Say What You Mean (Tell Me I'm Right)
Chapter Text 章节文本
None of this would have happened if it wasn't for phosphorescent fungus, the thought came to him suddenly. A surreal realisation. Almost as surreal as the position he found himself in now.
突然间，他想到这一切都不会发生，如果不是因为荧光菌。这是一种超现实的觉悟。几乎和他现在所处的位置一样超现实。
But it was true. If it wasn't for the phosphorescent fungus Stanford Pines wouldn't have been in Portland in the first place, since the only reason he'd gone was to present a paper on said fungus.
但这是真的。如果不是因为荧光菌斯坦福松，斯坦福松根本就不会在波特兰，他去的唯一原因就是去展示关于这种菌类的论文。
Which means he wouldn't have had to book a room in a motel over the phone, relying on information from what turned out to be a somewhat ill-informed travel guide, in turn meaning he never would have had to drive through that somewhat shady area in the rougher side of town. Which meant he never would have seen him there, standing on that corner with a handful of scantly-dressed strangers who were clearly there looking for a certain type of work.
这意味着他不必通过电话预订汽车旅馆的房间，依赖的是一个后来证明有些不甚了解的旅行指南，这反过来意味着他永远不必开车穿过城镇较粗糙区域的那片有些可疑的地区。这意味着他永远不必在那里看到他，站在那个角落，身边是一群衣着单薄的不速之客，显然他们都在寻找某种类型的工作。
The single street light had illuminated the scene like a spotlight.
唯一的一盏街灯像聚光灯一样照亮了场景。
If he closed his eyes now he could still see it like a photograph burned into the back of his eyelids. Ford had noticed the transvestite first – practically seven foot tall in red platform heels, platinum blonde hair (a wig, most likely), and a tiny black dress, it had been impossible not to notice him (her?). She stood a head taller than the other women, half a head taller than the lone man standing with them. Of course Ford had noticed her (him?) first, standing ridiculously tall in the middle of the group.
如果他现在闭上眼睛，他仍然能像照片一样看到它烙印在他的眼睑后面。福特首先注意到了那个变装者——几乎七英尺高，穿着红色平台高跟鞋，一头铂金色头发（很可能是假发），一件小小的黑色连衣裙，他（她？）的存在是不可避免的（？）。她比其他女人高出一个头，比和他们站在一起的唯一一个男人高半个头。当然，福特首先注意到了她（他？），在人群中异常地高高地站立。
But it had still only taken a split second to recognise the man standing next to her, leaning casually against the graffiti-covered brick, lit cigarette dangling from his lips. Stanley, dressed in ripped jeans and a threadbare white tank that left his arms bare and showed off a generous amount of chest hair above the tattered neckline.
但还是只花了瞬间就认出了站在她旁边的人，随意地靠在涂鸦覆盖的砖墙上，嘴里叼着点燃的香烟。斯坦利穿着破烂的牛仔裤和一件破旧的白色紧身 T 恤，露出裸露的胳膊和大量胸毛，以及破烂领口以上的胸膛。
Stanley had been standing there with the others, eyeing the cars that passed by the same way as they did, chatting idly with the girls and leaning in a pose that was clearly meant to show off his thick arms and the strip of skin visible above the waistband of his jeans – pants hanging low on his hips with the arms of a jacket tied around them in place of a belt.
斯坦利一直和其他人站在那里，以同样的方式注视着经过的车辆，闲聊着和女孩们，摆出一种显然是为了展示他粗壮的胳膊和牛仔裤腰带上方的皮肤带的姿势——裤子低挂在臀部，用夹克袖子代替皮带。
If it weren't for a phosphorescent fungus, Ford never would have been there to see his brother standing on the street corner with the other whores.
如果没有一种发光的真菌，福特永远不会在那里看到他的兄弟站在街角，和其他妓女们在一起。
If it weren't for the phosphorescent fungus, Ford never would have wound up in this fucked up situation that he now found himself in. With his brother making himself at home somewhere upstairs, no doubt messing around with all of the things Ford had explicitly told him not to touch and generally behaving like a bull in a china shop. No doubt planning on pretending that he was doing Ford a favour by being there and not the other way around.
要不是磷光菌，福特绝不会陷入现在这个糟糕的境地。他的兄弟在上边某个地方安顿下来，毫无疑问地摆弄福特明确告诉他不要碰的东西，一般表现得像一头闯进瓷器店的公牛。毫无疑问地计划着假装他在帮福特一个忙，而不是反过来。
Possibly planning on dropping to his knees the moment Ford emerged from the basement and distracting him from whatever mess he'd made by insisting on sucking him off the same way he had in the car on the way back to Gravity Falls... The same way he had in that motel room that Ford had only booked because of the conference, which he had only gone to because of the phosphorescent fungus.
可能是在福特从地下室出来的时候跪下，分散他的注意力，让他不要去管他弄乱的一切，坚持要像在回重力瀑布的路上在车里那样给他口交...就像在那个福特只是为了会议而预订的汽车旅馆房间里那样做...福特之所以去参加那个会议，是因为磷光菌。
Or... no, that wasn't entirely accurate.
或者...不，这并不完全准确。
The reason he'd been at the conference had been because it was an unfortunate requirement that needed to be met in order to continue receiving the grant money he relied on to complete his research. A yearly presentation needed to be made to show his progress – preferably something palatable to a board of directors, something that could be used to (make money) further progress in other areas.
他参加会议的原因是因为这是一个不幸的必要条件，必须满足这个条件才能继续获得他依赖来完成研究的拨款。每年需要做一个展示，以展示他的进展——最好是董事会能够接受的，可以用来（赚钱）在其他领域进一步推进的东西。
The subject of his true research wasn't markettable. Not yet. Not in the sort of ways his funding body wanted to see.
他真正研究的内容还不具备市场价值。还没有。还不是他资助机构想要看到的那种方式。
(Not if he didn't want to risk hordes of would-be crypto-biologists descending on Gravity Falls to try and eke out a name for themselves on its secrets.)
(除非他不想冒风险，让一群想要在重力瀑布的秘密中为自己赢得名声的潜在生物学家蜂拥而至。)
So, in order to appease the people who gave him the money he needed to continue his true research, Ford needed to be able to provide them with things that were interesting enough and useful enough to justify his continued expenditure without generating too much interest in Gravity Falls itself.
因此，为了安抚那些给他提供所需资金以继续他真正研究的人，福特需要能够向他们提供足够有趣且有用的事物，以证明他继续支出的合理性，同时又不至于引起对 Gravity Falls 本身的过多关注。
Hence the phosphorescent fungus which just so happened to excrete a kind of enzyme that could be extremely useful in developing a new type of anaesthetic. Extremely markettable. Especially if they decided to pay him to develop it himself... since he'd already done it.
因此，这种恰好能分泌一种在开发新型麻醉剂方面可能非常有用的酶的发光真菌。市场前景极为广阔。尤其是如果他们决定付钱让他自己开发它……因为他已经做到了。
Really, he could blame capitalism. Without capitalism he wouldn't need to attain funding in order to continue his work. Lab equipment wasn't cheap, and there was only so much that could be done with household equipment and parts cannibalised from whatever happened to be lying around.
真的，他可以怪资本主义。没有资本主义，他不需要为了继续工作而筹集资金。实验室设备并不便宜，而且用家用设备和从周围找到的零件所能做到的也有限。
Without capitalism Stanley wouldn't have been standing on that street corner...
没有资本主义，斯坦利不可能站在那个街角...
And without funding for his research, Ford wouldn't have had the money to wave in his face to bribe him into the damn car in the first place.
没有为他研究提供资金，福特就没有钱挥舞在面前来贿赂他，让他一开始就上那该死的车。
But if he was being truly honest, the core of the problem had nothing to do with money or with phosphorescent fungus...
但如果他真的诚实，问题的核心与金钱或荧光菌无关...
If he was being truly honest... the problem was Stanley himself. It always had been.
如果他真的诚实的话...问题在于斯坦利本人。一直都是这样。
-
It was just another in a long line of shitty days. Another day waking up in the middle of yet another shit sandwich of a situation and wondering just how many different ways there were to hit rock bottom. Wondering how many times could life kick someone while they were down. Wondering how many times he was even going to wake up – it was only a matter of time before rock bottom eventually turned into six feet under.
这只是漫长糟糕日子里的一天。又一天在另一种糟糕透顶的情况中醒来，想知道有多少种不同的方式可以跌入谷底。想知道生活能有多少次在一个人已经跌倒的时候再踢他一脚。想知道他还能醒过来多少次——最终跌入谷底不过是时间问题，最终会变成六英尺下的尘土。
Such is the nature of the life he'd been living.
这就是他所过的生活的本质。
You make one deal to get out of a tough situation and then you have to make another, and another, until the debts pile up and there's no other option but to keep making deals to try and keep ahead of the debts. Then, when it gets to the point where there are no new deals to make – when all the players have wised up to your tricks and the people who were protecting you are sick of your shit – you dip out and start fresh in a new city, a new state. Start the cycle anew because in real life starting fresh takes money... and you never seem to be able to hold onto any cash for longer than it takes to scrape your way out of the latest hole you dug yourself into.
你为了摆脱困境而达成一笔交易，然后又不得不达成另一笔，又一笔，直到债务累积，别无选择，只能继续交易来试图摆脱债务。然后，当达到没有新交易可做的地步——当所有玩家都看穿了你的伎俩，而曾经保护你的人对你的烂摊子感到厌倦时——你就溜走，在一个新的城市、一个新的州重新开始。重新开始这个循环，因为现实生活中重新开始需要钱...而你似乎永远无法保留任何现金超过你从最新挖的坑里爬出来的时间。
Stanley snorted softly to himself, rolling his eyes at the self-pitying tone of his inner monologue.
斯坦利轻蔑地哼了一声，对自己内心独白中的自怜语气翻了个白眼。
“You'll get out of it,” he muttered to himself, a pathetic pep talk in the men's room of a dive bar close to where he intended to set up for the night. “You always do.”
“你肯定能摆脱这个困境，”他在一家靠近他打算过夜的地方的酒吧洗手间里自言自语，那是一种可怜的自我鼓励。‘你总是能的。’
A quick glance in the mirror above the cracked, rust-stained sink told him that he needed a shave. He could probably do with a shower too, but it wasn't like he had the cash for a motel and he hadn't been in town long enough to figure out which gyms would look the other way for a discrete non-member to sneak in for a shower.
他迅速瞥了一眼上方破旧、生锈的洗脸盆上的镜子，知道自己需要刮胡子了。他可能还需要洗个澡，但毕竟他没有足够的钱住旅馆，而且他在这座城市待的时间还不够长，不知道哪些健身房会睁一只眼闭一只眼让一个不公开的会员偷偷进去洗澡。
It was fine, he thought to himself. It wasn't like he stank. It was still early spring, cool enough that just walking around wasn't enough to really work up a sweat and he hadn't done any manual labour since that last job a few towns back.
他心想，这没关系。他并不臭。现在还是早春，天气凉爽，只是四处走走还不够出汗，而且自从上次在那个小镇上的工作以来，他就没有做过体力劳动。
A sniff to his right armpit confirmed it. He smelled a little musky, but not in a way that was offensive or off-putting. Anyway, in his experience most clients liked a bit of that sweat-smell. The kind of repressed middle-aged sad sacks who paid for services rather than go cruising liked anything that reminded them the hole they were fucking belonged to a man.
他向右腋下嗅了嗅，证实了这一点。他闻到了一丝麝香味，但并不是令人反感或厌恶的那种。无论如何，根据他的经验，大多数客户都喜欢这种汗味。那些宁愿花钱享受服务而不是去闲逛的压抑的中年人，喜欢任何能让他们想起他们所拥有的那个洞属于男人的东西。
And Stanley definitely looked – and smelled – like a man.
斯坦利无疑看起来——而且闻起来——像一个男人。
Strong jaw covered in two days worth of stubble, proud nose, thick brows. In the right light (and he was pretty good at making sure potential sources of cash saw him in the right light) he could get away with being called ruggedly handsome. Add that to a pair of broad shoulders and arms stacked with muscle (that he worked fucking hard to keep, given his lifestyle) and the right amount of body hair to be hairy without the risk of being mistaken for a shag rug (ha!), and he made an alright picture.
强壮的下巴覆盖着两天胡茬，高傲的鼻子，浓密的眉毛。在合适的光线下（而且他相当擅长确保潜在的资金来源看到他时是在合适的光线下）他可以被称为粗犷英俊。再加上一对宽阔的肩膀和堆满肌肉的胳膊（鉴于他的生活方式，他付出了极大的努力来保持这些肌肉）以及适量的体毛，既不会显得像一块地毯（哈哈！），他看起来还算不错。
Mostly. 大部分。
With a final huff of breath, Stanley turned away from the mirror and made his way out of the bathroom and out of the bar itself. He'd seen a likely spot a short walk away and wanted to scope it out properly and make sure he wouldn't be stepping on any toes by advertising his wares.
斯坦利最后呼了一口气，转身离开了镜子，走出了浴室，也走出了酒吧。他在不远处看到了一个合适的地方，想要好好观察一番，确保他不会因为宣传他的商品而踩到别人的脚。
It was getting dark already by the time he got there, shadows making the nearby alley into a dark maw. There was a single street light on the corner, perfect for spot illumination, and more than a few shadowy places around to provide false privacy for cars to park or for passers-by to stop.
当他到达那里时，天色已经暗了下来，阴影使得附近的巷子变成了一个黑暗的巨口。角落上有一盏街灯，非常适合局部照明，周围还有不少阴暗的地方，为车辆停车或行人停留提供了虚假的隐私。
There was a girl standing under the street light already, her fuzzy faux fur jacket cropped short over a midriff-baring top and tight miniskirt. She eyed Stanley as he approached, cocking one hip and tossing her brown hair coquettishly.
街灯下已经站着一个女孩，她那件毛茸茸的仿皮草夹克被裁得短了，露出了肚脐，下面是一条紧身迷你裙。当她看到斯坦利走近时，她扭动了一下臀部，轻巧地甩了甩她的棕色头发。
Stanley held up his hands. “Not buying,” he told her before she could open her mouth. “I'm lookin' for a place to set up, hopin' this spot aint one I gotta pay out for. You got a pimp, or is this free country?”
斯坦利举起手。“不买，”在她开口之前他对她说，“我在找地方安顿下来，希望这个地方不用付钱。你有皮条客吗，还是这是自由国家？”
The girl (she didn't look much older than a teenager, she probably wasn't even twenty-one) pursed her lips, eyes narrowed at him suspiciously. After a moment she relaxed, falling out of her pose and into a more comfortable stance. “This is a free spot,” she told him, and shrugged, “you can hang out here if you want, long as you don't start any shit.”
“这个女孩（她看起来不超过十几岁，可能甚至不到二十一岁）抿了抿嘴唇，怀疑地看着他。过了一会儿，她放松了，从她的姿势中解脱出来，换成了一个更舒服的站姿。“这里是个空位，”她告诉他，然后耸了耸肩，“如果你想在这里闲逛，只要你不惹麻烦就行。”
“I'm not here to start shit,” Stan confirmed.
“我可不是来惹麻烦的，”Stan 确认道。
“Good, cause Tracey'll cut you if you do,” the girl informed him bluntly.
“好，因为如果那样 Tracey 会割你一刀，”女孩直截了当地告诉他。
“You Tracey?” Stan shrugged out of his jacket (the better to display his best assets) and tied the arms around his hips.
“你是 Tracey 吗？”Stan 脱下夹克（以便更好地展示他的最佳资产）并将袖子系在腰间。
“No, I'm Cherry.” The girl reached out a hand tipped in chipped red polish, she took it back once he'd shook it and jerked her thumb up the road. “That's Tracey.”
“不，我是 Cherry。”女孩伸出一只涂着剥落的红色指甲油的手，他握了握手后，她把拇指指向了公路。“那是 Tracey。”
Stan turned just in time to see a tall platinum blonde in a tiny black dress crossing the road towards them. “Thought you didn't have a pimp,” Stan joked as the blonde approached.
斯坦及时转身，看到一位高挑的金发碧眼美女穿着一件小小的黑色连衣裙穿过马路向他们走来。“我以为你没有皮条客呢，”斯坦开玩笑地说，当那位金发美女走近时。
“Oh, I'm not a pimp, honey,” 'Tracey' responded, her voice almost as deep as his but much smoother and delivered in a far more feminine drawl, “I'm just a girl who doesn't tolerate discord on her corner. You looking for trouble, mister?”
“哦，我不是皮条客，宝贝，”‘特蕾西’回应道，她的声音几乎和他一样低沉，但更加顺滑，带着更女性化的口音，“我只是个不允许她在街角有纷争的女孩。你在找麻烦吗，先生？”
“He says he's looking for a spot,” Cherry said.
“他说他在找地方，”樱桃说。
“That true, honey-boy?” 那真的，宝贝男孩？
“Just for a couple nights,” Stan nodded, moving to lean casually against the nearby wall. “Gotta make a few bucks before I move on. This aint my first time, sweetheart,” he flashed Tracey his best gambler's grin, the one that made people feel like they were about to hit a lucky streak, “you don't need to worry about me stealin' your spotlight for long.”
“就几个晚上，”斯坦点头，随意地靠在附近的墙上，“我得赚点钱才能继续前进。这不是我第一次了，宝贝，”他向特蕾西展示了他最好的赌徒微笑，那个让人感觉即将迎来好运的微笑，“你不用担心我会长时间抢走你的聚光灯。”
Tracey laughed, the sound full-throated and deep. “I like you, honey-boy. You can stick around a couple nights.”
崔西大笑，声音洪亮而深沉。“我喜欢你，宝贝男孩。你可以待上两晚。”
As the evening got darker another couple of women trickled in. The resident independent contractors seeking safety in numbers. They were nice enough, happy to chat with each other and with him as they waited for the nightlife to pick up. There was often a kind of camaraderie in groups like this – not always, in his experience – but it was hard not to fall into this line of work without developing an unspoken understanding of the reasons someone else might be standing on the same corner as you.
夜色渐深，又有几位女士陆续入驻。她们是常驻的独立承包商，寻求人多力量大的安全感。她们人很好，在等待夜生活热闹起来的时候，很乐意互相聊天，也愿意和他聊天。这样的群体里往往弥漫着一种情谊——以他的经验来看，并非总是如此——但如果不理解为什么有人会和你站在同一个街角，就很难不陷入这种工作状态。
Nobody chose this life because they wanted it. Nobody ever woke up and said to themselves you know what would be a great job... about standing on a street corner waiting for some asshole to ask 'how much'.
没有人选择这种生活是因为他们想要这样。没有人会醒来后对自己说，你知道什么工作会很好……就是站在街角等待某个混蛋问‘多少钱’。
The clientele started to show up soon afterwards, taking advantage of that time of the evening when it was late enough that most nine-to-fivers had finished up work but early enough for the excuse of 'I'm just working late' to remain plausible. A couple of the guys eyed him up before making their choice of the girls, but Stan wasn't concerned by the snub. The night was young and he'd get his share of repressed closetted jerkoffs soon enough. There was always someone willing to buy what he was selling.
不久之后，客户们开始出现，利用晚上这个时间，这时候已经足够晚，大多数朝九晚五的人都已经下班，但‘我还在加班’这个借口仍然合理。有几个家伙在挑选女孩之前先打量了他一番，但斯坦并不在意这个冷落。夜还很长，他很快就会得到自己的一份压抑的柜中人。总有愿意买他卖的东西的人。
Sure enough, Stan got his first customer of the night pretty quickly. A blowjob in the front seat of a beat up sedan left him twenty bucks closer to clawing his way out of rock bottom (again).
果然，斯坦很快就迎来了当晚的第一位顾客。在一辆破旧轿车的前座上，他被口交了 20 美元，距离再次摆脱困境又近了一步。
Stan got out of the car without looking back, stuffing the cash into the back pocket of his jeans and cracking his jaw as he went. It had been a while, he thought to himself ruefully, by the end of the night he was going to wish he still had access to what little was left of his stash. He didn't use very often, preferring the money that came from selling, but oxy would make the night a hell of a lot easier.
斯坦头也不回地下了车，把现金塞进牛仔裤后兜，一边走一边发出咔咔的声响。时间已经过去很久了，他懊悔地想，等到晚上结束，他真希望自己还能动用那点儿积蓄。他不常吸毒，更喜欢卖毒品赚来的钱，但吸了氧气，今晚肯定轻松很多。
He caught Tracey's eye as he casually strolled back to his spot by the wall. She raised an eyebrow at him in a knowing look and smacked her lips. “Been a while huh, honey-boy?” she asked, half-teasing.
他漫不经心地 stroll back to his spot by the wall，吸引了 Tracy 的目光。她带着一种心照不宣的表情挑了挑眉毛，然后咂了咂嘴。“好久不见，宝贝男孩？”她半开玩笑地问道。
“Nah,” Stan responded to her teasing with an easy grin, “monster cock. Shoulda charged him extra.”
“不，”Stan 用一个轻松的笑容回应她的玩笑，“巨蟒鸡巴。本该多收他点钱。”
The quip got the laugh he'd intended and the idle conversations that had been going on amongst the girls started up again. Stan stayed on the edges of it, leaning against the wall and watching for his next mark. Cars came and went, either picking up a girl to go to a nearby motel or parking in discrete spots for however much time it took for the driver to get off with his girl of choice.
这句话逗得他笑了出来，女孩们之间的闲聊又重新开始。Stan 呆在边缘，靠在墙上，寻找下一个目标。汽车来来往往，要么是带女孩去附近的汽车旅馆，要么是停在隐蔽的地方，直到司机和他的选择女孩完成了他们的交易。
It wasn't fun by any means, but it was easy in a way.
无论如何都不好玩，但某种程度上来说很容易。
Easy to stand there with people in the same boat, to trade jokes with Tracey and talk about the queer scene – not something anyone usually assumed he was familiar with despite some very good times spent in some very disreputable locations.
和同样处境的人站在一起很容易，和特雷西交换笑话，谈论 LGBTQ 场景——尽管在一些声名狼藉的地方度过了很多美好的时光，但通常没有人认为他会熟悉这些。
Stan was just starting to think that maybe hanging out with his fellow independent contractors for a couple of nights wasn't the worst way he could spend his time when the universe decided that it wasn't done kicking him in the balls and threw him the biggest fuck you possible.
斯坦刚开始认为，和同行独立承包商们一起出去玩几晚可能并不是他度过时间的最糟糕方式，但宇宙似乎觉得还没有结束对他的打击，于是给了他一个最大的‘去你的’。
Which fucking sucked, because by that point he had fifty bucks in his back pocket and an invite to crash at Tracey's place for the night (“once the traffic dies down” she'd said, and then added “and if you're lucky I might even consider making it a good morning”). Things had almost seemed to be looking up a little.
“这真是太糟糕了，因为那时他后口袋里有五十美元，还有一晚在特雷西家过夜的机会（她说，“等交通高峰过后”，然后又补充说，“如果你运气好，我甚至可能考虑让它变成一个美好的一天”）。事情几乎看起来有点好转了。”
The car was nondescript in the same way that a lot of cars were – just another mass produced, boxy, forgettable thing in an inoffensive beige. It wasn't flashy, but wasn't a hunk of junk either. The sort of mid-range nothing of a car that tended to belong to people with boring jobs.
这辆车在众多车辆中毫不起眼——就像许多车一样，只是一件批量生产的、方方正正、令人忘却的、无伤大雅的米色物品。它既不显眼，也不是一堆废铁。这类中等水平的汽车往往属于那些从事无聊工作的人。
Absolutely nothing to look twice at.
完全不值得多看一眼。
Stan wouldn't have even noticed the car if it hadn't screeched to a sudden stop just past the corner, front bumper jutting out across the mouth of the alleyway.
如果斯坦没有在拐角处突然刹车，前保险杠伸进小巷口，他甚至都不会注意到这辆车。
A familiar voice called his name in an incredulous shout and Stan felt his insides freeze, heart dropping right down into his gut.
一个熟悉的声音以难以置信的喊声叫着他的名字，斯坦感到他的内心冻结，心脏直坠入他的腹部。
“Stanley!?” “斯坦利！？”
The smirk that had been on his lips froze, and Stan watched in horrified silence as the passenger-side window rolled down to reveal a face that looked so similar (but so different) to his own. Ford, leaning across the passenger seat to stare at him out the window with his brows drawn together in an angry glower.
“他嘴角上的微笑凝固了，斯坦惊恐地沉默地注视着乘客侧的车窗缓缓降下，露出了一个和他长得如此相似（但又如此不同）的脸。福特，身体斜靠在乘客座上，皱着眉头，愤怒地透过车窗瞪着他。”
“Stanley, what the hell are you doing?” Ford demanded, accusation making each word clipped and exacting.
“斯坦利，你到底在干什么？”福特质问道，指责让每个字听起来都那么锋利和严厉。
A sudden flashback to the last time he'd heard that tone had Stanley's heart leaping right back into his throat, pulse pounding, mouth suddenly dry. An image of Ford silhouetted in a window stained the back of his eyelids when he blinked. Don't leave me hanging... Stan's own voice a distant echo in the back of his head.
突然回想起最后一次听到那个声音时，斯坦的心脏猛地跳回喉咙，脉搏狂跳，嘴突然变得干涩。当他眨眼时，福特在窗户上的剪影染上了他眼睑的后面。别让我悬着... 斯坦自己的声音在他脑海中回荡成遥远的回声。
Stan shook the flashback off with a casual toss of his head, chin tilting stubbornly upwards as he regarded his brother (his twin, his other half) with an air of disinterest. “What does it look like?”
斯坦随意地甩了甩头，下巴固执地向上倾斜，带着一种冷漠的态度看着他的兄弟（他的双胞胎，他的另一半）。 “看起来怎么样？”
Ford's eyes widened slightly as if shocked before narrowing again, eyebrows snapping closer together. “No,” Ford corrected himself, tone sharp and cutting, “what the hell are you doing here? In Portland.”
福特的眼睛微微睁大，好像很震惊，然后又眯了起来，眉毛紧紧地皱在一起。“不，”福特纠正自己，语气尖锐而冷酷，“你到底在这里干什么？在波特兰。”
Stan tried to ignore the way his brother's glare felt like it was cutting him to the bone and suppressed a flinch at the way each word cut just a little deeper.
斯坦试图忽略他哥哥的目光仿佛能割破他的骨头，强忍住每次话语带来的微微抽搐。
He should have figured. It had been years since they'd seen each other – years since Ford had turned around and let the curtain fall – but he should have know that nothing would have changed. Ford's anger had always been an unforgiving thing. It burned like coals, smouldering and red hot, not easily smothered by time or distance. And worse, once Ford had made his mind up about someone or something his opinions were like stone. Trying to change his mind was like trying to knock down a brick wall with your bare hands. All it would do was hurt.
他本该想到的。他们已经多年未见——自从福特转过身来让帘幕落下——但他本该知道，一切都不会改变。福特愤怒总是那么不可饶恕，像煤炭一样燃烧，闷烧且炽热，时间和距离都无法轻易扑灭。更糟糕的是，一旦福特对某人或某事下定决心，他的观点就像石头一样。试图改变他的想法就像徒手推倒砖墙，只会受伤。
Seeing Stan there standing on a dingy street corner on the seedy side of town would have been bad enough if he'd looked like he was buying. Seeing Stan standing there because he was selling...
斯坦站在这个破旧的街角，位于城镇的阴暗面，如果他看起来是在购买，那已经够糟糕的了。更糟糕的是，斯坦站在那里是因为他在卖...
It must've been confirmation of everything Ford had already known.
这一定是福特已经知道的一切的证实。
That Stanley was trash.
斯坦利是个废物。
He'd always been trash. Ever since they were kids. Everyone else had seen it. It had just taken Stanley's twin a bit longer to get with the program. The science fair project had been the final straw, that's all. You didn't throw someone away over one mistake unless that mistake was the last in a long line of fuck ups and you couldn't stand having to clean up after them anymore.
他一直是个废物。自从他们还是孩子的时候就是这样。其他人早就看出来了。斯坦利的双胞胎只是稍微晚了一些明白这个道理。科学展项目只是压垮骆驼的最后一根稻草。除非这个错误是长期错误中的一员，你再也忍受不了继续收拾烂摊子，否则你不会因为一个错误就抛弃某人。
Stan refused to let any of it show on his face. After that many times at rock bottom he was a master at looking like he didn't care.
斯坦利拒绝让这些情绪表现在脸上。经过这么多次的跌入谷底，他已经是个装作不在乎的高手了。
Instead he squared his shoulders and straightened his spine just a touch, spreading his arms a little in an arrogant shrug as he said pointedly: “What does it look like?”
相反，他挺直了肩膀，稍微挺直了脊背，一边傲慢地耸了耸肩，一边尖锐地说：“看起来像什么？”
For just one moment it looked as if Stan may have managed to render his brother speechless. Ford's mouth moved but no sound emerged, the thundercloud of his rage darkening and face turning red.
竟然有那么一瞬间，看起来斯坦可能成功地让他的哥哥哑口无言。福特张了张嘴，却发不出声音，他愤怒的乌云般的脸变得阴沉，脸色也变得通红。
It didn't last. 但这并没有持续多久。
The car's engine cut out. The driver side door flung open and spat out Stan's brother before slamming shut with a noise like a cannon.
汽车的引擎熄火了。驾驶员侧的车门猛地打开，吐出了斯坦的哥哥，然后像炮弹一样砰地关上。
“I cannot fucking believe you,” Ford hissed, the swear word hitting Stan like a bullet to the chest because the Ford he remembered never swore, “of all the goddamn places – you have to be here? What, selling yourself? I can't believe you'd be so –”
“我他妈的简直不能相信你，”福特嘶吼着，那个脏字像子弹一样击中了斯坦的心脏，因为记忆中的福特从不爆粗口，“在所有该死的地方——你偏偏要在这里？什么，卖身？我简直不能相信你会这么——”
“So what?” Stan challenged, hands curling into fists so tight that he could feel his fingernails biting into his palms. Because he knew what Ford had been about to say. Or the gist of it anyway. So pathetic. So desperate. So degenerate.
“那又怎样？”斯坦挑战道，双手紧握成拳，握得如此之紧，以至于他能感觉到指甲刺进了掌心。因为他知道福特原本要说什么。或者至少是大概的意思。太可悲了。太绝望了。太堕落了。
“So what?” Ford echoed incredulously, and laughed – actually laughed, as if he couldn't believe that Stan had the audacity to talk back to him.
“那是什么意思？”福特难以置信地重复道，然后笑了——真的笑了，仿佛他无法相信斯坦竟然敢顶撞他。
“There a problem, honey-boy?” Tracey's hand landed lightly on Stan's shoulder, a gentle touch meant as solidarity. She eyed Ford with obvious judgement, clearly having done the math on why a man who looked eerily like a bookish version of her new friend might be yelling at him like he was a dog that had just shit on the rug.
“有什么问题吗，宝贝？”特蕾西轻轻地拍了拍斯坦的肩膀，这个温柔的触摸意味着支持。她明显带着明显的判断，显然已经算出了为什么一个看起来像她新朋友书呆子版本的男人会对他大喊大叫，就像他刚刚在地毯上拉了一坨屎一样。
Stan glanced at her, remembering Cherry's warning earlier that night. “Nah,” he assured her with pointed calm, “just some family bullshit. Poindexter here hasn't seen me in years and now he's mad because I'm making him remember he's from some shithole in Jersey and didn't grow up with that fancy accent he's sporting.”
斯坦瞥了她一眼，想起了那天晚上切瑞的警告。“没有，”他带着尖锐的平静向她保证，“只是些家庭琐事。这个波因德克斯特好几年没见我了，现在他生气是因为我在让他想起他来自新泽西的一个破地方，而且他没有长大就拥有了现在这个他炫耀的时髦口音。”
“I'm not –” Ford started angrily, then cut himself off and pinched the bridge of his nose as if asking for patience. “It's been eight years,” he said through his his fingers, teeth gritted, “and I was surprised to see you in such an unexpected predicament. I had been under the impression that your professional sales career was of a different nature. Our mother certainly thinks so.”
“我并不是——”福特愤怒地开始说，然后打断自己，捏住鼻梁，好像是在请求耐心。“已经八年了，”他透过手指说，牙齿紧咬， “看到你陷入如此意外的困境，我感到很惊讶。我一直以为你的职业销售生涯是另一种性质。我们母亲肯定是这样想的。”
It was a low blow.
这是一记下三滥的打击。
The mention of their mother made Stan flush with embarrassment. She didn't know – could never know – about the times when he'd been forced to resort to dabbling in the world's oldest profession to keep from starving or running out of gas. Sure, she knew that the way he made his money wasn't exactly legal (the scams, and the cons, and the theft), but he'd been careful with what he told her. Their mother had always known he was trash the same as everyone else, but she loved him anyway.
提到他们的母亲，斯坦感到尴尬。她不知道——永远不可能知道——他被迫求助于世界上最古老职业以避免饿死或耗尽汽油的那些日子。当然，她知道他赚钱的方式并不完全合法（骗局、诈骗和盗窃），但他对她说的并不多。他们的母亲一直知道他和其他人一样是个废物，但她仍然爱他。
He couldn't stand the thought that she might look at him and be disappointed.
他无法忍受她可能会看着他而感到失望的想法。
“Times are hard, Sixer,” Stan said flatly, vastly underplaying exactly how close to having nothing but the clothes on his back he actually was. “I gotta make a living somehow. Now scram,” he added, “you're scaring the girls and putting off the customers.”
“时局艰难，六者，”斯坦平淡地说，实际上他离一无所有只有一步之遥。 “我得想办法谋生。现在滚开，”他补充道，“你吓到了女孩，也赶走了顾客。”
Ford's hand dropped from his face. He stared at Stan with that same incredulous anger for a long hard moment.
福特的双手从脸上放下。他长时间地、难以置信地愤怒地盯着斯坦。
“What?” Stan demanded, uncomfortable with the way Ford was looking at him all of a sudden. Like he was a crossword puzzle, or a math problem. Like Ford was adding all the parts of him up and coming to some kind of conclusion.
“什么？” 斯坦质问，对福特突然看他的方式感到不舒服。就像他是个填字游戏，或者数学问题。就像福特正在把他所有的部分加起来，得出某种结论。
“How much?” Ford asked.
“多少？”福特问道。
“What?” 什么？
“How much are you charging for your services?”
“你们的服务收费是多少？”
Now it was Stan's turn to stare, aware that Tracey and the others were looking back and forth between the two of them like opponents in a tennis match. “I, uh, I don't... You – ...”
现在轮到斯坦瞪大了眼睛，意识到特蕾西和其他人像网球比赛中的对手一样在他们俩之间来回张望。“我，嗯，我不知……你——……”
“I'll give you fifty dollars to get in the car with me.” Ford had his wallet in his hand. When had he gotten his wallet out?
“我给你五十美元，让你和我一起上车。”福特手里拿着钱包。他什么时候把钱包拿出来的？
“No!” Stan choked out, a horrible sinking feeling pooling in his gut.
“不！”斯坦喘着粗气，一种可怕的沉闷感在胃里聚集。
“A hundred,” Ford offered plainly, pulling out a couple of notes and holding them between two fingers. They were folded in half, but the light from the street lamp was bright enough to see that he was holding a pair of fifties.
“一百，”福特直截了当地说，拿出两张纸币，用两个手指捏着。它们叠成一半，但街灯的光线足够亮，可以看到他拿着两张五十元。
Someone whistled. A low, quiet sound. A hundred bucks was enough to get a motel for a few nights. Enough for a good few meals and some clothes that weren't stained and covered in holes. It was a full tenth of the way towards what he needed to get his car back (and his things, and his stash of pills hidden in a compartment under the back seat).
有人吹口哨。一个低沉、安静的声音。一百美元足够住几个晚上的汽车旅馆。足够吃几顿好饭和一些没染色、没破洞的衣服。这已经是他需要用来把车（还有他的东西，还有藏在后座隔层里的药）拿回的十分之一了。
Shame coiled low in his stomach as Stan considered the offer. He'd had a flash of it before when he'd first seen his brother, but that had been a different kind of shame. This – this was the kind of shame he hadn't felt in a long while.
斯坦在考虑这个提议时，胃里涌起一股羞愧。他以前在第一次见到他哥哥时有过这样的感觉，但那是一种不同的羞愧。这个——这个是他很久没有感受到的羞愧。
Sick and squirmy, wrapped around his internal organs in a disgusting tangle. A slimy, oozing feeling with fingers in the back of his skull.
恶心、不舒服，像一团令人作呕的混乱缠绕在他的内脏周围。一种黏糊糊、流出的感觉，手指在后脑勺里。
The kind of shame he hadn't felt since he was a teenager on the bottom of a pair of bunk beds, listening to his brother softly snore and imagining the hand around his cock had six fingers instead of five.
这种羞耻感是他十几岁时躺在双层床的下铺，听着哥哥轻轻的鼾声，想象着握住他阴茎的手有六根手指而不是五根之后从未感受过的。
Because this was a horrible mix of Stan's most guilty fantasies come to life in exactly the most awful way they could possibly happen. Because here was his brother swooping in out of nowhere when Stan was once again facing rock bottom and asking him to come with him... Only it was Stanford looking at him with a cool, calculating kind of anger instead of the understanding and forgiveness that Stan had always imagined, offering a hundred bucks for a whore to get in his car.
因为斯坦最罪恶的幻想，以最可怕的方式，以最可怕的方式变成了现实。因为斯坦的哥哥突然出现，就在他再次陷入困境之时，邀请他一起走……只是斯坦看着他的眼神，却带着一种冷酷、算计的愤怒，而不是斯坦一直想象中的理解和原谅，他出一百块钱买一个妓女上他的车。
Stan realised he'd been silent for too long when Ford pulled out another note. “One-fifty,” his brother stated coolly, the three fifties held together in front of him tauntingly.
斯坦这才意识到自己沉默太久了，福特掏出另一张钞票。“一百五十，”他哥哥冷冷地说，三张五十的钞票凑在一起，放在他面前，嘲讽地说道。
“Ok,” Stan croaked, too desperate (too choked with long-supressed yearning and sick, squirmy shame) to consider refusing again. “Ok,” he said again, reaching for the cash.
“好吧，”斯坦嘶哑地说，太绝望了（太被长期压抑的渴望和病态的羞愧所窒息）以至于无法再次拒绝。“好吧，”他又说了一遍，伸手去拿钱。
Ford jerked his hand back at the last second, leaving Stan's fingers to close on air. “After,” he said pointedly, and turned on his heel to walk back to the car.
福特在最后一刻猛地抽回手，让斯坦的手指落在了空气中。“之后吧，”他尖锐地说，然后转身向车走去。
Stan stood there a moment dumbly with his hand still in the air. Numbness settled over him as he accepted the situation for what it was, and what he was about to do. A transaction with a client, just one he happened to have a deep and complicated history with. Just a man he'd (never stopped loving) once had inappropriate feelings for.
斯坦站在那里，手还举在空中，一时之间显得呆若木鸡。当他接受现实，意识到自己即将要做的事情时，一种麻木感笼罩了他。这是一笔与客户的交易，只是他恰好与这位客户有着深厚而复杂的历史。只是曾经对一个他（从未停止爱着）的人有过不恰当的感情。
He looked back over his shoulder to see Tracey looking back at him with sympathy on her face. “It's ok, honey-boy,” she said to him quietly, “we all do what we need to.”
他回头看到特蕾西带着同情看着他。“没关系，宝贝，”她轻声对他说，“我们都会做我们不得不做的事情。”
Stan nodded and turned away, pretending he couldn't see the way Cherry and the other girls were staring at him with knowing sadness.
斯坦点了点头，转身走开，假装他看不到查理和其他女孩带着心照不宣的悲伤看着他。
Instead Stan got into Ford's nondescript nothing of a car and slumped down low in the passenger-seat.
而斯坦却坐进了福特那辆毫不起眼的破车，低低地蜷缩在副驾驶座上。
So Ford knew he was trash – clearly he'd finally figured out something Stan could be good for anyway. All it had taken was seeing him on a street corner.
所以福特知道他是个废物——显然他终于意识到斯坦至少还能派上用场。这一切只需要看到他在街角而已。
-
Ford could feel his hands shaking slightly and tightened his grip on the steering wheel to disguise it. He hadn't been sure that it was the right move – to try and bribe Stanley with money rather than appealing to their familial relationship. But they hadn't been brothers properly in quite some time, and he hadn't known whether Stanley would agree to come with him if there wasn't some kind of incentive involved. He hadn't known if Stan would trust him.
福特能感觉到自己的手微微颤抖，他紧握方向盘以掩饰这一点。他并不确定这是否是正确的决定——用金钱贿赂斯坦利而不是利用他们之间的家族关系。但他们已经很久没有真正是兄弟了，他不知道如果没有某种形式的激励，斯坦利是否会同意和他一起来。他不知道斯坦是否会信任他。
As if between the two of them he was the one who couldn't be trusted.
就好像在他们两个人之间，他才是那个不可信任的人。
Anger still simmered deep in Ford's chest. A fizzing, burning thing that kept spikes of adrenaline running through his body and made him feel uncomfortably hot. He could feel sweat beading beneath the collar of his shirt, the back of his shirt sticking to his skin.
愤怒仍在福特胸中沸腾。一种沸腾、燃烧的感觉，让他的身体充满了肾上腺素的尖刺，让他感到不舒服地热。他能感觉到汗水在衬衫领口处形成水珠，衬衫的后背粘在了皮肤上。
The anger he felt was a multi-layered thing.
他感受到的愤怒是多层次的。
The old anger from Stanley's betrayal still lingered, an old hurt that was both familiar and – in a way – comfortable. He was used to that anger, used to the way it would creep up on him now and then in odd moments and how it would flare momentarily brighter whenever he found himself facing a problem that could have been solved by scholarship funds or by a more prestigious name on his degrees.
斯坦被背叛的旧愤怒仍然挥之不去，这是一种既熟悉又——在某种程度上——舒适的旧伤痛。他已经习惯了这种愤怒，习惯了它时不时在奇怪的时刻悄悄袭来，以及每当面对本可以用奖学金或更高声望的学位解决的问题时，它会如何瞬间变得更加明亮。
New anger burned hot and close to the surface, tight and uncomfortable against his skin in a way similar to the sweat-damp shirt clinging to his back.
新的愤怒像火焰一样燃烧，紧贴皮肤，让人感到不适，就像汗水浸湿的衬衫紧贴着他的背部一样。
The old anger had flared at the sight of his brother – here, in this place, showing up right in front of Ford right when he was about to make an important presentation that could make or break his continued stay in Gravity Falls.
旧怒火在看到他兄弟的身影时再次燃起——就在这个地方，就在他即将进行一场可能决定他在重力瀑布继续停留的重要演讲时，他的兄弟出现在福特面前。
New anger had ignited the second he recognised what exactly his brother was doing.
当他认出他兄弟究竟在做什么时，新怒火立刻点燃。
The new anger had made him slam his foot on the brakes. It had made him get out of the car, had made him argue (pointlessly), had goaded him into using the cash he'd earmarked for spending on new equipment as a bribe to get Stanley to come with him. And it continued to burn in his chest now, making him want to open his mouth and ask just what exactly was so dire about his brother's situation that it had him selling his body like a common street prostitute. Because surely nothing could be that bad that it would justify something so... so reprehensible.
新怒火让他猛地踩下刹车，让他下车，让他（无意义地）争吵，让他用原本打算购买新设备的钱作为贿赂，让斯坦利和他一起来。现在这怒火仍在胸中燃烧，让他想要开口询问，他兄弟的情况究竟有多么危急，以至于他不得不像街头妓女一样卖身。因为肯定没有什么事情糟糕到足以证明这样的事情是……是如此……不可饶恕。
He would have expected breaking and entering before prostitution. At least that didn't involve debasing oneself with strangers to earn a quick buck.
他本该期望先有破门而入，然后才是卖淫。至少那还不至于为了快速赚钱而降低自己与陌生人同流合污。
Ford tightened his grip on the wheel again, the creak of the old leather hidden by the noise of the engine.
福特再次紧握方向盘，老旧皮革的吱嘎声被引擎的噪音所掩盖。
“So...” Stanley's voice startled Ford out of his angry musings and he shot a quick glance at his brother that made his ears turn red with a fresh bloom of anger. “We heading to a motel or something?”
“嗯……” 斯坦利的声音让福特从愤怒的沉思中惊醒，他迅速瞥了一眼哥哥，这使得他的耳朵因愤怒的新鲜潮红而变得通红。“我们去汽车旅馆还是什么地方？”
Stanley was slumped down low in the passenger seat, his knees pressed up against the dash and spread wide to accommodate the rest of his legs in the small space. He was looking out the window, a bored expression on his face, the fingers of one hand idly plucking at the loose threads of a hole in the denim of his jeans.
斯坦利低垂着身体坐在副驾驶座上，膝盖紧贴仪表盘，双腿尽量伸展以适应狭小的空间。他透过窗户看着，脸上带着无聊的表情，一只手的无名指随意地挑着牛仔裤破洞里松散的线头。
He looked so damn casual, so at ease, it made Ford want to shove him against the car door. And he wasn't wearing a damn seatbelt.
他看起来太随意了，太放松了，这让福特想把他推到车门上。而且他根本没系安全带。
“Seatbelt, Stanley,” Ford grated.
“系上安全带，斯坦利，”福特粗声粗气地说。
Stan flipped him off, but straightened up a bit and fumbled to put on his seatbelt just the same. “There. Happy?”
斯坦朝他竖了个中指，但稍微挺直了身子，还是笨拙地扣上安全带。“好了，满意了吗？”
“Yes.” No. “是的。”不。
“We heading to a motel?” Stanley asked again, still not looking at him.
“我们要去汽车旅馆吗？”斯坦利又问了一遍，仍然没有看他。
“Yes.” “是。”
“You gonna book a room?”
“你要预订房间吗？”
“I have a room booked already,” Ford told him shortly. “I had already been intending to stay the night in town. There's a conference tomorrow–” why was he telling him this? Ford asked himself even as he continued to speak “– I'll be presenting a paper.”
“我已经预订了房间，”福特简短地告诉他。“我本来打算在镇上过夜的。明天有个会议——”他为什么要告诉他这个？福特一边说一边问自己“——我将要发表一篇论文。”
“So that's why you're in town, huh?” Stanley muttered. Then, louder: “Ma said you lived somewhere in Oregon.”
“这就是你为什么在镇上的原因吗？”斯坦利咕哝着。然后，更大声地说：“妈说你在俄勒冈的某个地方住。”
“We are in Oregon.”
我们在俄勒冈州。
“We are?” Stan shifted in his seat, shoulders hunching in slightly before flexing back into place, muscles tense. “Well, shit.”
“我们吗？”斯坦在座位上动了动，肩膀微微前倾，然后又恢复原位，肌肉紧绷。“见鬼。”
They lapsed back into silence for a moment. Ford chanced another look at his brother from the corner of his eye, noting the unshaven jaw and the circles under his eyes. “I find it difficult to imagine what circumstances led you to needing cash so desperately,” he found himself saying, his voice dry, “though clearly you must be desperate.”
他们沉默了一会儿。福特从眼角偷偷看了看他哥哥，注意到他没刮胡子的下巴和眼下的黑眼圈。“我发现很难想象是什么情况让你如此急需现金，”他发现自己说得很干涩，“尽管显然你一定很绝望。”
Stan flinched slightly as if struck, his hands curling into fists in his lap. “Yep,” he said flatly, “that's me. Desperate.”
斯坦像被击中一样微微退缩，他的手在腿上攥成了拳头。“是的，”他平淡地说，“就是我。绝望。”
Ford frowned at the response. He considered trying for a probing question or two but was distracted by the sign for the motel. He pulled the car into the lot and parked in one of the empty spaces outside the motel office.
福特皱着眉头看着回答。他考虑着尝试问几个探询的问题，但被汽车旅馆的标志分了心。他把车开进停车场，停在了办公室外面的一片空地上。
“Stay here,” he told Stan as they got out of the car, “I need to check in.”
“待在这里，”他们从车里出来时他对斯坦说，“我需要登记入住。”
It only took a few minutes to get himself checked in, forking over the last of his cash (that wasn't now earmarked as Stanley's bribe) for his stay in exchange for the key to room 5. Ground floor, double bed, probably as cheap and utilitarian as the facade implied.
只花了几分钟就完成了登记，用他最后一点现金（现在不是用来给斯坦利的贿赂）换来了 5 号房的钥匙。一楼，双人床，可能和外观一样便宜又实用。
Ford walked back to the car, a part of him actually a little bit surprised to see Stanley leaning against it – he'd almost expected him to be gone. A figment of his imagination, or a hallucination of some kind brought on by nerves (not that he ever had nerves). Ford grabbed his suitcase from the boot and headed for room 5, gesturing for Stanley to follow him. The only indication that his brother had done so was the sound of his footsteps on the gravel of the parking lot crunching half a beat behind Ford's own.
福特走回车边，他的一部分实际上有点惊讶地看到斯坦利靠在车上——他几乎以为他已经离开了。是他的想象的一部分，还是因为紧张而引起的某种幻觉（尽管他从不紧张）。福特从后备箱里拿出他的行李箱，朝 5 号房间走去，示意斯坦利跟在他后面。他哥哥是否跟上的唯一迹象是他脚步声在停车场砾石上踩出的声音，半拍落后于福特自己的脚步声。
Ford unlocked the motel room door, wondering as he did so what exactly his plan ought to be now that he'd successfully gotten through the extent of his previous hastily-made plan. He'd gotten Stanley to come with him, off the street and away from those hookers he'd been standing with. Now what?
福特打开了汽车旅馆房间的门，在这么做的时候，他在想，既然他已经成功地完成了之前匆忙制定的计划的全部内容，他现在应该制定什么计划。他已经让斯坦利跟他一起离开了街头，远离了那些他曾经站着的妓女。现在该怎么办？
He flicked on the motel room light, noting as he did so that the room appeared to be somewhat run down but at least looked clean, and stepped out of the doorway to let Stanley through after him.
他打开了汽车旅馆房间的灯，注意到房间看起来有些破旧，但至少看起来很干净，然后从门口出来，让斯坦利跟在他后面。
Ford shut the door, then suddenly found himself being pushed up against it. His brother's mouth found his neck, lips and tongue meeting the naked flesh above the collar of his shirt, hot breath puffing against his skin. Ford dropped his suitcase and the motel room key in surprise, hands grabbing at Stanley's shoulders instead. His fingers and palms pressed against cotton and skin, the fabric of Stanley's tank top soft and worn, his skin cool and dusted with hair that tickled against Ford's fingers.
福特关上门，然后突然发现自己被推到了门上。他哥哥的嘴找到了他的脖子，嘴唇和舌头触碰到了衬衫领口以上的裸露肌肤，热气呼呼地喷在他的皮肤上。福特惊讶地扔掉了他的行李箱和汽车旅馆的钥匙，双手抓着斯坦利的肩膀。他的手指和手掌压在棉布和皮肤上，斯坦利 T 恤的布料柔软破旧，他的皮肤凉爽，头发被风吹拂着，轻轻地挠着福特的手指。
Shocked at the sudden and unexpected turn, Ford could only stand there dumbly as his brain tried valiantly to recalibrate.
福德对这突如其来的意外转变感到震惊，他只能呆呆地站在那里，他的大脑努力地重新调整。
Stanley's hands were on his belt, the buckle undone before Ford had even processed the tugging sensation from the pull against his clothes.
斯坦利的双手放在他的皮带扣上，皮带扣在他还没来得及处理衣服被拉扯的感觉之前就已经松开了。
“Stanl–” Ford didn't even get his brother's full name out before he was cut off with a “shut up” huffed against his jaw.
“Stanl–” 福特甚至还没来得及说出他哥哥的全名，就被一个“闭嘴”的怒吼打断了，那声音在他下巴上呼啸而过。
And then Stanley's mouth was pressed against his, his twin's tongue hot and wet and insistent against the slight part of his lips.
然后斯坦利的嘴唇贴上了他的，他孪生的舌头热辣、湿润且执着地抵在他嘴唇的微弱部分。
A feeling of unreality suffused him, lips parting further to allow Stanley's tongue into his mouth. He couldn't quite parse what was happening, could only go along for the ride as Stanley continued to kiss him. Ford tasted ash and realised that his own tongue was rubbing against Stanley's of its own accord, tasting the flavour of the cigarette his brother had been smoking earlier.
他感到一种不真实感弥漫全身，嘴唇张开得更大，让斯坦利的舌头进入他的口中。他无法完全理解正在发生的事情，只能随着斯坦利继续亲吻他而随波逐流。福特尝到了灰烬的味道，意识到自己的舌头不知不觉地与斯坦利的舌头摩擦，品尝着哥哥之前抽过的烟的味道。
The coals burning in Ford's chest tightened somehow, feelings that he'd tried so hard to forget rushing back and twisting the anger into something sick and familiar. Ford kissed Stanley back, breathing in through his nose and inhaling a scent that was both familiar and foreign.
福特的胸腔中燃烧的煤炭似乎变得更紧了，他努力想要忘记的感觉涌回，将愤怒扭曲成一种病态而熟悉的东西。福特回应了斯坦利的吻，通过鼻子呼吸，吸入了一种既熟悉又陌生的气味。
In real life they'd never kissed like this, he remembered distantly, distracted by the hands that were now tugging his zipper open with eerie efficiency. They'd never kissed at all, though Ford had thought about it so often back then. He'd thought about more too, dirty musings that he did his best to keep hidden. Glimpses of his brother's body stolen through the bathroom door, or the locker room after boxing. The smell of him saturating soft cotton...
他记得很遥远，因为现在有双手以令人毛骨悚然的高效拉扯着他的拉链。在现实生活中，他们从未这样亲吻过，他模糊地记得，被现在拉扯拉链的手分心。他们从未亲吻过，尽管福特当时经常想过这件事。他还想过更多，一些他尽力隐藏的肮脏想法。通过浴室门偷看他的兄弟的身体，或者拳击后的更衣室。他身上软棉的气味……
Those thoughts had been the only real secret he'd ever had from his twin back before Stanley had destroyed their relationship, and Ford's dreams, with his selfishness.
那些想法是他从前的双胞胎兄弟唯一真正的秘密，在斯坦利摧毁了他们的关系，以及福特的美梦之前。他曾经自私自利。
The thought rocketted through his skull, bringing him back to the present.
这个想法像火箭一样穿过他的脑海，让他回到了现实。
Ford pushed against Stanley's shoulders, shoving him back to break the kiss.
福特推了推斯坦利的肩膀，把他推开，打断了这个吻。
Stanley locked eyes with him, saw Ford's flushed face and the anger building there again, and flashed him a dark grin. “No kissing, huh?” he said and dropped to his knees in front of Ford without waiting for an answer, “I get it. How's about I put my mouth to better use?”
斯坦利与他目光交汇，看到福特涨红的脸和再次涌起的怒火，然后向他露出一个狡黠的微笑。“不亲嘴吗？”他说着，不等福特回答就跪在了他的面前，“我明白了。我把嘴用得更好怎么样？”
Stanley's rough, calloused hand was in his pants, then in his underwear, then wrapped around his half-hard cock before Ford could formulate any kind of response. Stanley's other hand expertly adjusted Ford's pants, pulling them and his underwear down enough that they didn't get in the way when Stanley leaned in and slid Ford's cock into his mouth.
斯坦利粗糙布满老茧的手先是伸进他的裤子，然后是内裤，最后在福特还没来得及反应之前，就握住了他半硬的阴茎。斯坦利的另一只手熟练地调整了福特的裤子，把裤子和内裤往下拉了一段，这样当斯坦利俯身将福特的阴茎含入口中时，裤子和内裤就不会碍事了。
Ford bit back a moan at the sudden feeling, his hands gripping tight against Stanley's shoulders.
福特咬紧牙关，抑制住突然的感觉，双手紧紧抓住斯坦利的肩膀。
The feeling of being in someone's mouth – in his twin's mouth – hot and wet, a tongue pressing firmly against the sensitive ridge under his cockhead, made his body react without input from his mind. He felt himself thicken in Stanley's mouth, going from half-hard to fully erect in seconds under the attention of his brother's flicking tongue.
被人含在嘴里——在他孪生兄弟的嘴里——火热湿润，舌头紧紧抵着他龟头下方敏感的脊梁，让他的身体无需任何大脑指令就能做出反应。他感觉自己在斯坦利的嘴里变硬，在兄弟轻弹的舌头的注视下，几秒钟内就从半硬变成了完全勃起。
Ford slid one hand up from Stanley's shoulder, palming the side of his neck briefly before setting a trembling hand on the top of his head. The thought that this was really happening crossed his mind, bringing back a moment or unreality as he remembered all of the times he'd thought about exactly this. About Stanley on his knees, Stanley's mouth on him, sucking him like he was made for it, letting Ford fuck his mouth until he was about to come and then pulling out at the last moment so he could see it splatter over Stanley's face.
福特一只手从斯坦利的肩膀上滑起，轻轻地抚上他的颈侧，然后颤抖着将手放在他的头顶。这一切真的发生了，这个想法在他脑海中闪过，让他回想起无数次他曾如此想过的时刻，仿佛回到了不真实的瞬间。斯坦利跪在他身上，他的嘴贴着他，仿佛生来就该如此吮吸他，任由福特操弄他的嘴，直到他即将射精，然后在最后一刻抽出，看着精液溅到斯坦利的脸上。
He could picture it, a familiar fantasy – droplets clinging to a teenage Stanley's eyelashes, the momentary look of shock, come dripping down his face. It would look better now, he thought, picturing his brother's face as it was now, slack-jawed and covered in Ford's come.
他能想象出来，一个熟悉的幻想——水珠附着在青少年斯坦利的睫毛上，他脸上短暂的震惊表情，水珠顺着他的脸颊滴落。他想，现在看起来会更好，想象着现在哥哥的脸，张着嘴，被福特的精液覆盖着。
Ford pushed his fingers through Stanley's hair, twining the strands around his fingers before gripping tight. Stanley hummed around the flesh in his mouth. He let Ford pull him forward, tongue working, sucking him in deeper.
福特将手指穿过斯坦利的头发，将发丝缠绕在指尖上，然后紧紧握住。斯坦利在他嘴里的肉上哼哼着。他让福特把他拉向前，舌头动着，吸得更深。
“Fuck,” Ford hissed as Stanley's head began to bob.
“操，”福特低声咆哮着，斯坦利的头开始晃动。
Stanley pulled back slightly before pressing forward, taking a little more into his mouth each time until his mouth was touching the hand that he'd wrapped around the base of Ford's cock. He stayed there a moment, breathing through his nose, making little noises that felt like tiny jolts of electricity up and down Ford's spine. Then Stanley's hand moved from his cock to hold the side of Ford's hip instead, and then he was moving again and suddenly his nose was pressed buried in Ford's public hair, unshaven chin against his balls.
斯坦利微微后退，然后向前推进，每次都多含进嘴里一点，直到他的嘴碰到他握住福特阴茎根部的手。他停留了一会儿，用鼻子呼吸，发出细微的声音，感觉就像微弱的电流在福特的脊柱上上下下。然后，斯坦利的手从他的阴茎移开，握住了福特的臀部，然后他再次移动，突然，他的鼻子埋进了福特的阴毛里，没刮过的下巴抵着他的睾丸。
“Fuck,” Ford said again, his voice a low rumble that wasn't quite a groan, “Stanley...”
“操，”福特又说道，他的声音低沉，不像是呻吟，“斯坦利……”
How many times had Stanley done this before to be able to take him to the root so easily? How many other men had seen his twin like this, on his knees in front of them with his mouth stuffed full?
“斯坦利之前做过多少次才能如此轻易地做到这一点？有多少其他男人见过他的孪生兄弟这样，跪在他们面前，嘴里塞满了东西？”
The thought brought another flare of anger that chased its way up his spine in thrilling contrast to the obscene pleasure of his brother's mouth.
“这个想法又让他愤怒起来，这种愤怒与兄弟口中的淫秽快感形成了惊心动魄的对比。”
It should've been him, Ford thought to himself, looking down at Stanley to watch as his brother pulled back only to bob forward again, swallowing Ford's cock without a hint of discomfort. It always should have been him. Nobody else deserved to see his brother like this, nobody else was good enough, nobody could ever have understood Stanley like he could. Nobody could ever have taken care of him like Ford could – look at what had happened to him when he was on his own. Stanley had fallen so low without him.
“福特心想，本该是他，他低头看着斯坦利，看着他的兄弟退后，又向前一跳，毫无不适地吞下了福特的阴茎。本该一直是他。没有人配得上看到他的兄弟这样，没有人足够好，没有人能像他一样理解斯坦利。没有人能像福特一样照顾他——看看他独自一人时发生了什么。斯坦利在他离开后已经堕落到了如此地步。”
-
There was a real downside to having an almost-identical twin, Stan thought to himself, the hand that wasn't holding Ford's hip sliding down to the front of his own jeans to palm himself through the worn denim. He was struggling to get enough air in through his nose each time he pulled back on Ford's cock, its girth too much for him to breathe at all each time he took its full length.
斯坦心想，有一个几乎一模一样的双胞胎确实有缺点，那只没有握住福特臀部的手滑到他自己牛仔裤前面，摸索着穿过磨损的牛仔布。每次他拉回福特的小弟弟，都挣扎着通过鼻子吸气，它的粗壮让他每次都难以呼吸。
Nature had blessed the Pines boys, and it was making it damn hard to keep from going light-headed from lack of oxygen.
大自然赐福于派恩斯家的男孩们，让他们很难避免因缺氧而头晕目眩。
Stan knew he was drooling, saliva that couldn't be swallowed thanks to the thick cock blocking his throat escaping from his mouth instead. He wasn't worried about it. He knew from experience that wetter was better. It made the slide of lips over flesh easier, made it a glide instead of a stutter. It made it easier to swallow and make the muscles in his throat flutter around the head of Ford's cock, because the saliva pooling in his mouth made his body think it needed to swallow around the intrusion. And he knew it made it feel better for Ford too – a hot, slick tunnel of flesh with a squirming tongue.
斯坦知道自己在流口水，粗壮的阴茎堵住了他的喉咙，他咽不下去的唾液反而从嘴里流了出来。他并不担心。经验告诉他，湿润一点更好。湿润让嘴唇滑过肉体变得更容易，滑行而不是断断续续。湿润让他更容易吞咽，也让他喉咙的肌肉在福特龟头周围颤动，因为口中积聚的唾液让他的身体觉得需要吞咽来掩盖侵入。他也知道，湿润也会让福特感觉更好——一条火热、滑溜的肉体通道，舌头蠕动着。
If Ford was going to play it like this (why? To try and humiliate him? To call his bluff and prove it couldn't be 'that bad'?), then Stan wasn't going to let him try and say he hadn't got his money's worth.
如果福特要这样玩（为什么？为了试图羞辱他？为了揭穿他的虚张声势并证明事情不会“那么糟糕”？），那么斯坦就不会让他试图说他没有得到应有的价值。
And if he could play out a couple of fantasies while he was doing it? Sue him. When opportunity knocks you open the fucking door no matter how sick and squirmy it makes you feel inside.
如果他能一边做爱一边幻想一下呢？那就起诉他吧。当机会来敲门的时候，不管你内心有多么恶心、多么不安，都该打开那扇该死的门。
Stan sucked his brother's cock and touched himself through his jeans, teasing himself into proper hardness.
斯坦吮吸着他哥哥的阴茎，并隔着牛仔裤抚摸自己，挑逗自己直到达到适当的硬度。
He didn't normally do that, but Ford had offered to pay more than enough for the full package and in Stan's experience most guys didn't enjoy fucking someone who didn't look like they were into it unless that was explicitly what got them off. (If he'd been doing this because Ford had asked him to – if Ford had looked at him with anything other than scorn, if he'd said that he'd help him, that he was sorry for turning away from that night, that he loved him – he wouldn't need to touch himself like this to get hard.)
他通常不会这么做，但福特愿意付的钱足够他享受一次完整的服务，而且以斯坦的经验来看，大多数男人不喜欢和一个看起来不感兴趣的人做爱，除非这能让他们兴奋。（如果他是因为福特要求他这么做的——如果福特看他的眼神不是轻蔑，如果福特说他会帮助他，说他很抱歉那天晚上离开，说他爱他——他就不需要这样自慰才能勃起。）
Once he was properly erect, Stan leaned back on his heels, sucking hard as he pulled his mouth from Ford's cock just for the obscene 'pop' sound when the head slipped from between his lips. Stan quickly wiped his chin with the back of his hand and stood, surging up to place a sucking kiss to the side of Ford's neck again.
等他完全勃起后，斯坦向后仰，用力吮吸着，同时将嘴从福特的阴茎上抽离，只为等到龟头从他唇间滑落时发出一声淫秽的“砰”的一声。斯坦迅速用手背擦了擦下巴，站起身，再次在福特的颈侧印下一个吮吸的吻。
“You wanna go to bed, Sixer?” Stan asked, breathless words panted into his twin's ear. “You wanna fuck me good and proper?”
“你想上床吗，Sixer？”Stan 气喘吁吁地在双胞胎兄弟的耳边说道。“你想好好地操我吗？”
He didn't wait for Ford to respond, instead stepping backwards and pulling his own tank top up and over his head.
他没有等待福特回应，反而向后退了一步，将自己的紧身 T 恤拉起来罩在头上。
Stan dropped the fabric carelessly on the floor, watching Ford's eyes trace their way down his chest and stomach. Stan knew he wasn't in the best shape, knew he leaned more towards 'bear' than 'boxer' these days, but he also knew how to make it work for him. He pretended like he didn't care about the soft swell of his stomach or the way his pecs were rounded by a layer of fat as well as muscle and put on a confident air he knew made him seem more attractive than his body alone.
斯坦随意地将衣物护理剂扔到地上，看着福特的眼神沿着他的胸膛和腹部向下移动。斯坦知道自己的身材并不算最好，知道他现在更偏向于“熊”而不是“箱型”，但他也知道如何让自己看起来更有吸引力。他假装不在意自己腹部柔软的隆起，或是胸肌被一层脂肪包围的圆润，摆出一副自信的姿态，他知道这样的姿态让他比仅仅依靠身体更有魅力。
Stan toed off his boots one by one as he walked backwards towards the bed, pausing briefly to kick each one off without bothering to see where they landed.
斯坦一边后退走向床边，一边一个接一个地脱下靴子，简短地停顿了一下，脱下靴子时没有在意它们掉在哪里。
He pretended he didn't feel a weird sense of relief alongside the heady thrum of arousal and the sick, squirmy feeling still in the pit of his stomach when Ford started to undress. Instead he watched dexterous, six-fingered hands undo that stupid button down shirt only to reveal an undershirt beneath.
当福特开始脱衣服时，斯坦假装自己没有感到一种奇怪的感觉，这种感觉夹杂着兴奋的颤动和胃里仍然不舒服的蠕动。相反，他看着灵巧的六指手解开那件愚蠢的衬衫扣子，下面露出了一件内衣。
Stan snorted softly to himself as he undid his jeans. “Classy,” he said as he unzipped himself.
斯坦轻轻地嗤鼻自语，一边解开牛仔裤。他说：“真有品味。”一边拉开拉链。
“Dressing properly is a prerequisite to be taken seriously,” Ford responded, using far too many syllables for someone whose cock was hard enough that it was curving upwards even while standing, defying the pull of gravity.
“得体着装是受到认真对待的前提，”福特回答道，他用的音节太多，对于一个硬到足以向上弯曲，甚至站立时都抗拒重力影响的阴茎来说，显得有些过分。
“Shut the fuck up and get naked, Poindexter,” Stan retorted, following his own advice by shoving his jeans and underwear down (palming a square foil packet from his pocket as he bent down) before kicking them away to the side.
“闭嘴，脱光衣服，波因德克斯，”斯坦反驳道，然后按照自己的建议把牛仔裤和内裤扯下来（当他弯腰时，从口袋里掏出一个正方形的铝箔包）然后踢到一边。
Ford stared at him a moment, his expression almost hungry, before he complied. He followed Stan's lead, though with much more precise movements, undressing himself swiftly and efficiently until he stood naked on the plain beige carpet.
福特盯着他片刻，表情几乎像饿狼一样，然后他同意了。他跟着斯坦的引导，动作更加精确，迅速而高效地脱下衣服，直到他赤身裸体站在浅褐色的地毯上。
Stan let himself take a second to just look at Ford. To look at him in a way he'd never allowed himself to when they were younger, always too afraid of getting caught and the inevitable look of disgust on his brother's face. Disgust that wasn't present now, despite their circumstances. (Maybe if he'd looked at Ford the way he'd wanted to back then, a treacherous voice whispered to him, maybe if he'd learned how to suck cock much younger and made himself useful to his brother then Stanford wouldn't have wanted to abandon him.)
斯坦让自己花了一秒钟的时间，只是看着福特。以一种他年轻时从未允许自己这样做的方式看着他，那时总是害怕被发现，以及他哥哥脸上不可避免的厌恶表情。尽管他们现在的情况如此，但这种厌恶并不存在。（也许如果他当时像他想要的那样看着福特，一个背叛的声音在他耳边低语，也许如果他从小就学会了如何口交，并让自己对哥哥有用，斯坦可能就不会想要抛弃他了。）
Stan's brother had filled out over the years since they'd last seen each other. His shoulders had broadened, and the skinniness of his adolescence had given way to a kind of lean muscle that made him look healthy and strong. Muscular thighs spoke of a lot of time spent walking or running, a slight tan on his arms and legs implied that he must spend at least some time out in the sun.
斯坦的哥哥自从上次见面以来已经变得丰满起来。他的肩膀变宽了，青春期时的瘦弱已经被一种健硕的肌肉所取代，让他看起来既健康又强壮。肌肉发达的大腿表明他花了很多时间走路或跑步，手臂和腿上淡淡的晒黑暗示他至少在户外度过了一些时间。
He was gorgeous. A fucking pin-up with a porn star cock.
他很帅。一个有色情明星鸡巴的性感偶像。
(Maybe if he was good enough tonight Stanford would want to keep in touch? Maybe if he was good enough his brother might think it was worth it to deal with seeing his fuck-up twin around now and then?)
（也许如果他今晚表现得足够好，斯坦德想保持联系？也许如果他表现得足够好，他的哥哥可能会觉得偶尔看到这个混蛋双胞胎也值得？）
Stan reached out and took his brother's hand. He pulled Ford to the bed, having decided earlier that he'd rather not get carpet-burn from fucking on the floor. Who knows when the fuck housekeeping vacuumed last anyway.
斯坦伸出手，握住了他哥哥的手。他拉着福特走到床边，因为他之前决定不想因为在地毯上做爱而烫伤自己。谁知道上次清洁工打扫卫生是什么时候呢。
“On your back,” Stan instructed, pushing Ford towards the mattress and half-expecting a protest.
“趴下，”斯坦指示道，把福特推向床垫，半期待他会抗议。”
Ford frowned slightly, but still sat down on the edge of the bed and scooted backwards until he was roughly in the middle. “What are you –” he started, probably about to finish with the word 'planning' or possibly 'doing', though he shut up when Stan straddled his thighs and showed him the foil packet he'd grabbed from his jeans earlier.
“福特微微皱了皱眉，但还是坐在床边，向后滑直到大致位于中间。“你是在——”他开始说，可能要加上“计划”或“做”这个词，不过当斯坦跨坐在他的大腿上，并给他看了之前从牛仔裤里拿出的锡纸包装时，他闭上了嘴。”
“You want me to put this on for you?' Stan teased, unable to resist. “Or you know how to do it yourself?”
“你想让我给你戴上吗？”斯坦逗弄道，忍不住想要这么做。“还是你会自己来？”
As Stan had expected a flash of annoyance lit up Ford's eyes behind his glasses. “I know how to put on a condom,” he stated archly, snatching the packet from Stan's hand.
正如斯坦所预料的那样，一丝恼怒在福特的眼镜后闪过。“我知道怎么戴避孕套，”他带着讽刺地说，从斯坦手中夺过包装袋。
He wasn't lying. A few seconds later Ford had the condom rolled down over his cock, the thin latex shiny and wet with lube – Stan had learned early that it was worth paying extra for the pre-lubricated condoms, especially if he was planning on doing what he was now and skipping the prep. He had enough experience to know what he could do without damaging himself, and he was pretty sure he could handle taking Ford without anything tearing.
他没撒谎。几秒钟后，福特就把避孕套套在了他的阴茎上，薄薄的乳胶润滑剂湿润闪亮——斯坦早就知道，额外花钱买预润滑的避孕套是值得的，尤其是如果他打算像现在这样，跳过准备工作的话。他经验丰富，知道怎么做才不会伤到自己，而且他很确定自己能安心地和福特玩，不会把任何东西撕破。
Besides, Stan thought as he took hold of Ford's cock and positioned himself so the tip was just brushing against his hole, he kind of wanted it to hurt.
此外，斯坦一边想着，一边握住福特的阴茎，并将自己的位置调整到龟头刚好擦过他的洞口，他有点想让它疼起来。
In a way it was like a fucked up kind of penance. Letting Ford hurt him just a fraction of how much as he'd hurt Ford.
某种程度上，这就像是一种糟糕的忏悔。福特对他的伤害，只是他伤害福特程度的一小部分。
“Stanley,” Ford breathed, eyes wide as he realised what Stan intended to do, hands hovering over Stan's hips without quite touching him.
“斯坦利，”福特喘着气说，当他意识到斯坦想要做什么时，他睁大了眼睛，双手悬在斯坦的臀部上方，但并没有完全碰到他。
Stan took a deep, deliberate breath in as he sank down on his brother's cock, ignoring the way his body wanted to flinch away from the sudden sharp ache and forcing himself to relax instead. Fuck, Ford was big. Not stupidly long (thank fuck) but thick, girthy in a way that might be intimidating if Stan hadn't been similarly blessed.
斯坦深吸一口气，刻意地坐到哥哥的阴茎上，无视突如其来的剧痛，身体想要躲避，强迫自己放松下来。操，福特真大。不是那种愚蠢的长（谢天谢地），而是粗壮，粗壮到如果斯坦没那么幸运的话，可能会吓到他。
It hurt but it hurt in a way that made the squirmy sickness in his stomach go away, replaced by the ache and the feeling of being so fucking full that there wasn't room for anything else.
这很痛，但这种痛让他胃里的恶心感消失了，取而代之的是疼痛和胃太满的感觉，以至于没有空间容纳其他任何东西。
Stan squirmed, wiggling his hips back and forth until he was seated properly on Ford's lap, his brother's cock fully sheathed inside of him. “Fuck,” Stan croaked, head tipped back, thighs and back tight with tension, “fuck – Ford.”
斯坦扭动着身子，前后扭动着臀部，直到稳稳地坐在福特腿上，他哥哥的阴茎完全塞进了他的体内。“操，”斯坦嘶哑着嗓子喊道，头向后仰，大腿和后背绷得紧紧的，“操——福特。”
-
Ford's hands hovered over Stanley's hips, fingertips a half-inch away from touching skin. It was insane to hesitate. Insane because Stanley had never shied away from his hands or cringed at his touch. But that had been when they were younger, when the touch of six fingers against Stanley's bare skin was (mostly) innocent. A child holding his brother's hand, a teenager giving a one-armed hug.
福特的双手悬停在斯坦利的臀部上方，指尖距离触碰的肌肤只有半英寸。犹豫简直是疯了。疯了，因为斯坦利从未躲避过他的双手，也从未因他的触碰而畏缩。但那是在他们还小的时候，六根手指触碰斯坦利裸露的肌肤（大多）是纯真的。一个孩子牵着弟弟的手，一个少年伸出一只手拥抱他。
This was something else. Something darker. Something sweeter.
这完全不同。更黑暗。更甜美。
This was his brother sitting firm on his lap after having taken him to the hilt, his own erection bobbing in the air above Ford's abdomen with a single pearl of precome beading at the tip.
这是他哥哥在他腿上坐稳，在他被彻底征服之后，他自己的勃起在福特腹部上方晃动，顶端凝结着一滴前戏的珍珠。
Ford knew his mouth was open, knew he was panting as he looked up at his twin – at the look on Stanley's face, his brother's head tipped back with teeth gritted and eyes shut.
福特知道自己的嘴巴张开，知道当他抬头看着他的双胞胎——看着斯坦利的表情时，他哥哥的头向后仰，牙齿紧咬，眼睛紧闭。
Beautiful, the word flashed through his mind, perhaps the most beautiful thing he'd ever seen. The thought was quickly followed by another, one that made anger coil tight in his gut along with the waves of pleasure and the knowledge that this was probably the closest they would ever get to being one person. How many other people had seen Stanley like this?
美丽，这个词闪过他的脑海，可能是他见过的最美丽的东西。这个想法很快被另一个想法所取代，这个想法让他愤怒在胃里紧紧地盘旋，伴随着愉悦的波浪和知道这可能是他们最接近成为一个人的时刻。有多少人见过斯坦利这样？
Stanley's eyes fluttered open, his gaze locking with Ford's. The corners of his brother's mouth quirked up slightly in a self-satisfied smirk and he raised himself up a few inches before dropping right back down again.
斯坦利的眼睛突然睁开，目光与福特相遇。他哥哥的嘴角微微上扬，露出自得的微笑，然后他抬起身子几英寸，又立刻躺了回去。
Ford's hands stopped hovering.
福特的双手停止了悬浮。
He grabbed at Stanley's hips, fingers digging in to the soft flesh, and bucked up into him. A choked groan punched from Stanley's throat at the movement, and Ford found himself bucking up every time Stanley sank down, rolling his hips up to bury himself inside his twin again and again in the hopes of hearing that same sound.
他抓住斯坦利的臀部，手指深深地陷进他柔软的肌肤，然后挺起身子。斯坦利的喉咙里发出一声哽咽的呻吟，福特发现自己每次斯坦利沉下去，都会挺起身子，一次又一次地扭动臀部，将自己埋进他的孪生兄弟体内，希望听到同样的声音。
It was good, so goddamn good, even better when Stanley shifted slightly and leaned back to brace his hands against Ford's thighs, stretching his body out in a way that emphasised the strength beneath the layer of softness that his brother had always carried.
它很好，他妈的很好，甚至当斯坦利稍微移动并靠在福特的大腿上支撑身体，以一种强调他弟弟一直携带的柔软之下的力量时，它变得更好。
Ford slid his hands down to Stanley's thighs, feeling the muscles flex and bunch under his palms and fingers, solid steel under hot flesh.
福特将双手滑到斯坦利的大腿上，感觉到手掌和手指下的肌肉收缩和聚拢，火热的皮肤下是坚固的钢铁。
He let his eyes roam his twin's body, following a bead of sweat as it travelled from the dip of his collarbone down Stanley's chest and its forest of dark hair. Down the planes of Stanley's stomach, made flat by the way he was leaning back, and the trail of body hair that made a line from his belly button to his pubes. Down to the fat, bobbing cock that thrust uselessly into the air every time Stanley raised his hips, precome flowing from the tip in a steady stream that dripped all the way down to his balls.
他的目光在双胞胎兄弟的身上游走，顺着汗珠从锁骨处流淌而下，顺着斯坦利胸膛和密密麻麻的黑毛流淌。顺着斯坦利因向后仰卧而平坦的小腹，以及从肚脐到阴毛的连绵体毛。再顺着那根粗壮的、上下摆动的阴茎，每次斯坦利抬起臀部，它都会无力地抽插到空中，前列腺液从顶端源源不断地流淌到他的睾丸上。
Ford licked his lips and bucked up harder, mouth watering at the thought of rubbing his face there.
福特舔了舔嘴唇，更加用力地挺起身体，一想到把脸贴在那里，口水就流出来了。
He could feel himself getting close, higher thoughts fleeing his mind entirely in favour of a singular focus on the physical. Every point of contact between Stanley and himself felt like it was on fire in the most delicious way, nerve endings lit up, heart pounding in his chest as the flames licked against his insides.
他感觉自己越来越接近，高级的思维完全从他的脑海中消失，取而代之的是对身体的单一关注。斯坦利和他之间的每一个接触点都像是在最令人愉悦的方式下着火，神经末梢被点燃，心脏在他的胸膛中猛烈地跳动，火焰舔舐着他的内心。
Ford's hands spasmed against Stanley's hips, fingers digging in tight enough to leave red marks.
福特的双手在斯坦利的臀部上痉挛，手指深深地陷进去，足以留下红印。
His hips stuttered, back arching as he thrust upwards to bury his cock into his brother. In that moment he wanted to crawl inside Stanley's skin, wanted to bite into his heart and drink the oxytocin straight from the source. A strangled cry fell from his lips as he came, a sound that wasn't quite well formed enough to be his brother's name.
他臀部颤抖，背部拱起，向上挺进，将阴茎深深地埋入哥哥体内。那一刻，他恨不得钻进斯坦利的肌肤，咬住他的心脏，直接吸干那股催产素。高潮时，他喉咙里发出一声哽咽的叫喊，那声音听起来不像是他哥哥的名字。
It felt like he blacked out for a moment.
他感觉自己好像昏了过去。
One second he was coming, filling the flimsy latex that kept him from feeling his twin's insides fully against his skin and grinding his hips upwards through an orgasm that seemed to go on and on. The next he was lying spent on his back, still breathing hard, Stanley gone from his lap.
前一秒，他高潮了，填满了那层薄薄的乳胶，让他无法完全感受到双胞胎兄弟的内脏紧贴着自己的肌肤，他向上摩擦着臀部，享受着似乎永无止境的高潮。下一秒，他已精疲力竭地仰面躺着，呼吸依然急促，斯坦利已经从他的腿上消失了。
Gone from the bed entirely.
完全从床上消失了。
Ford blinked up at the popcorn ceiling. He raised a hand and adjusted his glasses, pushing them back to their proper place on the bridge of his nose after they'd somehow come askew.
福特眨了眨眼，向上看着爆米花天花板。他举起一只手调整了自己的眼镜，在眼镜 somehow 歪斜后，把它们推回到鼻梁上的正确位置。
The sweat on his skin had begun to cool, cock growing soft against his own thigh. Ford reached down with his other hand and pulled the condom off with clumsy fingers, wrinkling his nose slightly at the sensation.
他皮肤上的汗水开始变凉，阴茎在他自己的大腿上变得柔软。福特用另一只手伸下去，用笨拙的手指扯下避孕套，微微皱了皱鼻子，对那种感觉感到不舒服。
He heard the shower start up in the tiny attached bathroom, which answered the question of where Stanley had gone before he had fully processed the need to find out.
他听到浴室里淋浴声响起，那是在一个小小的附属浴室里，这回答了他之前还没来得及处理想要弄清楚斯坦利去哪里的疑问。
Ford let himself just lie there for a moment, used condom dangling from his fingers, mind fully blank for the first time in what felt like forever. It was a strange sensation. Peaceful. Freeing in a way, to not have so many thoughts constantly spinning the wheels of his mind.
福特让自己躺了一会儿，手指上挂着用过的安全套，心中第一次在感觉像永远那么久的时间里一片空白。这是一种奇怪的感觉。平静的。以一种方式，不再有那么多想法不断在他脑海中打转。
Was this how other people felt after sex? he wondered, his first deliberate thought since Stanley had seated himself on Ford's cock. If it was, he could understand why people made such a big deal out of it.
他想知道，这是不是其他人性行为后的感觉，这是斯坦利坐在福特阴茎上后的第一个有意识的思考。如果是这样，他就能理解为什么人们对此如此大惊小怪了。
He'd had sex before – had fumbled his way through a few embarrassing interactions before falling into a mutually beneficial agreement with a couple of fellow postgrads – but it had mostly been just a way to relieve tension. Nothing special. Nothing like what he'd imagined as a teenager. Just bodies working together to achieve orgasm. After experiencing it for himself he hadn't really understood why the pursuit occupied so much of people's minds. Sure, it had been fun and induced a chemical and hormonal reaction that made him feel more relaxed, but the same could be said of a good book or a trip to the museum.
他以前有过性经验——在几次尴尬的互动中笨拙地摸索，最终与几位研究生达成互惠的协议——但这主要只是缓解紧张的方式。没有什么特别的。不像他作为青少年时所想象的那样。只是身体共同工作以达到高潮。亲自体验后，他并没有真正理解为什么追求这件事占据了人们这么多心思。当然，那很有趣，并引发了一种化学和激素反应，让他感到更加放松，但同样的话也可以用来形容一本好书或博物馆之旅。
But if it was like that every time... thrilling, intoxicating, focus narrowing to a single point...
但如果每次都这样...令人兴奋、陶醉，注意力集中到一个点上...
Ford blinked again, then propped himself up to look for a suitable place to dispose of the used condom. He saw a small trash bin next to the nightstand and rolled so he could lean over and drop the cold, slimy latex into the cheap plastic bin.
福特又眨了眨眼，然后撑起身子，寻找一个合适的地方丢弃用过的避孕套。他看到床头柜旁边有一个小垃圾桶，于是滚过去，把冰冷、粘滑的乳胶扔进了那个便宜的塑料桶里。
He took his glasses off and left them folded neatly on the nightstand, then rolled onto his back again to lie there listening to the sound of the shower running, mind blissfully empty.
他摘下眼镜，把它们整齐地叠放在床头柜上，然后又翻过身去，躺在那里听着淋浴的声音，心情无比平静。
-
The water pressure was surprisingly good for such a shitty looking motel.
这个看起来很糟糕的汽车旅馆的水压竟然出奇的好。
Stan stood under the spray from the shower head and told himself it was only water dripping down his face.
斯坦站在淋浴喷头下，告诉自己那只是水从脸上滴落。
He wasn't crying – he didn't cry. And besides, there was no fucking reason to cry anyway.
他没有哭——他不会哭。而且，根本没有任何理由哭。
He'd made it good, he knew he had. Ford had come hard with a strangled shout that almost sounded like his name, and he'd come so much that Stan had felt it dribbling out of the bottom of the condom before he'd even gotten up off his brother.
他做得很好，他知道。福特用一种几乎像是他名字的窒息呼喊声冲过来，他来得太猛烈了，斯坦甚至还没从哥哥身上爬起来，就感觉避孕套底部的东西开始滴落。
But he hadn't – fuck, why did it even matter? – he hadn't reached for Stan once past holding hard onto his hips so he could pull him down harder onto his cock. Hadn't stopped him when he'd moved from the bed.
但他没有——操，这有什么关系？——他没有伸手去抓斯坦，只是紧紧抓住他的臀部，好让他更用力地压住自己的阴茎。他从床上起来时，也没有阻止他。
Hadn't seemed to give a shit that Stan hadn't come.
似乎根本不在乎斯坦没来。
And why should he? Stan thought to himself viciously, jerking himself with a punishing grip that was just this side of too tight. He was just another client, wasn't he? Promising to pay for services rendered. Why should Ford give a fuck whether he came? None of the other people he'd ever fucked for money did, unless come was their thing.
他为什么要这么做？斯坦恶狠狠地想着，用力地攥紧了自己，那手简直太紧了。他只是个客人，不是吗？他承诺会为提供的服务付钱。福特为什么要在乎他是否高潮？他为了钱上过的那些人，他们可不在乎，除非高潮是他们自己的事。
The sick, squirming feeling was back. It sat low and tight in his stomach as he wrung out a pathetic orgasm alone and naked in a motel room shower.
那种病态的、令人不安的感觉又回来了。它像一块沉重的石头一样紧紧地压在他的胃里，当他独自一人在汽车旅馆的淋浴间里无助地拧出那令人难堪的高潮时。
Stan hung his head, letting the spray wet his hair and plaster it to his head in straggling clumps. He knew it had been good, so maybe Ford would ask him for his number or something (not that he had a place, let alone a phone right now) so he could keep in touch? You know, to call when he needed to scratch an itch that pretty scientist girls or whatever couldn't or wouldn't touch.
斯坦低垂着头，任由喷头的水弄湿他的头发，使它们凌乱地贴在他的头上。他知道那很棒，所以福特可能会问他要电话号码或者其他什么（他现在连住的地方都没有，更不用说手机了），这样他就能保持联系？你知道的，当他需要挠痒痒的时候，那些漂亮的科学家女孩或者 whatever 就不能或不会碰他。
There were a couple of tiny bottles of complimentary shampoo and a travel-sized bar of soap in a white plastic basket hanging from the tap.
在喷头下挂着一只白色塑料篮子，里面有几瓶小型的免费洗发水瓶和一块旅行装肥皂。
Stan reached for the shampoo and cracked open the seal. It stank in the same way that cheap toiletries always stank with an unpleasant generic 'cleanliness' scent, but the years had taught him that beggars couldn't always be choosers. He poured a generous amount into the palm of his hand and turned so he could lather up his hair.
斯坦伸手拿洗发水，撕开了密封条。它散发出一种廉价洗护用品总是散发的那种令人不快的通用“清洁”气味，但多年的经验告诉他，乞丐并不是总能挑三拣四的。他倒了一大把洗发水在手心里，转身开始给头发打泡沫。
He figured Ford would at least keep his word about the hundred and fifty, and he had that other fifty bucks sitting in the pocket of his jeans. If he was lucky – if he could scrounge a meal or two for free and find a safe place to catnap during the day – he could probably make the rest in time.
他觉得福特至少会遵守他的承诺，给他一百五十美元，他还有那五十美元放在牛仔裤口袋里。如果他幸运的话——如果他能够免费蹭一顿两顿饭，并在白天找到一个安全的地方打个盹——他可能还能及时赚到剩下的钱。
He wondered if Tracey's offer to put him up would still be good tomorrow night.
他想知道特蕾西提出的让他今晚留宿的提议明天晚上是否仍然有效。
He wondered if she'd still look at him the same knowing he'd fucked his own brother for money. Based on what she'd said he figured she would. Incest, coercion, molestation, wasn't exactly an uncommon part of someone's tragic backstory... It's just that usually it was more unwanted attention from a creepy pervert and less a slightly twisted version of a fantasy come true. Which Stan guessed made him the creepy pervert in this scenario.
他想知道当她知道他为了钱和自己的兄弟发生关系后，她还会不会以同样的眼光看他。根据她的话，他推测她会。根据她的话，他推测她会。乱伦、强迫、性侵犯，并不是某人悲惨背景中不常见的部分...只是通常它更多的是来自一个怪诞的变态的不受欢迎的注意，而不是一个稍微扭曲的幻想成真的版本。斯坦猜这让他成了这个场景中的怪诞的变态。
Fuck it, Stan thought to himself as he scrubbed the cheap shampoo from his hair, he'd suck her dick for it if she wanted. He'd suck her dick for free if she let him.
斯坦一边用便宜的洗发水洗头，一边在心里想，如果她愿意，他会为她做这个。如果她让他这么做，他会免费为她做。
Tracey was pretty (or handsome probably, without the makeup), and kind, and hadn't judged him for being a vagrant or a needs-must hooker. If they'd met under different circumstances, like in a club, or one of those queer-only bars, he might've asked her out proper. Maybe if he had a girl like Tracey he wouldn't keep falling back into fantasies about his twin brother, wouldn't keep wishing that Ford would want him the same way, love him the same way that Stan had always loved him.
特蕾西很漂亮（或者没有化妆可能很帅），很善良，没有因为他是个流浪汉或者为了生存而卖淫而评判他。如果他们在不同的环境下相遇，比如在俱乐部，或者那些只对同性恋开放的酒吧，他可能会正式邀请她出去。也许如果他有一个像特蕾西这样的女孩，他就不会总是陷入对双胞胎兄弟的幻想，不会一直希望福特会像斯坦一样爱他，像斯坦一直爱他一样爱他。
Stan rinsed his hair out one final time and turned off the tap.
斯坦最后一次冲洗了头发，关掉了水龙头。
The towels supplied by the motel were thin and cheap, but they did the job well enough. Once he was as dry as he was going to get, hair still damp and clinging to the back of his neck where it had grown too long to be considered respectable, Stan squared his shoulders and sauntered back out into the motel room proper.
汽车旅馆提供的毛巾又薄又便宜，但它们的工作效果足够好。当他尽可能干燥后，头发仍然湿润，粘在他的脖子上，因为头发太长，已经不能算得上体面，斯坦挺直了肩膀，悠闲地回到了汽车旅馆的房间里。
He could've saved himself the trouble of putting on a confident swagger.
他本可以省去装出自信的派头的麻烦。
Ford was snoring softly where he lay on the bed, sheets pulled up haphazardly over part of his body as if he'd tried to get into the bed without actually moving.
福特躺在床上，轻轻地打着呼噜，床单随意地拉起，覆盖在他身体的一部分，好像他试图上床而没有真正移动。
Stan sighed and checked the bedside table for the cash his brother had promised, frowning when the only thing he saw was the cheap table lamp. The other bedside table held Ford's glasses and an alarm clock. The table near the wall was empty. Stan stood at the foot of the bed, hands on his hips as he considered his situation.
斯坦叹了口气，检查床头柜里他哥哥承诺给的钱，当他只看到那个便宜的台灯时，他皱起了眉头。另一边的床头柜里放着福特的眼镜和闹钟。墙边的桌子是空的。斯坦站在床脚，双手叉腰，考虑着他的处境。
After, Ford had said. Which normally meant 'I'll give you your money once I nut', but sometimes meant 'in the morning' when the client was paying extra.
福特说过。这通常意味着“等我射了你就给你钱”，但有时当客户额外付费时，也意味着“早上”。
Ford was paying him a hundred and fifty. That definitely counted as paying extra.
福特给他一百五十。这绝对算是额外付费。
Stan rubbed a hand down his face, idly wondering if Ford would let him borrow a razor.
斯坦用手摸了摸脸，漫无目的地想着福特会不会让他借用一把剃须刀。
“Fuck it,” Stan muttered, and trudged over to turn off the light before moving to the other side of the bed where the sheets were still tucked in. He pulled the covers back and slid between the starchy cotton sheets. His back hurt from keeping it arched, his thighs burned from bouncing up and down. He'd earned a night in a proper goddamn bed.
“算了吧，”斯坦嘟囔着，拖着脚步走到床边关掉灯，然后走到床的另一边，那里的床单还塞在下面。他掀开被子，滑进了硬邦邦的棉质床单之间。他因为长时间保持弓背而感到背部疼痛，大腿因为上下跳动而感到灼热。他应该得到一个真正的床过夜。
And if it meant he could lie on his side and look at Ford's shadowy profile... If it meant he could look at his brother and pretend they were in a motel because they were on vacation together, just the two of them, travelling like they'd always said they would... Nobody needed to know.
如果这意味着他可以侧卧着看福特模糊的轮廓……如果这意味着他可以看着他的兄弟，假装他们在一个汽车旅馆里，因为他们正在度假，只有他们两个人，就像他们一直说的一样去旅行……没有人需要知道。