有激烈。吻之所以感觉如此强烈，仅仅是因为它们完全超出了寻常。而且因为迪卢克像对待新发现的宝藏一样抱着凯亚，吻他就像是一个欢迎伴侣回家的配偶，欣赏他而不是像他想要的那样从凯亚那里榨取尽可能多的东西。凯亚让他的身体放松，让他的手抚摸迪卢克的脸颊，让自己回吻迪卢克，而不去听他脑海中响起的警报声。

This is nothing like their previous kisses. This is nothing like how they usually touch each other. They are never anything so tame, or intimate, or exploratory.
这与他们之前的吻截然不同。这与他们通常的触摸方式截然不同。他们从不如此温顺，或亲密，或探索。

Kaeya pulls away first, careful not to give in to this feeling too quickly, to let his guard drop and have his heart broken yet again. Diluc gives him just a moment before kissing him again, as if he cannot stand to be without Kaeya’s lips. And after finally pulling away from one of those ruinous kisses, Diluc whispers, “Come upstairs with me.” 
凯亚首先抽身，小心翼翼地不让自己迅速屈服于这种感觉，以免放松警惕，再次心碎。迪卢克在他再次亲吻之前给了他一点时间，仿佛他无法忍受没有凯亚嘴唇的感觉。最终从那场毁灭性的亲吻中抽身之后，迪卢克低声说：“跟我上楼去吧。”

But maybe they can be different this time around. Maybe more change is okay. Maybe Kaeya isn’t doomed to bear this muted yet relieving pain forever.
但也许这一次他们可以有所不同。也许更多的改变是可以接受的。也许凯亚并不注定要永远承受这种压抑却又舒缓的痛苦。

Diluc kisses his eyes, lingering on the one with an eyepatch. He holds up a hand and waits.
迪卢克吻了他的眼睛，停留在戴着眼罩的那只上。他举起一只手，等待。

Maybe—someday, though it can’t be anytime soon—they can bravely love each other in the open.
也许——虽然不会很快，但总有一天——他们可以勇敢地在公开场合相爱。

Only time will tell. For now, though, Kaeya takes Diluc’s proffered hand in his, and follows Diluc upstairs.
只有时间会证明。不过，目前，凯亚握住了迪卢克的伸出的手，跟着他上楼。