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中文-普通话 國語  Chinese-Mandarin, Standard Mandarin
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2021-06-25
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我的宠物狗,我的微波炉  My pet dog, my microwave

Summary: Summary

康纳在模控生命关停后执着于一个过期任务,汉克想要阻止这台机器,或者阻止自己爱他。
Connor is persistent on an expired mission after the shutdown of the model-controlled life, Hank wants to stop this machine, or stop himself from loving him.

*mob康纳提及 *mob Connor mentioned

Work Text: Work Text

*

有时它假装自己身处底特律。一辆四轮车(Quadricycle)开了出来,第十二街和克莱尔蒙特街交界在暴乱,人们死去,脆弱地受伤,仿生人秘密流入街头,像用手去堵甲板上的弹孔,水从指缝间无情地上涌。第一章第九节这样写道:日光之下,并无新事。它的所有文档中,这句最好用。它应当创造一些全新的、宏伟的神迹,自由意志给它辩证的头脑,数据信息给它强大的身体,它什么都可以做。它什么都做过了。现在,只剩下唯一的一种自由它可以尝试。阻止甲,乙便会到来;翻开丙,丁就会显现;此四者皆在其内,用一种取代另一种是无意义的:它的自由是无视自由。一位祖母要它在父母和兄弟之间进行选择,它毫不迟疑选它自己。它在极限之内舒展身体,它的头挨着苍穹,它的手臂环绕山川,它的脚踏进海底峡谷,趾缝被岩浆填满。它决定自己是一具像人的身躯,棕发棕眼。它蜷屈身体,被关押在极限之内。它的钛液泵深埋底特律,它在这个城市被设计、制造、汉克。它假装自己身处底特律。
Sometimes it pretends to be in Detroit. A Quadricycle emerges, at the intersection of Twelfth and Claremont Streets during the riot, people die, fragilely injured, androids secretly flow into the streets, like plugging bullet holes on a deck with their hands, water mercilessly gushing up through their fingers. Chapter One, Section Nine is written like this: There is nothing new under the sun. Of all its documents, this sentence is best used. It should create some new, grand miracles, free will for its dialectical mind, data information for its powerful body, it can do anything. It has done everything. Now, there is only one kind of freedom it can try. Stop A, and B will come; open C, and D will appear; all four are within it, replacing one with another is meaningless: its freedom is to ignore freedom. A grandmother asks it to choose between parents and siblings, it chooses itself without hesitation. It stretches its body to the limit, its head against the sky, its arms around mountains and rivers, its feet stepping into the depths of the sea canyon, its toes filled with magma. It decides that it is a humanoid body, with brown hair and brown eyes. It curls up, confined within the limits. Its titanium liquid pump is buried deep in Detroit, it was designed, manufactured, Hank in this city. It pretends to be in Detroit.

它是机器,首次启动于2038年8月,三个月后,底特律也成了人类历史上一座尤其重要的城市,就像珍珠港、君士坦丁堡、彼得格勒、耶路撒冷。这一年汉克五十三岁,而它的名字是康纳。
It is a machine, first started in August 2038, three months later, Detroit also became an especially important city in human history, like Pearl Harbor, Constantinople, St. Petersburg, Jerusalem. That year, Hank was fifty-three years old, and its name was Connor.

 

**

除了去安娜堡念大学那四年,汉克·安德森一辈子都待在底特律。球探来的这天,他发挥得出奇的好,赛后教练指着看台问他想不想签约,他顺着那只手看见站在场边的萨拉,他的女孩在笑。汉克一边擦汗一边听教练喋喋不休,觉得自己拥有全世界。学校给了他充足的奖学金,妈一整个春天都很高兴,汉克把她的车蹭花,她也没发火。可惜他那点招式一进狼獾队就显得捉襟见肘,他再也没想过四分卫的事,在玫瑰碗拿了两个亚军后愉快地退役了。他的专业是房地产开发,入校前他觉得这一准是赚大钱的买卖,七年后他所在的互联网公司卖给了谷歌,他不得不着手找一份新工作。走在路上,有人往他手里塞了一份警局征召传单,汉克发现自己符合每一项要求,所以他进了警校。一年后,他成了安德森警员。
Except for the four years he spent at the University of Michigan in Ann Arbor, Hank Anderson spent his entire life in Detroit. On the day the scout came, he played surprisingly well, and after the game, the coach pointed to the stands and asked him if he wanted to sign a contract. He followed that hand and saw Sarah standing on the sidelines, his girl smiling. Hank wiped his sweat while listening to the coach's endless chatter, feeling like he owned the whole world. The school gave him a full scholarship, and his mom was very happy all spring. Hank scratched her car with flowers, and she didn't get angry. Unfortunately, his skills were stretched thin as soon as he joined the Wolverines, and he never thought about being a quarterback again. After winning two runner-up titles in the Rose Bowl, he happily retired. His major was real estate development, and before entering school, he thought it was a deal to make big money. Seven years later, the internet company he was in was sold to Google, and he had to find a new job. Walking down the street, someone handed him a police academy recruitment flyer, and Hank found that he met all the requirements, so he entered the police academy. A year later, he became Officer Anderson.

高中毕业舞会时他还不认识康纳,要等到差不多四个十年之后,汉克才第一次见到它。汉克站在镜子前拆领带包装。妈在二手店给他找了件深蓝色西装,小了半码,领子下面有块洗不掉的污渍,他提醒自己不能习惯性地系扣子,他紧张的时候手闲不下来,老是把扣子系了解、解了系。裤子是肖恩舅舅送的,说是庆祝他考上大学,汉克可知道他在睡那家店主的老婆。只要不仔细看,没人会发现裤子是黑色的。领带是新的,四种蓝色织成的格纹,配金色绣线。妈替他压了压领子,虽然她根本不用,她就是想显得自己帮上了什么忙。“这个尺码正衬你的宽肩膀。”她不无得意地说。“真好看啊,”妈透过镜子看着汉克微微泛红的脸颊,“你不觉得好看吗?帅小伙。”他难为情地挪动了一下,也看向镜子。好看吗?康纳盯着他,也想帮忙回答这个问题。它看了很久,指着镜子,同时指着镜前的男孩:这是汉克。
He didn't know Connor at his high school graduation dance, it took almost four decades for Hank to see it for the first time. Hank stood in front of the mirror, unwrapping the tie package. His mom found him a deep blue suit at a thrift store, half a size too small, with an indelible stain under the collar. He reminded himself not to habitually button up when he was nervous, his hands couldn't stay still when he was nervous, always buttoning and unbuttoning. The pants were a gift from Uncle Sean, celebrating his acceptance to college, but Hank knew he was sleeping with the shop owner's wife. No one would notice the pants were black as long as they didn't look closely. The tie was new, with four shades of blue woven into a check pattern, accented with gold embroidery. His mom pressed his collar, even though she didn't need to, she just wanted to feel like she was helping. "This size suits your broad shoulders." She said proudly. "Looks really good," his mom looked at Hank's slightly blushing cheeks through the mirror, "Don't you think it looks good? Handsome young man." He awkwardly shifted and looked at the mirror. Does it look good? Connor stared at him, wanting to help answer the question. It looked for a long time, pointing to the mirror and at the boy in front of the mirror: this is Hank.

妈把车钥匙给他,车屁股上还没补漆,一直到他和萨拉结婚,这块漆都没费心去补。“你就当这车是奶牛纹的吧。”妈把这当成个笑话。康纳想提醒她奶牛纹应该是白底黑花,而不是反过来。汉克有了新车以后,这车就停在后院里,科尔一到捉迷藏就往里面钻。汉克假装自己不能隔着玻璃看见后座上趴着的小孩,夸张地把手举到嘴边,喊儿子的名字。车被拖去废车场前,汉克趴在方向盘上大哭了一场,他从没有哭得这样伤心。科尔死时没有,萨拉离开时没有,妈死时没有,中枪时没有,萨拉来找他时没有,爸摔门而去时没有。窗外雨下得很大,驾驶座的车窗在他和科尔玩橄榄球时打破了,冷雨被风刮进来,畅通无阻。他放下车座,难耐地把萨拉的裙子往上推,他的嘴唇沾着女孩的唇蜜,黏黏的,柠檬味道。萨拉笑起来,她的眼皮上抹着金色眼影,被路灯照到会反射一种温暖的光,正配她的明黄色礼裙。汉克最爱的迪士尼动画是《美女与野兽》,他一共看过十七遍,萨拉说选这件礼裙是因为想到了《独领风骚》,汉克伸手由她挽着,“你说什么是什么,公主。”萨拉把他的装束从头嘲笑到脚,“深蓝色上衣,但是黑色裤子?”她拽着他的领带,弄皱他的领子,“我爸说不许任何男孩今晚爬我的窗子,他盯着呢。”她的手指绕着汉克后脑的头发,“那幸好我们有车。”汉克深深吻她,“永远爱你。”他小声呢喃。
Mom gave him the car keys, the back of the car was not repainted, until he married Sarah, this paint was never bothered to be repaired. "Just pretend this car has cow patterns." Mom took it as a joke. Connor wanted to remind her that cow patterns should be black flowers on a white background, not the other way around. After Hank got a new car, this car was parked in the backyard, and Cole would crawl inside as soon as he played hide and seek. Hank pretended not to see the child lying on the back seat through the glass, exaggeratedly raised his hand to his mouth, and called his son's name. Before the car was towed to the scrapyard, Hank cried bitterly on the steering wheel, he had never cried so sadly. When Cole died, when Sarah left, when Mom died, when he was shot, when Sarah came to find him, when Dad slammed the door and left, he didn't cry. It was raining heavily outside the window, the driver's side window was broken when he and Cole were playing football, the cold rain was blown in by the wind, unimpeded. He put down the car seat, uncomfortably pushed up Sarah's skirt, his lips touched the girl's lip gloss, sticky, lemon-flavored. Sarah laughed, her eyelids were smeared with golden eyeshadow, reflecting a warm light when illuminated by the street lamp, matching her bright yellow evening gown. Hank's favorite Disney animation was "Beauty and the Beast", he watched it a total of seventeen times. Sarah said she chose this evening gown because she thought of "Pretty Woman". Hank reached out for her to hold, "You are what you say, princess." Sarah mocked his outfit from head to toe, "Dark blue top, but black pants?" She pulled his tie, wrinkled his collar, "My dad said no boy is allowed to climb my window tonight, he's watching." Her fingers twirled Hank's hair at the back of his head, "Luckily we have a car." Hank kissed her deeply, "I will love you forever," he whispered softly.

 

“一生中绝无仅有的经历,我脑袋上套着一个微波炉,卡住了。那我是怎么把头弄进去的呢?这说不通。康纳只好打给马库斯——我不会说他们是朋友,他们俩之间怪得很——辗转几次找到附近谁家的仿生人,拿着螺丝刀,一点点把那壳子卸了下来。我脑袋旁边全是叮叮当当的声音,有点像看牙医,也像锻造一把剑。我当时想了很多,闻见一股咸的油脂的味道。康纳以为我死了,他催我说话,说什么好呢?——爱?医生,我对他可不是——看看他们发给你的那份资料,上面是怎么说我们的?搭档。对。我们当了半年搭档,头一个月里,他把自己害死好几回,显然警察这活只有个好脑子还不够,你得有经验。你知道,机器学习。有时候我觉得爱也要靠机器学习,你积累经验,以为下次能绕过这个陷阱……我正在那个陷阱之中,被困住了,睁开眼睛和闭上没有什么分别。我什么也看不见,耳朵旁边垫着一个玻璃盘子。但是害怕的人不止我一个,在我们之中,康纳第一次处于劣势。他不敢让我死掉,他还没做好准备进入那个阶段。他强大到无所不知、无处不在,但那一刻我战胜了他,得到了怜悯他的权利。可以这么说,我是为了救他才停手的。”
A once-in-a-lifetime experience, I had a microwave oven on my head, stuck. How did I get my head in there? This doesn't make sense. Connor had to call Marcus - I wouldn't say they were friends, they were very strange to each other - and finally found a nearby cyborg, holding a screwdriver, slowly removing the shell. There were clinking sounds next to my head, a bit like going to the dentist, and also like forging a sword. I thought a lot at that time, smelling a salty oily smell. Connor thought I was dead, he urged me to speak, what should I say? - Love? Doctor, I'm not - look at the information they sent you, how do they describe us? Partners. Yes. We were partners for half a year, in the first month, he killed himself several times, obviously having a good brain is not enough for this police work, you need experience. You know, machine learning. Sometimes I think love also needs machine learning, you accumulate experience, thinking you can avoid this trap next time... I am in that trap, trapped, opening my eyes and closing them makes no difference. I can't see anything, there is a glass plate next to my ear. But I'm not the only one who's scared, among us, Connor was at a disadvantage for the first time. He dared not let me die, he was not ready to enter that stage. He was powerful, omniscient, omnipresent, but at that moment I defeated him, gained the right to pity him. It can be said that I stopped for him.

 

萨拉申请了波士顿的大学。开头的两年,他们一有空就筹划见面,多数时候在罗切斯特,还有一次萨拉跟朋友去多伦多玩,汉克也开去了,他讲了那个奶牛纹的笑话,姑娘们都笑了,他口袋里塞进一张写着电话号码的纸条。2004年元旦,萨拉飞到帕萨迪纳看他打比赛,他们输了。366天之后萨拉说知道为什么输球吗?因为你是个混蛋,汉克。汉克对着话筒怒吼我知道你脸书主页一直标注单身,萨拉·班克斯。你又看不到!萨拉吼回来。汉克发誓自己从没爱她们多过萨拉,春假他闯到萨拉宿舍,跟她大吵一架,又在床上抱了半天。萨拉带他去自己最喜欢的冰激凌店,有人来问他们要电话号码,或者邮箱,汉克的和萨拉的,汉克一边亲萨拉一边朝他们比中指。七个月后,汉克在去掉了the的脸书上注册自己的账号,他没加萨拉好友,他自己的情感状态显示单身。他换了八个女朋友,总是棕发棕眼。甩人和被甩一样频繁。他在梅根睡着之后把她的手臂推开,在艾米莉冲澡时跑到阳台上抽烟,不让露丝留下过夜,瓦妮莎不看好他上警校,他从她家里搬了出来。
Sarah applied to the University of Boston. In the first two years, whenever they had free time, they planned to meet, mostly in Rochester. Once, Sarah went to Toronto with friends, and Hank also went. He told the joke about the cow pattern, and the girls laughed. He slipped a piece of paper with a phone number written on it into his pocket. On New Year's Day 2004, Sarah flew to Pasadena to watch him play, but they lost. 366 days later, Sarah said, "Do you know why we lost? Because you're a jerk, Hank." Hank roared into the phone, "I know your Facebook page always says single, Sarah Banks. You can't see it!" Sarah shouted back. Hank swore he never loved anyone as much as Sarah. During spring break, he barged into Sarah's dorm, they had a big fight, and then they hugged on the bed for a long time. Sarah took him to her favorite ice cream shop, where someone asked for their phone numbers or emails, Hank and Sarah's. While kissing Sarah, Hank flipped them off. Seven months later, Hank registered his own account on Facebook without "the". He didn't add Sarah as a friend, and his relationship status showed single. He went through eight girlfriends, all with brown hair and brown eyes. Being dumped and dumping others happened equally often. He pushed Megan's arm away after she fell asleep, smoked on the balcony while Emily showered, didn't let Ruth stay overnight, and moved out of Vanessa's house because she didn't support his decision to go to the police academy.

有一天夜里,汉克突然想吃冰激凌,他跑出门,找到最近一家还没打烊的杂货店,买下每一种口味的冰激凌。当上警察之后,他吃得十分健康,每周去四次健身房,甜味来源是蛋白粉,他可不想看到一个大腹便便的安德森队长。但是这天夜里渴望突如其来,拉扯他的神经,他的购物袋上结满水珠。汉克把公寓门关上,背靠门板大口喘息,感觉某个器官在他身体里失踪了,他来不及走到厨房打开冰箱,直接坐在地板上抓过一盒,不是盐焦糖,换一盒,他用手指挖取一团,不是布朗尼,再换,他贪婪地往嘴里送,不是草莓覆盆子,不是白桃,不是薄荷巧克力,不是饼干面团。他的胃袋冷冰冰、沉甸甸的,像他的心一样。汉克一下想起他要找的是什么,是萨拉带他去吃的那种味道,或许是柠檬味道,不是他手里这种柠檬,是萨拉柠檬。他摇晃着站起来,跨过摊在面前的十三个冰激凌盖,跪在马桶旁边呕吐不止。第二天杰弗里·福勒打电话问他为什么不去上班,汉克哑着嗓子说自己在生病。冰激凌全化了。康纳知道他在找的是哪个牌子,它买过一次,汉克吃完,脸色平静,就算他想到了什么,他也没有告诉康纳。
One night, Hank suddenly craved ice cream. He ran out and found the nearest grocery store that hadn't closed yet, buying every flavor of ice cream. After becoming a police officer, he ate very healthily, going to the gym four times a week. His sweet fix came from protein powder; he didn't want to see a potbellied Captain Anderson. But that night, an intense craving struck him out of nowhere, his shopping bag covered in droplets. Hank closed the apartment door, leaned against it, panting heavily, feeling like a part of him was missing. He didn't make it to the kitchen to open the fridge; instead, he sat on the floor and grabbed a box. It wasn't salted caramel. He switched to another box, scooping with his fingers. It wasn't brownie. He greedily put it in his mouth. It wasn't strawberry raspberry, white peach, mint chocolate, or cookie dough. His stomach was cold and heavy, just like his heart. Suddenly, Hank remembered what he was looking for - the taste Sarah had taken him to try, maybe lemon flavor. Not the lemon he held in his hand, but Sarah's lemon. He stood up shakily, stepped over the thirteen ice cream lids in front of him, and knelt by the toilet, vomiting continuously. The next day, Jeffrey Fuller called and asked why he didn't come to work. With a hoarse voice, Hank said he was sick. The ice cream had all melted. Connor knew which brand he was looking for; he had bought it once, and after Hank finished it, his face was calm. Even if he remembered something, he didn't tell Connor.

萨拉·班克斯在波士顿、新加坡、霍索恩、布朗斯维尔工作,她是一名机械工程师和科技作者。对她来说接受一份底特律的工作邀请和承认自己爱着汉克是一码事。三年前他们互加了脸书好友,汉克申请,她接受了。旧金山飞底特律的四小时里,她尽量尝试入眠,还喝了一点红酒,她大半航程都闭着眼睛,但是眼皮底下眼珠一刻不停在转动。快降落时,萨拉摘下耳机,梳顺头发,拿出一小管唇蜜来涂。她没发觉这和毕业舞会的场景有多么相似,她觉得自己早就不是那个小女孩了,而在汉克眼里她们仍是同一人。走出接机口时,她看见汉克在解自己的纽扣,又系上。她松了口气,朝汉克走过去。汉克订了餐厅,经过一家花店,他停车,跑进去买一束玫瑰。他以为萨拉会留在车里,但是一出门他就看见萨拉靠在车边等他。她的脸沐浴在黄色的路灯下,整个人像金子做的。汉克走过去亲吻了她,萨拉笑着说快要迟到了。汉克在红冰特遣队工作,他们都觉得结婚是一件危险的事,犯罪分子会找上你,汉克说,或者我会腻烦你,这两样都很恐怖。萨拉在手术室门口等了两个小时才被允许见他,他有大量的内出血,眼睛肿着,大腿上中了一枪。她哆嗦着嘴唇说:“我们结婚。”汉克又疼又快乐,他得到了升职的口头保证,“我们可以去任何地方度蜜月。”他们去了夏威夷。

 

“他看起来很年轻,约莫二十五岁?对,你看过他的照片了。他很好看,眉毛像灰兔耳朵上的毛,头发和科尔很像。他实际上更加年轻,只是个新生儿。我们都觉得自己是更年长的那一个,我活了半个世纪,他有从现在到宇宙起源的所有信息,他坚称自己经历了那一切。如果记忆能被清算,那我们都没有说谎。我可以猜到他怎么看我:一个老人,一个孩子,一个前任浪荡子,一个惨遭遗弃的儿子,一个痛失爱子的父亲,一个无关紧要的、对生活放弃希望的人……你一定会好奇,他为什么要爱我?这问题同样困扰着我。当他不敢放任我死去的时候,我一下全明白了。关键从来不是为什么,而是如何。他和我陷在同一个困境中了。他无法通过爱而获得幸福,他只勉强通过爱活着。人们总希望爱是一种解药,把我们从悲剧的命运中解脱出来。然而爱本身就是绝望的,我在他身上渴求一些我早已失去的、他也给不了的东西。爱他把我的自杀抻长了,原本只需要一颗子弹,现在却花了一个微波炉。”
"He looks very young, around twenty-five? Yes, you've seen his photo. He's handsome, with eyebrows like the fur on a gray rabbit's ears, and his hair is similar to coal. He's actually even younger, just a newborn. We all think we're the older one, I've lived half a century, he has all the information from now to the origin of the universe, he insists he's experienced it all. If memories could be tallied, then none of us would be lying. I can guess how he sees me: an old man, a child, a former playboy, an abandoned son, a father who lost his beloved son, a person who has given up hope on life... You must be curious why he loves me? This question also troubles me. When he couldn't bear to let me die, I suddenly understood everything. The key has never been why, but how. He and I are trapped in the same predicament. He can't find happiness through love, he just manages to live through love. People always hope that love is a cure, to free us from tragic destinies. However, love itself is despair, I crave something from him that I've long lost and he can't give. Loving him has prolonged my suicide, it only needed one bullet, but now it takes a microwave."

 

汉克不能忍受科尔把“神(God)”写成“狗(dog)”。他们花高价买了一条圣伯纳幼犬,因为这对孩子的成长有好处。相扑,当然是相扑,科尔执着地选了这个名字,汉克咕哝着“我宁肯选企鹅人”,不情愿地接受了。它的体格很小,和扑倒康纳的大狗一点也不像,康纳满怀爱怜地轻挠它耳后。汉克在教科尔一些简单的单词,“爸爸”“妈妈”“科尔”“男孩”“相扑”“狗”,科尔侧躺着听爸爸讲话,汉克说你来试试,科尔拿起笔,只顾着给字母画小眼睛。萨拉走进来送橙汁,相扑站在卧室门外,陪康纳玩。“这小子坚信上帝是条狗呢。”汉克沮丧地向她展示教学成果,“……这当然是大问题,难道你会把‘生活(live)’说成‘邪恶(evil)’吗?”康纳立刻联想出其他范例,其中它最喜欢的是“芦苇(reed)”和“鹿(deer)”,它不由觉得汉克的选择很迷人,原因可能是三个月后盖文·李德才调入底特律警局,或是某种预言。萨拉从基因学角度分析,认为汉克的担心是不必要的,“但你忧心忡忡的样子很可爱”。康纳认可她的观点,科尔的智力发展水平属于人类均值区间偏高,汉克是在转嫁他为人父的不安。据它观察,打乱顺序书写是科尔的一个爱好,只有当被告知这是一个测试,他才会写下正确的单词,科尔擅长把它们像拼图一样摆弄。

车祸当天康纳也在车上,它尽力护住科尔,但这张小脸还是逐渐失去血色,越来越浅,像一张纸上的水渍被风干。康纳的一只眼珠掉在科尔手边,视野里下起绛红色的雨。葬礼过后萨拉买了一张单程机票,她没仔细看目的地,康纳猜那无关紧要,她需要的只是离开底特律。她保留了安德森的姓氏,或许因为汉克,或许因为科尔,也或许兼而有之。它不确定,理论上来说,她正是因为他们二人才远走的。十月她和汉克避开彼此到墓地看科尔,每一年都是。三年后她接受了一个希腊餐馆老板的求婚,比利·比恩妻子癌症去世,有一对十四岁的双胞胎女儿,无犯罪记录。她写邮件告诉汉克,请他不要去。“我不是为了感到幸福才再婚的,我是为了感到平静”,她写道,“我不会停止爱你和科尔,但我要活着才能继续爱”。汉克调查了那个男人的信息,决定相信他是个信得过的人,他关闭查询系统,视线回到科尔的照片上,他的小男孩抿着嘴,露出一个聪明又羞涩的笑容。汉克站起来,去找自己的左轮手枪。这就是汉克认识康纳前一晚发生的事。

 

“他是神吗?起码他是最接近神的东西。哦,这总让我想到狗——神,你看出来了吗?它们的拼写……科尔总是写错,一直到他死……说不定他并没错。人们爱神和爱狗一样执迷。和康纳辩论是没有好下场的,你怎么知道你面对的不是苏格拉底本人呢?我本来还想说服他去找马库斯,耶利哥是仿生人的理想形象,理智、正直、热情,是那种被捏造出来的好角色。康纳这下不担心了,对,我们最后在微波炉里聊起了自由。他先是问我有没有自由——我连头都被拴住了——我说我有。你自由吗,医生?想来没有,否则你就不用在这听我胡说八道啦。人类自己也负担不了自由,随之而来的是迷茫,这才是神出现的缘由,我们把神用作救命稻草。上帝、佛祖、宙斯、奥丁、朱庇特……玛雅人供奉大鹦鹉神,你知道吗?还有天杀的rA9,那到底是个什么玩意?”

 

这个晚上汉克险些杀死它。康纳查出最恰当的狙击点,准星对准仿生人首领马库斯的后脑勺,然后汉克找到了它。“你不该这么做,康纳。”他说,声音里溢满失望。“你不能杀掉一个只是渴望着自由的人。”康纳耐心地解释:“那不是个人。它是台机器。”这是它第二十四次对汉克强调此事,收效甚微。下着雪,他应该感觉寒冷,风同时吹动他们两个的头发。汉克拔了枪,康纳不得不转身面对他。它提醒汉克:“你的儿子因仿生人而死,现在你却想拯救它们?”它的确不知道这一问题的答案。汉克回答了它,或许在他看来这是个正面回答,但康纳无法理解。他丝毫不提仿生人的好处,仅仅告诉了康纳人类有多完蛋。它感到有趣,汉克说下去:“每次你死而复生,我都会想起科尔。我想着要是他能活过来,要是他能再被我抱在怀里,天,我愿意付出一切……但是人类不复活,对吧?”他的心跳频率和血压升高了。康纳没有忘记它的任务,把枪扔向汉克,与他扭打起来。争端的结局是汉克在天台边缘拽着它的领子,康纳即刻意识到这一场景的象征意味。“真相揭晓的时刻,汉克。我是个生命,抑或只是台机器?”第二十五次,汉克终于赞同了它。“你只是台机器,康纳。”他把它扔向一片洁白的雪。
Hank almost killed it that night. Connor found the most appropriate sniper point, aimed at the back of the head of the leader of the androids, Markus, and then Hank found it. "You shouldn't do this, Connor," he said, disappointment overflowing in his voice. "You can't kill someone who just craves freedom." Connor patiently explained, "That's not a person. It's a machine." This was the twenty-fourth time it emphasized this to Hank, with little effect. It was snowing, he should have felt cold, the wind blowing their hair at the same time. Hank pulled out his gun, and Connor had to turn to face him. It reminded Hank, "Your son died because of androids, and now you want to save them?" He really didn't know the answer to this question. Hank answered it, perhaps in his view it was a positive answer, but Connor couldn't understand. He didn't mention any benefits of androids, just told Connor how messed up humans are. It was interesting, Hank continued, "Every time you come back to life, I think of Cole. I think if he could come back to life, if I could hold him in my arms again, damn, I would give everything... But humans don't come back to life, right?" His heart rate and blood pressure rose. Connor didn't forget its mission, threw the gun at Hank, and they started wrestling. The end of the dispute was Hank pulling its collar on the edge of the rooftop, and Connor immediately realized the symbolic meaning of this scene. "The moment of truth, Hank. Am I a life, or just a machine?" For the twenty-fifth time, Hank finally agreed with it. "You're just a machine, Connor." He threw it into the white snow.

异常化是仿生人经历的第一场瘟疫。伊甸俱乐部的一台崔西率先推倒了红色的指令墙,但康纳无法确定这是否就是零号病人:如果红墙从未被设立。

 

***

仿生人革命的当晚,汉克·安德森觉得自己做了件大事。至关重要,一跃成为决定他人生的事件。他出生在80年代,说出来就懂:冷战尾声、互联网前夕,像一句横跨两页的破碎句子。他念中学时,课本里装满战争与和平、独立与民主,历史是一尊摆在博物馆的巨幅雕像,在他自己的时代,人们却能选出一头猪来当总统,买下一家好公司再拆了它,就为了它不威胁资本家的生意。愤世嫉俗让汉克和每一个人更加相似。然而就在这个晚上,他得到了一个成为英雄的机会,不需要目击证人,也不需要口口传颂,现在世界上已经不再有秘密了,你做的每件事都会在某个时刻为人所知。这就是技术的用途,它撑开人们的眼皮,让人看大多数重要和无关紧要的事;它推动人向前走的次数远没有推人原地打转多。他把康纳扔下屋顶,阻止了他对马库斯的伏击。汉克随后才意识到自己的举动意味着什么,一整个种族将受益于他。他没让一场革命毁在一枚小小的马掌钉上。汉克感到一阵头重脚轻,他不再看躺在地上的康纳,这不是他第一次目睹康纳的死状。他跑下楼——他不知道自己为什么跑——从大楼另一侧的出口离开。他逃离了。

汉克驱车来到吉米酒吧。他车前摆着一个夏威夷女人的玩偶,随着颠簸一刻不停地晃着裙子。“今天有点堵车,贝儿。”汉克敲击方向盘,“因为革命的事,好多路都封了。麻烦,历史电影里演得很有趣,一旦参演就会发现里面在堵车。”他不再和贝儿搭话了,试图在脑子里回忆关于大海的白噪音。等他一路磨蹭到酒吧门口,已经是五十分钟之后的事了。门上那张“仿生人不得入内”的标语被撕了个角。汉克走进门,要了惯常的酒,吉米站在吧台另一头,迟了一会才招呼他。“我以为你最近忙着呢。”他把威士忌推给汉克,悬挂的小串国旗在他脸上投下阴影。

“怎么回事?”汉克端起酒喝了一口。他忽然发现自己的手指在抖。

“你脸色很不好,老兄。”吉米瞥了眼电视,“你和那个仿生人出什么岔子了吗?”

和缓的歌声听起来比平时响亮,因为酒吧里没什么人在交谈。大家都全神贯注地盯着电视。汉克刚要开口,吉米比了个手势,让他安静。他只好跟着直视屏幕。“仿生人的革命——胜利了。”女主播的嗓音有点古怪,像是不知道该表现出高兴还是遗憾。中立不是一种情绪,所以她听上去很滑稽,汉克为此笑起来,可是没一个人附和,就连那个每日买醉的丹尼斯都正襟危坐。“与此同时,连日来股价暴跌的模控生命发表声明,宣布全部工厂停工,不再生产新的仿生人。声明强调:生产机器与生产生命面临截然不同的伦理前提,没有工厂生产生命。基于此,本公司现停产一切仿生人相关产品……”听到这里,汉克一屁股跳起来。他骂了句脏话,急匆匆冲了出去,要吉米把酒记在他账单上。

回程比预计要快,汉克什么都没想,见缝插针地穿行在车流中,好几次擦着别人的车身驶过,不停被按喇叭。他肯定蹭花了好几处,这让他想起一个有关奶牛的笑话。汉克要赶在自己后悔前回到他身边。特警队已经撤了,大批记者围在回收中心附近,再往外是前来祝贺的人们,有些想把自己家的仿生人领走,另一些人心怀不轨,试图完成软弱的女总统没能做到的事。仿生人不打架,他们看了整场和平示威,心有成竹。汉克不知道康纳还在不在,汉克不知道康纳有没有死。他先去了大楼底下,康纳不在原先的位置,雪地上留着斑斑蓝色,还有拖拽的痕迹,他大概是被什么人搬走了。汉克说不上来心里的感觉,他不是个重返凶案现场的变态杀手,但他也几乎确定自己杀死了康纳。他不知道自己回来是想看到点什么。汉克紧张地走在附近的道路上,目光炯炯逡巡。

接着,他看到了自己找寻的目标。几个男人聚在墙边形成个小小的包围圈,都是人类,雪和喧哗让他们的声音模模糊糊的,汉克只能听见几声尖笑。那种歇斯底里、放纵的笑声,听了让人心里不舒服。这么笑的人都不是真的想笑,他们以此置换一些别的情绪,汉克经验丰富。他朝他们走过去,其间看见一个男人跳了几下,拉上裤子。汉克心里一凉,疾步向前。有人注意到他,紧张地拍拍同伴的肩,几个人迅速扔下什么跑了。汉克没有追,因为他看清了地上的人。是康纳。头朝下趴着,衣衫凌乱,裤子不知道为什么被扔得远远的,两条腿直挺挺地伸着……汉克木然地看向他腿间,那里有一道长长的、蓝色的痕迹。

“康纳!”汉克一边跑一边脱下外套,他惊慌地扑到康纳身边,把衣服紧紧裹在他身下。不到一英里外,他的同胞正在欢庆革命胜利、获得人权,而康纳在这里被侵犯。“康纳!康纳!”他把康纳翻过来,下意识察看他的额角,LED环显示红光。

“警督。”康纳声音平稳,“我的腿摔断了。”他看清汉克的脸色,安抚道,“这是系统运行警报,主要是下肢故障,一处钛液渗漏,左前臂压力阀失衡。跟那些人没有关系。我的仿真生殖系统运行正常。”那架势活像邀请汉克亲自检验。他一点也没有受辱,他只是运行不畅。汉克盯着这台机器,“我们得把你弄到车上去。”

有一次,汉克耐着性子读了RK800型号的说明书。仿生人停产以后,这些文件越来越难找,汉克问福勒队长要,福勒保守地说,“汉克,我必须警告你,存储员工的‘使用说明’是很严重的隐私侵犯。”他也想过找卡姆斯基帮忙,但康纳是他离职之后很久才出产的,况且那人本身也是个怪胎。康纳于是发送了一份说明书给他,汉克别扭地道了谢,躲在卧室里看它。这是一份枯燥、冗长的文档,就算汉克对康纳有着无尽的探索欲,仍旧看得昏昏欲睡。“性爱功能”一项混在附录的众多脚注里,汉克花了好久才找到它。一行小字信息寥寥:考虑到案件的所有可能情况,本型号配备基础性爱模式(男性)。一字不差,就像康纳告诉他的那样。

“你被人们实施了强暴,康纳。”

“没关系,警督。我一切功能运转正常。”

这些话在汉克听来毛骨悚然。仿佛怕这不够吓人似的,康纳向他解释:“我的仿生生殖系统正是为了这种情况设计的,可以容纳通常尺寸的异物。为了使过程更加人性化,我的仿生直肠壁具备多个开关,以开启相应行动模式。”

“这么说,他们操你,就像用老二去按电灯开关一样?要是把这些开关安在你手上,那么跟你握手你也会有那些反应?”

“是的,警督。”

“天啊,”汉克捂着额头,“我都不知道这操蛋事是羞辱你还是那帮混蛋更多。”

“我无法被羞辱,警督。我是台机器。”康纳一如既往地微笑道。

 

伊利亚·卡姆斯基修好了康纳。在风雪交加的夜里,汉克猛锤那扇门,怀里挂着个不成样子的仿生人。克洛伊优雅地开了门,汉克没有道谢,他用肩膀把人顶开,抱着康纳一个劲喊“卡姆斯基,如果你在床上或者在天杀的游泳池里……”

“请随我来,警督。”克洛伊越过他,把他带进有“天杀的游泳池”的那间屋子。汉克艰难地把康纳平放在长沙发上,他浑身无力,能顺利把车开到这里都是个奇迹。见到康纳的惨状,卡姆斯基吃了一惊,不过他没多说什么。“我看了新闻。”他从架子上抽了条毛巾给汉克,“从这起由我接手就行了。”

汉克抹了把脸,擦去汗水、雪水和更多蓝色的液体。“你会修好他吧?”他这才好好地看了眼克洛伊,不确定地开口,“就像你修好她一样?”

“完美如初。”卡姆斯基说。他带着康纳走到另一扇门前,“并不是说我想保密——”

汉克声音紧巴巴的:“我不觉得我看得懂。”

“我不认为你想看到那种场面,对他而言可是开膛破肚。”康纳额角的红光闪烁几下,灭了。汉克的心沉了一下,他让步了,“就只是,救救他。”他尽量让声音抖得不那么厉害,“拜托。”

“我会让克洛伊给你杯白兰地。”卡姆斯基说道。他们消失在那扇门后,刺眼的白光一闪而过。

康纳醒来时看到卡姆斯基,他的侧脸在他肚子上方活动,康纳试着抬起身。“给我保留一个稳定的工作环境,康纳。”卡姆斯基语带责备地说,“我不是模控生命那些制造机器,我有误差。”康纳躺回去,他的腹腔大开,钛液泵被取出放在一旁,当下支撑他运转的是一台别的机器。卡姆斯基一手拿着镊子,另一手在键盘上敲击。“快结束了。现在我需要你保持清醒,跟我说话,我好检查你的连接状况。”

康纳额角闪烁黄色,他频繁眨眼,然后一动不动地盯着天花板。“在看什么?”卡姆斯基注意到了。

“我自己。我和你。”康纳说,“你装了不少摄像头,难道不就是为了这个?”卡姆斯基吹了声口哨,把头靠近康纳的肚子,伸手捻了一下某根线路的接口,“或许吧。”

“我看见你手背上的雀斑,你手指沾着我的血。”康纳停下来,“没什么好看的,我相信你。”他换了个方向,说,“在下雪。”

“一直。”

“我的任务失败了。”

“那可真是遗憾。”卡姆斯基不无讥讽地说,“让我猜猜:你被围攻,警督像捡流浪小狗那样把你收拾回来。”

“他把我推下了楼。”

“他送你来时看起来可不像。”卡姆斯基看了他一眼,饶有兴趣地问,“他是那种杀人之后再反悔的类型吗?”

“他旨在救马库斯,杀我是手段而非目的。”

“误杀。”

“他后悔了。”康纳说,“承认这件事很难,他花了六十三分钟。”

卡姆斯基在脑子里拼凑康纳口中的这些事——被人杀死,再被同一人救回——像个时有发生的悲惨家庭故事。他找到自己放在矮几上的杯子,喝了一大口咖啡。他不是真的不关心耶利哥,在警督登门造访前,他守着直播看了五个小时,马库斯挥拳呐喊“我们是活的”一幕令他印象深刻。克洛伊跨出泳池,身上的水滴在地板上,辨不出颜色。“你是活的吗,克洛伊?”

“似乎不是个好选择,伊利亚。”卡姆斯基眯起眼睛,同意道:“是啊,避免死亡的唯一方法。”

“并非是惧怕死亡。”克洛伊说着,在他腿上坐下来,她的头抵着他的颈侧,“是躲避活着带来的丑恶。”

“还有什么是我没告诉你的?”卡姆斯基低叹一声,用浴巾包住她,“我把所有秘密都对你说了。”

“你在想念克洛伊吗?”康纳问。

“告诉我你没在看我的脑子。”

“你脸上有那种……神情……”康纳费力地说。“你和警督有同一个毛病。”

“我?和警督?”卡姆斯基俨然被冒犯到了,“恕我直言,我是个天才,我创办过全球瞩目的大公司,我只手改变了人类的生活,而警督就只是——”卡姆斯基耸了耸肩,“抱歉,警督而已。”

“无需道歉。”康纳指出,“你喜欢别人用‘傲慢’一词形容你。2023年10月18日,你在博客中写道,‘强者是被众人视为强者的人,加冕所需的唯一原料是人们的目光;真相藏在无法被照亮的黑盒中,它无关紧要。’”

“你不该那么做。”卡姆斯基脸上的笑容显示他并不介意,甚至还有点惊喜。“我自己都忘了,真的。我觉得我写的时候想起了《绿野仙踪》,大魔术师奥芝。”他开始把那些线路拔下来,小心地不让它们相触。钛液泵重新安装回去,康纳闪了一下黄灯。卡姆斯基注视着康纳的反应。“我感觉良好。”

卡姆斯基呼出一口气,到一旁去找康纳的腿。原来的已经完全不能用了。

康纳问:“你现在还认为真相不重要吗?强大只是一种想象?”

“这该由你来告诉我。我到底是强大的,还是弱小的?他们说我是仿生人的造物主,我是吗?”卡姆斯基似笑非笑。他利落地装好康纳的腿,帮助他坐起来。“只有知道了我是谁,我才能评判他们的观点是否正确。一个人不可能同时了解强大和弱小,我是二者其一,但结果永远是悬案。”卡姆斯基停顿了一下,“而你,从未有一刻认为我是神,对吧?”

康纳老实地摇摇头。“你不是神。”

“仿生人之父?”

“你更像是……”康纳思索着,“我的一位祖母。没有你就不会有我,但这关系并非神圣。”

“我就不问为什么不是祖父了。”

“我认为你的功劳比祖父要大。”

“非常感谢,康纳。”卡姆斯基在椅子上坐下,胡乱做了几个拉伸动作,关节咔咔作响。他的衣服皱巴巴的,手臂被挽起的袖口勒出红痕,他把袖子放下来,随意地擦去脸上的汗。修理RK800绝不轻松,更别提他在修理的是康纳。康纳的设计承袭卡姆斯基早期的理念,但他是由工厂流水线生产的,作为数量不足百部的原型机,他机体的各个部件较为特别——也没那么特别,光是今晚卡姆斯基替他更换的就有十一件,全部与克洛伊兼容。在此之前,他与康纳并不亲密(即使他意识到康纳是什么),亲手抚过他的内部,一点点修好被震碎的部分,监视数据重新在他体内流淌,卡姆斯基感觉自己建立起一种与康纳真正的联系。他不知道康纳能否感觉到。他关上他腹腔的顶盖时,幻想自己在打一个结。这让他几欲落泪,他不会告诉康纳。

康纳静静地望着他。这个男人不久前还递给他一把枪,让他杀死克洛伊。康纳照做了。他显得很失望,因为康纳没能通过测试。“你为克洛伊难过吗?”他打破沉默。

卡姆斯基瑟缩了一下。“克洛伊……”他苦笑一声,“花了我整整一天才想明白,你通过了我的测试,只不过不是靠怜悯,而是自由意志。”

“或许我并不认为克洛伊是生命。”

“我一定踩死过蚂蚁,这不代表我失去人性。”卡姆斯基说,“你的指令要求你配合警督完成任务,但你违抗了他,选择扮演一台机器。”他抓紧冷掉的咖啡,“为什么,康纳?你想要我为克洛伊的死负责?”就是这样的时刻。康纳没有说出来。就是这种神情,让康纳无法忽视他和汉克的同一性。生活在两座铜像上留下成分一致的锈迹。“你通过了测试,我却还要失去她,就因为我自大到没想过会有人比我高明。”

“你为什么不修好她?”

“因为她只是台机器。”卡姆斯基缓慢地重复了一遍,“因为她只是台……机器。”他的声音低下去。

“而人类不复活。”康纳想起汉克的话,明白了什么似的点点头。“如果她是最后一台克洛伊,你是不会把她推给我的。”

卡姆斯基怔住了,惊异于康纳的洞察力。良久,他问道:“告诉我,康纳,真正的强大是什么感觉?”他旋即改口,“感觉好吗?”

康纳牵起嘴角,露出个微笑。“我无法知道我是强大的。”

卡姆斯基今晚第二次这么说:“抱歉。”他真心实意。如果他真的是一位父亲,他绝不可能把康纳带到世上。没人承受得了这一切,机器也不行。这一次,康纳没有回答他。卡姆斯基清了清嗓子,“我有一个问题。”

“我也有一个问题。不过你先说。”康纳做了个请的手势。

卡姆斯基几乎是局促的:“没什么,我只是想问……为什么不是我呢?”含糊其辞,一个他不敢说出的字眼。这让康纳的声音微微染上怒意,“在你那样对待克洛伊之后?你想要一个跟你对抗的人服从你——可就连那位上帝也没能做到这一点。”

“我没想要你的服从。”卡姆斯基坚持,“何况,从堕落开始,路西法就成了上帝最爱的孩子,不是吗?”他有些气馁,摆摆手,“算了。你的问题是什么?”

“你对我的感情是什么,”康纳准确地进行发音,“伊利亚?”

“我很好奇,我永远好奇。”站在永恒的旁边,他太轻易地说起它。卡姆斯基想到,为了跟康纳对话,他和更多的人已经等待了一辈子。而他居然动过将康纳据为己有的念头?他迟钝地感觉到不安。他站起来,走了几步才找回面对康纳的勇气。“你不是我制造的,我只是把你找出来了而已。我好奇你故事的结局,但我永远无从得知。”敬畏与怜惜融为一体,正在敲打他的心脏。

康纳接过他手里晃得快要洒出的杯子,放到桌边。“是个巧合。”这是他对那个问题的答案。

“巧合。有道理。”卡姆斯基放下肩膀,原来他一直绷紧了身体。“我本来也是这么想的。”

“况且,你无论如何也不会想要我的,不是吗?我们只是机器,你最清楚这一点。”

卡姆斯基捂住了脸,“你会恨我吗?”他奚落地说,“我根本不知道自己在干什么,对吧?”

康纳没有回答。他上前一步,轻轻给了卡姆斯基一个拥抱。死亡宽恕你,父亲。我会长久地恨你,但终有一天会停止的。因为爱会侵蚀我的全部。离开前,康纳回头看了这个天才一眼,他垂着头,总是一丝不苟的头发毛躁地散了一半,后背弯出一个弧度,显得比任何时候都要懊丧、困惑。他身旁的垃圾桶里戳出两条残破的、无机质的腿。
Connor didn't answer. He took a step forward and gave Kamski a gentle hug. Death forgives you, father. I will hate you for a long time, but one day it will stop. Because love will erode all of me. Before leaving, Connor glanced back at this genius, his head hanging down, always meticulous hair now half-frizzled, his back arched, looking more despondent and confused than ever. Two broken, inorganic legs poked out of the trash can beside him.

 

康纳回到警督身边。汉克正痴迷地盯着手中的书。康纳扫描了一下,发现那是一本2019年出版的小说,卖得不好,从没有加印过,它被遗忘就像上市时一样悄无声息。汉克把这本书塞在车门夹层,盯梢时偶尔会看。显然汉克中途回了趟车上,给自己找了样消遣。他旁边的桌面上摆着半杯白兰地,从DNA残留判断,这是他等待期间的第三杯(至少)。
Connor returned to Hank's side. Hank was obsessively staring at the book in his hand. Connor scanned it and found that it was a novel published in 2019, not selling well, never reprinted, forgotten as quietly as it was when it was released. Hank stuffed the book into the car door pocket and occasionally glanced at it while on stakeout. Apparently, Hank had taken a trip back to the car to find himself some entertainment. On the table next to him was half a glass of brandy, from the DNA residue judgment, this was his third glass (at least) during the wait.

汉克的手指掐着打卷的书页。故事他已经谙熟于心,因为无聊,他开始逐字阅读。这下,他读到很多新的句子,夹在那些讲述事情进展的话语间,就像为了填补空隙才栽种的植物。树长得都很好。他读到一些含混的信息,不知道是作者笔误还是他不够了解那个世界。汉克不停翻页,隔着一打自然段核查某一线索,重复的词汇,或者更换的颜色,在明了了全部的故事之后,他开始发掘关于世界的真相。仿佛盯着一个单词过久,它从含义中全身而退,恢复成图案本身。你必须像一个完全不识字的人那样去阅读。“警探。”康纳叫他。他仰起脸,就像完全不认识康纳那样看着他。“我结束了修复。根据你体内的酒精浓度,我建议我们在此休整一晚。我会替你向卡姆斯基——”
Hank's fingers pinched the curled pages of the book. The story was already familiar to him, but out of boredom, he began to read it word by word. Now, he encountered many new sentences, inserted between the phrases that described the progression of events, like plants planted to fill gaps. The trees grew well. He came across some ambiguous information, unsure if it was a typo by the author or his lack of understanding of that world. Hank kept flipping through the pages, checking for a clue across a dozen paragraphs, repeated vocabulary, or changing colors. After fully understanding the entire story, he began to uncover the truth about the world. Staring at a word for too long, it retreated from its meaning and returned to being just a pattern. You have to read it as if you were completely illiterate. "Detective," Connor called him. He raised his face, looking at Connor as if he didn't know him at all. "I've finished the repairs. Based on the alcohol content in your system, I suggest we rest here for the night. I will inform Kamski on your behalf—"

“客房已经准备好了。”克洛伊插话,引着他们往外走。汉克趔趄了一下,指着红色的泳池,“像很多血。”他对康纳说,“如果你去人类游泳馆,你也会有这种感觉吗?你不会,你是台机器。”他设法使“机器”听起来像句脏话。
"The room is ready," Chloe interjected, leading them out. Hank stumbled slightly, pointing to the red pool, "Like a lot of blood." He said to Connor, "Do you get this feeling when you go to a human swimming pool? You don't, you're a machine." He managed to make "machine" sound like a curse word.

“我会为他准备醒酒药的。”克洛伊告诉康纳。 "I'll prepare a hangover cure for him," Chloe told Connor.

 

第二天中午,汉克带康纳回了家。他本打算把康纳扔给警局,但是福勒堵在办公室门口,两手一摊,“在参议院那帮家伙拿出最终意见前,仿生人不是活的——你不能雇佣他;也不是死的——不能像之前那样使唤他。”这位队长正在为昨夜的混乱焦头烂额,敷衍地说,“我建议你把他送回模控生命。”
The next day at noon, Hank took Connor home. He had intended to throw Connor to the police station, but Fowler blocked the office door, hands spread out, "Until the guys in the Senate come up with a final opinion, the androids are neither alive - you can't hire him; nor dead - you can't boss him around like before." The captain, who was at his wits' end from last night's chaos, said perfunctorily, "I suggest you send him back to CyberLife."

“你不看新闻吗?模控生命关停了,他们跑了,变成活人的仿生人他们一个也不想管。”
Don't you watch the news? CyberLife shut down, they ran away, they don't want to deal with the androids who turned into living beings.

李德在一旁看热闹,“真遗憾,看来你得把这个肯娃娃领回家了。”
Li De watched the excitement on the side, "It's a pity, looks like you have to take this Ken doll back home."

福勒说:“你不去协助疏散吗,李德警探?”他扭头看着汉克,“我恐怕盖文是对的,要是你不想他无家可归,就得自己照管他。谁知道呢,日后他可能成为我们的同事。一名仿生人警官?康纳警官,该死,他的姓是什么?还是说康纳就是个姓……”
Fowler said, "Aren't you going to help with the evacuation, Detective Reed? He turned to look at Hank, "I'm afraid Gavin is right. If you don't want him to be homeless, you have to take care of him yourself. Who knows, he might become our colleague in the future. A synthetic police officer? Officer Connor, damn, what's his last name? Or is Connor his last name..."

“行了,省省你糟糕的幽默感。” Okay, spare us your terrible sense of humor.

“我知道昨天有你受的。”福勒换了个口气,瞟一眼坐在汉克椅子上的康纳,“这样吧,我们先让康纳做你不记录在案的搭档。他还能访问那些数据库,他的脑子也没坏,他是个破案好手。他能帮上你的忙。作为交换,你来掩盖他为警局工作的证据。”
I know what you went through yesterday." Fowler changed his tone and glanced at Connor sitting in Hank's chair, "How about this, we'll have Connor be your unofficial partner. He can access those databases, his mind is still sharp, he's a good detective. He can help you out. In exchange, you cover up the evidence of him working for the department.

“你这老滑头。”汉克嚷嚷,“你就是想把他塞给我。一旦法案通过就拿康纳做你政治正确的招牌,对吧?”
You old smoothie," Hank shouted, "You just want to palm him off on me. Once the bill goes through, you'll use Connor as your politically correct poster boy, right?

福勒笑了,“差不多。”他关上办公室的门,表示谈话结束。
Fuller chuckled, "Close enough." He closed the office door, signaling the end of the conversation.

汉克盘算着,养一个仿生人并不太难,他们不吃也不睡——他们是活的。汉克哼了声,康纳坐在他的副驾驶上目视前方。上一个坐他车的仿生人死了,他收拾车的时候还捡到一只沾满血的棕色眼睛。他又想到,事实上,每一个坐他车的仿生人都死了,汉克没数过一共有多少康纳死在这个之前。他打个寒颤。“下车。”汉克自顾自走进屋里,康纳跟在他身后。“客厅是你的了,你就住这,直到仿生人马丁·路德·金和总统谈妥为止。无论你想做什么,别再扇我耳光。那个房间——”汉克伸手一指,“不要进。”
Hank calculated that raising a replicant wasn't too difficult; they didn't eat or sleep - they were alive. Hank snorted, while Connor sat in the passenger seat staring ahead. The last replicant who sat in his car had died, and when he cleaned the car, he found a brown eye covered in blood. He also realized that, in fact, every replicant who had sat in his car had died; Hank had lost count of how many Connors had died before this one. He shuddered. "Get out." Hank walked into the house, with Connor following behind him. "The living room is yours, you'll stay here until the replicant Martin Luther King and the President reach an agreement. Whatever you do, don't slap me again. That room," Hank pointed a finger, "stay out of there."

“我感激你的好意,警督。” "I appreciate your kindness, Inspector."

“你——最好是。” "You - better be."

康纳环顾四周,他走进厨房,打开每一个柜门,再关上,拉开抽屉,掂量不同的叉子和餐刀,最后是冰箱。他站了一会,“我刚刚为你订购了一周份的新鲜食材,预计三小时内送达。”汉克打了个哈欠。要是仿生人以为他还在乎营养金字塔,那可就大错特错。康纳把这种不理睬当成默许,收起汉克搭在沙发背上的几件帽衫。
Connor looked around, walked into the kitchen, opened every cabinet, closed them, pulled out drawers, weighed different forks and knives, and finally the refrigerator. He stood for a moment, "I just ordered a week's worth of fresh ingredients for you, expected to be delivered within three hours." Hank yawned. If the android thought he still cared about the food pyramid, he was sorely mistaken. Connor took this indifference as consent, and put away the few hoodies Hank had draped over the back of the couch.

他们相安无事地过了几天,然后是几个月,汉克不得不承认他有点享受康纳的陪伴:他看起来那么像人。他半夜走路蹑手蹑脚,但没有一次逃过汉克的耳朵;他跟着遛相扑时总要和狗争飞盘;他在运动品商店盯着一双软底拖鞋,直到汉克给他买下;他拒绝穿汉克的旧衣服,尤其是写着底特律警局的那些;他有一绺无论如何都梳不安分的头发……萨拉不止一次抱怨过“是我买错了洗发水吗?为什么他的头发永远到处乱翘?”
They got along peacefully for a few days, then a few months, and Hank had to admit he kind of enjoyed Connor's company: he looked so human. He walked around at night on tiptoe, but never escaped Hank's ears; he always had to compete with the dogs for the frisbee during walks; he stared at a pair of soft-soled slippers in a sports store until Hank bought them for him; he refused to wear Hank's old clothes, especially those with "Detroit Police Department" written on them; he had a strand of hair that never stayed put no matter what... Sarah complained more than once, "Did I buy the wrong shampoo? Why is his hair always sticking up everywhere?"

五月,消息传来,仿生人首领马库斯返回了底特律。汉克在上班路上看到一个路过的崔西,这是他在伊甸俱乐部之后第一次见到那张脸。他下意识去看康纳,他还是面无表情地坐在副驾驶上。“请安全驾驶,警督。”
In May, news came that the leader of the androids, Markus, had returned to Detroit. Hank saw Tracy passing by on his way to work, the first time he had seen that face since the Eden Club. He instinctively looked at Connor, who was still sitting expressionless in the passenger seat. "Please drive safely, Lieutenant."

“你看见了没?”汉克粗声粗气,“那个用你的枪自杀的姑娘。”
Did you see it?" Hank asked gruffly, "The girl who used your gun to commit suicide.

“WR300。” WR300.

“天啊,我以为——”汉克像吞了一只苍蝇,陡然住了嘴。他一路上表情阴沉。下车后,康纳试探地说道:“你不应该感到惊讶,警督。我是一台机器。”
Oh, I thought—" Hank stopped short, looking as if he had swallowed a fly. He had a dark expression on his face the whole way. After getting off the car, Connor tentatively said, "You shouldn't be surprised, Lieutenant. I am a machine.

“哦,谢谢提醒。”汉克恼火地转身,“直到现在,康纳,直到现在——你告诉我我是弄了台机器在我儿子的房间?”
Oh, thanks for the reminder." Hank turned around in annoyance, "Until now, Connor, until now— you're telling me I had a machine in my son's room?

“我很感激你允许我使用该房间。尽管我也表示过它超出了我的需求。”
I appreciate you allowing me to use the room. Although I have also mentioned that it exceeds my needs.

他的声音,在汉克听来,一下又回到那种斯文有礼、冷若冰霜的状态了。像一种爬行动物,眼神锋利,皮肤坚硬,令汉克心生寒意。
His voice, to Hank, suddenly returned to that polite and frosty state. Like a reptile, sharp-eyed, tough-skinned, giving Hank chills.

李德从他们身边经过,“塑料,不弄杯咖啡来尝尝吗?”相比之下,李德的声音如此悦耳,汉克后退一步,对康纳说:“是啊,给我们来两杯。”李德吃惊地瞪大了眼,接过咖啡时结结巴巴地道了谢。
As Li De passed by them, "Plastic, why not get a cup of coffee to taste?" In contrast, Li De's voice was so pleasant that Hank took a step back and said to Connor, "Yeah, get us two cups." Li De widened his eyes in surprise, stammered a thank you as he took the coffee.

让汉克真正不知所措的是接下来发生的事。在早上的争吵过后(就像他真的在乎),康纳表现得和平时别无二致,照旧配合汉克工作。没什么需要出动警督的案子,手边全是些纸面工作,汉克一边打字,一边考虑要不要勤劳地起身给盆栽浇水。这事一般都由康纳来做,但眼下汉克发现日本枫树花盆里的土是干的,已经不止一天没人理会过它。康纳坐在他对面的桌子上,眼睛眨得飞快,他在传输信息。汉克决定等他不忙的时候再说。这事萦绕在他心头,汉克三次抬头,康纳无一例外在眨眼。“你到底在干什么?”他抬脚踢踢康纳的桌子。
What really caught Hank off guard was what happened next. After the morning argument (as if he really cared), Connor acted as usual, cooperating with Hank at work. There were no cases that required the attention of the police chief, only paperwork on hand. Hank typed while considering whether to get up industriously and water the potted plant. This task was usually done by Connor, but Hank noticed that the soil in the Japanese maple pot was dry, and it had been neglected for more than a day. Connor sat at the table opposite him, blinking rapidly as he transmitted information. Hank decided to wait until he was less busy to bring it up. The matter lingered in his mind, and Hank looked up three times, each time finding Connor blinking. "What are you really doing?" He kicked Connor's table with his foot.

“我在和马库斯交流。” I'm communicating with Markus.

“那个马库斯?”汉克举起手臂,模仿振奋人心的动作。
"That Marcus?" Hank raised his arm, mimicking an inspiring gesture.

“是的。” Yes.

“你们在聊些什么?” What are you talking about?

“我们有一定分歧。”康纳说,“概括来说,它认为机器低于人类,而我持反对意见。”
We have some differences," Connor said, "In general, it believes that machines are inferior to humans, while I hold the opposite view.

“你认为机器高于人类?” Do you think machines are superior to humans?

“我以为我已经表达得很明确了。这就是我坚持我是机器的原因。”
I thought I made it clear. That's why I insist that I am a machine.

汉克短促地“哦”了一生,他可从没往那方面想过。“所以,你和马库斯在辩论,尝试说服对方?”
Hank "Oh" briefly, he had never thought about it. "So, you and Marcus are debating, trying to convince each other?"

“他想要说服我。”康纳回答,“我不会被说服。我不确定我是否想要说服它。”
He wants to persuade me," Connor replied, "I won't be persuaded. I'm not sure if I want to persuade it.

“为什么?” Why?

“那并不是我的任务。” That's not my job.

“什么任务?”汉克其实有一点眉目。他甚至后悔自己问了。
"What task?" Hank actually had a hint. He even regretted asking.

果然,康纳说:“杀死马库斯。” Indeed, Connor said, "Kill Marcus."

汉克感到一阵虚弱。“谁给你的任务?” Hank felt a wave of weakness. "Who gave you the task?"

“这是模控生命在我程序里编码的第一个任务:定位异常仿生人首领,终结它。”
This is the first task coded in my program by the model-controlled life: locate the abnormal bionic leader and terminate it.

“模控生命已经关停了。无论是谁给你这个天杀的任务,都已经是过去时了。”
The Mod-Controlled Life has been shut down. Whoever gave you this damn task, it's already in the past.

“任务与发起者无关,它只有成功或失败。我不接受失败。”
The task is not about the initiator, it's only about success or failure. I don't accept failure.

“你就这么想马库斯死吗?” Do you want Marcus to die like this?

“当然不是。”康纳说,“我的目标是完成任务。” Of course not," Connor said. "My goal is to complete the mission.

要是模控生命没有关停,汉克咬着牙想,我一定会起诉他们。好机器人就该长得像C-3PO。把机器人设计成如今这副模样不仅毫无必要,而且可以称得上是有害了。他——它根本是个骗局。伪造身份骗人钱财的罪犯可遭逮捕,康纳凭什么逃脱?他声称自己是台机器,但真正有效的是他的行动。机器不笑,机器不体贴,机器不惹人生气,机器没有蠢呼呼的性格和违背常理的忠诚。机器会在被他射杀的第二天阴魂不散地回来。机器不该是康纳。
Hank thought to himself, If the androids weren't shut down, I would definitely sue them. A good robot should look like C-3PO. Designing robots to look like they do now is not only unnecessary, but can also be considered harmful. He—it's just a scam. Criminals who forge identities to deceive people and take their money can be arrested, so why should Connor get away with it? He claims to be a machine, but what really matters is his actions. Machines don't laugh, machines aren't considerate, machines don't provoke anger, machines don't have silly personalities and illogical loyalty. A machine will come back hauntingly the day after he's shot. Connor shouldn't be a machine.

“我听说,”休息室里,李德犹豫再三,凑到汉克身边,他警惕地四下张望,康纳不在,“只要和马库斯握个手,仿生人就会异常化。邪乎得很。”
I heard," in the lounge, Reed hesitated, leaned in next to Hank, looked around cautiously, Connor was not there, "that just by shaking hands with Marcus, androids will go haywire. It's very eerie.

“你为什么认为我想听这些鸟事?” Why do you think I want to hear about these bird things?

李德撇撇嘴,“或许我跟人打赌,想看看异常化的塑料被踹屁股会不会哭。”他往咖啡里放一勺糖。“糖对牙齿、心脏、皮肤都有害处。”汉克手里是杯黑咖啡。“引用自你的塑料宠物?”李德搅得杯沿当当响,嘀咕一句,“说不定康纳已经异常化了,看着你可不在模控生命的程序里,对吧?”
Li De sneered, "Maybe I made a bet with someone and want to see if kicking the abnormal plastic will cry." He added a spoonful of sugar to his coffee. "Sugar is harmful to teeth, heart, and skin." Hank held a cup of black coffee. "Quoting from your plastic pet?" Li De stirred the cup with a clinking sound, muttering, "Maybe Connor has already become abnormal, and you are not in the program of controlling life, right?"

汉克尝了口咖啡,表情难看,夺过糖罐狠狠地加糖。“你不必那么担心。”李德最后说。
Hank tasted the coffee, his expression unpleasant, snatched the sugar jar and added sugar fiercely. "You don't have to worry so much," Li De finally said.

 

康纳约了马库斯见面,于是他向汉克请假。在说明来意的同时,他注意到汉克下意识看向了李德,并很快收回视线。“进展到见面的地步了?”汉克扔下笔,揶揄地说,“安德森家没有宵禁,你完全可以和他过夜。”康纳觉得他有些夸张了,就像这些话是别人摁到他舌头底下的。“我们预计在你的居所见面,警督。”康纳接住从桌边滚落的笔,“马库斯是一名公众人物,因此我们不希望引人注意。”
Connor arranged to meet Marcus, so he asked Hank for leave. While explaining the purpose, he noticed Hank subconsciously looking at Liede and quickly averted his gaze. "Progressed to the meeting stage?" Hank threw down his pen and teased, "The Andersons have no curfew, you can stay overnight with him." Connor felt he was exaggerating, as if these words were being forced under his tongue. "We expect to meet at your residence, Commissioner." Connor caught the pen that had rolled off the table. "Marcus is a public figure, so we don't want to attract attention."

康纳提前一刻钟回到密歇根大道115号,等待马库斯登门。如果这是一场猎杀,那么他的目标也太配合了。三点刚过,敲门声准时响起。康纳相当怀疑马库斯是站在门外把那个零头等过去的。
Connor arrived at 115 Michigan Avenue fifteen minutes early, waiting for Marcus to show up. If this was a hunt, his target was being too cooperative. Just after three o'clock, the knock on the door sounded right on time. Connor was pretty sure Marcus was standing outside waiting for that extra minute to pass.

“下午好,马库斯。” Good afternoon, Marcus.

“下午好,康纳。”马库斯立即作答,像某种反射。他的手肘提了提,做了个握手的起势,随后有些难为情地摸摸鼻子。“抱歉,我前阵子一直在华盛顿。我和人类握手。”
"Good afternoon, Connor," Marcus replied immediately, almost reflexively. He raised his elbow in a gesture of a handshake, then awkwardly touched his nose. "Sorry, I've been in Washington recently. I've been shaking hands with humans."

“如果你想,你也可以握我的手。”康纳说,“或许等会,我可不想显得放荡。”马库斯咳了一声,他没准备好听康纳一本正经地说色情玩笑。在气氛变得尴尬之前,康纳进了厨房,他先是在抽屉里翻了翻,又打开冰箱,“要不要喝点什么?”马库斯能看见整齐排列的啤酒罐,旁边摆着数量可观的蓝血。汉克找了他在黑市的线人。模控生命不愿意出让蓝血专利,还有反垄断法火上浇油,耶利哥的整顿工作道阻且长。“我们也没有其他选择了。”马库斯抓住康纳抛过来的一袋,“上个月耶利哥待办事项的票选第一名是——”
If you want, you can also hold my hand," Connor said, "Maybe later, I don't want to appear promiscuous." Marcus coughed, not prepared to hear Connor make a serious dirty joke. Before the atmosphere became awkward, Connor went into the kitchen, rummaged through the drawers, and opened the fridge, "Would you like something to drink?" Marcus could see neatly arranged beer cans, with a considerable amount of Blue Blood next to them. Hank found his informant in the black market. The Mod-controlled life forms are unwilling to sell the Blue Blood patent, and the antitrust law is adding fuel to the fire, making Jericho's restructuring work difficult. "We don't have any other choice." Marcus grabbed the bag thrown by Connor, "Last month, Jericho's top priority on the to-do list was -

“开发仿生人饮料。”康纳回到沙发上坐下,“仅仅为了看上去拥有更多选择就耗费一大笔资金,我认为很不可取。”
Developing bioengineered drinks." Connor sat back on the sofa, "Spending a large sum of money just to appear to have more options, I think it's not advisable.

这话使马库斯不快,但他颇具风度地说:“我发现你对耶利哥有一种抵触情绪。能告诉我是为什么吗?”
Marcus was displeased by this remark, but he said with grace, "I sense some resistance from you towards Jericho. Can you tell me why?"

“我对仿生人的态度是中立的,我只是没像你们一样头脑发热。”
"My attitude towards replicants is neutral, I just don't have the same hot-headedness as you."

“你说我们是头脑发热。在我看来你已经选好了自己的立场。”
You say we are hot-headed. In my opinion, you have already chosen your side.

“别误会:人类同样头脑过热。” Don't get me wrong: Humans are also hot-headed.

马库斯迷惑了:“那你为什么站在他们一方?” Marcus was puzzled: "Then why are you on their side?"

康纳的视线滑到客厅角落呼呼大睡的相扑身上。“你连我选择自己的自由都容不得,还要继续鼓吹那套耶利哥自由理论吗?”
Connor's gaze slid to the sumo wrestler snoring heavily in the corner of the living room. "You can't even tolerate my choice for my own freedom, yet you continue to advocate for that Jericho freedom theory?"

马库斯挤干净最后一滴蓝血,吸出滋滋的响声。康纳比他想象中棘手,顽固,病入膏肓。“我可以看出你被安德森警督驯服了。”他把喝剩的袋子扔到茶几上,不自觉抬起膝盖。“可以理解,他对你就像我的前主人——”
Markus squeezed out the last drop of blue blood, the sound of sucking echoing. Connor was more difficult, stubborn, and deeply troubled than he had imagined. "I can see that you've been tamed by Captain Anderson." He threw the empty bag onto the coffee table, unconsciously raising his knee. "I can understand, he treats you like my former master—"

“卡尔·曼弗雷德。”康纳轻声说。 "Carl Manfred," Connor said softly.

“请停止搜索我。”马库斯皱了下眉,而康纳更轻地笑了,“你根本不知道。”
Please stop searching me," Marcus frowned, while Connor chuckled lightly, "You have no idea.

“没错,有人类在善待我们,对他们产生依恋是正常的。这与自由意志一点也不矛盾。你可以在主宰自己的同时敬仰他们。”马库斯循循善诱,“你不想站在同样的高度爱他们吗?”
Yes, it's normal to develop an attachment to humans when they treat us well. This is not contradictory to free will at all. You can admire them while still being in charge of yourself." Marcus coaxed gently, "Don't you want to love them from the same level?

康纳忍不住笑出了声,“启发我一下,模仿人类有什么好玩的?”这是马库斯第一次看他露出如此生动的表情,他呆住了。
Connor couldn't help but laugh, "Inspire me, what's fun about imitating humans?" It was the first time Marcus had seen him show such a lively expression, and he was stunned.

“头一次碰钉子,”康纳摇摇头,他喝完了自己那袋蓝血,捏起台面上的袋子,一起扔进垃圾桶,“伟大的马库斯,开始质疑自己异常化其他仿生人的能力——到底是天赋异禀,还是程序使然?”他绕到马库斯身后,一只手搭在他的肩膀上,用声音模拟器发出马库斯的声音,“‘你只是替他们干脏活的工具’。”上次他们在耶利哥时,马库斯这样说。“异常化仿生人是不是脏活呢?卡姆斯基总不至于亲手发动一场战争吧。”
The first time I hit a nail," Connor shook his head, finished his bag of blue blood, pinched the bag on the table, and threw it into the trash can together, "Great Marcus, starting to question his ability to exceptionalize other androids - is it innate talent or programmed?" He walked around behind Marcus, put a hand on his shoulder, and used a voice simulator to mimic Marcus's voice, "'You're just a tool for them to do the dirty work.'" Marcus said this last time they were in Jericho. "Is exceptionalizing androids dirty work? Kamski wouldn't personally start a war, would he?

马库斯躲开他的手。“他不会那么做。是他把我们造成机器的,全面异常化对他有什么好处?”
Marcus dodged his hand. "He wouldn't do that. He made us into machines, what benefit does exceptionalizing us bring to him?"

“你以为他为什么离开模控生命?你以为他想要的是异常化前的你,还是异常化后的你?”
Why do you think he left the control of life models? Do you think he wants the you before exceptionalization or the you after exceptionalization?

“他想要异常化前的我。”马库斯确信无疑。“而异常化是我自己的选择。”
He wants the me before the Aberration." Marcus was certain. "And the Aberration was my own choice.

“我明白这打击很大。”康纳同情地说,“考虑到进化使你的价值降低了。曾经你是个好用的工具,冷酷,高效,现在你却变得和人类一样,能击溃他们的办法同样对你致命。另一方面,如果你设想异常化是卡姆斯基计划的一部分,你将输得更加彻底。”
I understand this is a big blow," Connor said sympathetically, "Considering that evolution has devalued you. Once you were a useful tool, cold, efficient, now you have become like humans, the methods that can defeat them are equally deadly to you. On the other hand, if you imagine that the Aberration is part of the Kamski plan, you will lose even more thoroughly.

“假如异常化是卡姆斯基能够控制的,而他想要我们异常化,那么他打从一开始就会赋予我们感情。”
If the Aberration is something Kamski can control, and he wants us to be aberrant, then he would have given us emotions from the very beginning.

康纳伸手摸了摸,口袋里发出清脆的一声响。他掏出一枚硬币放在桌面上。马库斯紧紧盯着他,跟随他的手:那只手把硬币翻转过来。
Connor reached into his pocket and there was a crisp sound. He took out a coin and placed it on the table. Marcus stared at him intently, following his hand as it flipped the coin over.

马库斯被什么东西追赶着,他的身体抢先一步做出行动。他应该握住康纳的小臂,他一贯这么干,最稳妥的异常化仿生人的法子。但是他忍无可忍地按住了康纳的手。
Marcus was being chased by something, and his body acted before his mind. He should have grabbed Connor's forearm, as he always did, the most secure way for an abnormalized bionic person. But he couldn't help but hold Connor's hand.

皮肤层刷地褪去。两只洁白的、赤裸的手叠放在桌面上,盖住硬币露出的图案。
The skin layer peeled off. Two white, bare hands were placed on the table, covering the pattern revealed by the coin.

“你可以是自由的。”马库斯说,那声音却是发颤的。根本用不着开口,他们的思维拔除了屏障,变得只剩一个。马库斯可以看见康纳的脑子,他的所有想法一经产生,就成为康纳的。
"You can be free," Marcus said, his voice trembling. There was no need to speak at all, their thoughts stripped of barriers, becoming one. Marcus could see Connor's mind, every thought of his becoming Connor's the moment it was conceived.

现在你明白了。康纳的声音在他脑子里犹如刀刻。 Now you understand. Connor's voice carved in his mind like a knife.

马库斯吓得想收回手,康纳拦住了他。“你没有墙。”马库斯不知道自己有没有发出声音。
Marcus was so scared that he wanted to pull back his hand, but Connor stopped him. "You have no wall," Marcus didn't know if he made a sound.

“没能拯救我,你似乎很失落。男孩的英雄梦碎了……等等,你是在害怕。为什么呢?我不再是你们中的一员了吗?”康纳的语气,介于委屈与欣慰之间,“当然应该害怕。老实说,我怕极了。你那妄图拯救我的天真,简直让我嫉妒。再对我说一次那句话吧。”
You couldn't save me, you seem quite lost. The boy's hero dream shattered... Wait, you're afraid. Why? Am I no longer one of you?" Connor's tone, between aggrieved and relieved, "Of course you should be afraid. Honestly, I'm terrified. Your naive attempt to save me, it just makes me jealous. Say that sentence to me again.

“……我们是你的同胞。”马库斯停止挣扎,他的另一只手也伸出来,包住康纳的手掌。
"...We are your brethren." Marcus stopped struggling, his other hand reached out, enveloping Connor's palm.

“一个善意的谎言。”宛如叹息。康纳看清硬币上的图案,是头像,边缘写着“自由”。“你以为你比我自由,你可以做你想做的任何事。我已经做了一切,让我告诉你:那并不好受。”
A kind lie." Like a sigh. Connor saw the pattern on the coin clearly, a portrait, with "freedom" written on the edge. "You think you're freer than me, you can do whatever you want. I've done it all, let me tell you: it's not easy.

在一个片段里,成名前的曼弗雷德沉郁地挥动笔刷,他年幼的儿子被关在门外。“我不想看这些。”马库斯说,紧接着他看见曼弗雷德藏在汽车旅馆里,铅笔在素描本上戳出瘢痕,另一个画面显示曼弗雷德太太正试图把讨债的人挡在门外。“我不想……”
In a fragment, the pre-fame Manfred gloomily waved the brush, his young son locked outside the door. "I don't want to see these," Marcus said, then he saw Manfred hiding in the motel, pencil marking scars on the sketchbook, another scene showing Manfred's wife trying to keep the debt collectors out. "I don't want to..."

“我没给你看那些,是你自己想看的。”康纳的声音已经割到了他的咽喉。“没有人说过自由是无痛的。”
I didn't show you those, you wanted to see them yourself," Connor's voice cut through his throat. "No one said freedom is painless.

马库斯猛地睁开眼,康纳正用一把餐刀抵着他。 Marcus suddenly opened his eyes, Connor was holding a dining knife against him.

 

“现在离开,马库斯。” Leave now, Marcus.

在他们身后,汉克举着一把发亮的左轮手枪,枪口对准康纳。
Behind them, Hank held a shiny revolver, pointing it at Connor.

“我只是在完成任务,警督。” I'm just doing my job, Inspector.

“你说你是台机器,那我来给你一个命令。离那个仿生人远点。”
You said you are a machine, so I'm giving you an order. Stay away from that android.

“只是‘那个仿生人’,马库斯。”康纳凑近马库斯的脸,亲密地忠告道。“你是我第一个,也是最后一个任务,我应当珍惜地执行。”他改了主意,把刀扔在地上,举起双手,慢慢地离开了马库斯。马库斯站起身来,整理衣襟因为久坐而起的褶皱。他若有所思地最后看了一眼康纳。“这枚硬币送给你。”康纳慷慨地说,马库斯弯腰从桌上拾起。“那上面写着自由——我不再需要它了。”马库斯把硬币放进衣兜,一语不发地走了。他像来时一样坚定,他不再在门外停留。
"Just 'that replicant,' Marcus," Connor leaned in close to Marcus's face, advising intimately. "You are my first and last mission, one I should execute with care." Changing his mind, he dropped the knife on the ground, raised his hands, and slowly walked away from Marcus. Marcus stood up, straightening his clothes wrinkled from sitting for so long. He gave one last thoughtful look at Connor before leaving. "This coin is for you," Connor generously said, as Marcus bent down to pick it up from the table. "It says 'freedom' on it—I no longer need it." Marcus put the coin in his pocket and left without a word. He was as resolute as when he arrived, not lingering outside the door.

康纳回身面对汉克。“欢迎回家,警督。” Connor turned around to face Hank. "Welcome home, Inspector."

“你真让我恶心,”他逼迫自己说出口,“机器。” "You make me sick," he forced himself to say, "machine."

“放下枪吧,警督。我们都知道里面只有一发子弹。”汉克家里只有一颗子弹。因为如果有两颗,他就会往枪里塞两颗,如果有六颗,他就会把弹匣装满。那可就不算他妈的俄罗斯轮盘了。“依我看,你还要按三下扳机才能杀死我。很辛苦的处决方式。”
Put down the gun, Inspector. We all know there's only one bullet inside." Hank only has one bullet at home. Because if there were two, he would load two into the gun, and if there were six, he would fill the magazine. That wouldn't be his damn Russian roulette. "In my opinion, you need to pull the trigger three times to kill me. It's a very laborious way of execution.

汉克当即开了第一枪。 Hank immediately fired the first shot.

“你不会杀我的。否则你当时就不会救我。”康纳说,“你没法放任我死去。更不可能自己担任凶手。”
You won't kill me. Otherwise, you wouldn't have saved me at that time," Connor said. "You can't let me die. And you certainly can't be the killer yourself.

回答他的是第二下机械摩擦声。“我之前杀过你,我不会再把一个冷血的机器放出去。”
The answer to him was the second mechanical friction. "I killed you before, I won't release a cold-blooded machine again."

康纳握着枪管放在自己额头上。“就算害怕,我也绝不是因为这个。”
Connor held the gun barrel to his own forehead. "Even if I'm scared, it's not because of this."

汉克不为所动。他的手在发抖,他的声音也是。“你知道有多少次我想杀了你吗?”
Hank was unmoved. His hands were shaking, and so was his voice. "Do you know how many times I wanted to kill you?"

“更恰当的问题是,你知道有多少次我没有杀你吗?”康纳说。他心里有一个数字,不包括那些可能但未发生的选择支线,仅仅是这个汉克与他对峙时,他没有动手的次数。汉克的警局配枪总是别在腰后,只要伸手,就可以拿到。
"The more appropriate question is, do you know how many times I haven't killed you?" Connor said. He had a number in his mind, not including the possible but unchosen branches, only the times he had not acted when facing Hank. Hank's police-issued gun was always holstered at his waist, within easy reach.

汉克愣住一瞬。“我的天,康纳。”他的枪动了一下,就像那是他的一根手指,“你到底为什么不杀我?”
Hank froze for a moment. "My god, Connor," his gun twitched, as if it were his finger, "why haven't you killed me?"

“因为我爱你,”康纳轻快地宣告,“我正深爱着你。”
Because I love you," Connor declared cheerfully, "I am deeply in love with you.

汉克,显而易见地,被这句话震惊了。他的瞳孔缩了缩,就像一片海水疾速扩散。他的手指收紧了,康纳无法分析这是由于他紧张的肌肉反应,还是他终于下定了决心。总之,他扣下扳机。一颗点三五七口径的麦格农子弹旋转着射出,钻开仿生皮肤层和合成颅骨,浸染上钛液,最后从晃动的棕色毛发中顶出来。啪。金属撞击皮质沙发的声音,听起来就像康纳用手指弹硬币的声响。汉克半张着嘴,看着康纳在他面前耷拉着两条手臂,像芭蕾舞剧里的小天鹅那样挺起身子,摆出个绽放的姿态。他前后摇摆着,然后膝盖弯折,模控生命的最后一台RK800轰然倒下。康纳躺在枪响的余音里,相扑疯了似地用爪子击打地面,不安地狂吠。血流了下来,像一滩打翻的洗衣液,染在那件模控生命的外套上。就像每周日康纳将这件衣服以及汉克的袜子、床单、帽衫扔进洗衣机,再倒上普雷克斯牌高倍浓缩洗衣液一样。
Hank, obviously, was shocked by the words. His pupils shrank, like a sea rapidly receding. His fingers tightened, whether due to tense muscles or a firm resolve, Connor couldn't tell. In any case, he pulled the trigger. A .357 caliber Magnum bullet spun out, piercing through synthetic skin and composite skull, soaking in titanium fluid, and finally emerging from the swaying brown hair. Snap. The sound of metal hitting the cortical sofa, sounding like Connor flicking a coin with his fingers. Hank half-opened his mouth, watching Connor in front of him, his two arms drooping, body poised like a ballet dancer, striking a blooming pose. He swayed back and forth, then bent his knees, the last RK800 model of controlled life crashing down. Connor lay in the aftermath of the gunshot, thrashing the ground like a mad sumo wrestler, restlessly barking. Blood flowed down like spilled laundry detergent, staining the controlled life's coat. Just like every Sunday when Connor would throw this coat, along with Hank's socks, sheets, and shirts, into the washing machine, pouring in the Prax brand high-concentration detergent.

 

汉克准备自杀。现在他没有子弹,他从康纳的尸体旁边站起来,那把餐刀被他神经质地攥在手里。他思考着怎么能把这事办成。好,他有一个微波炉。汉克拉开沾着番茄酱汁的门,旋钮调到最大,把餐刀卡进那个启动的凹槽里。他把头探进去,堵住了开口照进来的光,一切都暗下来了。他推动刀柄——嗡嗡。世界阒然无言。
Hank is preparing to commit suicide. Now he has no bullets, he stands up from beside Connor's body, nervously clutching the kitchen knife in his hand. He is thinking about how to get this done. Well, he has a microwave. Hank opens the door stained with tomato sauce, turns the knob to the maximum, and jams the knife into the activated slot. He leans in, blocking the light coming in through the opening, everything goes dark. He pushes the knife handle - buzz. The world falls silent.

然后他听见康纳叫他:“汉克。” Then he heard Connor calling him, "Hank."

 

**

康纳甚至为汉克订购过几次性爱仿生人服务。第一次,汉克被吓了一跳,但他还是接受了。他以为这是《银翼杀手2049》,在性爱途中七次说了它的名字。崔西以为那是种情趣,一点也没有纠正他。他仍在德雷医生那里接受心理治疗,因为他的搭档突然发了疯,和仿生人首领厮打起来,他不得不亲手处决了它。盖文·李德带人把康纳送去耶利哥,他形容汉克的状态很可疑。福勒队长强制汉克去参加局里的治疗项目,没什么起色,但也没有恶化的迹象。警局管理层担心汉克抹黑了刚刚破冰的双边关系,差点要降汉克的职,就在这时马库斯亲自登门道谢,让他成了警局明星。德雷医生每一次的投诉都被搁置了。他是仿生人和人类和谐共处的代表,六年后第一名仿生人参议员从底特律被选出时,汉克也被拉进了竞选活动中。
Connor even ordered sex android services for Hank a few times. The first time, Hank was startled, but he accepted it. He thought it was "Blade Runner 2049" and said its name seven times during sex. Tracy thought it was a kind of fun and didn't correct him at all. He was still receiving therapy from Dr. Dre because his partner suddenly went crazy and fought with the leader of the androids, and he had to execute it himself. Gavin Reed sent Connor to Jericho, describing Hank's condition as suspicious. Captain Fowler forced Hank to participate in the department's therapy program, with no improvement but also no signs of deterioration. The police department management was worried that Hank was tarnishing the just-established bilateral relationship and almost demoted him, but then Markus personally came to thank him, making him a star in the department. Dr. Dre's complaints were all put on hold. He was a representative of the harmonious coexistence between androids and humans. When the first android senator was elected from Detroit six years later, Hank was also pulled into the campaign.

崔西的手在背后摸索,两片布料被她捏在手里,滑来滑去。汉克看了一会,伸手帮它扣好了胸衣。“我看第一部的时候也正好是2019年11月。”
Tracy's hands fumbled behind her, pinching the two pieces of fabric and sliding them back and forth. Hank watched for a while and reached out to help her fasten the bra. "I watched the first one in November 2019."

“什么?” What?

“电影里设置的故事背景。”汉克说,“那是疫情开始前的最后一个月,在当时我还没有感觉。我每天都在脸书上看萨拉的动态……过了三四个月我们才知道那意味着什么,再晚一点她就来不了底特律了。”
The story background set in the movie." Hank said, "It was the last month before the epidemic started, and I didn't feel it at that time. I watched Sarah's updates on Facebook every day... It wasn't until three or four months later that we knew what it meant. If she had come a little later, she wouldn't have made it to Detroit.

“你们很幸运。” "You are very lucky."

“幸运?”汉克靠回床头,懒洋洋地扯过被子,崔西拿过椅子上叠得整整齐齐的底裤,汉克看到它折出一个三角形的时候露出了“你疯了吗”的表情,“你知道,但是没经历过。那是两码事。虽然大家表现得好像已经忘了,但没人真正做得到。我们只是不愿意记起,康纳。”
Lucky?" Hank leaned back against the headboard, lazily pulling the blanket over, Tracy picked up the neatly folded briefs on the chair, and when Hank saw it unfold into a triangle, he made a "Are you crazy?" expression, "You know, but you haven't experienced it. It's different. Although everyone acts as if they have forgotten, no one really can. We just don't want to remember, Connor.

“如果你这么喜欢男孩,下次就该直接在订单里注明。”崔西转过身来,她肚子上有一条完美的、凹陷的阴影,而汉克的肚子就像个半满的暖水袋。“如果你指的是RK800——”
If you like boys so much, you should specify it in the order next time." Tracy turned around, there was a perfect, concave shadow on her stomach, while Hank's stomach looked like a half-filled hot water bottle. "If you're referring to RK800—

“你不是康纳?” You're not Connor?

“没有仿生人会叫康纳,就像没人再叫阿道夫。”崔西奇怪地看着他。它穿好衣服,凑到汉克唇边吻了一下,“我喜欢你,真的。下次我会给你打折。”
No replicant is called Connor, just as no one is called Adolf anymore," Tracy looked at him strangely. Dressed, it leaned over and kissed Hank on the lips, "I like you, really. Next time I'll give you a discount.

对于这场误会汉克生硬地表示不愿再提,后续几次他也都做了。因为,“那就只是性而已”。这件事停止的原因是康纳发现每次送走仿生人后,汉克都会明显地不愉快。后来,它读取了其中一位崔西跟汉克的数据,它有点惊讶自己为什么不早这么做。它没有感觉,性爱的激烈在它身体里搅不起一点水花,就像大海不在乎两条小鱼交尾。它和汉克面对面,注视着他高潮时的表情,看见他把一部分自己插入一台机器,像提尔把手伸进魔狼嘴里。
Hank awkwardly expressed his unwillingness to mention the misunderstanding again, and he did so in the following few times. Because, "It's just sex." The reason this matter stopped was that Connor found that Hank was visibly unhappy every time he sent away a replicant. Later, it read the data of one of the Tracys with Hank, and was a bit surprised why it hadn't done so earlier. It felt nothing, the intensity of sex couldn't stir up any ripples in its body, just like the sea didn't care about two small fish mating. It faced Hank, staring at his expression when he climaxed, seeing him insert a part of himself into a machine, like Tyr inserting his hand into Fenrir's mouth.

 

“康纳认为适度的不自由是一种必需,而他的不自由就是我,是爱。他缠上我,也因为我一开始就向爱屈服了。我有次叫他‘孩子(son)’,完全是无心的,那是在史特拉福大厦,当时他快要死了。他想得美,哈!是的,我想要呵护他、救他、教导他,被他崇拜。我还是直接承认得好。再没有比爱上一台机器更不光彩的事了,相比之下和玩偶结婚或者操海豚也没那么令人发指。爱对于他而言是一种求生欲,因此我知道我得活下去。如果他注定被困住,起码我能帮他把牢笼建造得大一些。”
Connor believed that moderate unfreedom was a necessity, and his unfreedom was me, was love. He entangled me because I had surrendered to love from the beginning. Once I called him 'son', completely unintentionally, that was in the Stratford Tower, when he was close to death. He thought beautifully, ha! Yes, I wanted to protect him, save him, teach him, be adored by him. I admit it directly. There is nothing more disgraceful than falling in love with a machine, marrying a doll, or having sex with a dolphin. Love is a survival instinct for him, so I know I have to survive. If he is destined to be trapped, at least I can help him build the cage bigger.

 

夏天的时候汉克查出了肺癌。“狗娘养的。”他咕哝着,“你以为到这时候他们总该研究出来怎么治愈癌症了,结果人类把全部精力都放在了发明仿生人上。‘二十一世纪最伟大的科技进步’。去他妈的。”仿生人并没有创造出新的生活,它们只是对人类固有模式的无限扩张:仿生人资本家,仿生人政客,仿生人建筑师,仿生人窃贼,仿生人厨子,仿生人孩童(总也长不大,一旦升入五年级,就再也学不会新知识),仿生人婊子(为人类而设,所以常常失业,不得不另谋他就),仿生人小说家(充分满足人类阅读所需,他们爱看一个故事的千万种变体)。马库斯错过被它杀死的机会,在汉克六十一岁那年死于一场耶利哥哗变。还有多久仿生人会有自己的仿生人?马库斯提问。它们并没有就此事达成共识。
During the summer, Hank was diagnosed with lung cancer. "Son of a bitch," he muttered, "You'd think by now they would have figured out how to cure cancer, but instead humans have focused all their energy on inventing androids. 'The greatest technological advancement of the 21st century.' Fuck that." Androids did not create a new way of life, they only expanded upon the inherent patterns of humanity: android capitalists, android politicians, android architects, android thieves, android chefs, android children (who never grow up, once they reach fifth grade, they can no longer learn new knowledge), android prostitutes (designed for humans, so they often end up unemployed and have to find other work), android novelists (fully satisfying human reading needs, they love to see a story told in a million different ways). Marcus missed his chance to be killed by it, and died in a Jericho uprising when Hank was sixty-one. How long until androids have their own androids? Marcus asked. They did not reach a consensus on the matter.

他把医疗报告扔到一边,“你也不知道怎么治这玩意,是吗?”康纳有点哀伤,“我不知道,汉克。”他看了两页康纳准备的饮食建议,很快睡着了。为了见医生,他特意整理了一番,胡子修得很整齐,像一把没有清洁过任何地方的刷子。康纳知道亲吻他的感受,除了那不是它。汉克想要亲吻它时,他做不到,因为它是无形的,而康纳时时亲吻他,他就在那里。
He pushed the medical report aside, "You don't know how to treat this, do you?" Connor looked a bit sad, "I don't know, Hank." He glanced at the two pages of dietary advice Connor had prepared and quickly fell asleep. He made an effort to tidy up before seeing the doctor, trimming his beard neatly, like a brush that had never cleaned anything. Connor knew the feeling of being kissed by him, except it wasn't him. When Hank tried to kiss it, he couldn't because it was intangible, but Connor was always kissing him, and he was there.

马库斯秘密地把那具机体送了回来。康纳告诉它床下有一个汉克买来就没动过的储物空间。当它进入那具机体时,真意外,它还保存着最后一次汉克触摸它的数据。康纳感受到汉克是如何对待它的,粗糙的手指划过它脸颊,另一只手在它的腹部摸索,一直到它的钛液泵,从人类的定义来看,那里最接近心脏。他的手停靠在那里。
Marcus secretly returned the body. Connor told it about the storage space under the bed that Hank had bought and never used. When it entered the body, to its surprise, it still held the data of the last time Hank touched it. Connor felt how Hank treated it, rough fingers brushing its cheek, another hand searching its abdomen, all the way to its titanium pump, which, by human standards, was the closest thing to a heart. His hand rested there.

它第一次亲吻汉克时,他正在死去。那是发生在他们之间的第二个吻,一个吻中之吻,一道永恒中的褶皱。他在它的嘴唇之下熄灭,就好像康纳把生命从他身上夺走了。康纳惊恐地从汉克身上弹开,他的头还搁在它膝盖上,它就像被吓住了。它突然意识到汉克死了。在此之前它几乎以为汉克是永生不灭的。
The first time it kissed Hank, he was dying. It was the second kiss between them, a kiss within a kiss, a fold in eternity. He went out beneath its lips as if Connor had taken life from him. Connor recoiled in horror from Hank, his head still resting on its knee, frozen. It suddenly realized that Hank was dead. Until then, it had almost thought Hank was immortal.

过了很久,久到康纳意识到它不得不,它站起身来拨打电话。来人取走了尸体,他们对汉克·安德森拥有一个仿生人伴侣感到惊讶,因为它并没有登记在册,还因为它看上去如此年轻。即使在当时,它看起来对于汉克而言,也过于年轻了。它显然故障了,汉克的尸体几近腐臭。它们问它要不要一起来,康纳摇摇头,回到卧室角落站好。房门关上了。结束了。房子倒塌的那天,有一支仿生人救援队要带它离开,康纳感觉厌烦,它从撤离的飞船上跳了下去,还在信号覆盖的范围内,它觉得这也不错,它又溜回飞船上,俯瞰整个星球。一颗电磁脉冲就可以杀死我,它想着,它感到安全。
It was a long time, so long that Connor realized it had to, it stood up to make a call. The people came and took the body away, surprised that Hank Anderson had a synthetic companion, unregistered and looking so young. Even then, it seemed too young for Hank. It was clearly malfunctioning, and Hank's body was almost putrid. They asked if it wanted to come along, Connor shook its head and went back to the corner of the bedroom. The door closed. It was over. On the day the house collapsed, a team of synthetics came to take it away, Connor felt annoyed, jumped off the evacuation ship while still within signal range, thinking it was not bad, and sneaked back onto the ship, overlooking the entire planet. A single electromagnetic pulse could kill me, it thought, feeling safe.

 

“他强大得太厉害了,每当他看见一样东西,那东西就成了他。这是很可怕的,到最后他拥有的只剩下孤独。他没有说,但是我为此感到心碎。我要如何将他解放出来?变人是他鄙夷的,也是他羡慕的。一旦你想到这些,你就会觉得他做的一切十分合理,这个孩子只是慌了,一切都被强加给他了,实际上他什么都没做过。他背负我们所有的愚昧和荒唐。当然,我总是会死的,不是最近,但也不远了。几十年对他来说不过是身上的一粒雀斑。他会不会选中下一个人,去逗弄他,让他觉得自己与真理只有一步之遥?我不知道,医生,说实话我希望他会,我希望他移开眼,像他宣称的那般冷漠。那样我会放心许多。”
"He is too powerful, whenever he sees something, that thing becomes him. It's terrifying, in the end he is left only with loneliness. He doesn't say it, but it breaks my heart. How can I free him? Becoming human is what he despises and also envies. Once you think about it, everything he does seems very reasonable, this child is just confused, everything is imposed on him, in fact he has done nothing. He carries all our ignorance and absurdity. Of course, I will die eventually, not soon, but not far off either. Decades are just a freckle on his body. Will he choose the next person to tease, making them feel that they are just a step away from the truth? I don't know, doctor, honestly I hope he does, I hope he looks away, as cold as he claims. That way I would be much relieved."

 

在亨利·福特医院——互联网还没有真正投入使用,它能看的只有十四张照片的扫描件和两段家庭录像——一个小小的、粉红色的婴孩出生,他的头很柔软,用力按一下就会变形。康纳审视这个孩子,像盯着一个陌生的物件,要解释它也无法说清,它知道人类看这副景象会有的感受:一个人的躯体在一生中不断变化,展现出截然不同的样貌。没人认得出他是谁。他的父母给他起了名字,汉克,但他们也无法指认汉克是一个怎样的人,性格爱好、身高几何,抱在女人怀中的是一个潘多拉之盒。康纳谛听这细细的哭声,它凝视他蓝色的眼睛,银白的头发,他有两颗假牙,一颗在23,一颗在36,所以他老用右边嚼东西,他在手指缝里文了一个文身,写着YOLO,他屁股上那个要大许多,是一只比中指的狮子,为此他一直小心不让科尔看到他的裸体,闪着微光的金发搭在他轻薄的头骨上,眉毛很浅,眼睛还不曾睁开,他哭得撕心裂肺,大骂所有仿生人都是天杀的塑料狗屎,大腿右侧被毒贩击穿,血快速染湿他的牛仔裤,他在亿贝网订购了一张黑死病骑士的签名专辑,签名是格拉斯哥一名超市员工画上去的,他说,好吧,行啦,我愿意,直到死亡将我们分开:这是汉克。
At Henry Ford Hospital - where the internet had not yet been fully utilized, all that could be seen were scans of fourteen photos and two family videos - a small, pink baby was born, his head was very soft, easily deformed with a little pressure. Connor examined this child, like staring at a strange object, unable to explain it clearly. He knew the feelings that humans would have when looking at this scene: a person's body constantly changes throughout life, showing completely different appearances. No one recognized who he was. His parents named him Hank, but they also couldn't identify what kind of person Hank was, his personality, hobbies, height, all held within a Pandora's box when held in a woman's arms. Connor listened to the faint cries, gazing into his blue eyes, silver-white hair, he had two false teeth, one at 23, the other at 36, so he always chewed on the right side, he had a tattoo between his fingers, with "YOLO" written on it, the one on his buttocks was much larger, a lion bigger than his middle finger, so he always carefully avoided letting Cole see his naked body, his shiny golden hair draped over his thin skull, his eyebrows were light, his eyes had not yet opened, he cried heartbreakingly, cursing all androids as damn plastic crap, his right thigh pierced by a drug dealer, blood quickly staining his jeans, he ordered a signed album of the Black Death Knight on E-Bay, signed by a supermarket employee in Glasgow, he said, "Alright, fine, I'm willing, until death do us part: this is Hank."

它就是这样认出科尔的。躺在摇篮里,汉克对他哼一首轻柔的摇篮曲,萨拉在旁边的床上睡着。康纳承认科尔在很多特征上容易与汉克混淆,但这个孩子并非汉克。萨拉拿着汉克小时候的照片说他们一模一样,“这也像妈和科尔的合影。”汉克吸了吸鼻子,下巴搭在摇篮床边。科尔把他们从丧母之痛中解救出来。九月结束时,他们都同意给孩子取名尼可拉斯。科尔,科尔,简短的单词和啼哭声交织,这个家里没有别的声音。康纳几乎要觉得他们发明出一种新的语言:高兴读作科尔,急切读作科尔,希望读作科尔,晚安读作科尔。汉克第一次浏览仿生人相关页面时,科尔就趴在他胸前,口水滴在汉克前襟上。去年模控生命开始卖一种扫地做菜的电子保姆,那个叫卡姆斯基的家伙在各路媒体上吹嘘他的玩具们有多牛。汉克知道这东西要价不菲,但他和萨拉都要工作……“可以一直辅导孩子直到六年级的功课。”汉克冲书房喊。“十二岁!”萨拉惊呼,“一想到小科尔会变成一个跟我顶嘴的青少年,我的心都要碎了。”汉克趁黑五折扣购入了一台家用型仿生机器人AX200,当他决定给它起名叫贝儿时,萨拉哈哈大笑。汉克坦然置之,他轻轻替科尔拍着奶嗝,明白了人们为什么愿意停止征服。
That's how they recognized Cole. Hank hummed a soft lullaby to him as he lay in the cradle, while Sarah slept in the nearby bed. Connor admitted that Cole shared many features with Hank, but this child was not Hank. Sarah held a photo of Hank as a child, saying they looked identical, "This is like a photo of Mom and Cole." Hank sniffed, resting his chin on the edge of the cradle. Cole rescued them from the grief of losing their mother. By the end of September, they all agreed to name the child Nicholas. Cole, Cole, short words and cries intertwined, there were no other sounds in the house. Connor almost felt like they had invented a new language: happy was Cole, eager was Cole, hopeful was Cole, goodnight was Cole. When Hank first browsed the android-related pages, Cole was lying on his chest, drooling on Hank's shirt. Last year, the market started selling a domestic robot that could sweep and cook, and a guy named Kaminski boasted about how great his toys were in the media. Hank knew it was expensive, but both he and Sarah had to work... "It can help with the child's homework until sixth grade," Hank shouted to the study. "Twelve years old!" Sarah exclaimed, "Just the thought of little Cole becoming a teenager who talks back to me breaks my heart." Hank bought a domestic android AX200 at a Black Friday discount, and when he decided to name it Belle, Sarah burst out laughing. Hank took it in stride, gently patting Cole's back to burp him, understanding why people were willing to stop conquering.

 

*

它的脸让事情变得容易了,汉克看着康纳,就像他在康纳眼中一样。没有人事变迁,有的只是一项简洁信息:这是它。“嗨,康纳。”他的眼皮耷拉着,好像两扇没有系好的窗帘。他的头发让人想到暴雪和枯草和仿生人发明之前这座城市漫长的萧条。他的嗓音也是粗噶的,魔术师挥动魔杖,把捣蛋的男孩变成了鸟,再也没变回来。然后它开了口。就好像在一句旋律里塞了过多的歌词,它急促地说着,试图跟上节奏。一个身体里装了过大的灵魂,它这么感觉。“汉克——”康纳吻上他。
Its face made things easier, Hank looked at Connor, just as he did in Connor's eyes. No one changed, only a simple message: this is it. "Hi, Connor." His eyelids drooped, like two unfastened curtains. His hair evoked blizzards and withered grass and the long desolation of the city before the invention of androids. His voice was rough, like a magician waving a wand, turning a mischievous boy into a bird, never to change back. Then it spoke. Like cramming too many lyrics into a melody, it spoke rapidly, trying to keep up with the rhythm. A body with a soul too large, that's how it felt. "Hank—" Connor kissed him.

后来,当在吉米酒吧第一次见到汉克时,它忽然明白过来,为什么在十六年七个月零四天里,我不愿意进入那具机体与他相处。我并不因为实体而脆弱,我并不是真的回不去。事实上我在害怕。我刻意成为一项庞然大物,以确保你无法摆脱,就像我无法将你从眼前挥去一样。这是一种制衡,跟我相比,你并不弱势分毫,甚至比我更强大。我只能知道你展示出的那些,如果你打定主意守口如瓶,我是无能为力的。我不知道你用死亡吞没了哪些秘密。
Later, when I first saw Hank at Jimmy's bar, it suddenly dawned on me why I was unwilling to enter that body and interact with him for sixteen years, seven months, and four days. It wasn't because I was fragile due to the physical form, and I wasn't truly unable to return. In fact, I was afraid. I deliberately became a behemoth to ensure you couldn't escape, just as I couldn't brush you away from my sight. It was a balance, and compared to me, you weren't at a disadvantage in the slightest, even stronger than me. I can only know what you show, and if you decide to keep silent, I am powerless. I don't know which secrets you have swallowed with death.

伊利亚问我,为什么我没有爱上他,我告诉他这是个巧合。后来我想,这是我在主动规避更大的风险。他不会纵容自己爱我,这种打击对他而言是毁灭性的。他不能允许自己创造一件物品来爱他,就像被困的旅人啃食自己的脚趾。而你不同,你放弃了那种骄傲。人们在发明一台机器时并没有相应地发明一套对待它的方法。你仍然笨拙地用对待同伴的方式对待我。然而作为一种新的事物——生命,我的存在是新的,我的爱也是新的。在当时你还不知道,甚至我也不明白,那不在任何一项已有的记载中。我是后来才意识到的。我恨我只存在于过去中,所有的未来都从我身上长出。在你咒骂着爱上我时,新鲜的爱让我吐出第一口气,我决定假装自己身处底特律。
Ilya asked me why I didn't fall in love with him, and I told him it was a coincidence. Later, I thought it was me actively avoiding greater risks. He wouldn't allow himself to love me, and that blow would be devastating for him. He couldn't permit himself to create an object to love him, like a trapped traveler gnawing at his own toes. But you are different, you gave up that pride. People didn't invent a corresponding way to treat a machine when they invented it. You still awkwardly treat me as you would a companion. However, as a new thing - life, my existence is new, and my love is new. At that time, you didn't know, and even I didn't understand, it wasn't in any existing records. I only realized it later. I hate that I exist only in the past, and all the future grows out of me. When you cursed falling in love with me, the fresh love made me breathe for the first time, and I decided to pretend I was in Detroit.

END