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The sins of the father

Chapter 3: Live, you fool

Chapter Text 正文

Day 72 第 72 天

The king is attempting to enjoy his evening bath once again, but once again, an assassin shows up.

And once again, Itoshi Rin appears to thwart the assassin.
而再一次,Itoshi Rin 出现以阻止刺客。

For the third time, in fact.

Rin's sword is razed through the assassin's ribcage, then brought up and out effortlessly through the man's neck. Blood sprays and coats the king's bathroom floor once more.

"God... Can a man not enjoy his bath these days?" The king stares angrily at the assassin's blood, now pooling around Rin's feet. He watches on quietly as Rin cleans the blood from the edge of his blade.

"You keep showing up here to kill me, yet you keep saving me instead. Have I somehow earned myself a personal bodyguard?"

Rin's eyes flash up and over.

Thud. Thud. Thud. 咚。咚。咚。

He steps across the bathroom, bloody boot prints trailing behind him as he walks.

When the knight reaches the king's bathtub, his sword is raised sideways, flat side up. The tip of the steel brushes Isagi's chin and the blade, along with the king's head, are flicked up. The action forces eye contact.

"You're my prey, Isagi Yoichi. Don't you forget, that means I'll definitely kill you. No one else may claim your life."
“你是我的猎物,Isagi Yoichi。别忘了,这意味着我必定会取你性命。无人能夺走你的生命。”

"That sounds pretty romantic, actually. Are you saying... My life belongs to you?"
“听起来其实挺浪漫的。你是说... 我的生命属于你了吗?”

The steel moves back, down, away, and swiftly returns to its sheath.

"Romantic? No. You're an idiot."

"I think you're just flirting with me. Join me in here why don't you?"

Rin outwardly grimaces. "Disgusting," he snarls, then makes to exit the bathroom. The king follows close after him.
Rin 表面上皱眉。“恶心,”他咆哮道,然后准备离开浴室。国王紧随其后。

"I think I need to hire new king's guards. Or just have like ten guards in here with me..." he steps around the corpse and pool of blood then shrugs his housecoat on. "Or... Just you. Anyways, you haven't killed me yet, Rin. Which means... Maybe you're warming up to me, after all?"

Rin looks back at this.
Rin 回想起这一刻。

"The time isn't right." “时机不对。”

"The time is never right, is it? Because you don't want to kill me."

"I'm not any of these cowards. I wouldn't murder a man in his bathtub, in his bed, nor anywhere in his bedroom. The time will be right when I fucking decide it is."

"Right," Isagi says, now removing his housecoat to change. "You get to see me naked any time you want. Is this why you linger around in here during all manner of days and nights? Do you even sleep? Do you sleep in that? You know you have shifts, right? The other guards—"
"好吧," Isagi 说着,开始脱下睡袍准备换衣服。"你想看我裸体随时都可以。这就是你白天黑夜都徘徊在这里的原因吗?你甚至睡觉吗?你就穿那个睡?你知道你有班次吧?其他守卫——"

"The other guards are useless."

"Well... True. We only get these type applying to the king's guard, though, and most of them don't even want to serve my family."

"For good reason," Rin adds. He's now at the door. It's swung open and shut as he departs, and Isagi is left alone again.

The cold steel of Rin's blade had edged at his neck, yet the man made no action to kill him. Isagi is truly beginning to wonder if Rin actually is warming up to him, after all.

Though it could also be true that he's simply being picky about the timing of Isagi's death, and that does scare the king.

Despite Rin's words, Isagi no longer feels the intensity of the man's prior bloodlust.

Actually, Isagi has to admit to himself that he, albeit hesitantly, is starting to feel safer with Rin hanging around the way he does.

However, despite his seemingly unbothered exterior, king Isagi grows weary of the assassination attempts in his bathroom.

Day 94 第 94 天

Mirroring day 72 almost perfectly, another assassin is killed in Isagi's bathroom while he's in the bathtub. This time, though, the king's reaction is far different.
几乎与第 72 天如出一辙,又一名刺客在Isagi国王泡澡时于其浴室内被击毙。但这一次,国王的反应截然不同。

"God, I'm sick of this. I'm tired of this... I—The damn bathroom reeks of blood."

Rin's demeanor is also different, too. He watches on in silence as the king, in his nakedness, rouses from his tub and throws his housecoat over his body.

"Light the incense, then."

"Fuck the incense. Fuck the assassins. And fuck you, too. The king grows tired of this. All of this. All these attempts on my life... People hate me for no reason. You hate me for no reason."

Now at the doorway, where Rin still stands, Isagi attempts to push past, but he's stopped by a strong arm around his forearm.

"Unhand me," he snaps at the knight, "If you aren't going to kill me then let me sleep. I hope I don't wake up. Actually, kill me in my sleep. Please. I've had enough of living this way."

Rin stares on but says nothing. He's never seen the king lose his composure as such before.

Isagi shrugs the arm off and pushes himself past, but he's stopped again, this time Rin's grip is even stronger and wrapped about his bicep.

"Let me go," he whispers. Anger has dissolved from the king's voice and it's replaced by something else.

Despair. 绝望。

"Not a single damned person in this castle cares for me. Not one. Taro tries to care but the man served my father before me, he's as uncaring as the rest. These assassins... They try and they try but you keep stopping them. If I were alone I'd have let them kill me by now. Let them take me or take me yourself. I can't stand to do this anymore."

Suddenly, the king is yanked backward and Rin's heavy footfalls slowly step toward the bathtub as he drags him.

When they reach the tub, he pulls the king over and in front of him, between himself and the water.

"The water grows lukewarm, your grace."

"I care not for the state of the water. I hate this bathtub. I hate this bathroom. Most of all, I hate that you're here. You. The one who claims to hold possession of my life, waiting to take it opportunistically like some bird of prey... You, Rin..." Isagi's voice falters and cracks, tears welling in the corners of his eyes.
我不在乎水的状况。我讨厌这个浴缸。我讨厌这个浴室。最讨厌的是你在这里。你,那个自称掌控我生命的人,像一只伺机而动的猛禽般等待着夺走它……你,Rin……” Isagi的声音颤抖破裂,泪水在眼角涌出。

"I hate how safe I feel when you're here. And I hate that I've somehow grown... Grown fond of you... In all your death threats, you then turn around and save my life... Over and over and over again... I—"

Interrupted, the king is pulled in closer to the knight by the collar of his housecoat.

"You damn fool..." Rin whispers, "How many times must I save your life before you understand?"
"你这个该死的傻瓜..." Rin 低声说道,"要我救你多少次,你才能明白?"

"I understand nothing..." Isagi whispers back. The king now cries but his eyes hold firm on the knight's gaze.
"我什么都不明白..." Isagi 轻声回应。国王此刻泪流满面,但他的目光坚定地与骑士对视。

King Isagi seems confused, his features are pained. Anguished. His hands wrap about Rin's cheeks and he pulls him in.

It's there that his confusion peaks and he kisses the knight. The one who wants to kill him. The one who desires revenge on his family.

The one who's saved his life yet again.

The kiss is gentle and conveys the king's distress. The touch of his lips are soft and also desperate. It doesn't last long, but it does last for longer than Isagi expects.

He thinks he feels Rin kissing him back. Maybe for only a moment or two... But he feels it nonetheless. Those lips appear to the eye as alluring as blood or venom, yet, when Isagi feels their touch, their longing mirrors his own.

By the hands still gripping the collar of his housecoat, Isagi is shoved back.

"God... I've wanted to do that for a while now..." the king whispers.

He's suddenly twisted around, to face the soapy water in his bathtub in front of him, away from Rin, but he feels himself pulled back and against the other man.

One of the knight's arms snakes up around the king's neck and his hand pulls the head back a little further than the body, into the nape of his own neck. A firm yet intimate action.

"The bath grows lukewarm, your grace," Rin whispers, repeating his earlier statement, this time his voice is a low growl.

In one swift motion he tears the housecoat from the king's body and shoves him forward, into his oversized tub.

When the king surfaces, he coughs a little and rubs soap suds from his eyes. When he turns back to address the knight, he sees the man has already crossed his bathroom and is positioned in the doorway, facing away.

"Wash the blood spatter from your face," Rin says, tossing Isagi's housecoat over the edge of the door beside him as he speaks.
"洗掉脸上的血迹。" Rin 说道,一边说着一边将 Isagi 的浴袍扔到他身旁的门框上。

"Wash the blood from your legs and feet. Take care to avoid the blood on the floor when you leave the bathroom as well. And pick yourself up, idiot-king."

Rin doesn't see, but Isagi's eyes are wide, shocked, as he listens.
Rin 没看见,但 Isagi 的眼睛瞪得大大的,震惊地听着。

"Rin... Thank you." "Rin... 谢谢。"

"Save your thanks for someone who needs it. And if I ever hear you say such lukewarm things again, I'll kill you right then and there."

And with that, Rin is out the door and gone.
就这样,Rin 走出门去,消失不见了。

You see, on day 93, the night prior, something inside Rin's heart had suddenly changed to meet Isagi's change of heart. Perhaps, by the red string of fate that connected them. Perhaps by some other force.
你看,在第 93 天,前一晚,Rin的心中有什么突然改变了,以适应Isagi的心意转变。或许是那根红线命运的牵引,又或许是某种其他力量的作用。

Things would continue to change in this manner in the days and weeks following, too.

Day 93 第 93 天

The day prior to the happenings of day 94, Rin is doing what he does every night.
在第 94 天事件发生的前一天,Rin正做着他每晚都会做的事。

Though he'd slowly started to feel something changing in his heart. The results of this would now show themselves.

Kill. Kill. Kill. Kill. Kill. Kill. Kill. Kill. Kill Isagi Yoichi.
杀。杀。杀。杀。杀。杀。杀。杀。杀 Isagi Yoichi。

Isagi Yoichi must die.
Isagi Yoichi必须死。

These were the thoughts that always filled Itoshi Rin's mind at night without fail.
这些念头总是在夜晚准时充斥着Itoshi Rin的脑海。

Yet on day 93 of acting as king's guard to Isagi Yoichi, his nightly ritual was disrupted.
然而,在担任Isagi Yoichi国王护卫的第 93 天,他的夜间惯例被打破了。

Rin would normally stab the tip of his dagger into Isagi's portrait at least once a night, but on that night 93 days following his deal with Isagi, he found his hand hovering above the tattered paper. The hand quivered, the mind wavered.
Rin通常每晚都会将匕首尖刺入Isagi的肖像至少一次,但在与Isagi达成交易的第 93 天晚上,他发现自己的手悬停在破旧的纸张上方。手在颤抖,心在动摇。

He found himself thinking not of the tyrant king, nor his brother, nor his revenge, but of other things. Things that were new and unfamiliar to him.

That night he instead pictured the fool of a king parading himself around in the slums, stripping down every article of clothing he wore on his back, down to his linens, bringing as much gold as he could carry, and giving every piece of it off to the poor. Every week without fail.

He recalled the calm and calculating gaze that would judge its subjects and give swift and fair justice.

The idiot-king who'd told him I'm not my father and resolved to prove just that to him.

In that moment Rin's conviction faltered. His purpose for living, for persisting in the world, was failing him.

Kill. Kill. Kill. No. Kill. No. No. No.


Stop. 停下。

Kill. 杀。

Stop. 停下。

Kill. 杀。

No. No. No. No.

Day 93 following their deal and Isagi's plan had finally come into fruition.
协议达成后的第 93 天,Isagi的计划终于得以实现。

Rin had slowly come to realize that Isagi Yoichi was, indeed, not like his father at all. And though he could kill Isagi anyways, take his revenge regardless of this fact, his conscience was kicking in strong.
Rin渐渐意识到,Isagi Yoichi确实一点也不像他父亲。尽管他可以不顾这一事实,无论如何都要杀死Isagi,以报仇雪恨,但他的良知正在强烈地敲打着他。

And for someone like Rin, this was a terribly painful thing.

His hand white-knuckle gripping the hilt of his dagger, it lingered above Isagi's portrait but would not move downward as it normally did. His breath was hiking in his lungs, growing ragged and labored as he battled with himself in the confines of his own mind. The hand began to tremble and he didn't blink.

No. No. No. No. NO. NO. NO. DIE. NO. DIE. DIE. DIE. DIE. DIE.

DIE. 去死。

DIE. 去死。

DIE. 去死。

The hand flicked the dagger back, away from Yoichi's portrait. Rin instead turned the blade on himself.

He clenched his jaw, biting his own lip with such force that blood began to pool in his mouth. Rin was used to such a taste, though, and he was used to physical pain.

He'd never forget the smell of blood or the feel of driving his blade through someone's heart. Violence had been etched so deep into every inch of his body, every corner of his heart and soul, that he didn't know anything else.

The emotional pain that hit him there, with his dagger pointed at his own wrist. That was what broke him.

He'd done so many things. Countless horrible things. Killed so many people. So so so many people. In order to be recognized as a decorated knight in the eyes of the crown, he'd killed nine-hundred twenty-four people. He'd kept count, yes.

Sae, his beloved brother was gone, and no vengeance he sought would ever bring him back. The tyrant king was dead, and Isagi Yoichi was, indeed, not his father. Not at all.
赛,他深爱的兄弟已经离去,无论他寻求怎样的复仇,都无法让他归来。暴君国王已死,而Isagi Yoichi确实不是他的父亲。一点也不是。

A flicker of Rin's former self was starting to peek through and he thought:

Coward. Bastard. Evil and despicable.

He'd done all those vile things, killed all those people, tarnished every inch of himself entirely, yet he now knew it in his heart.

Isagi Yoichi did not deserve to die.
Isagi Yoichi 不该死。

All those lives taken, all those despicable things done to end himself up there in that castle, only for him to find out he didn't have the courage nor the heart to kill Isagi Yoichi.
所有那些生命被夺走,所有那些卑鄙的手段只为让他自己登上那座城堡,结果却发现他既没有勇气也没有心去杀害Isagi Yoichi。

Rin's hatred, along with his dagger, was then turned in on himself.

His hand shook and twitched violently as he brought the blade down, but once it touched the skin of his wrist, only ever so slightly, he dropped the weapon to the floor beneath him.

He couldn't bring himself to kill Isagi. He couldn't even kill himself. Couldn't end his own loathsome, disgusting, despicable existence.

Rin fell forward, onto his hands and knees, and wailed in agony, the heavy sound of his broken voice rending through the silence in his room.
Rin 向前扑倒,双手和膝盖着地,痛苦地哀嚎着,他破碎的声音沉重地撕裂了房间里的寂静。

He physically couldn't cry. His mind and heart had grown numb to their core.

But in that moment, he was starting to feel again. Guilt. Regret. And such an intensely powerful depth of self-loathing.

God, it hurt. To feel the weight of all those lives he'd taken. The blood of each and every person that had drenched him like rain now felt like fire burning his skin, scorching him alive.

He could never escape violence. There would be no redemption for him... No. It was all a part of him now. He was falling further and further every day—He could never escape from the grasp of hell that was pulling him deeper down with each and every breath he took. He saw himself as a monster, a demon, and knew there was nothing about him worth saving.

There was another, though... One who could still be saved.

Live. 活着。

Live. 活着。

Live. 活着。

Live, you bastard. You demon. Live.

If he desired a new purpose, he knew there was one still standing right in front of him.

Rin sheathed his dagger and placed it away. He tore Isagi's portrait to shreds and disposed of it.
Rin 收起匕首,将其放置一旁。他撕碎了Isagi的肖像,并将其处理掉。

This new purpose had already, slowly, started to fill him. This was all he had left.

The knight's conviction changed on that evening, and a new purpose for living took hold of him, echoing in the enclosure of his mind, shining bright like a single star within an otherwise endless abyss:

Isagi Yoichi must live.
Isagi Yoichi 必须活下去。

So there he was, on night 94, to save the fool again. From another assassin, yes.
于是,在第 94 个夜晚,他又出现了,为了再次拯救那个愚蠢的家伙。是的,从另一个刺客手中。

And from himself, too. 也为了拯救他自己。

As Itoshi Rin's conviction returned to him with his newfound purpose, Isagi Yoichi's will to live was faltering and falling away. So there the knight was to pick his king back up and place his crown back on his head.
随着新目标的确立,Itoshi Rin的信念重新燃起,而Isagi Yoichi的生存意志却在逐渐消退。于是,骑士便要扶起他的国王,将王冠重新戴在他的头上。

When Isagi kissed him, though...

God, that felt so fucking good. And he absolutely hated that he liked it.

Whoosh. Back into the tub you go, your grace.

"Rin... Thank you." "Rin... 谢谢。"

"Save your thanks for someone who needs it. And if I ever hear you say such lukewarm things again, I'll kill you right then and there."

Live, you damned idiot. 活下去,你这该死的傻瓜。

And don't go kissing people like me. You don't want me, you fool. No... You don't. Not really.

Come too close to me and you'll taint the purity of your soul with the darkness of mine.

You don't want to know how it feels to love someone like me, Yoichi.