Learn How To Build Trust in Any Relationship
了解如何在任何关系中建立信任

Trust is the most important factor in any relationship, but learning to build that trust can take time. Whenever you’re dealing with a coworker, friend, family member, romantic interest or some other acquaintance, you have a choice on whether or not to trust that person. And just how much you’re willing to trust them depends on a variety of factors. After all, you wouldn’t let just anyone babysit your child or read through your text messages, right?
信任是任何关系中最重要的因素，但学会建立这种信任可能需要时间。每当您与同事、朋友、家人、恋人或其他熟人打交道时，您都可以选择是否信任那个人。您愿意信任他们的程度取决于多种因素。毕竟，你不会让任何人照顾你的孩子或阅读你的短信，对吧？

But how do you get to a place where you can trust someone? And how can someone earn your trust if they’ve never had it before? Psychologist Ramone Ford, PhD, explains why trust takes two people to tango, along with small intentional things you can do to help garner someone’s trust.
但是，您如何才能到达可以信任某人的地方呢？如果某人以前从未有过这种信任，他们怎么能赢得你的信任呢？心理学家 Ramone Ford 博士解释了为什么信任需要两个人跳探戈，以及您可以做的有意识的小事来帮助获得某人的信任。

What is trust? 什么是信任？

Trust is a two-way street that requires an equal exchange of vulnerability. When you trust someone, you’re acknowledging that they have access to an important part of you that you might not share with just anyone.
信任是一条双向的道路，需要平等地交换脆弱性。当你信任某人时，你就承认他们可以访问你的一个重要部分，而你可能不会随便与任何人分享。

In turn, the person you trust becomes someone you believe in despite the odds that they may hurt you or betray your trust in some way.
反过来，你信任的人会成为你相信的人，尽管他们可能会伤害你或以某种方式背叛你的信任。

When you trust someone, you’re actually holding that person accountable to specific rules and moral codes that reinforce your safety, support and well-being — which means the person you trust needs to take on the responsibility not to break it. And any ounce of hurt or distrust may lead to developing trust issues down the line.
当你信任某人时，你实际上是在让那个人对特定的规则和道德准则负责，这些规则和道德准则可以加强你的安全、支持和福祉——这意味着你信任的人需要承担起不违反它的责任。任何一盎司的伤害或不信任都可能导致信任问题的发展。

“Trust is learned over time and it’s based on your faith in the boundaries, limitations and expectations that you set up for each other,” explains Dr. Ford. “If someone says they’ll be home by 5 p.m., I come to trust that promise because I’ve seen it happen over time and they’ve lived up to their word. But if they’re consistently late, I may not trust their ability to be on time.”
“信任是随着时间的推移而学会的，它基于你对彼此设定的界限、限制和期望的信念，”福特博士解释说。“如果有人说他们会在下午 5 点之前到家，我会相信这个承诺，因为我已经看到它随着时间的推移而发生，而且他们兑现了自己的诺言。但如果他们总是迟到，我可能不相信他们能准时。

How to build trust 如何建立信任

Trust varies with different people in different situations.
信任因人而异，情况不同。

A corporate boss, for example, might trust an employee to use a company credit card for work expenses, but there are likely rules in place (and an unspoken trust) that suggest the employee won’t use that company card for personal shopping.
例如，公司老板可能信任员工使用公司信用卡支付工作费用，但可能有规则（和不言而喻的信任）表明员工不会使用该公司卡进行个人购物。

In the same way, trusting someone in a monogamous relationship requires a certain understanding of what is and is not acceptable when it comes to physical or emotional cheating.
同样，在一夫一妻制的关系中信任某人需要对身体或情感上的欺骗有一定的了解，什么是不可接受的。

Now, trust doesn’t always mean you give someone unfettered access to your private thoughts, bank account, text messages or internet search history. Although these limitless behaviors might work for some couples who consent to such activities, others might find them overreaching or (at worst) abusive tactics for someone to gain power and control in a relationship. But trust does require you to be firm and honest about your boundaries, share each other’s expectations and follow through on mutual respect.
现在，信任并不总是意味着你允许别人不受限制地访问你的私人想法、银行账户、短信或互联网搜索历史。尽管这些无限的行为可能对一些同意此类活动的夫妇有效，但其他人可能会发现它们过度或（最坏的情况下）是某人在关系中获得权力和控制的滥用策略。但信任确实需要你坚定和诚实地对待自己的界限，分享彼此的期望，并贯彻相互尊重。

Here are some ways you can build trust in any healthy relationship.
以下是您可以在任何健康关系中建立信任的一些方法。

Commit to the person you trust
承诺给你信任的人

Actively listen to what someone says about their needs, their boundaries and what’s important to them. When you show that you care about their interests, their safety and their happiness, it tells the other person that you appreciate their values and their beliefs. Over time, the more you commit to getting to know someone and building upon that relationship, they’ll come to trust you more easily.
积极倾听某人对他们的需求、界限和对他们来说重要的事情的看法。当你表现出你关心他们的利益、他们的安全和他们的幸福时，它告诉对方你欣赏他们的价值观和信仰。随着时间的推移，你越致力于了解某人并建立这种关系，他们就会更容易信任你。

“You want to show the other person that you care about their values and that you’ll be there for them whenever they need you to step up,” reinforces Dr. Ford. “If you want your boss to trust you with new projects or certain obligations, you want to show how passionate you are about meeting their expectations and you want to feel like you’ve represented yourself as a good person for the job. That mentality of showing up to earn someone’s trust works in any relationship.”
“你想向对方表明你关心他们的价值观，并且只要他们需要你站出来，你就会在他们身边，”Ford 博士强调说。“如果你想让你的老板把新项目或某些义务托付给你，你想展示你对满足他们的期望有多么热情，你想感觉你已经把自己代表成一个适合这份工作的好人。那种出现以赢得某人信任的心态在任何关系中都适用。

Have clear, open and honest communication
进行清晰、开放和诚实的沟通

It’s easier to be vulnerable with someone when they’re open and honest about their values, how they feel about themselves and the state of the world. Someone wouldn’t trust you with babysitting their child if they didn’t know you were capable of caring for a young person and keeping them safe. So, at every turn and when appropriate, try and be forthcoming about the things you care about the most and what you do and do not appreciate.
当一个人对自己的价值观、他们对自己的感受和世界状况开诚布公时，他们更容易变得脆弱。如果有人不知道您有能力照顾年轻人并保证他们的安全，他们就不会相信您照顾他们的孩子。因此，在每一个转折点和适当的时候，试着坦率地说出你最关心的事情以及你喜欢和不喜欢的事情。

“Having these honest communications may feel vulnerable, but that’s the heart of trust,” states Dr. Ford. “You want to show someone who you are at your core, and you want to embody that in every space whenever possible.”
“进行这些诚实的沟通可能会让人感到脆弱，但这就是信任的核心，”Ford 博士说。“你想向别人展示你的核心是谁，并且你希望尽可能在每个空间体现这一点。”

Be intentional with your actions

If you’re authentic about where you stand with your foundational beliefs — meaning your actions support your values — people will trust in your public persona. It’s when you’re insincere that trust falls apart, and there’s no better way to build trust than to actively hold empathy and compassion for other people.

“Ask yourself how you can show up and support someone in their time of need or how you can build better connections with someone,” advises Dr. Ford. “Connection is key to building trust, and you can do that in small or meaningful ways simply by bonding over your shared foundational beliefs or being there when they need someone the most.”

Honor and respect their boundaries

When someone clearly sets up a healthy boundary, and they’re firm about their expectations, believe in what they say and do. You don’t have to agree with everything someone says or does, but nothing shows you can trust someone more than when they respect who you are as a human being.

“Respecting someone’s boundaries is key in any healthy relationship,” reiterates Dr. Ford. “It shows you care about someone enough to take their needs seriously.”

How long does it take to build trust?

Everyone wonders about the answer to this question, but the truth is, trust can take almost any amount of time. You may earn someone’s trust quite easily or it could take some time. It may take even longer if you’ve hurt someone and need to find ways to regain someone’s trust.

But at the end of the day, no matter how much you may want someone to trust you, it comes down to someone’s personal preference, past experiences, confidence in the situation and believability in who you are as a person.

“You can’t control whether or not someone will trust you, but you can certainly put your best foot forward by trying to do some good,” Dr. Ford encourages. “Relationships are built on trust, and it’s up to that other person to decide if they can trust you or not.”