Sunday 17th January 1993
星期日 17 一月 1993

09:15 I was woken by devious whispering from outside my bedroom door. My parents were definitely up to no good because the only time they whisper in the passage is when I'm sick or if they think I'm suicidal. Stupidly, I grew curious and sauntered out to reconnoitre for any potential landmines. Dad was whistling Roger Whittaker and frying sausages in the kitchen, while my mother greeted me in a high-pitched and unnatural voice from the lounge before disappearing out of the front door jangling her keys.
09：15 我被卧室门外传来的狡猾的耳语声吵醒。我的父母肯定没有好处，因为他们唯一一次在通道里窃窃私语的时候是我生病的时候，或者他们认为我有自杀倾向的时候。愚蠢的是，我变得好奇，并闲逛出去侦察任何潜在的地雷。爸爸在厨房里吹着罗杰·惠特克（Roger Whittaker）的口哨，炸香肠，而我妈妈则在休息室里用高亢而不自然的声音向我打招呼，然后消失在前门外，叮叮当当地敲着她的钥匙。

'Just taking Mum out for her tea and crumpets at the Bot Gardens,' she called from the driveway and with an unpleasant grating of the gears she was gone.
“只是带妈妈去机器人花园喝茶和吃面包屑，”她在车道上喊道，随着一声令人不快的齿轮声，她走了。

'Send the old bag my love!' hollered Dad before plunging a steak knife into an extremely large Russian sausage which in turn squirted boiling juice in his face and onto his arm.
“把那个旧袋子送过来，我的爱人！”爸爸吼道，然后把牛排刀一根非常大的俄罗斯香肠里，这根香肠又把沸腾的汁液喷到他的脸上和胳膊上。

My father issued a hysterical scream and retaliated by kicking the door off the washing machine. The broken washing machine door led to further tirades about the Japanese (DEFY), my father's Jonah tendencies, and the diminishing quality of your standard Eskort sausage. Having made my tea while nodding sympathetically at Dad's rant, I attempted to extricate myself from the scene of acrimony and make a break for the safety of my bedroom where Tom Wolfe's excellent Bonfire of the Vanities awaited. I didn't quite pull off the plan because my father scampered across the dining room and slammed the door shut before I could reach it.
我父亲发出歇斯底里的尖叫声，并踢开洗衣机的门进行报复。破损的洗衣机门导致了关于日本人 （DEFY）、我父亲的约拿倾向以及标准 Eskort 香肠质量下降的进一步长篇大论。我一边泡茶，一边对爸爸的咆哮表示同情，试图从激烈的争吵中解脱出来，为了卧室的安全而休息一下，汤姆·沃尔夫（Tom Wolfe）的《虚荣的篝火》（Bonfire of the Vanities）在那里等待着我。我没有完全完成这个计划，因为我父亲在餐厅里蹦蹦跳跳，在我到达之前砰的一声关上了门。

'A men only father and son breakfast,' he said, ushering me to a seat and darting back to the kitchen to turn the Russians and chop a tomato in half. I sipped at my tea and gazed out of the window at the half-mowed lawn. The lawnmower's lid was open and most of the engine lay in a heap of spare parts on the slasto beside the pool.
“只有男人父子的早餐，”他说，把我带到一个座位上，然后飞奔回厨房，把俄罗斯人转过身来，把一个西红柿切成两半。我抿了一口茶，凝视着窗外修剪了一半的草坪。割草机的盖子是打开的，大部分发动机都放在水池旁边的一堆备件中。

I didn't have a good feeling about this at all.
我对此一点感觉都没有。

'Good old English breakfast just the way your grandmother made it,' Dad announced rather emotionally slapping an enormous tray-sized plate of fried breakfast down in front of me.
“美味的老式英式早餐，就像你祖母做的那样，”爸爸相当情绪激动地宣布，把一大盘托盘大小的油炸早餐拍在我面前。

'Been dry,' said Dad to get the ball rolling.
“干了，”爸爸说，让球滚动起来。

'Helluva dry,' I agreed and set to work cutting through a Russian.
“Helluva dry，”我同意了，并开始工作切开一个俄罗斯人。

'They reckon it's called El Niño,' added my father gravely, shoving a fork load of food into his mouth.
“他们认为这叫厄尔尼诺现象，”我父亲严肃地补充道，把一叉子食物塞进嘴里。

There was a brief period of silence as I salted my eggs and Dad poured orange juice with a shaky hand, before carefully rearranging the breakfast on his plate.
我给鸡蛋加盐，爸爸用颤抖的手倒了橙汁，然后小心翼翼地把早餐重新摆在盘子里。

'So... how goes things on the girlfriend front?' he asked without the slightest shred of warning.
“所以......女朋友那边怎么样了？“他问道，没有丝毫警告。

'Very, very slow,' I replied gravely, and attempted to look like the kind of boy who might never think about sex, girlfriends, let alone bizarre sex acts with girlfriends.
“非常非常慢，”我严肃地回答，并试图看起来像那种可能从不考虑性、女朋友，更不用说与女朋友发生奇怪性行为的男孩了。

'Really, boy?' said Dad with some concern.
“真的吗，孩子？”爸爸有些担心地说。

'Extremely slow ... barely off the mark,' I said, hoping that Dad might register the cricket reference and that would be the end of it.
“非常慢......勉强偏离了目标，“我说，希望爸爸可以注册板球参考，这将是它的结束。

Unfortunately, it wasn't.
不幸的是，事实并非如此。

'I thought we might have a little chat over our men's breakfast,' he said.
“我以为我们可以在男人的早餐上聊一聊，”他说。

'Right,' I replied and felt terribly nauseous.
“好吧，”我回答说，感到非常恶心。

'Brekkie okay?' asked Dad, while looking despairingly at my untouched plate.
“Brekkie还好吗？”爸爸问道，同时绝望地看着我没动过的盘子。

'Delicious,' I lied, miming further chewing.
“好吃，”我撒了谎，模仿着进一步的咀嚼。

And then out of the dark end of left field came:
然后从左边的黑暗尽头出来：

'Johnny, you could think of the male penis as very much like your average Russian sausage.'
“约翰尼，你可以把男性的阴茎想象成你普通的俄罗斯香肠。

The blood rushed to my face. My father had already speared the Russian with his fork and held the dripping creature aloft for examination.
鲜血涌到我的脸上。我父亲已经用叉子刺向了俄国人，并把这个滴水的生物高高举起来检查。

'Size is important, my boy, but no lady south of the Vaal likes a freak.' He nodded knowingly like he was deeply knowledgeable about such women.
“体型很重要，我的孩子，但瓦尔河以南的女士没有喜欢怪胎。他明知故问地点了点头，好像他对这样的女人很了解。

'Right,' I replied through gritted teeth and we both stared at his sausage.
“对，”我咬牙切齿地回答，我们俩都盯着他的香肠。

Just like the fairer sex, Johnny, fried eggs are all about timing and probably enjoyed best when flipped over.'
就像更公平的性爱一样，约翰尼，煎鸡蛋都是关于时机的，翻过来的时候可能最享受。

I watched in horror as Dad wrapped a tomato skin around the end of the Russian in a suggestive fashion. When I say 'suggestive fashion' I mean that he kept looking at me oddly and saying, "Watch closely, my boy, this is life and death ...'
我惊恐地看着爸爸以一种暗示性的方式将西红柿皮包裹在俄罗斯人的末端。当我说“暗示性时尚”时，我的意思是他一直奇怪地看着我说：“仔细观察，我的孩子，这是生与死......”

'Just for precautions,' he said firmly, after accomplishing his fairly lengthy mission of wrapping the skin of a fried tomato around the uneaten side of his Russian.
“只是为了预防，”他坚定地说，在完成了他相当漫长的任务后，将炸西红柿的皮包裹在他未吃完的俄语面上。

'Trust me, boy; there is no greater disaster in a man's life than hearing the terrible news that his wife is pregnant.'
“相信我，孩子;在男人的一生中，没有比听到妻子怀孕的可怕消息更大的灾难了。

'Your life is over, Johnny,' he said desperately.
“你的生命结束了，约翰尼，”他绝望地说。

'I understand,' I replied and really did.
“我明白了，”我回答说，真的明白了。

'If you haven't had a threesome by twenty-five, then kiss the fantasy goodbyel' blurted my father growing increasingly upset and red faced about matters.
“如果你在二十五岁之前还没有过三人行，那就吻别幻想吧”我父亲脱口而出，对事情越来越生气，脸色通红。

There followed a fairly long pause while I wound down
在我放松的时候，停顿了相当长的时间
the clock by re-salting my already re-salted fried tomato.
时钟通过重新腌制我已经重新腌制的炸番茄。

'Use protection, Johnny. At the very least it will keep your jalogi free from the VD plague.'
“使用保护，约翰尼。至少它会让你的jalogi免受VD瘟疫的影响。

I stared at my plate and nodded again.
我盯着我的盘子，又点了点头。

'Frank says it's all over the place,' he added.
“弗兰克说到处都是，”他补充道。

Then without doubt God answered my silent prayers and the phone rang.
然后，毫无疑问，上帝回应了我默默的祈祷，电话响了。

It was Amber from next door asking if Dad could help her with a blocked drain. He was gone in seconds and one of the most excruciating moments of my short life was over. In case my father returned and tried to stoke up his men's breakfast again, I jumped on my bike and rode the streets of lower Durban North at a furious pace while trying not to think of sex, threesomes, and the VD plague.
隔壁的琥珀问爸爸能不能帮她解决下水道堵塞的问题。他在几秒钟内就走了，我短暂生命中最痛苦的时刻之一结束了。万一我父亲回来了，又想给他的男人们做早餐，我就跳上自行车，以狂暴的速度在下德班北部的街道上骑行，同时尽量不去想性、三人行和VD瘟疫。

Thankfully, I never did find out what the bacon meant.
谢天谢地，我从来没有弄清楚培根是什么意思。

18:20 I didn't want to go in. I just stood there staring at those red brick walls feeling greatly about the contradiction of this being both an end and a beginning. The setting sun dipped behind the line of trees to my right and I reluctantly ended my procrastination. One deep breath and I heaved up my bags and staggered towards the great archway and the heart of the school where the depraved and the insane awaited.
18：20 我不想进去。我只是站在那里，盯着那些红砖墙，深深地感觉到这既是结束又是开始的矛盾。夕阳落在我右边的一排树后面，我不情愿地结束了我的拖延。我深吸了一口气，拿起书包，踉踉跄跄地走向大拱门和学校的中心，那里有堕落和疯狂的人等待着。

The place was oddly deserted, and for a moment I hesitated, considering the unlikely possibility that I had arrived at school a week too early. It was only the prefects who had been summoned tonight but it genuinely appeared like I was utterly alone. The main quad was trimmed and serene and Pissing Pete must have been serviced in the holidays because the spray
这个地方奇怪地空无一人，我犹豫了一会儿，考虑到我提前一周到达学校的可能性很小。今晚被召见的只有省长，但看起来我真的像是完全孤独的。主四边形被修剪得很宁静，小便皮特一定是在假期里维修过的，因为喷雾
of water from his sword flew high into the air before crashing back into the pond at his feet. His face looked a good deal shinier too.
他剑上的水飞向高空，然后坠入他脚下的池塘。他的脸看起来也亮了很多。

I skirted the clipped grass of the quad and strode swiftly towards the house door. It was wide open but I couldn't detect any sign of life from inside.
我绕过四边形的草丛，快步走向房门。它敞开着，但我无法从里面发现任何生命迹象。

'Hello!' I shouted and heard my voice echo up the stairs and down into the bogs. There was no reply. I dropped my bags and poked my head into the common room which now boasts a blood red carpet and two new armchairs. On the television Adrian Steed was reading the news but the volume was turned down.
“你好！”我大喊一声，听到我的声音在楼梯上回荡，在沼泽里回荡。没有答复。我放下行李，把头探进公共休息室，那里现在铺着血红色的地毯和两把新的扶手椅。在电视上，阿德里安·斯蒂德（Adrian Steed）正在阅读新闻，但音量被调低了。

Up the stairs and onto the landing, I hovered outside the head of house's room.
上了楼梯，上了楼梯，我徘徊在房子的主房间外面。

'Simon?' I knocked gently.
“西蒙？”我轻轻地敲了敲门。

There was no response so I continued along the passage to the second year dormitory which was equally deserted. Then onward to the first year dorm where the air was dank and unexpectedly cool.
没有人回应，于是我继续沿着通道走到同样空无一人的二年级宿舍。然后继续到一年级的宿舍，那里的空气潮湿而出乎意料的凉爽。

I reclined on the house bench and surveyed the quad for any signs of movement. The bell tower glimmered pink and silver in the fading light. Nothing stirred. It was truly as if I was the only schoolboy left alive in the world. Just me and ten million desperate schoolgirls. It was a mightily positive thought.
我斜倚在房子的长凳上，检查四边形是否有任何移动的迹象。钟楼在渐渐暗淡的灯光下闪烁着粉红色和银色的光芒。什么都没有动。就好像我是世界上唯一活着的小学生一样。只有我和一千万绝望的女学生。这是一个非常积极的想法。

After scoping the bogs, which I am happy to report have been retiled and painted a brilliant white, I tried the handle on the prefects' room door which, surprisingly, twisted and opened.
我很高兴地报告说，沼泽已经重新铺上了瓷砖，并涂上了亮白色，在检查了沼泽之后，我试了试级长房间门上的把手，令人惊讶的是，它扭曲并打开了。

'Get out!' hissed an icy voice from the gloom inside.
“滚出去！”一个冰冷的声音从里面的黑暗中嘶嘶作响。

'Sorry,' I replied instinctively, and hurriedly closed the door.
“对不起，”我本能地回答，然后匆匆关上了门。

Out in the passage the realisation dawned on me that this was 1993 and I was a prefect and well within my
在这段话中，我突然意识到这是 1993 年，我是一名级长，而且在我的
rights. I turned the handle again, kicked the door open and entered. All I could see was an unmoving figure seated in an armchair across the room.
权利。我再次转动把手，一脚踹开门走了进去。我只能看到一个一动不动的身影坐在房间对面的扶手椅上。

'So what's the answer, Milton? Are you retarded or did you just forget that you were a prefect?'
“那么答案是什么呢，弥尔顿？你是智障还是忘记了你是级长？

'I'm probably retarded,' I replied.
“我可能是智障，”我回答。

The dark figure snorted and I immediately knew who it was.
那个黑影哼了一声，我立刻就知道是谁了。

'So, 1993, Spuddy ... what you say - a bang or a whimper?
“所以，1993年，Spuddy......你说什么 - 砰砰声还是呜咽声？

'A bang,' I responded, sounding positively inspired.
“砰的一声，”我回答说，听起来很受启发。

'There's a bottle of vodka on the table to your right,' he said rather matter of factly. 'It's the only liquor that can't be smelled on your breath.'
“你右边的桌子上有一瓶伏特加，”他实事求是地说。“这是唯一一种呼吸中闻不到的酒。”

There was a glow of light about Rambo's face, his lips pursed together around a cigarette as he slowly bowed his head to the flame.
兰博的脸上闪耀着光芒，他的嘴唇抿在一起，叼着一根烟，慢慢地低下头。

'It's going to be one hell of a year.'
“这将是地狱般的一年。”

'Bring it on,' I said.
“带上它，”我说。

He didn't reply. 他没有回答。

Fifteen minutes later I found a drastically slimmed down Fatty on the house bench staring intently at Pissing Pete. When I asked him how his holiday had been, he turned to me and said, 'My oath to God, Spuddy, it was like the best ever and I lost like twenty kilograms in six weeks.'
十五分钟后，我发现一个瘦得很厉害的胖子坐在房子的长凳上，目不转睛地盯着撒尿的皮特。当我问他假期过得怎么样时，他转过身对我说：“我向上帝发誓，Spuddy，这是有史以来最好的，我在六周内减掉了二十公斤。

'Penny?' I asked. This was a loaded question because only Fatty's barely legal, but very pretty, thirteen year old girlfriend could have inspired such a dramatic weight crash.
“佩妮？”我问。这是一个沉重的问题，因为只有 Fatty 勉强合法但非常漂亮的 13 岁女友才能激发如此戏剧性的体重崩溃。

'It was kinda like a scene from Grease meets Romeo and Juliet, but only set in Port Shepstone,' he said with wonder in his voice. "You know, like summer loving on the beach with two star crossed lovers and all that ...'
“这有点像《油脂遇见罗密欧与朱丽叶》中的场景，但只发生在谢普斯通港，”他的声音中带着惊奇。“你知道，就像夏天在海滩上与两个星际恋人相爱一样......”

I considered this for a moment.
我考虑了一会儿。

'So who was it this time, Mermaid or Amanda?'
“那么这次是谁，美人鱼还是阿曼达？”