Archive of Our Own ^beta

Part one 第一部分

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Ferdinand was very wrong about the dolls. Very wrong! Bernadetta had never, ever made dolls of anyone she knew and certainly didn't do anything creepy with them! But now that she started to think about it a bit more she realized it actually wasn't such a bad idea as all that. 
费迪南德对娃娃的看法大错特错。大错特错！伯纳黛塔从来没有为她 认识的任何人制作过玩偶，当然也没有对他们做过任何 令人毛骨悚然 的事情！但现在她开始更多地考虑这个问题，她意识到这实际上并不是一个糟糕的主意。 

She really didn't have any enemies, per se. No one she really hated. Some people she avoided because they made her nervous, but that was not exactly unusual for her. Every one of her friends had their good points. All except one, who she knew almost nothing about because he terrified her so much she never even bothered to get to know him. 
她本身真的没有任何敌人。她真的讨厌没有人。她避开了一些人，因为他们让她感到紧张，但这对她来说并不罕见。她的每个朋友都有自己的优点。除了一个人，她几乎一无所知，因为他让她非常害怕，以至于她甚至都懒得去了解他。

Maybe making a doll of him would help. 
也许做一个他的娃娃会有所帮助。

And so she gathered the thread, in every color she needed, and went to the market to buy pale, pale peach cloth, and black, and a little bit of dark blue.
于是，她把线收集起来，用她需要的每一种颜色，去市场买一些苍白的桃色布，还有黑色的，还有一点点深蓝色的。

Bernie got back to her room and breathed deep. It was very lucky no one she knew was at the market so she didn't have to answer any questions about it. She got to work sewing the little mini Hubert. She made the body very simple, and with the details focused on the face first, giving him little embroidered features and pieces of black fabric for the hair. But now it was dark out and she hadn't had dinner or done any of the cleaning chores she had promised to do, so the rest would just have to wait until the next day. 
伯尼回到她的房间，深吸了一口气。很幸运，她认识的人都没有在市场上，所以她不必回答任何关于它的问题。她开始缝制小迷你休伯特。她把身体做得非常简单，细节首先集中在脸上，给他一些小的刺绣特征和几块黑色的头发。但现在天黑了，她没有吃晚饭，也没有做任何她答应做的清洁工作，所以剩下的只能等到第二天。

She packed her things up and went to the dining hall for dinner, and it was so very late that nobody was there and the only food available was the crusty bottom of the pan, and she almost considered making something herself but her hands were sore and a little bit bloody from some needle difficulties. If only she had some moisturizer. Or healing magic. 
她收拾好东西，去餐厅吃晚饭，天色已晚，没有人在那里，唯一可用的食物就是锅底硬皮，她几乎想自己做点什么，但她的手酸痛，因为针头有些困难，有点血。要是她有一些保湿霜就好了。或者治愈魔法。

Muttering to herself, she actually sat and ate in the dining hall this time. Not so scary if nobody is around. And there was a pretty nice view out the windows, or at least there would have been if it wasn't a new moon and pitch black outside. She almost wished they were marching just so she could see the stars. But no, being on base was much more comfortable. She had all her things and could retreat to her room whenever she felt the need. 
喃喃自语着，这次她居然在食堂里坐着吃饭。如果周围没有人，那就没那么可怕了。窗外的景色相当不错，或者至少如果不是新月和外面漆黑一片的话，会有这样的景色。她几乎希望他们行进只是为了让她能看到星星。但是不，在基地里要舒服得多。她拥有所有的东西，只要她觉得需要，她就可以撤退到她的房间里。

Speaking of which. She retreated to her room. No one saw her or spoke to her on the way back and this was just how she liked it. She'd grown, of course, and wasn't terrified of everyone anymore, but it was still preferable to her, most of the time, to be alone. 
说到这里。她退回到自己的房间。在回来的路上没有人看到她或与她交谈，这就是她喜欢的方式。当然，她已经长大了，不再害怕所有人了，但大多数时候，独自一人对她来说还是更可取的。

Unfortunately, the doll was still on the bed as well as several needles, so she put everything on the nightstand to finish in the morning and fell asleep very quickly. 
不幸的是，娃娃还在床上，还有几根针，所以她把所有东西都放在床头柜上，早上吃完，很快就睡着了。

She was a skilled craftsman. She got much of the rest of the doll finished throughout the morning and a little into the afternoon. The problem came when she forgot about all the details on his clothes, and needed a reference. She'd have to go out looking for the man himself.  
她是一位技艺精湛的工匠。她整个上午和下午都完成了娃娃剩下的大部分。当她忘记了他衣服上的所有细节时，问题就来了，需要一个参考。她得亲自出去找那个男人。

She never knew anyone's habits or usual haunts, since she spent almost all of her time holed up in her room. Sometimes the professor would come by and talk to her through the door,  and occasionally someone would specifically seek her out and come to her room to speak with her, but other than that it was a complete mystery what anyone did in their free time. If only she had some kind of map that would tell her everyone's location. 
她从来不知道任何人的习惯或平常出没的地方，因为她几乎把所有的时间都花在了自己的房间里。有时教授会从门口过来和她说话，偶尔有人会专门找她，到她的房间里和她说话，但除此之外，任何人在空闲时间都做了什么，这完全是一个谜。要是她有某种地图就能告诉她每个人的位置就好了。

Immediately after leaving her room she practically ran into Linhardt. He was nice, and never expected much of her, so he made her feel pretty comfortable most of the time. Aside from that one time he called her cute! She'd run away after that, terrified of the implications. But that was a long time ago.  
一离开她的房间，她就几乎遇到了林哈特。他很好，从不对她期望太多，所以他大部分时间都让她感觉很舒服。除此之外，有一次他叫她可爱！在那之后，她就逃跑了，害怕这些影响。但那是很久以前的事了。

“Um, could you actually maybe help me with something?”
“嗯，你真的能帮我做点什么吗？”

He turned, surprised she was actually talking to him. “Me? Help you? This doesn't involve actual effort, does it?”
他转过身来，惊讶于她居然在和他说话。“我？帮你吗？这不涉及实际的努力，不是吗？

“Um ….. not really! I was just wondering if you knew where Hubert usually was. I need to uh. Look at him.”
“嗯.....没有！我只是想知道你是否知道休伯特通常在哪里。我需要呃。看看他。

He just raised an eyebrow. “Look at him? Why?”
他只是挑了挑眉毛。“看看他？为什么？

“For very secret reasons that I can't tell you! I'm sorry.” She started to blush. “It's just kind of embarrassing.”
“出于非常秘密的原因，我不能告诉你！对不起。她开始脸红。“这有点尴尬。”

“A crush? That's not embarrassing.”
“暗恋？这并不令人尴尬。

“ It's not a crush! Are you going to help me or not?”
“ 这不是暗恋！ 你要不要帮我？

Linhardt rolled his eyes. “Sorry, Bernadetta, I barely ever see him on normal days. He's never at the pond, or the greenhouse, or the dining hall, at least not when I'm eating. He goes to the library on occasion. I suppose I could wander around with you looking for him if you want. If you'll tell me what the reason is. I'm sort of curious.”
林哈特翻了个白眼。“对不起，伯纳黛塔，我平时几乎没见过他。他从来不在池塘边，也不在温室边，也不在食堂里，至少我吃饭的时候不这么。他偶尔会去图书馆。 我想 如果你愿意，我可以和你一起四处闲逛寻找他。如果你能告诉我原因是什么。我有点好奇。

“Help me, then I'll tell you the reason.”
“帮帮我，那我就告诉你原因。”

“If you don't end up telling me,” he said with a yawn, “I'll threaten you or something.”
“如果你最后不告诉我，”他打了个哈欠说，“我会威胁你什么的。

He really was threatening to threaten her. How strange. It was to be expected, and it really didn't scare her anymore. She had learned long ago that Linhardt was far too lazy to bother being any kind of threat to anyone. 
他真的在威胁要威胁她。多么奇怪。这是意料之中的，这真的不再吓到她了。她很久以前就知道，林哈特懒得对任何人构成任何威胁。

“I will tell you. After. Let's go.”
“我会告诉你的。后。我们走吧。

“Okay,” he said, “only because I don't have any other plans at the moment. Let's go to the library first.”
“好吧，”他说，“只是因为我现在没有任何其他计划。我们先去图书馆吧。

They made their way to the library, but no one besides Lysithea was there, and she yelled at them basically the moment they walked in, saying that she was learning a new spell and she needed complete silence and they should come back later. Linhardt remarked that the library was a public place but she shot him such a terrible look that he turned heel and left.
他们向图书馆走去，但除了莉西西娅之外，没有人在那里，她基本上在他们走进来的那一刻就对他们大喊大叫，说她正在学习一个新的咒语，她需要完全安静，他们应该稍后再来。林哈特说，图书馆是一个公共场所，但她给了他如此可怕的眼神，以至于他转身离开了。

“Is she always like that?” Bernadetta asked, scurrying behind him.
“她总是这样吗？”贝尔纳黛塔问道，匆匆跟在他身后。

“Only when she is in deep focus. Though she can be quite mean at times.”
“只有当她处于深度关注状态时。虽然她有时可能 很刻薄。

Bernadetta smiled faintly. “All right, where to next?”
伯纳黛塔淡淡地笑了笑。“好吧，下一步去哪里？”

“The dining hall. Everyone needs to eat, I assume. Though maybe Hubert feasts on human blood or something.”
“餐厅。我想每个人都需要吃饭。虽然也许休伯特喜欢吃人血什么的。

Bernadetta screamed quietly. “Please don't say things like that!”
伯纳黛塔小声尖叫着。“请不要说这样的话！”

“Oh. Sorry. I'm just joking, anyway.”
“哦。不好意思。反正我只是在开玩笑。

“Well it's not a very funny joke,” she said with a pout. 
“嗯，这不是一个非常有趣的笑话，”她撅着嘴说。

He wasn't in the dining hall either. Apparently he did not eat. Or at least did not have an early dinner. 
他也不在食堂里。显然他没有 吃东西。或者至少没有早点吃晚饭。 

“I'm getting bored of this,” Linhardt said after they left. 
“我对此感到厌烦，”林哈特在他们离开后说。

“Um. We could have some dinner? If you want? I'm hungry.”
“嗯。我们可以吃点晚饭吗？如果需要帮助，？我饿了。

“Yeah, all right. But then I'm going to my room to take a nap.”
“嗯，好吧。但后来我要回房间小睡一会儿。

“But - but we never found Hubert! Don't you want to know my secret?”
“可是——可是我们一直没有找到休伯特！你不想知道我的秘密吗？

“Not as much as I want to sleep.”
“不如我想睡的那么多。”

She shouldn't have tried to get Linhardt to help her with anything. Ugh. 
她不应该试图让林哈特帮助她做任何事情。呸。

So now, after eating and being abandoned, she was all on her own. Where else would he even be? Maybe she should just give up, she thought, but the doll really would be very cute with all the extra details. And it might actually help her get over her fear! Maybe she could make more dolls of the others too! But this one would be the prototype. 
所以现在，吃了又被 抛弃之后， 她全靠自己了。他还会在哪里？也许她应该放弃，她想，但这个娃娃真的会非常可爱，包括所有额外的细节。这实际上可能会帮助她克服恐惧！也许她也可以制作更多的其他人的娃娃！但这个将是原型。 

She went to the market right outside the school gates, but he wasn't there either. He'd never be at the cathedral, being famously against religion and the goddess in general, but maybe Bernie wanted to go there to relax. She made her way over, looking around carefully as she went, but there was no one to be found at all that she even knew. Useless, fruitless exercise! She sat in the ruined cathedral and imagined the goddess was there. 
她去了校门外的市场，但他也不在那里。他永远不会去大教堂，因为他是出了名的反对宗教和一般的女神，但也许伯尼想去那里放松一下。她走过去，边走边小心翼翼地环顾四周，但根本没有找到她甚至认识的人。无用、徒劳的运动！她坐在被毁坏的大教堂里，想象着女神就在那里。

“Goddess,” she whispered, sitting in the pew, “Please help me to stop being so scared of everything. And I'm sorry about. Well, everything. I would understand if you were upset with us. I think this war thing is gonna make a better world, but what do I know? I'm just Bernie. Not really anyone important. I know I should probably just try to feel more confident in myself, but it's really hard. Um. Sorry for bothering you.”
“女神，”她坐在长凳上低声说，“请帮助我停止对一切事物的恐惧。我很抱歉。好吧，一切。如果你对我们感到不满，我会理解的。我认为这场战争会让世界变得更美好，但我知道什么？我只是伯尼。真的不是什么重要的人。我知道我可能应该试着对自己更有信心，但这真的很难。嗯。对不起，打扰您了。

What a stupid prayer, she thought with a wince. She didn't really believe in the goddess anyway, but lately she had taken to praying as a way to comfort herself. Even if no one listened, it was nice to ask for things and share her secrets.
多么愚蠢的祈祷，她皱着眉头想。无论如何，她并不真正相信女神，但最近她开始以祈祷作为安慰自己的一种方式。即使没有人听，也很高兴提出要求并分享她的秘密。

“My other secret,” she whispered, “is I do have a little crush. But I fear that's very childish, and he'd never be interested in me.”
“我的另一个秘密，”她低声说，“我确实有一点好感。但恐怕这很幼稚，他永远不会对我感兴趣。

Oh well. Luck, and maybe the goddess, was not on her side today. 
那好吧。运气，也许还有女神，今天不站在她这边。

She found him, at last, the next afternoon, standing on the bridge to the cathedral, and quickly knelt down. She was on the non - cathedral side, staring from behind a doorway. He was just standing there, seemingly admiring the pegasi. Really cute , she thought, and waited for him to get just a little bit closer so she could take notes on his clothes. After a good ten minutes, he finally came back towards where Bernadetta was hiding. She dashed off to a little alcove and waited for him to pass by, then followed at a safe distance until he stopped at the old classroom and read the bulletin board. 
第二天下午，她终于找到了他，站在通往大教堂的桥上，并迅速跪下。她站在非大教堂的一侧，从门口后面凝视着。他只是站在那里，似乎在欣赏天马。 真的很可爱 ，她想着，等着他稍微靠近一点，这样她就可以在他的衣服上做笔记了。足足过了十分钟，他终于回到了贝尔纳黛塔藏身的地方。她冲到一个小壁龛前，等他经过，然后以安全的距离跟在后面，直到他在旧教室停下来阅读公告板。 

She took her notes as hastily as she could, but he turned and looked right at her. 
她尽可能匆忙地做笔记，但他转过身来，直视着她。

“Circling me again, Bernadetta? What is it that you need?”
“又围着我转，伯纳黛塔？你需要什么？

“I- nothing!” “我——没什么！”

“Are you certain?” He didn't take his eyes off her, but they softened. 
“你确定吗？”他没有把目光从她身上移开，但它们软化了。

“Well, I want to tell you more but I think I might catch on fire if I did so I'm going to just -” she stared hard at his outfit, trying to remember,  “go now!”
“嗯，我想告诉你更多，但我想如果我这样做了，我可能会着火，所以我要——”她狠狠地盯着他的衣服，试图记住，“现在走！

She ran off and he remained, muttering something. She didn't stick around to listen, bolting to her room and closing the door. 
她跑开了，他留下来，嘟囔着什么。她没有留下来听，冲进自己的房间，关上了门。

Now that she had it fresh in her mind, she sketched out the rest of the outfit and drew arrows for colors. The rest of the day flew by, though her fingers were sore by the end of it. But she was finished! It had taken even more hours, but the doll was done and even stuffed with some feathers she'd collected from one of the game chickens some time ago. 
现在她脑子里已经记忆犹新了，她勾勒出衣服的其余部分，并画了颜色的箭头。剩下的日子过得飞快，尽管她的手指在结束时已经酸痛了。但她完蛋了！花了更多的时间，但娃娃已经完成了，甚至塞满了她前段时间从一只野鸡那里收集的羽毛。

She hugged it. It was so soft and fluffy. She'd given the doll a very severe expression, and now she laughed. Something so cute looked silly with such a dour expression, but that was fitting anyway. 
她拥抱了它。它是如此柔软和蓬松。她给了娃娃一个非常严厉的表情，现在她笑了。如此可爱的东西看起来很傻，表情如此阴郁，但无论如何，这很合适。

All that night she cuddled the doll, embarrassed.  
那天晚上，她尴尬地抱着娃娃。

Days passed, and each night she slept with the doll, almost entirely forgetting about her plan to make more. This one had taken nearly two full days because she had gotten so obsessed with the little details. Making several more would be truly time-consuming, and she had training to do. Important war training. 
几天一天过去了，每天晚上她都和娃娃睡在一起，几乎完全忘记了她要赚更多的钱的计划。这个花了将近两天的时间，因为她太过痴迷于这些小细节。再做几个确实很耗时，而且她还有 训练 要做。 重要的战争训练。 

One day when she was completely exhausted from training and her mind a jumble from studying, she stumbled into bed and kissed the doll a few times on the thin little scowl she'd given him. Now thoroughly embarrassed, she went to sleep. 
有一天，当她因训练而筋疲力尽，脑子因学习而一团糟时，她跌跌撞撞地上床，在她给他的薄薄的小皱眉上吻了几下娃娃。现在她感到非常尴尬，就去睡觉了。

Another time, she stroked the doll in between his legs. She was going a little stir crazy, clearly. There was absolutely no other explanation. At least, not another one that allowed her to keep her dignity. This strange obsession of hers was going much too far. 
还有一次，她抚摸着他两腿之间的娃娃。显然，她有点激动得要疯狂。绝对没有其他解释。至少，不是另一个让她保持尊严的人。她的这种奇怪的痴迷太过分了。

She finally got to work on making a Dorothea doll. She saw Dorothea all the time and remembered exactly what her clothes looked like. Plus they were very monochromatic. Not so many pieces of fabric to buy. Prices were increasing, anyway, and things like colorful cloth were getting more scarce. They were going to begin marching in just another week. 
她终于开始制作多萝西娅娃娃了。她一直看到多萝西娅，清楚地记得她的衣服是什么样子的。另外，它们非常单色。没有那么多布料要买。无论如何，价格在上涨，像五颜六色的布料这样的东西越来越稀缺。他们打算再过一个星期就开始游行了。

The Dorothea doll only took one day. She didn't use as much detail.  But she didn't really cuddle it as much as the other one. Though she did love Dorothea and found her very beautiful, it didn't feel the same. Not anymore, at least. Not since the last few days when all she'd been able to think about was Hubert. 
多萝西娅娃娃只花了一天时间。她没有使用那么多细节。但她并没有像另一个人那样真正拥抱它。虽然她确实爱多萝西娅，觉得她很漂亮，但感觉并不一样。至少现在不会了。自从最近几天以来，她能想到的只有休伯特。

When it was finally time to begin their march, she'd grown quite attached to her first little doll. Would it be horribly childish and strange to bring it with her on the trip? No, she decided. No one had to know, anyway. She could just cuddle him at night, inside her sleeping bag, and nobody would be any the wiser. She was terrified of seeming like a creep, or a weirdo, but more terrifying was this next leg of their journey. They were going to the kingdom, which was not only freezing, it held several people she used to be friends with. Ashe, Mercedes, Annette - the thought of having to face these people in battle was more terrifying than anything else she could think of at the moment. She really needed a little comfort. 
当终于到了他们开始行军的时候，她已经对她的第一个小娃娃产生了浓厚的兴趣。在旅途中带上它会是不是很幼稚和奇怪？不，她决定了。反正没人需要知道。她可以在晚上把他抱在睡袋里，没有人会比他更聪明。她害怕看起来像个怪人或怪人，但更可怕的是他们旅程的下一站。他们要去的是那个王国，那里不仅结冰，而且里面关着几个她曾经是朋友的人。阿什、梅赛德斯、安妮特——一想到不得不在战斗中面对这些人，她此刻能想到的任何事情都更可怕。她真的需要一点安慰。

She and Ashe had painted together a few times, along with Ignatz, who had taught them both how to use pastels. At least Ignatz was part of the Empire now. She wouldn't ever have to kill him. And Mercedes and Annette used to bring her cookies and pastries sometimes. They'd always been very sweet, and not imposing at all. They never minded her being too shy to come more than a step out of her bedroom. They'd just smiled and talked to her softly about the process of baking the treats. It was one of the things she missed most about the academy. If she had to see them, had to fight them - it would just be unbearable. 
她和阿什一起画过几次画，还有伊格纳茨，伊格纳茨教他们俩如何使用粉彩。至少伊格纳茨现在是帝国的一部分。她永远不必杀了他。梅赛德斯和安妮特有时会给她带来饼干和糕点。他们总是很可爱，一点也不气势汹汹。他们从不介意她太害羞，不敢走出卧室一步。他们只是微笑着，轻声与她谈论烘焙零食的过程。这是她最想念学院的事情之一。如果她不得不看到他们，不得不与他们战斗 - 那将是无法忍受的。

But she still believed in what they were doing. She just wished it wasn't her that had to be the one doing it. She wasn't suited for a thing like this. 
但她仍然相信他们正在做的事情。她只是希望不是她 必须是做这件事的人。她不适合做这样的事情。 

They set out, though, and she sat on her horse, growing colder with every passing minute. The Kingdom was always so cold. She reached into her pack and squeezed the hand of the doll and pretended she was holding the real thing. He was up ahead on a horse of his own, his own hands twitching. 
然而，他们出发了，她坐在马上，每过一分钟就变得更冷。王国总是那么冷。她把手伸进背包里，捏住娃娃的手，假装她拿着真东西。他骑着自己的马走在前面，自己的手在抽搐。

At long last they got to a camp and stopped for the night. The food on these trips was always completely abysmal. She had to make do with some jerky, hard tack, and dried fruits. 
最后，他们到达了一个营地，停下来过夜。这些旅行中的食物总是非常糟糕。她不得不勉强吃一些生涩、硬钉子和干果。

When the tents were set up she went to hers almost immediately. It had been far too long of a day to sit around socializing. She quickly fell asleep and woke up to more cold. Caspar was eagerly getting everyone out of bed and she wanted nothing more than to curl into a little ball and disappear. But this was not the Varley manor anymore. She had to rise, and help. 
当帐篷搭好后，她几乎立刻就去了她的家。这一天太长了，无法坐下来进行社交活动。她很快就睡着了，醒来时发现更冷了。卡斯帕急切地让每个人都起床，她只想蜷缩成一个小球然后消失。但这已经不是瓦利庄园了。她必须站起来，帮忙。

As she scrambled to get everything packed up, Caspar shouted her way. 
当她匆匆忙忙地收拾好所有东西时，卡斯帕尔大声喊道。

“Uh, Bernadetta, something just fell on the ground there! A doll or something - wait, that doll almost looks like…”
“呃，伯纳黛塔，有什么东西掉在地上了！一个娃娃什么的——等等，那个娃娃几乎看起来像......”

Before he could get a closer look, she snatched the doll up and shoved it deep inside her pack. Unfortunately, as she looked around, she noticed that Hubert had seen the whole thing. He was looking directly at her with an expression she could only assume was murderous. 
他还没来得及仔细看，就把娃娃抓了起来，深深地塞进了背包里。不幸的是，当她环顾四周时，她注意到休伯特已经看到了整件事。他直视着她，表情让她只能认为是杀气腾腾的。

She ran away from the whole scene as fast as she could. Never mind that they were going to resume their march shortly. Maybe they should just leave her behind. 
她以最快的速度逃离了整个现场。没关系，他们很快就会恢复他们的行军。也许他们应该把她抛在后面。

But once she caught her breath she felt a little bit better. But oh no- footsteps. She turned to see who it was. It was Hubert because of course it was. She began to pray to the goddess. 
但一旦她喘了口气，她就感觉好多了一点。但是哦，不，脚步声。她转过身去看是谁。那是休伯特，因为当然是。她开始向女神祈祷。

“Bernadetta, may I see the doll?”
“伯纳黛塔，我可以看看那个娃娃吗？”

He really got straight to the point, didn't he. This was a horrible nightmare. 
他真的直截了当，不是吗。这是一场可怕的噩梦。

“I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to offend you, or be creepy! I know you must think I'm a horrible person because of it, you can kill me now if you want to, just make it quick!”
“对不起，我不是故意冒犯你，也不是故意让你毛骨悚然的！我知道你一定因此认为我是个可怕的人，如果你想杀了我，你现在可以杀了我，快点！

He just sighed. “I am not angry , just deeply confused. I do not think your doll is an ordinary doll.”
他只是叹了口气。“我没有 生气 ，只是深感困惑。我不认为你的娃娃是普通的娃娃。

Part two 第二部分

________________________

Preparing for the upcoming march on the Kingdom was serious business. More serious, perhaps, than the Alliance, half of which was in agreement with the Empire in the first place, and generally unaffiliated with the church. The Kingdom was a whole different story. This left Hubert busy, exhausted, and more than a little cranky. Not that he would ever use that word to describe himself. But it was accurate. 
为即将到来的向王国进军做准备是一件严肃的事情。也许比联盟更严重，联盟中有一半首先与帝国达成一致，并且通常与教会无关。王国是一个完全不同的故事。这让休伯特忙得不可开交，筋疲力尽，甚至有点暴躁。并不是说他会用这个词来形容自己。但它是准确的。

He was working too hard and even he knew it. He was carving holes in his desk chair just from sitting. He was going through an entire pot of coffee in a few hours. It really wasn't sustainable. Which was why, lately, it had felt almost comforting when some nights he just felt a strange soft presence around himself. Like a hug, but no one was there. 
他工作太辛苦了，连他自己都知道。他刚坐下就在他的办公桌椅上凿洞。他在几个小时内就喝完了一整壶咖啡。这真的是不可持续的。这就是为什么，最近，当他感到有些夜晚时，他感到几乎感到安慰，一种奇怪的柔软存在围绕着自己。就像一个拥抱，但没有人在那里。

Clearly the lack of sleep was making him lose his mind. Begrudgingly, he would go to bed, still feeling the odd sensation. In the morning it was always gone. He didn't think too much of it. It seemed like a mild hallucination caused by high levels of exhaustion. 
显然，睡眠不足使他失去了理智。他不情愿地上床睡觉，仍然感到奇怪的感觉。早上，它总是不见了。他没有想太多。这似乎是由高度疲惫引起的轻微幻觉。

But then, with only a week left until they were slated to begin the long march toward the Kingdom, something else happened that felt very undeniably real. 
但是，在距离他们开始通往王国的漫长征征只剩下一个星期的时候，发生了另一件不可否认的真实的事情。

He was on his way from his office to his bedroom when it happened, and it was very late in the night. No one else was around. Suddenly he felt very hot. He could not, for a moment, figure out what the hell the sensation he was experiencing was, until all of a sudden he was very erect in the middle of the hallway, and feeling as if someone was stroking him off. He looked down in shock but there was absolutely nothing there. No one around. The sensation was very strong. It could not have just been a brief burst of random arousal, not that he generally felt those either. Hubert doubled over, bracing himself on the wall of the hallway.
事情发生时，他正在从办公室到卧室的路上，而且已经是深夜了。周围没有其他人。突然间，他感到非常热。他一时想不通自己所经历的那种到底是什么感觉，直到突然间，他在走廊中间非常直立，感觉好像有人在抚摸他。他震惊地低头看了看，但那里什么都没有。周围没有人。这种感觉非常强烈。这不可能只是短暂的随机唤醒，也不是说他通常也能感觉到这些。休伯特翻了个身，把自己撑在走廊的墙上。

It was unbearable. It felt much more pleasant than he ever allowed himself to feel. Momentarily he was very worried that he would make a mess but then just as quickly as it had begun, it stopped, and then immediately after that he felt that gentle embrace sensation once again. 
这是难以忍受的。这种感觉比他让自己感觉到的要愉快得多。有那么一会儿，他非常担心自己会把事情搞得一团糟，但就在刚开始的时候，它就停止了，然后紧接着，他又再次感受到了那种温柔的拥抱感。

This could no longer be brushed aside. Something was happening, and it was real. But what in the world could it be?
这一点再也不能被忽视了。有些事情正在发生，而且是真实的。但它到底是什么呢？

He quickly rushed off to his bedroom. This must be some form of magic. The whole thing reminded him of something just on the edge of his mind but for the life of him he could not remember what it was. Something he'd learned about back when he was just starting to study magic. 
他迅速冲向自己的卧室。这一定是某种形式的魔法。整件事让他想起了一些在他脑海中的边缘的东西，但为了他的生命，他不记得那是什么。他刚开始学习魔法时就学到了一些东西。

He took out his basic beginner books from deep in the part of his bookshelf he barely touched anymore and began to read. Hours passed and he was no closer to an answer than before. He still felt the odd comforting sensation of being held. What was it ?
他从书架的深处拿出他几乎不再碰过的那部分基础的初级书籍，开始阅读。几个小时过去了，他并没有比以前更接近答案。他仍然感到被抱着的奇怪的安慰感。 它是什么 ？

Obsession took hold of him and he did not sleep even a little bit that night. Eventually he stopped feeling the sensation of an embrace and he looked outside the window. The sun was up. 
痴迷抓住了他，那天晚上他甚至没有睡一觉。最终，他不再感觉到被拥抱的感觉，他看向窗外。太阳升起了。

He stood to get ready for the day, but instead fell onto his bed. If he just closed his eyes for a moment there would be no harm in it…..
他站起身来准备迎接这一天，却倒在了床上。如果他只是闭上眼睛一会儿，就不会有什么坏处.....

He woke up hours later when the sun was high in the sky and cursed himself for losing self-control like that. Now there were many fewer hours in the day in which to do all the many, many tasks necessary to prepare. He stood and stretched and changed clothes and got back to work, stomach growling loudly, which he ignored. There was work to do. 
几个小时后，当太阳高高挂在天空中时，他醒来并诅咒自己像那样失去自制力。现在，一天中用于完成所有许多准备工作所需的时间要少得多。他站起来，伸了个懒腰，换了衣服，继续工作，肚子咕噜咕噜地叫着，但他没有理会。还有 工作要做。 

The next two days passed in a blur of paperwork and letters and missives and coffee and barely anything to eat at all. It did not matter if Hubert was healthy, he told himself. He was probably going to die soon anyway, so what did it matter?
接下来的两天在一堆文件、信件、信件、咖啡中模糊不清，几乎没有什么可吃的。休伯特是否健康并不重要，他告诉自己。反正他可能很快就要死了，那又有什么关系呢？

He did, at one point, go for a walk around the grounds. It was at the end of yet another long and grueling work session at the end of which he was worried he would possibly go entirely mad before they ever even left. He'd wandered around aimlessly and found himself outside Bernadetta's door for some reason. He knew she was inside. She was always inside. 
有一次，他确实在院子里散步。这是在又一次漫长而艰苦的工作会议结束时，他担心自己可能会在他们离开之前完全发疯。他漫无目的地四处游荡，不知为何发现自己在贝尔纳黛塔的门外。他知道她在里面。她总是在里面。

He almost knocked on her door. Thinking of her in there doing her little sewing and drawing activities made him ache with yearning for an easier existence, one that didn't have so much awful weight attached to his every thought, his every step. And how lovely she was as well. 
他几乎要敲她的门。一想到她在那里做着小小的缝纫和绘画活动，他就感到痛苦，渴望过一种更轻松的生活，一种没有那么可怕的负担笼罩着他的每一个想法、他的每一步的生活。她也是多么可爱。

He returned to his office. These thoughts weren't for him. 
他回到了自己的办公室。这些想法不适合他。

At last the day came and they were to begin the journey to the kingdom with the whole army in tow. He had gone to his lady's room, of course, to get her ready, and then they set out. They'd all had the sense to bundle up. It was cold up there. The journey was long and somewhat treacherous at times, and so when they stopped for the night everyone was completely exhausted. Hubert collapsed into his bed and fell into a deep and dreamless sleep, and woke very early the next morning as he always did. At the crack of dawn. 
终于，这一天到了，他们要带着全军踏上前往王国的旅程。当然，他已经去了他女士的房间，让她做好准备，然后他们就出发了。他们都有捆绑在一起的感觉。那里很冷。旅程很长，有时有些危险，所以当他们停下来过夜时，每个人都完全筋疲力尽。休伯特瘫倒在床上，陷入了无梦的深沉睡眠，第二天一大早就像往常一样醒来。破晓时分。

The whole camp started to slowly awaken and pack as he took a brisk little walk and went to wake up Edelgard, who was already awake. She handed him a comb with a very exhausted expression, and he took it and brushed her hair as he always did. 
整个营地开始慢慢醒来，收拾行装，他快步走了一小步，去叫醒已经醒来的埃德尔加德。她带着非常疲惫的表情递给他一把梳子，他接过梳子，像往常一样梳理她的头发。

“I did not sleep at all,” she sighed. 
“我根本没睡，”她叹了口气。

“I am sorry, my lady. I know you do not do well in the cold.”
“对不起，我的女士。我知道你在寒冷中表现不佳。

“I really don't,” she said, leaning against him for a moment. “I do not think I will be at my best today, Hubert. I feel like I may be coming down with something.”
“我真的不知道，”她说，靠在他身上一会儿。“我不认为我今天会处于最佳状态，休伯特。我觉得我可能要带着什么东西下来了。

“Would you like to ride on the back of my horse with me?”
“你想和我一起骑在我的马背上吗？”

“No, no, I will be all right,” she said, but it didn't sound very convincing at all. He wrapped his arms around her shoulders and rubbed them gently to try to warm her.
“不，不，我会没事的，”她说，但这听起来一点也不很有说服力。他搂住她的肩膀，轻轻揉搓，试图让她感到温暖。

“I know you want to get to your official duties now,” Edelgard said as she turned her face up to look at him. “I will be all right, honestly.”
“我知道你现在想去做你的公务，”埃德尔加德说，她转过脸看着他。“老实说，我会没事的。”

“Very well,” he said, taking a few steps back and bowing slightly. “I will see you soon, Your Majesty. Please do not overexert yourself.”
“很好，”他说，后退几步，微微鞠躬。“我很快就会见到您，陛下。请不要过度劳累。

“Take your own advice, please,” she replied as he left. 
“请听你自己的建议，”她回答说，他离开了。

As soon as he walked into the middle of camp something was happening. Bernadetta had just dropped a doll and Caspar was yelling about it for some reason. The doll looked exactly like Hubert himself, he noticed before she could jam it back in her bag. 
他一走进营地中央，就发生了一些事情。伯纳黛塔刚刚掉了一个娃娃，卡斯帕尔出于某种原因大喊大叫。这个娃娃看起来和休伯特本人一模一样，他在她把它塞回包里之前就注意到了。

A doll that looked like him….. all of a sudden the dots finally connected in his mind. 
一个长得像他的娃娃.....突然间，这些点终于在他的脑海中连接起来。

Bernadetta was running away very quickly. So he followed, needing to know the answer, needing to understand. Make it stop, maybe. 
伯纳黛塔很快就逃跑了。所以他跟着走，需要知道答案，需要理解。让它停下来，也许吧。

She stopped, heaving breaths into the cold air, and he approached as gently as he could. She was afraid of him. He could not scare her off. 
她停了下来，对着冰冷的空气喘着粗气，他尽可能轻轻地靠近。她害怕他。他不能吓跑她。

“Bernadetta,” he said very gently, but without much tact, “may I see the doll?”
“伯纳黛塔，”他很温柔地说，但又不怎么委婉，“我可以看看那个娃娃吗？

She whipped around, terrified already. 
她四处乱窜，已经吓坏了。

“I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to offend you, or be creepy! I know you must think I'm a horrible person because of it, you can kill me now if you want to, just make it quick!”
“对不起，我不是故意冒犯你，也不是故意让你毛骨悚然的！我知道你一定因此认为我是个可怕的人，如果你想杀了我，你现在可以杀了我，快点！

Honestly, what did she think of him? “I am not angry,” he explained, “just deeply confused. I do not think your doll is an ordinary doll.”
老实说，她对他有什么看法？“我没有生气，”他解释说，“只是深感困惑。我不认为你的娃娃是普通的娃娃。

“Huh? What - what do you mean?”
“嗯？什么——你什么意思？

“Would you please take it out of your bag for a moment so that I can see it?”
“你能不能请把它从包里拿出来，让我看看？”

“Are you going to destroy it?” She looked as if she was about to cry. 
“你要毁掉它吗？”她看起来好像要哭了。

“Oh no,” he said, grinning, “I only need to examine it very closely.” She whimpered slightly, which was very adorable, and took the doll out of her bag. He could feel the pressure around his waist when she lifted it. 
“哦，不，”他笑着说，“我只需要非常仔细地检查 它。她微微呜咽了一声，非常可爱，然后从包里拿出了娃娃。当她抬起腰部时，他能感觉到腰部的压力。 

“It's as I thought,” he said, “Mages, when they sleep, often seep magic, which will sometimes find a target to enter and create strange effects. It is all very esoteric and has to do with emotions and desire, so naturally it has never been of much use or interest to me. But it seems as if every time you touch this little doll version of me, I can feel it myself. How fascinating.”
“就像我想的那样，”他说，“法师在睡觉时，经常会渗出魔法，有时会找到目标进入并产生奇怪的效果。这一切都非常深奥，与情感和欲望有关，所以自然而然地，它对我来说从来没有多大的用处或兴趣。但似乎每次你触摸这个小娃娃版本的我，我自己都能 感觉到 。真是太迷人了。

“Wait, wha- what do you mean by that?”
“等等，呵呵——你这是什么意思？”

He curled his face into a small smile. “I mean that every time you hug it, I feel it as if you were hugging me. I mean, I know what you have been doing to it. Were you rubbing this doll’s nether regions a few days ago?” 
他蜷缩着脸，露出一丝微笑。“我的意思是，每次你拥抱它时，我都会感觉到你好像在拥抱我。我的意思是，我知道你一直在对它做什么。你几天前在揉这个娃娃的下界区域吗？

She covered her mouth with both hands and muffled a very loud scream. Her face went completely red. She looked like she wanted to bolt. Like a prey animal. 
她用双手捂住嘴，低声尖叫起来。她的脸完全红了。她看起来就像想跳栓一样。像猎物一样。

“Oh Hubert I'm so sorry, I really had no idea, I would never, ever cross your boundaries like that, I understand if you never want to talk to me again, I wouldn't either!”
“哦，休伯特，我很抱歉，我真的不知道，我永远不会像 那样越过你的界限，我明白，如果你再也不想和我说话，我也不会！”

He put a finger to his lips. “Bernadetta. I-” he suddenly drew himself very close to her, enough to almost hear her heart beating. It was probably wrong to enjoy her fear, but he did, a little bit. “Can you keep a secret?”
他把一根手指放在嘴唇上。“伯纳黛塔。我......“他突然把自己靠得离她很近，几乎能听到她的心跳。享受她的恐惧可能是错误的，但他做到了，一点点。“你能保守秘密吗？”

She just nodded mutely. 她只是默默地点了点头。

“I enjoyed it. Won't you do it again?”
“我很喜欢。你不再来一次吗？

Part three 第三部分

________________________

They had to keep marching, of course, but after Bernadetta agreed, eyes wide and body shaking slightly, they both got on their horses and had an entire day of journeying to imagine all the strange things they could do. 
当然，他们必须继续前进，但在贝尔纳黛塔同意后，睁大眼睛，身体微微颤抖，他们俩都骑上了马，花了一整天的旅程来想象他们可以做的所有奇怪的事情。

Bernadetta was still convinced that the whole thing might be some kind of trap, but the way he had drawn himself so, so close to her and requested a thing like that would have been enough to fuel her fantasies for a good while yet. She hadn't realized that she liked him so very consumingly until just this morning. The thought of having him under her control was extremely thrilling. She hardly even noticed the cold all day. Normally it cut through her. 
贝尔纳黛塔仍然坚信整件事可能是某种陷阱，但他把自己拉得如此近，如此接近她并要求这样的事情，这足以让她的幻想在很长一段时间内得到满足。直到今天早上，她才意识到自己如此喜欢他。一想到要把他控制在她的控制之下，我就非常激动。她甚至一整天都几乎没有注意到寒冷。通常它会切开她。

When night came, she followed him like a lost kitten to his tent and did not even bother to set up her own tent. There was no need, really. 
当夜幕降临时，她像一只迷路的小猫一样跟着他来到他的帐篷里，甚至懒得自己搭帐篷。真的没有必要。

“Eager, are we?” Hubert turned with an actual real smile on his face. 
“急切，是吗？”休伯特转过身来，脸上露出真正的笑容。

“I- yes.”  “我——是的。”

“Now you understand, this is purely for research purposes.” He said that, but it didn't sound like he meant it at all!
“现在你明白了，这纯粹是出于研究目的。他是 这么说 的，但听起来根本不像是他的意思！

“Um, yeah,” she replied. “Research. Of course.”
“嗯，是的，”她回答。“研究。答案是肯定的。

“I need to understand exactly how this spell works.”
“我需要确切地了解这个咒语是如何工作的。”

Bernadetta took the doll out of her bag and stared at him as she did it. He could feel the gentle pressure on his chest as she lifted it into the air. 
伯纳黛塔从包里拿出娃娃，盯着他看。当她将胸膛举到空中时，他能感觉到胸膛上的轻柔压力。

“You may touch it however you want. Try putting it in different positions, using different methods of touch. And please -” he was going to say more but his mouth clamped shut, mortified to express any desire. 
“你可以随心所欲地触摸它。尝试将其放在不同的位置，使用不同的触摸方法。求求你——“他正想再说些什么，但他的嘴巴紧紧闭着，羞愧地不敢表达任何欲望。

She stared at him. She knew what he was thinking of but she was also terrified to express it. 
她盯着他。她知道他在想什么，但她也不敢说出来。

“You're making me really nervous,” Bernadetta said. “You have to stop staring at me so hard.”
“你让我真的很紧张，”伯纳黛塔说。“你得别这么狠地盯着我看。”

“Oh, but Bernadetta, I like making you nervous. Haven't you realized?”
“哦，但是伯纳黛塔， 我喜欢 让你紧张。你还没意识到吗？

“That's mean!” She slapped the doll’s face, very gently. He made a strange choking noise when she did it. 
“太卑鄙了！”她轻轻地拍了拍娃娃的脸。当她这样做时，他发出了奇怪的窒息声。

“I'm sorry! Did I hurt you?”
“对不起！我伤害你了吗？

“ Do it again,” he hissed. His pupils were huge all of a sudden. Did he like it?
“ 再来一次，” 他嘶声说。他的瞳孔一下子就变大了。他喜欢吗？

So she did, and he groaned quietly. 
她照做了，他小声地呻吟着。

“Are you all right, Hubert? Do you want me to stop?”
“你没事吧，休伯特？你想让我停下来吗？

“No, Bernadetta, I do not want you to stop.” He grinned his scary grin that she’d promised she was going to try to handle, and so even though she was slightly terrified she stroked the doll’s fake hair with her thumb. He shuddered.
“不，伯纳黛塔，我不希望你停下来。”他咧嘴一笑，她答应过她会试着处理这种可怕的笑容，所以即使她有点害怕，她还是用拇指抚摸着娃娃的假头发。他不寒而栗。

“That feels wonderful.” “那感觉真是太棒了。”

“Um, you know, I could just actually touch your hair if you like it that much.”
“嗯，你知道，如果你那么喜欢的话，我真的可以 摸摸你的头发。”

“And what knowledge could we glean from that?”
“我们能从中收集到什么知识？”

“How um- how cute you are?”
“你多啊，多可爱啊？”

He placed his head in his hands and turned very red, then. He would never allow anyone to call him cute, ever, under normal circumstances. But these weren’t really normal circumstances.
他把头放在手里，然后变得非常红。在正常情况下，他绝不允许任何人称他为可爱 。但这些都不是真正的正常情况。

“All right, then,” he whispered, and she closed the gap between him and ruffled his hair with her hand. It was so soft, and fluffy. She hadn’t been expecting that at all. She pulled back his fringe. He looked up at her and didn’t look scary at all. Just shy, and sweet.
“好吧，那么，”他低声说，她拉近了他之间的空隙，用手弄乱了他的头发。它是如此柔软，蓬松。她完全没想到会这样。她拉开了他的刘海。他抬头看了看她，看起来一点也不吓人。只是害羞，又甜蜜。

“Well? How cute am I, then?”
“嗯？那我有多可爱呢？

“Very cute.” “很可爱。”

This spell, whatever it was, neither of them wanted it to break. 
这个咒语，不管它是什么，他们都不想让它打破。

He picked up the doll and placed it back in her hands. She squeezed it a little and he groaned. 
他捡起娃娃，把它放回她的手中。她稍微挤了一下，他呻吟了一声。

“I can feel it.” “我能感觉到。”

“I’m going to make it lay down, now, and see what happens, okay?”
“我现在要让它躺下，看看会发生什么，好吗？”

His hair fell back in front of his eyes and he gazed back up at her. He nodded. She put the doll on the floor, flat on its back, but nothing happened to Hubert at all.
他的头发在他眼前向后垂下，他抬头凝视着她。他点了点头。她把娃娃放在地板上，平躺在地上，但休伯特什么也没发生。

“Interesting. That did not work. Why don’t you try touching it with something that isn’t your hand?”
“有意思。那没有用。你为什么不试着用不是你手的东西去触摸它呢？

She sat back a little now so they weren’t quite so close. “Do you mean like holding something and touching it with that? What can I use?”
她现在稍微坐了一下，所以他们离得不那么近。“你是说喜欢拿着什么东西，然后用它触摸它吗？我能用什么？

He took a quill pen out of his pocket. “Use this.”
他从口袋里掏出一支羽毛笔。“用这个。”

She reached for his hand, in its white glove. She’d never really gotten this close to anyone in a long, long time. They were only inches from each other. It was frightening, but not in the way everything else felt frightening. It felt like how it always felt during a thunderstorm. Her hair standing on end, something mysterious and dangerous in the air.
她伸出手去握住他的手，手上戴着白色的手套。在很长很长一段时间里，她从未真正与任何人如此接近过。它们彼此之间只有几英寸的距离。这很可怕，但不像其他一切都让人感到可怕。感觉就像在雷雨中总是有的感觉一样。她的头发竖立着，空气中弥漫着神秘而危险的东西。

Their hands touched with a zap. She took the quill and started to brush the feather part of it against the doll. Hubert shuddered.
他们的手碰了一下。她拿起羽毛笔，开始用羽毛笔刷打娃娃。Hubert不寒而栗。

“Yes, I can feel that.”
“是的，我能感觉到。”

She wanted to brush the doll between his legs like she had done that one time. All she could think of was doing so. But she was so sure he wouldn’t like it. She just continued to run the feather up and down the doll’s torso as he made pained noises and tried very hard not to moan out loud.
她想把娃娃放在他的两腿之间，就像她曾经做过的那样。她能想到的只有这样做。但她非常确定他不会喜欢的。她只是继续用羽毛在娃娃的躯干上上下滑动，他发出痛苦的声音，并努力不大声呻吟。

“I wonder if- if I took off my clothing, if I could- feel it differently.”
“我想知道如果——如果我脱掉衣服，如果我能——有不同的感觉。”

She gasped. “Took off your clothing?”
她倒吸了一口凉气。“脱掉你的衣服了吗？”

“It might have a different effect that way.”
“那样可能会产生不同的效果。”

He was so horribly, horribly starved for touch. He needed it like air all of a sudden. 
他是如此可怕，可怕地渴望触摸。他突然间像空气一样需要它。

“I- I would be okay with that, Hubert. You can take off your clothes if you want.”
“我——我没事的，休伯特。如果你愿意，你可以脱掉你的衣服。

It was a good thing they could still pretend this was for research, and for trying to discover what effects this doll had. He pulled off his cloak and jacket, unbuttoning and unbuckling the many clasps and buttons until he was only in his shirt.
他们仍然可以假装这是为了研究，并试图发现这个娃娃有什么影响，这是一件好事。他脱下斗篷和夹克，解开许多扣子和纽扣，直到他只穿着衬衫。

“Touch it again, now, please, Bernadetta.”
“再碰一次，现在，拜托了，伯纳黛塔。”

She stroked the chest area with her fingers again, and he did feel it more strongly this time. In fact, he could feel it in his nipples, which were becoming stiff and hard under his starchy white shirt. 
她再次用手指抚摸胸部区域，这次他确实感觉到更强烈了。事实上，他能感觉到他的，在他淀粉质的白衬衫下，变得僵硬和坚硬。

Boldness overtook Bernadetta and she moved her hand lower and lower on the doll, and Hubert stared at her hands and nodded, his throat completely dry.
大胆的胆量超过了贝尔纳黛塔，她把手在娃娃上越来越低地移动，休伯特盯着她的手点了点头，喉咙完全干燥。

So she ran a finger between its legs, and he squeezed his eyes shut and screamed, just a little. He did not want to alert anyone else to what was going on in here.
于是她用一根手指夹住它的双腿，他闭上眼睛，尖叫起来，只是一点点。他不想让其他人知道这里发生了什么。

Bernadetta giggled. She felt very powerful. And he actually liked it! She rubbed soft circles on the crotch seam of the doll and he fell over, then, writhing around and nearly crying with relief. It felt just like it had that other time, but now he knew exactly what was happening and he wanted it, and he didn’t resist the feeling at all. Bernadetta, the brilliant little craftswoman that she was, had created something so perfect that the part of him that slept and desired and wanted had imbued itself inside the doll. There was no practical use for a thing like this. It had been his own desire that had caused it in the first place, and there is no way to force a thing like that. They were, therefore, doing this whole little experiment for completely useless and self-serving reasons. Those were the best reasons of all.
伯纳黛塔咯咯地笑了起来。她觉得自己非常强大。他真的很 喜欢！她在娃娃的裤裆缝上摩擦了柔软的圆圈，他摔倒了，然后，扭动着身体，几乎要如释重负地哭泣。感觉就像其他时候一样，但现在他确切地知道发生了什么，他想要它，他根本没有抗拒这种感觉。贝尔纳黛塔，一个才华横溢的小工匠，创造了一些如此完美的东西，以至于他睡觉、渴望和渴望的部分已经融入了娃娃体内。这样的事情没有实际用途。首先是他自己的欲望造成的，没有办法强迫这样的事情。因此，他们出于完全无用和自私的原因做了这整个小实验。这些是最好的理由。

“Do you know what this means, miss Varley?”
“你知道这意味着什么吗，瓦利小姐？”

“No, what does it mean?” She removed her hand momentarily. 
“不，这是什么意思？”她暂时移开了手。

“It means that you can do anything you want to me, any time you want, and I will be completely powerless to stop it.”
“这意味着你可以对我做任何你想做的事，任何时候，我将完全无力阻止它。”

Her heart started to race. “I don’t want to hurt you by accident, Hubert.”
她的心跳开始加速。“我不想意外伤害你，休伯特。”

“Then let us test this more, shall we?”
“那我们再测试一下，好吗？”

She nodded. “I want to, but- I like the way you squirm when I touch between the doll’s legs. It’s really cute, you know.”
她点了点头。“我想，但是——我喜欢你在我触摸娃娃的两腿之间时蠕动的样子。它真的很可爱，你知道的。

He nodded solemnly. “We have all night to play. Go ahead.”
他郑重地点了点头。“我们有一整晚的时间可以玩。来吧。

She was shocked to hear him phrase it like this. Did he want to do something further than what they were doing? The thought made her nervous. But he was staying exactly where he was. He was letting her completely take the lead, it seemed. If she did not want to take this in a direction, then it would not go there. So she did touch the doll between its legs, and he cried out and squirmed again, and she felt powerful and wonderful. She squeezed her own legs together.
听到他这样说，她感到很震惊。他是否想做比他们正在做的事情更进一步的事情？这个想法让她很紧张。但他却一直呆在原地。他似乎让她完全带头。如果她不想把它带向一个 方向， 那么它就不会去那里。于是她摸了摸娃娃的两腿之间，他又叫了一声，又蠕动了一下，她感到强大而美妙。她把自己的双腿挤在一起。

“Okay,” she said, “what sort of tests did you have in mind?”
“好吧，”她说，“你心里想做什么样的测试？

“I’d like to see how far the reach is on a thing like this. Would you please try dropping something on the doll from up high, and see if that has an effect?”
“我想看看这样的事情的影响力有多大。你能不能试着从高处往娃娃身上扔东西，看看有没有效果？

So she took his discarded cloak and dropped it on the doll, watching his face. There was no reaction.
于是她拿起他丢弃的斗篷，把它扔在娃娃身上，看着他的脸。没有任何反应。

“It seems as if it has to be connected to you somehow. Would you like to try smothering me?”
“似乎它必须以某种方式与你联系在一起。你想试着窒息我吗？

She gasped. He was a little insane, wasn’t he? But it sounded sort of fun. She covered the doll’s mouth and nose with her hand and pressed in slightly, and he started to gasp for air. Quickly she removed her hand. “Are you okay?”
她倒吸了一口凉气。他有点疯了，不是吗？但这听起来有点有趣。她用手捂住娃娃的嘴巴和鼻子，轻轻按压，他开始喘气。她很快移开了手。“你没事吧？”

“Oh yes,” he replied, “but that did work.”
“哦，是的，”他回答说，“但这 确实 奏效了。

“Are you going to- are you going to use this for your job?”
“你要——你要用这个来做你的工作吗？”

“Oh, no, this only appears to exist in the first place because some part of me wanted it to. Magic sometimes lives inside a person, and goes slightly out of our control at times when we have repressed desires.”
“哦，不，这似乎只是因为我的某个部分想要它。魔法有时存在于一个人的内心，当我们压抑欲望时，魔法就会稍微超出我们的控制。

“Your repressed desires for- for-”
“你被压抑的欲望——因为——”

“You’re a smart girl, Bernadetta,” he said, his voice sharp for the first time all night. “I am sure you can piece together what I am referring to.”
“你是个聪明的女孩，伯纳黛塔，”他说，他的声音第一次整晚变得尖锐。“我相信你能拼凑出我所指的是什么。”

Yes. Yes she could.  是的。是的，她可以。

“I don’t think I am going to be scared of you ever again,” Bernadetta said with a little smile.
“我想我以后不会再害怕你了，”伯纳黛塔笑着说。

“Oh, how unfortunate ,” Hubert replied, slinking closer to her. “I enjoy teasing you so very much.”
“噢，真 不幸 ，”休伯特回答说，悄悄地靠近她。“我非常喜欢逗你。”

“Go ahead and tease, then.” She held the doll up in one hand and squeezed a little. “I can fight back, now!”
“那就去逗吧。”她一只手把娃娃举起来，捏了一下。“我现在可以反击了！”

He laughed, that terrifying evil laugh, and she squeezed harder, and his laugh was cut short and he could hardly breathe. After a moment she let go. He gasped for air, but then he felt completely normal. Nothing hurt anymore, nothing was broken. 
他笑了，那可怕的邪恶笑，她更用力地挤压，他的笑声被打断了，他几乎无法呼吸。过了一会儿，她松开了手。他喘着粗气，但随后他觉得自己完全正常。不再有伤害，没有任何东西被打破。

“You- you cannot seem to do any real damage! It is only sensations you can cause. Perfect.”
“你——你似乎无法造成任何真正的伤害！只有你才能引起的感觉。 完美。

He reached for the doll, then, and touched it as well, but could not feel anything. It was only her, then, that could have any effect. This made sense. 
然后他伸手去摸娃娃，也摸了摸它，但什么也感觉不到。那么，只有她才能产生任何影响。这是有道理的。

“I wouldn't want to do any damage to you,” she said, hugging the doll, “so I'm glad for it too.”
“我不想对你造成任何伤害，”她说，拥抱着娃娃，“所以我也很高兴。

He felt the hug, of course. It felt so huge, like something giant was hugging him, like he really was as small as the doll himself. He closed his eyes and breathed hard. He was very erect and needed to do something about it, but he was not going to push Bernadetta towards anything. Her comfort was the most important thing. 
当然，他感觉到了那个拥抱。感觉如此巨大，就像有什么巨人在拥抱他，就像他真的和洋娃娃本人一样渺小。他闭上眼睛，艰难地呼吸着。他非常直立，需要为此做点什么，但他不会把伯纳黛塔推向 任何事情。 她的安慰是最重要的。 

She noticed, though, finally, that he was hard. She smiled softly. “Would you take off your pants? I want to see.”
然而，她终于注意到他很坚强。她轻轻地笑了笑。“你会脱裤子吗？我想看看。

“Tonight, Bernadetta, I am nothing but your doll. Anything you ask of me I will do.” He took off his pants, and his underclothes too for good measure until the bottom half of his body was completely bare. 
“今晚，伯纳黛塔，我只不过是你的玩偶。你要求我做什么，我都会做。他脱掉了裤子，也脱掉了内衣，直到他的下半身完全裸露。

She wanted to touch him for real. She was terrified. 
她真的想摸摸他。她吓坏了。

“Maybe tomorrow while we march I can touch the doll and make you feel good in front of everyone. Would you like that?”
“也许明天我们游行时，我可以触摸娃娃，让你在所有人面前感觉良好。你愿意吗？

“Yes,” he whispered.  “是的，”他低声说。

“I am scared,” she said quietly. 
“我很害怕，”她平静地说。

“You need only do what you want to do, Bernadetta. Nothing more or less.”
“你只需要做你想做的事，伯纳黛塔。没有或多或少。

So she approached him and reached out and touched him and stroked him and he cried out and it was good, it was beautiful.
于是她走近他，伸出手来抚摸他，抚摸他，他哭了起来，这很好，很美。

“I'm not really sure what we are meant to do next,” said Bernadetta. “I have never done something like this before.”
“我真的不确定我们接下来要做什么，”伯纳黛塔说。“我以前从未做过这样的事情。”

“I have seen it, in a book,” he replied. “I can show you, if you like.”
“我在一本书上看到过，”他回答说。“如果你愿意，我可以给你看。”

“For tonight, will you just kiss me?”
“今晚，你就吻我吗？”

He pulled her very close and wrapped her in his big arms, lifting her chin with his hand, and kissed her softly. She felt the lightning again. 
他把她拉得很近，把她搂在大臂里，用手抬起她的下巴，轻轻地吻了她。她再次感觉到了闪电。

“More?” “更多？”

“More.” “更多。”

So he kissed her more. She melted into it. At last she was completely exhausted and so they lay down, and she cuddled the doll close and he cuddled her close so they both felt the same sensations at once. 
所以他吻了她更多。她融入其中。最后，她完全筋疲力尽，所以他们躺下了，她紧紧地拥抱着娃娃，他也紧紧地拥抱 着她 ，所以他们俩同时感受到了同样的感觉。 

“You're the best doll I could ask for,” Bernadetta whispered into the darkness. 
“你是我能要求的最好的娃娃，”伯纳黛塔对着黑暗低声说。

“And you the most perfect master.”
“而你，最完美的主人。”