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In 1992, Andrea Robin Skinner wrote her mother, Alice Munro, a letter that opened with a warning.
1992 年,安德里亚·罗宾·斯金纳给她的母亲爱丽丝·门罗写了一封信,信中开头有一个警告。
1992 年,安德里亚·罗宾·斯金纳给她的母亲爱丽丝·门罗写了一封信,信中开头有一个警告。
“Dear Mom,” it began. “Please find a spot alone before you read this … I have been keeping a terrible secret for 16 years, Gerry abused me sexually when I was nine years old. I have been afraid all my life that you would blame me for what happened.”
亲爱的妈妈,我有一件非常严重的事情要告诉你。请在独处时仔细阅读这封信。我一直在隐藏一个可怕的秘密 16 年,就是杰瑞在我 9 岁时性侵犯了我。我一直担心你会责怪我遭受的遭遇。
亲爱的妈妈,我有一件非常严重的事情要告诉你。请在独处时仔细阅读这封信。我一直在隐藏一个可怕的秘密 16 年,就是杰瑞在我 9 岁时性侵犯了我。我一直担心你会责怪我遭受的遭遇。
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Munro’s youngest daughter, then 25, knew her words would devastate her mother, already established as one of Canada’s greatest writers for her award-winning short stories. Gerry was Gerald Fremlin, the love of Alice Munro’s life, her second husband and Andrea’s stepfather. The letter, Andrea imagined, would change everything.
芒罗最小的女儿当时 25 岁,知道她的话会让已经被确立为加拿大最伟大作家之一的母亲感到痛苦。杰里是爱丽丝·芒罗的挚爱,她的第二任丈夫和安德里亚的继父。安德里亚想象,这封信会改变一切。
芒罗最小的女儿当时 25 岁,知道她的话会让已经被确立为加拿大最伟大作家之一的母亲感到痛苦。杰里是爱丽丝·芒罗的挚爱,她的第二任丈夫和安德里亚的继父。安德里亚想象,这封信会改变一切。
Instead, the secret that had haunted the Munro family for years would continue to do so for decades more. It remained hidden after Alice Munro received her daughter’s letter, and left it for Fremlin to find. It remained hidden after Fremlin wrote letters of his own that would go on to incriminate him in a court of law, where he was convicted of indecent assault in 2005. It remained hidden after Fremlin died in 2013, still married to Alice, and after Alice Munro died this year.
相反,蒙罗家族多年来一直隐藏的秘密,在未来几十年内仍将继续隐藏。即使在爱丽丝·蒙罗收到女儿的信并留给弗雷姆林之后,这个秘密也一直隐藏着。即使弗雷姆林写了自己的信并最终在 2005 年的法庭上被判犯有猥亵罪,这个秘密也一直隐藏着。即使弗雷姆林在 2013 年去世,仍然与爱丽丝结婚,以及爱丽丝·蒙罗今年去世,这个秘密也一直隐藏着。
相反,蒙罗家族多年来一直隐藏的秘密,在未来几十年内仍将继续隐藏。即使在爱丽丝·蒙罗收到女儿的信并留给弗雷姆林之后,这个秘密也一直隐藏着。即使弗雷姆林写了自己的信并最终在 2005 年的法庭上被判犯有猥亵罪,这个秘密也一直隐藏着。即使弗雷姆林在 2013 年去世,仍然与爱丽丝结婚,以及爱丽丝·蒙罗今年去世,这个秘密也一直隐藏着。
Now, as they mourn their mother — the literary giant and Nobel laureate — Andrea and her siblings are no longer willing to stay silent. They want the world to continue to adore Alice Munro’s work. They also feel compelled to share what it meant to grow up in her shadow and how protecting her legacy came at a devastating cost for her daughter. The truth, they hope, will bring them healing and empower other victims of sexual assault and their families.
如今,当他们悼念这位文学巨匠和诺贝尔奖得主母亲时,安德里亚和她的兄弟姐妹们不再愿意保持沉默。他们希望世界继续崇敬爱丽丝·门罗的作品。他们也感到有必要分享在她的阴影下成长的经历,以及保护她遗产给女儿带来的毁灭性代价。他们希望,真相能给他们带来治愈,并为其他性侵害受害者及其家人带来力量。
如今,当他们悼念这位文学巨匠和诺贝尔奖得主母亲时,安德里亚和她的兄弟姐妹们不再愿意保持沉默。他们希望世界继续崇敬爱丽丝·门罗的作品。他们也感到有必要分享在她的阴影下成长的经历,以及保护她遗产给女儿带来的毁灭性代价。他们希望,真相能给他们带来治愈,并为其他性侵害受害者及其家人带来力量。
Andrea Skinner’s life began in a sprawling Tudor revival house in the historic Rockland neighbourhood of Victoria, B.C., which her parents, Alice and Jim Munro, bought in 1966, the year she was born. In between taking care of the household and her three daughters — Sheila, Jenny and Andrea — Alice found time to write in an old kitchen upstairs that had become the ironing room, her stories often chronicling the lives and inner turmoil of women and girls.
安德烈娅·斯金纳出生于维多利亚市洛克兰区一座宽敞的都铎复兴式房屋,这是她父母爱丽丝和吉姆·门罗在 1966 年购买的。除了照顾家庭和三个女儿——希拉、詹妮和安德烈娅,爱丽丝还在楼上的旧厨房里找到时间写作,那里已经变成了熨衣房,她的故事常常描述女性和女孩的生活和内心世界。
安德烈娅·斯金纳出生于维多利亚市洛克兰区一座宽敞的都铎复兴式房屋,这是她父母爱丽丝和吉姆·门罗在 1966 年购买的。除了照顾家庭和三个女儿——希拉、詹妮和安德烈娅,爱丽丝还在楼上的旧厨房里找到时间写作,那里已经变成了熨衣房,她的故事常常描述女性和女孩的生活和内心世界。
As Alice’s reputation grew, her marriage with Jim became strained. They separated around 1974, and later divorced.
随着爱丽丝声望的提高,她与吉姆的婚姻关系变得紧张。他们在 1974 年左右分居,后来离了婚。
随着爱丽丝声望的提高,她与吉姆的婚姻关系变得紧张。他们在 1974 年左右分居,后来离了婚。
That’s when the shape of the family shifted, and Gerald Fremlin entered their lives.
这就是家庭结构发生转变的时候,杰拉尔德·弗雷姆林进入了他们的生活。
这就是家庭结构发生转变的时候,杰拉尔德·弗雷姆林进入了他们的生活。
Alice had known Gerry, a geographer, since her university days some 20 years earlier. They formed a relationship soon after her separation and married in 1976. For his part, Jim Munro met Carole Sabiston, then a well-known textile artist, in Victoria in 1974. They married and lived together in the Rockland house with Carole’s son, Andrew.
爱丽丝在大学时代就认识了地理学家杰里,已有 20 年时间了。在她分居后不久,他们就建立了关系,并于 1976 年结婚。另一方面,吉姆·蒙罗在 1974 年在维多利亚遇到了著名纺织艺术家卡罗尔·萨比斯顿。他们结婚并在洛克兰房子里与卡罗尔的儿子安德鲁一起生活。
爱丽丝在大学时代就认识了地理学家杰里,已有 20 年时间了。在她分居后不久,他们就建立了关系,并于 1976 年结婚。另一方面,吉姆·蒙罗在 1974 年在维多利亚遇到了著名纺织艺术家卡罗尔·萨比斯顿。他们结婚并在洛克兰房子里与卡罗尔的儿子安德鲁一起生活。
The parents decided to share custody. Andrea would stay in Victoria for the school year and spend the rest of the year with her mother and Gerry in Clinton, where she could experience the bucolic Ontario summers.
父母决定共享抚养权。安德里亚将在维多利亚上学,其余时间与母亲和格里在克林顿度过,这样她就能体验安大略省乡村的夏季。
父母决定共享抚养权。安德里亚将在维多利亚上学,其余时间与母亲和格里在克林顿度过,这样她就能体验安大略省乡村的夏季。
Andrea around age 9 with her cat, Benjy.
9 岁左右的安德里亚和她的猫本杰
Courtesy Munro Family 门罗家族的谅解
9 岁左右的安德里亚和她的猫本杰
And so, in 1976, when Andrea was nine years old, she went to stay with her mother and Gerry in Huron County, where Munro’s stories are set. It was the house Gerry had grown up in: a big white Victorian wood-clad cottage that sat on a corner lot of nearly an acre, with old maple trees in the yard and farm fields behind — about 35 kilometres from Munro’s hometown of Wingham, which made appearances in her stories as a place called Jubilee.
因此,在 1976 年,当安德里亚 9 岁时,她去和她的母亲和格里住在休伦县,那里就是芒罗的小说的背景。这是格里从小长大的房子:一座大白色的维多利亚式木制小屋,坐落在近一英亩的拐角地块上,院子里有古老的枫树,后面是农田 - 距离芒罗的家乡温宁汉约 35 公里,这个地方在她的小说中被称为朱比利。
因此,在 1976 年,当安德里亚 9 岁时,她去和她的母亲和格里住在休伦县,那里就是芒罗的小说的背景。这是格里从小长大的房子:一座大白色的维多利亚式木制小屋,坐落在近一英亩的拐角地块上,院子里有古老的枫树,后面是农田 - 距离芒罗的家乡温宁汉约 35 公里,这个地方在她的小说中被称为朱比利。
One night, with her mother away, Andrea asked Gerry if she could sleep in Alice’s bed, which was next to his in the bedroom the couple shared.
一天晚上,在母亲不在的时候,安德里亚问格里,能否睡在与他们共用卧室的爱丽丝的床上。
一天晚上,在母亲不在的时候,安德里亚问格里,能否睡在与他们共用卧室的爱丽丝的床上。
As she lay there, Gerry crawled into her bed and began to rub her genitals. In Andrea’s own words, he “tried to get me to hold his penis. My hand kept going limp though as I was pretending very hard that I was asleep.”
当她躺在那里时,格里爬上了她的床,开始抚摸她的私处。安德里亚自己说,他"试图让我握住他的阴茎,但我一直假装睡着,手一直软绵绵的。"
当她躺在那里时,格里爬上了她的床,开始抚摸她的私处。安德里亚自己说,他"试图让我握住他的阴茎,但我一直假装睡着,手一直软绵绵的。"
Afterwards, Andrea didn’t say anything, didn’t tell Alice. She thought that was the right thing to do; Gerry had told Andrea that if her mother knew, it would kill her.
之后,安德里亚没有说任何话,也没有告诉爱丽丝。她认为这是正确的做法;杰里告诉安德里亚,如果她母亲知道,会让她心碎。
之后,安德里亚没有说任何话,也没有告诉爱丽丝。她认为这是正确的做法;杰里告诉安德里亚,如果她母亲知道,会让她心碎。
When Andrea returned to her father’s house at the end of the summer, she confided in her stepbrother, Andrew, about what Gerry had done. He encouraged her to tell his mother, Carole, which she did. Carole then told Jim Munro. Jim didn’t confront Alice; he didn’t speak with Andrea. He instructed Andrea’s sisters not to tell their mother, either.
当安德里亚在夏末回到父亲的家中时,她向继兄安德鲁坦白了杰里的所作所为。安德鲁鼓励她告诉他的母亲卡罗尔,她也这样做了。卡罗尔随后告知了吉姆·蒙罗。吉姆没有质问爱丽丝,也没有与安德里亚交谈。他指示安德里亚的姐妹们不要告诉她们的母亲。
当安德里亚在夏末回到父亲的家中时,她向继兄安德鲁坦白了杰里的所作所为。安德鲁鼓励她告诉他的母亲卡罗尔,她也这样做了。卡罗尔随后告知了吉姆·蒙罗。吉姆没有质问爱丽丝,也没有与安德里亚交谈。他指示安德里亚的姐妹们不要告诉她们的母亲。
The next summer, in 1977, Andrea went back to Clinton. “I told her she didn’t have to go,” says Carole. “But she wanted to spend time with her mother.” This time, though, Sheila accompanied her, at Jim’s urging.
第二年的夏天,1977 年,安德里亚回到了克林顿。"我告诉她她不必去,"卡罗尔说,"但她想和母亲在一起。"这次,在吉姆的劝说下,希拉也陪同她一起去了。
第二年的夏天,1977 年,安德里亚回到了克林顿。"我告诉她她不必去,"卡罗尔说,"但她想和母亲在一起。"这次,在吉姆的劝说下,希拉也陪同她一起去了。
“I don’t remember the exact conversation, but my father told me that Andrea had been molested, or something to that effect,” says Sheila. “There wasn’t a lot of detail about what happened to her.”
我记不清具体的对话内容,但父亲告诉我,安德里亚遭受了性侵犯,或者类似的事情。关于发生在她身上的事情,没有太多细节。
我记不清具体的对话内容,但父亲告诉我,安德里亚遭受了性侵犯,或者类似的事情。关于发生在她身上的事情,没有太多细节。
He also told her that Andrea wanted to go back again, and they were allowing it. In a sort of “covert operation,” Sheila was there “to make sure (Andrea) was never alone with Gerry. That was my father’s wishes.”
他还告诉她,安德里亚想再次回去,他们也同意了。在一种"秘密行动"中,希拉在那里"确保(安德里亚)从未独自与杰里在一起。这是我父亲的愿望。"
他还告诉她,安德里亚想再次回去,他们也同意了。在一种"秘密行动"中,希拉在那里"确保(安德里亚)从未独自与杰里在一起。这是我父亲的愿望。"
It was an impossible task.
这个任务太难了。
这个任务太难了。
Gerry continued abusing Andrea — not touching her, she says, but exposing himself to her, propositioning her for sex — until he lost interest when she reached her teenage years. Until then, when they were alone — say, in his truck — he would expose his penis. Sometimes he would begin masturbating. She would keep her eyes straight ahead, she says, not looking at him. When he stopped, she’d think, “Abuse averted,” because she hadn’t seen it.
杰里一直在虐待安德烈——虽然没有身体接触,但他会向她暴露自己,要求发生性关系。直到她进入青春期,他才失去了兴趣。在此之前,当他们独处时,比如在他的卡车里,他会暴露自己的生殖器。有时他还会开始自慰。她会直视前方,不去看他。当他停下来时,她会庆幸,"虐待被避免了",因为她没有看到。
杰里一直在虐待安德烈——虽然没有身体接触,但他会向她暴露自己,要求发生性关系。直到她进入青春期,他才失去了兴趣。在此之前,当他们独处时,比如在他的卡车里,他会暴露自己的生殖器。有时他还会开始自慰。她会直视前方,不去看他。当他停下来时,她会庆幸,"虐待被避免了",因为她没有看到。
Andrew, left, and Andrea, right, when they were around 10 and 9 years old, respectively.
这是安德鲁(左)和安德里亚(右)在大约 10 岁和 9 岁时的照片。
Courtesy Munro Family 门罗家族的谅解
这是安德鲁(左)和安德里亚(右)在大约 10 岁和 9 岁时的照片。
By the time Andrea was 19, the trauma of what had happened and the continued conspiracy of silence were affecting her mentally and physically. She was struggling in university, suffering from bulimia and frequent migraines. She told Alice that she was having a hard time in her courses at the University of Toronto and received the sort of response she had learned to expect from her mother whenever Andrea confided hard truths.
到安德里亚 19 岁时,所经历的创伤和持续的沉默阴谋已经开始影响到她的心理和身体健康。她在大学里很挣扎,患有暴食症和频繁的偏头痛。她告诉爱丽丝,她在多伦多大学的课程中很难应付,但得到的只是她从母亲那里学到的那种回应,每当她坦白地说出真相时。
到安德里亚 19 岁时,所经历的创伤和持续的沉默阴谋已经开始影响到她的心理和身体健康。她在大学里很挣扎,患有暴食症和频繁的偏头痛。她告诉爱丽丝,她在多伦多大学的课程中很难应付,但得到的只是她从母亲那里学到的那种回应,每当她坦白地说出真相时。
“She started to cry, which was often how things got shifted over to her,” Andrea recalls. “And she said, ‘I cannot believe you’re wasting your life like this.’” Andrea, after all, had a wealth of opportunity — “even luxury.” Clearly, Andrea thought, she was a disappointment to her mother.
"她开始哭泣,这通常是事情转移到她身上的方式,"安德里亚回忆说。"她说,'我无法相信你竟然这样浪费你的生活。'"毕竟,安德里亚有很多机会——"甚至是奢侈的"。很显然,安德里亚认为,她让母亲感到失望。
"她开始哭泣,这通常是事情转移到她身上的方式,"安德里亚回忆说。"她说,'我无法相信你竟然这样浪费你的生活。'"毕竟,安德里亚有很多机会——"甚至是奢侈的"。很显然,安德里亚认为,她让母亲感到失望。
Andrea decided Alice should know the source of her struggles. In 1992, when Andrea was 25 and living in Victoria, she wrote her mother to reveal the secret she had kept since childhood.
安德里亚决定让艾丽斯知道她的困扰来自何处。1992 年,25 岁的安德里亚在维多利亚生活时,给母亲写信,透露了自小就一直隐藏的秘密。
安德里亚决定让艾丽斯知道她的困扰来自何处。1992 年,25 岁的安德里亚在维多利亚生活时,给母亲写信,透露了自小就一直隐藏的秘密。
The fallout was immediate.
后果立即显现。
后果立即显现。
An excerpt from Andrea’s letter to her mother.
这是安德烈写给母亲的一段信件摘录。
这是安德烈写给母亲的一段信件摘录。
Alice left Gerry, fleeing to her condo in Comox, B.C. Back in Clinton, Gerry found the letter.
艾丽丝离开了格里,逃到了不列颠哥伦比亚省科莫克斯的公寓。回到克林顿,格里找到了那封信。
艾丽丝离开了格里,逃到了不列颠哥伦比亚省科莫克斯的公寓。回到克林顿,格里找到了那封信。
“It was chaos and mayhem and hysterical actions all around,” Jenny remembers. “But the focus was not on Andrea.” Everyone was afraid that Gerry was going to kill himself, which he had repeatedly threatened to do.
那是一片混乱和骚乱,所有人都在做着歇斯底里的事,"珍妮回忆说。"但焦点并不在安德里亚身上。每个人都害怕杰里会自杀,因为他一直在这样威胁。
那是一片混乱和骚乱,所有人都在做着歇斯底里的事,"珍妮回忆说。"但焦点并不在安德里亚身上。每个人都害怕杰里会自杀,因为他一直在这样威胁。
Then came another round of letters, these ones from Gerry. Addressed to Jim and Carole Munro, they contained graphic descriptions of the abuse, but far from being apologetic, Gerry appeared to put the blame on Andrea.
随后又收到了一批来自 Gerry 的信件,寄给了吉姆和卡罗尔·蒙罗。信中详细描述了虐待行为,但 Gerry 并未表现出歉意,反而将责任归咎于安德里亚。
随后又收到了一批来自 Gerry 的信件,寄给了吉姆和卡罗尔·蒙罗。信中详细描述了虐待行为,但 Gerry 并未表现出歉意,反而将责任归咎于安德里亚。
An excerpt from Gerry Fremlin’s response to Andrea’s letter to her mother.
杰里·弗雷姆林对安德里亚写给母亲的信的一段摘录。
杰里·弗雷姆林对安德里亚写给母亲的信的一段摘录。
“I started to think that Andrea was interested in me sexually, and in consequence got an erection,” Gerry wrote. “I pushed the covers back and let the erection show and fondled it. I felt sure she was watching but didn’t look to see,” Gerry wrote. He characterized nine-year-old Andrea as a Lolita, who must have been aware of her impact on him.
"我开始觉得安德里亚可能对我有性方面的兴趣,因此勃起了,"杰里写道。"我掀开被子,让勃起的阴茎显露出来,并抚摸它。我确信她在看,但没有去看,"杰里写道。他将 9 岁的安德里亚描述为一个洛丽塔,她一定意识到自己对他的影响。
"我开始觉得安德里亚可能对我有性方面的兴趣,因此勃起了,"杰里写道。"我掀开被子,让勃起的阴茎显露出来,并抚摸它。我确信她在看,但没有去看,"杰里写道。他将 9 岁的安德里亚描述为一个洛丽塔,她一定意识到自己对他的影响。
“While the scene is degenerate, this is indeed Lolita and Humbert,” he wrote, referring to Vladimir Nabokov’s novel. “It is my contention that Andrea invaded my bedroom for sexual adventure.”
虽然这个场景有些不当,但这确实是《洛丽塔》中的洛丽塔和汉伯特,"他写道。"我认为安德烈进入我的卧室是为了寻求性刺激。
虽然这个场景有些不当,但这确实是《洛丽塔》中的洛丽塔和汉伯特,"他写道。"我认为安德烈进入我的卧室是为了寻求性刺激。
In the letters, Gerry describes his sexual assault of nine-year-old Andrea in graphic detail, admitting to rubbing her external genitals for his own pleasure, and to his own delusional belief that she was enjoying it. In the letter, he concludes that his own sexuality is “not in accordance with the canons of public respectability.”
在信中,格里详细描述了他对 9 岁女童安德里亚的性侵犯,承认为了自己的满足而抚摸她的外阴,并认为她也在享受其中。他最后得出结论,自己的性行为"不符合公众道德标准"。
在信中,格里详细描述了他对 9 岁女童安德里亚的性侵犯,承认为了自己的满足而抚摸她的外阴,并认为她也在享受其中。他最后得出结论,自己的性行为"不符合公众道德标准"。
He also wrote, “I feel dishonourable and deeply disgusted with myself for having been unfaithful to Alice after I had committed myself to her.”
他还写道:"我感到非常不光彩和深深地厌恶自己,因为我在承诺给爱丽丝之后却背叛了她。"
他还写道:"我感到非常不光彩和深深地厌恶自己,因为我在承诺给爱丽丝之后却背叛了她。"
“Not that he had molested me,” Andrea points out, “but that he was unfaithful to my mother.”
并不是他对我有所越界,而是他背叛了我母亲。
并不是他对我有所越界,而是他背叛了我母亲。
An excerpt from Gerry Fremlin’s response to Andrea’s letter to her mother.
杰里·弗雷姆林对安德里亚写给母亲的信的一段摘录。
杰里·弗雷姆林对安德里亚写给母亲的信的一段摘录。
Alice stayed in Comox for a few months. Eventually, Gerry came to visit.
艾丽斯在科莫克逗留了几个月。后来,格里来拜访了她。
艾丽斯在科莫克逗留了几个月。后来,格里来拜访了她。
In the end, she went back to him. “Alice wasn’t able to sustain being alone and being apart from him,” Sheila says. “She told me that she couldn’t live without him.”
最后,她回到了他身边。"艾丽斯无法独自生活,也无法与他分离,"希拉说。"她告诉我她离不开他。"
最后,她回到了他身边。"艾丽斯无法独自生活,也无法与他分离,"希拉说。"她告诉我她离不开他。"
The next book of Munro’s to be published was “Open Secrets,” in 1994. These lines were in the story “Vandals”:
芒罗的下一部要出版的作品是 1994 年的《公开秘密》。这些句子出现在《破坏者》这个故事中:
芒罗的下一部要出版的作品是 1994 年的《公开秘密》。这些句子出现在《破坏者》这个故事中:
“When Ladner grabbed Liza and squashed himself against her, she had a sense of danger deep inside him, a mechanical sputtering, as if he would exhaust himself in one jab of light, and nothing would be left of him but black smoke and burnt smells and frazzled wires …
“Bea … had forgiven Ladner, after all, or made a bargain not to remember.”
Bea 最终原谅了拉德纳,或者达成了不再记住的协议。
Bea 最终原谅了拉德纳,或者达成了不再记住的协议。
By 1994, nearly two decades had passed since Gerald Fremlin first assaulted Andrea. After Alice decided to stay with him, the children continued to visit the couple, never speaking of the abuse.
Jenny remembers it this way: “There was doubt, there was ignorance of the consequences, there was fear, there was cowardliness and there was the fame factor. That was a big deal.”
Munro’s reputation was beginning to skyrocket and they didn’t want to be seen to be taking down a great icon. The assault hung in the air as an open secret, with Gerry and Andrea and the rest of the family living a kind of lie.
Jim Munro, too, was part of the circle of silence.
“I think he had an off switch for what … was too much to handle,” says Jenny. “I don’t think he could even comprehend (the story). So we put it away. I try and give him the benefit of the doubt, but it was a huge mistake, obviously. I know he loved Andrea. It was just that he couldn’t go near this.”
“(My father) didn’t want to tell my mother what had happened to me,” Andrea says. “He felt that her needs were greater than his child’s needs. And he didn’t ever come to ask me about the experiences … or follow up after summers.”
“I just had no sense of this thing being something that other people could help me with. It became more and more clear that it was completely up to me.”
To this day, Andrea says she feels a nagging pressure to hide or minimize what happened to her. It became ingrained in the family culture, and part of her strategy for living with the pain.
“I still feel myself minimizing it and bringing it down … it’s just so deep in there to do that, for my own safety and sanity, to normalize the experiences and the family.”
Then, in 2002, something happened that meant pretending was no longer possible.
Andrea became pregnant with twins.
After becoming a mother, Andrea told Alice simply that Gerry couldn’t ever be around her children. “And then she just coldly told me that it was going to be a terrible inconvenience for her (because she didn’t drive).
“I blew my top. I started to scream into the phone about having to squeeze and squeeze and squeeze that penis and at some point I asked her how she could have sex with someone who’d done that to her daughter?”
Alice, Andrea says, called her the next day, “to forgive me for talking to her like that … and I realized that I was dealing with someone who had no clue who needed to be forgiven. And that was the end of our relationship.”
She backed away from her family, feeling the need to protect her children, feeling that she hadn’t been heard. “I thought they’d be relieved not to be living in this double world anymore,” Andrea says.
Andrea, photographed in Port Hope this month.
Steve Russell Toronto Star
Gerald Fremlin and Alice Munro went on with married life, Munro’s youngest daughter now outside of their orbit. Munro continued to collect praise and accolades for her literary career. No one in the Munro family spoke about what Fremlin had done.
In October 2004, 28 years after the initial assault, the New York Times Magazine published a feature interview with Munro titled “Northern Exposures.”
In it, the reporter, Daphne Merkin, visits Munro in Clinton, Ont., talking with her at length about her life, her writing, and her relationship with Gerry Fremlin.
“Munro invokes him frequently and affectionately as ‘my husband’ rather than by his name, like a proud Midwestern banker’s wife whose one great claim to glory is that she has married well,” Merkin writes. She mentions that Fremlin sounds like the love of Munro’s life, to which Munro says that she immediately “fell for him.”
Andrea was devastated. “She was painting a new reality (where) my stepfather was the heroic figure of her life,” Andrea says. “And also made light of her parenting and how she had ‘no moral scruples.’”
“I felt, it’s convenient for my mother to have me out of everyone’s life,” she says. “It’s actually imperative to her that she rewrite this and she’s in a position where she can have a narrative that others will believe.”
The article unlocked something in Andrea; she felt continued silence would be a betrayal of herself “and the child I’d been.”
She got in touch with the Ontario Provincial Police and provided them with the letters Fremlin had sent.
At the time, Fremlin was 80 and still living in the Clinton, Ont., home he had long shared with Alice. He was charged with indecent assault. On March 11, 2005, he appeared in the Goderich courthouse before Justice John Kennedy, where the clerk read the indictment that “between the 1st day of July 1976 and the 31st day of August 1976, in the Town of Clinton, in the County of Huron, West region, he did indecently assault Andrea Munro, a female person.”
Fremlin pleaded guilty to one count of indecent assault. He received a suspended sentence and probation for two years. There was to be no contact with Andrea, nor could he attend any parks or playgrounds. He was also ordered to submit a DNA sample, which would have been uploaded to the National DNA Data Bank operated by the Royal Canadian Mounted Police.
Even after the conviction, little changed.
Alice and Andrea continued not to speak.
“The family went back to socializing with the pedophile,” Jenny says. “My mother went on a book tour.”
Fremlin died suddenly in 2013, still married to Alice Munro. That same year, all of Canada celebrated as Munro won the Nobel Prize for literature. She was back in Comox, B.C., for a short time when she received the call, and is famously pictured with friend and fellow writer Margaret Atwood celebrating. Jenny went to Oslo to accept the prize on her behalf, as Alice wasn’t well enough to go.
But things were still not right within the Munro family. By 2016, Alice Munro had long finished with writing and was back living in Ontario with Jenny. She had Alzheimer’s and the disease was progressing. In their grief, the Munro children longed for their estranged sister. Even Alice, during periods of lucidity, was worried about Andrea, Jenny says, and wanted to do something.
The family was hurting, and ashamed: they wanted to find a way to heal — and to help Andrea heal. “Andrea (had been) denied her voice and even her vital existence, caus(ing) further damage to the beautiful, hopeful human being she was, only seeking justice,” says Jenny.
The four siblings: from left to right, Andrea, Sheila, Jenny and Andrew.
四个兄弟姐妹,从左到右依次是 Andrea、Sheila、Jenny 和 Andrew。
Courtesy Munro Family 门罗家族的谅解
四个兄弟姐妹,从左到右依次是 Andrea、Sheila、Jenny 和 Andrew。
Jenny googled “sexual abuse families” and discovered the Gatehouse, an organization in Toronto that deals with the trauma of sexual abuse and its impact on individuals and families. At first, she and Sheila and Andrew attended some sessions. Jenny also made a donation on Alice’s behalf.
For the first time, the three siblings together confronted the abuse and the coverup and how it had shaped their family. “So ingrained was the silence around the story of Andrea’s abuse,” Andrew says, that they had never before compared notes; they didn’t realize the extent of what Andrea had gone through.
三个兄弟姐妹第一次共同面对虐待事件及其对家庭的影响。"安德烈遭受虐待的故事一直被严严实实地隐藏起来,"安德鲁说,他们从未比较过彼此的经历,也没有意识到安德烈所遭受的苦难有多深重。
三个兄弟姐妹第一次共同面对虐待事件及其对家庭的影响。"安德烈遭受虐待的故事一直被严严实实地隐藏起来,"安德鲁说,他们从未比较过彼此的经历,也没有意识到安德烈所遭受的苦难有多深重。
Until then, he still believed the 11-year-old boy’s version of events — that it had been dealt with. “I think that’s a textbook case of (how) families deal with sexual abuse … There’s shame. There’s silence around it. And you don’t want to hurt the person by talking about it.”
在那之前,他仍然相信 11 岁男孩的说法 - 这件事已经得到了处理。"我认为这是家庭应对性虐待的典型案例...有羞愧感。人们对此保持沉默。你不想伤害那个人,所以不会谈论这件事。"
在那之前,他仍然相信 11 岁男孩的说法 - 这件事已经得到了处理。"我认为这是家庭应对性虐待的典型案例...有羞愧感。人们对此保持沉默。你不想伤害那个人,所以不会谈论这件事。"
Sheila hadn’t seen Andrea for about 12 years at that point. After the visit to the Gatehouse, each of the siblings wrote a letter to Andrea. “Writing this letter was an opportunity to sort of make amends, I guess, trying to make amends for what I hadn’t done,” Sheila says.
在那之后的 12 年里,希拉一直没有见过安德里亚。参观大门之后,每个兄弟姐妹都给安德里亚写了一封信。"写这封信是一个弥补的机会,我想是想弥补我之前没有做过的事情,"希拉说。
在那之后的 12 年里,希拉一直没有见过安德里亚。参观大门之后,每个兄弟姐妹都给安德里亚写了一封信。"写这封信是一个弥补的机会,我想是想弥补我之前没有做过的事情,"希拉说。
She realized, too, that making amends isn’t just for the victims themselves, “but the families and a recognition that we are all to some extent victims of this … We were so loyal to our mother that sometimes we were almost pitted against each other.”
她也意识到,弥补不仅是为了受害者本人,而是为了家人,让大家认识到我们都在某种程度上受到了影响。我们对母亲如此忠诚,以至于有时彼此几乎对立。
她也意识到,弥补不仅是为了受害者本人,而是为了家人,让大家认识到我们都在某种程度上受到了影响。我们对母亲如此忠诚,以至于有时彼此几乎对立。
Over the course of the nearly 50 years this secret has been kept, rumours of it emerged in various circles. “Everybody knew,” recalls Carole. She recounts being at a dinner party with a journalist who asked her, “Is it true?” Her answer: “Yes, it’s true.”
在这个秘密被保守了近 50 年的过程中,它在各界都有传闻。"每个人都知道,"卡罗尔回忆说。她讲述了在一个晚宴上,一名记者问她:"这是真的吗?"她的回答是:"是的,这是真的。"
在这个秘密被保守了近 50 年的过程中,它在各界都有传闻。"每个人都知道,"卡罗尔回忆说。她讲述了在一个晚宴上,一名记者问她:"这是真的吗?"她的回答是:"是的,这是真的。"
Alice Munro died in May. As the world grieved the loss of a literary icon, her children were left with more complicated feelings about their mother.
艾丽斯·门罗于 5 月去世。当世界为失去这位文学巨匠而哀悼时,她的孩子们对母亲有更复杂的感受。
艾丽斯·门罗于 5 月去世。当世界为失去这位文学巨匠而哀悼时,她的孩子们对母亲有更复杂的感受。
“She was warm and delightful and had a loving kind of personality,” says Jenny. “I was devoted to her. It’s very complex.”
她温暖可人,性格充满爱意,"珍妮说。"我对她非常忠诚。这很复杂。
她温暖可人,性格充满爱意,"珍妮说。"我对她非常忠诚。这很复杂。
Speaking up, the family understands, will carry a cost. They expect a wide range of reactions, not all of them positive. They are worried about what this will do to Munro’s reputation, hoping that the stories will stand for themselves, and that this might lead to a more robust understanding of her as a writer.
“I still feel she’s such a great writer — she deserved the Nobel,” says Sheila. “She devoted her life to it, and she manifested this amazing talent and imagination. And that’s all, really, she wanted to do in her life. Get those stories down and get them out.”
But all of them agree, this story too must come out.
“I want so much for my personal story to focus on patterns of silencing, the tendency to do that in families and societies,” Andrea says.
“I just really hope that this story isn’t about celebrities behaving badly … I hope that … even if someone goes to this story for the entertainment value, they come away with something that applies to their own family.”
If it leads us, as a society, to embrace the “idea of talking about sexual violence as an epidemic towards women, then we’re heading to an era where we’re going to start to tell the truth and it can’t hide anymore.
“That’s what I’m hoping.”
