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Communication Exercises  交流练习

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Welcome 欢迎光临

It is a great pleasure to offer you this compilation of communication tools. During the past years, Positive Psychology has gained an increasing amount of attention, both from helping professionals and researchers. This attention has resulted in many valuable insights in what contributes to a happy, fulfilling life. In addition, positive psychology has given us many tools not only to flourish, but also to cope with difficult times in life.
Since 2013, our aim with the Positive Psychology has been to contribute to this field by disseminating the science to psychology practitioners and educators alike.
自 2013 年以来,我们一直致力于通过向心理学从业人员和教育工作者传播积极心理学,为这一领域做出贡献。
We hope that the tools presented here may inspire you too to increase your own wellbeing and the wellbeing of the people around you. Please feel free to print and share this document with others.
For those who like what they see, make sure to also check out our online searchable database with all kinds of practical positive psychology tools:
All the best! 一切顺利
Seph Fontane Pennock
Hugo Alberts, Ph.D. 雨果-阿尔伯茨博士

The Softened Start-Up 软化的启动

(2) Communication (2) 交流

[. Exercise [.练习

()  ()
& Client 客户
Пп No Pp No
Interpersonal conflict is an unavoidable part of life. After all, we are unique beings with diverse and sometimes incompatible opinions, needs, and views. While conflict is inevitable, it is also paradoxical in that it is neither inherently good nor inherently bad; instead, it all comes down to how it is managed. How a conflict conversation begins plays a significant role in the trajectory of the entire discussion. Indeed, of the time, the outcome of a conversation can be predicted based on the first three minutes [1], also known as the 'start-up.'
人际冲突是生活中不可避免的一部分。毕竟,我们都是独一无二的人,有着不同的意见、需求和观点,有时甚至是互不相容的。虽然冲突不可避免,但它也是矛盾的,因为它既不是天生的好,也不是天生的坏;相反,这一切都取决于如何处理冲突。冲突对话如何开始对整个讨论的轨迹起着重要作用。事实上, ,对话的结果可以根据前三分钟预测出来[1],也就是所谓的 "启动"。
A harsh start-up to a conflict involves using criticism and blame to make a point. This kind of start-up is ineffective and may interfere with the supportive functions of relationships, negatively affecting trust and commitment [2] and causing others to question the motives, capabilities, and sincerity of those involved while the real issue remains unresolved [3]. Fortunately, the development of conflict resolution skills helps minimize these detrimental outcomes.
The softened start-up denotes a gentle opening to a conflict conversation. When approached in a non-confrontational manner, conflict can be constructive, improve communication, lead to the resolution of problems, provide opportunities for selfexpression, and refine interpersonal collaboration skills [4].
A softened start-up is about complaining without blaming and encourages non-judgmental language and facial expressions that convey respect for others [5]. A gentler start-up diffuses tensions, reduces hurfful communication, protects both parties from feeling attacked or defensive [1], and likely induces the same communicative behaviors in the other person [6]. This exercise will help clients approach potential conflict conversations in a non-judgmental and non-confrontational way, preventing tension escalation and potential damage to relationships.

Author 作者

This exercise was adapted from the study by Gottman and colleagues [1] by Elaine Houston.

Goal 目标

This exercise aims to help clients formulate softened start-ups to conflict conversations. By approaching potential conflict in a non-threatening, non-confrontational way, clients can alter the trajectory of conversations, prevent escalation, and protect both parties from feeling attacked or defensive.

Advice 建议

  • When formulating softened start-up statements, clients should focus on their feelings, needs, and "I" statements as much as possible. Clients must also be mindful not to turn an "I" statement into a "You" statement that blames the other person. "I" statements must not be used to veil criticism. For instance, a statement like, "I feel like you never help me around the house," is still a harsh start-up because it blames the other person. Clients should focus on the facts of a situation and avoid exaggeration that paints the other person in a negative light.
    在制定软化的启动声明时,客户应尽可能将重点放在自己的感受、需求和 "我 "的陈述上。客户还必须注意不要把 "我 "的陈述变成指责对方的 "你 "的陈述。我 "的陈述不能用来掩饰批评。例如,"我觉得你从来不帮我做家务 "这样的陈述仍然是一种严厉的开场白,因为它指责了对方。客户应将注意力集中在实际情况上,避免夸大其词,给对方抹黑。
  • Remind clients that it is not just the words they use that can make someone feel attacked, blamed, or criticized. While mostly unintentional, tutting, body language like eye-rolling, frowning, arms crossing, or looking at a clock during a conversation are not helpful and are unlikely to result in a favorable outcome.
  • This exercise is an effective tool when dealing with interpersonal conflicts in the workplace, with friends, family, intimate relationships, and many other situations.
  • Encourage clients to follow a softened start-up with a question like, 'What do you think?' to show that they are open to discussing the issue and to listen to what the other person has to say.
    鼓励客户在软化的开场白后提出类似 "你怎么看?"的问题,以表明他们愿意讨论问题并倾听对方的意见。

References 参考资料

  1. Gottman, J. M., Coan, J., Carrere, S., & Swanson, C. (1998). Predicting marital happiness and stability from newlywed interactions. Journal of Marriage and the Family, 60, 5-22.
    Gottman, J. M., Coan, J., Carrere, S., & Swanson, C. (1998).Predicting marital happiness and stability from newlywed interactions.Journal of Marriage and the Family, 60, 5-22.
  2. Jehn, K. A., Greer, L., Levine, S., & Szulanski, G. (2008). The effects of conflict types, dimensions, and emergent states on group outcomes. Group Decision and Negotiation, .
    Jehn, K. A., Greer, L., Levine, S., & Szulanski, G. (2008).冲突类型、维度和突发状态对团体结果的影响》(The effects of conflict types, dimensions, and emergent states on group outcomes.Group Decision and Negotiation, .
  3. Donohue, W.A., & Cai, D.A. (2008). The history of interpersonal conflict. In Kurtz, L. (Ed.), Encyclopedia of violence, peace, & conflict (pp. 1073-1084). Academic Press.
    Donohue, W.A., & Cai, D.A. (2008).人际冲突的历史。In Kurtz, L. (Ed.), Encyclopedia of violence, peace, & conflict (pp. 1073-1084).学术出版社。
  4. Laursen, B., & Hafen, C.A. (2010). Future directions in the study of close relationships: Conflict is bad (except when it's not). Social Development, 19, 858-872.
    Laursen, B., & Hafen, C.A. (2010)。亲密关系研究的未来方向:冲突是坏事(除非没有冲突)。社会发展》,19,858-872。
  5. Overton, A.R., & Lowry, A.C. (2013). Conflict management: Difficult conversations with difficult people. Clinics in Colon and Rectal Surgery, 26, 259-264.
    Overton, A.R., & Lowry, A.C. (2013)。冲突管理:与困难的人进行困难的对话。结肠和直肠外科临床》,26,259-264。
  6. Deutsch, M. (2000). Cooperation and competition. In Deutsch, M. & Coleman, P.T. (Eds.), The Handbook of conflict resolution theory and practice (pp. 21-40). Jossey-Bass Publishers.
    Deutsch, M. (2000).Cooperation and competition.In Deutsch, M. & Coleman, P.T. (Eds.), The Handbook of conflict resolution theory and practice (pp. 21-40).Jossey-Bass Publishers.

The Softened Start-Up 软化的启动

How a conflict conversation starts determines how the entire interaction plays out. Indeed, you can predict the outcome of a conversation based on the first three minutes. Imagine for a moment that someone approaches you with a complaint: if they do not try to blame you or criticize your actions, you are likely to remain calm and open to what they have to say without feeling defensive.
You can think of conflict 'start-ups' in two ways: harsh and softened.
您可以从两个方面来看待冲突的 "启动":严厉的和缓和的。

Harsh Start-Ups 严酷的创业

A harsh start-up is when someone brings up an issue or complaint using criticism and blame to make their point. This way of approaching potential conflict conversations can be extremely damaging to any relationship, including intimate, workplace, friends, or family relationships, among others. Harsh startups often include "You" statements and language like "always" and "never."
严厉的开场白是指某人在提出问题或抱怨时使用批评和指责来表明自己的观点。这种处理潜在冲突对话的方式会对任何关系造成极大的伤害,包括亲密关系、工作场所关系、朋友关系或家庭关系等等。苛刻的开场白通常包括 "你 "的陈述以及 "总是 "和 "从不 "等语言。

Softened Start-Ups 软化的初创企业

A soft start-up is about gently approaching potential conflicts so that the other person is more likely to listen to what you have to say. Softened start-ups tend to use "I" statements that avoid criticism and blame, explain your concerns, and describe what you need while being respectful, non-judgmental, and courteous.
软启动是指温和地处理潜在的冲突,使对方更愿意倾听你的意见。软启动倾向于使用 "我 "的陈述,避免批评和指责,解释你的担忧,描述你的需求,同时保持尊重、非批判性和礼貌。
This exercise will guide you through the process of formulating softened start-ups to potential conflict conversations.

Step 1: Understanding harsh and softened start-ups
步骤 1:了解苛刻和软化的初创企业

While conflict is an inevitable part of life, how we choose to approach potential conflict determines how that conversation will play out. If you are critical or judgmental, you will likely receive negativity and defensiveness in return. A harsh start-up can feel like a direct attack on someone's character. For example, "You always spend too much money!", "Why can you never get things are done on time?" or "You never do anything around here."
虽然冲突是生活中不可避免的一部分,但我们选择如何对待潜在的冲突却决定了对话的结果。如果你持批评或评判态度,很可能会换来否定和防卫。苛刻的开场白会让人感觉是对某人性格的直接攻击。例如,"你总是花太多钱了!"、"为什么你总是不能按时完成事情?"或 "你在这里什么都不做"。
Softening the start of a conversation is crucial to managing and resolving conflicts with your spouse or partner, your children, friends, or coworkers. A softened start-up allows you to voice your concerns and needs without blaming the other person. This makes it more likely they will be receptive to your complaint because your words and tone are not accusatory, judgmental, or negative.
Using the examples above, softened alternatives include, "I would like to sit down together and work out how we can budget our money better," "We talked about a deadline for the project and agreed on a schedule, please give this all of your attention," and "I like when we work together to get things done."
More examples can be found in Appendix.

Golden rules for softening your start-ups:

  • Complaining is okay but criticizing and blaming are not. When statements start with the word "You" instead of "l," they are more likely to make the other person upset and defensive so try starting your sentence with an "I" statement. Avoid using words like "always" and "never," which can be seen as attacking another person's character.
    抱怨是可以的,但批评和指责是不行的。当陈述以 "你 "而不是 "我 "开头时,更有可能让对方感到不安和防卫,因此请尝试以 "我 "开头。避免使用 "总是 "和 "从不 "等词,因为这可能被视为攻击他人的人格。
  • Instead of criticizing, judging, or blaming, describe what is happening using facts.
  • Be clear about what it is that you need and avoid talking about what you do not need.
  • Be polite and show appreciation. Use phrases such as "please......" and "I would appreciate it if you would...."
    礼貌并表示感谢。使用 "please...... "和 "I would appreciate it if you would...." 等短语。

Step 2: Identify a past conflict
第 2 步:确定过去的冲突

In this step, you will take a moment to think of a conflict you had in the past. This could be with a work colleague, family member, spouse, or partner, for example. Using the space below, describe what happened, including what was said and the outcome of the disagreement.

Step 3: Forming a softened alternative
步骤 3:形成软化替代品

Now that you have recalled a past conflict, you will think about how you might have approached the conversation in a gentler, non-confrontational way. A useful formula to follow when creating a softened start-up is:


Make an "I" statement
发表 "我 "的声明

feel ... 感觉 ...
describe how you feel

about  关于
describe the situation, be neutral, do not blame

I need... 我需要...
explain what you need so that things

can be improved 有待改进
Take some time to think about this past conflict and, using the formula, write your softened start-up in the corresponding spaces below. If required, additional examples of softened start-ups can be found in Appendix.
I feel... 我觉得
About... 关于...
I need... 我需要...

Step 4: Reflection 步骤 4:反思

  • What was it like to complete this exercise?
  • What did this exercise teach you about conflict?
  • In what ways has this exercise changed how you think about approaching potential conflict?
  • In what ways did you find this exercise to be helpful?
  • What insights have you gained from this exercise?
Appendix: Examples of harsh and softened start-ups
You can't even finish the simplest project
on time!
I feel a little anxious that the project hasn't been
completed; I would appreciate it if you gave it your
full attention to get things finished up.
You are impossible to deal with!
I feel frustrated about how this conversation is
going. It would be great to sit down and talk about
the issue together. 一起讨论这个问题。
You never want to talk about your day.
I feel upset when we don't reconnect after work,
and I need to spend some quality time together
this week.
You make me so mad when you don't listen
to what I'm saying!
I feel frustrated when I can't get my point across, and
I need to talk about the things that are bothering me.
You are so untidy - you never help with the
I appreciate it when you tidy up the house;
sometimes, I need help.
You work too much.
I feel quite lonely and have been missing you lately.
I would love to do something special together this
The trouble with you is your selfishness; we
always do what you want to do.
I find it quite upsetting when I don't get to do
the things I enjoy, and I'd love for us to go hiking
together. How does that sound?
You think you're the only one good enough
to lead this project. You're always taking over,
and it's so annoying!
I understand that you want to take the lead on this
project, but we work well together. I have some
really good ideas and would like to move forward as
equal partners. 平等伙伴。
You are so irresponsible with our money.
I am quite worried about our finances and would
like to save some money over the next few months.
What do you think?
You never get up through the night to feed
the baby; it's always left up to me to do it.
I have been feeling very tired lately because I'm not
sleeping well. I would be so thankful if we took turns
so I could get a good night's sleep.

Positive Gossip 积极的流言蜚语

(2) Communication (2) 交流
ค. Exercise ค.练习
(ㄷ)  (ㄷ)
Group 组别
No  来自
Gossiping is a behavior that everyone encounters, contributes to, and intuitively understands [1]. On average, people spend approximately one hour per day engaging in some form of gossip behavior [2]. In evolutionary terms, gossip helped our ancestors collect and share knowledge that was once essential for survival [3], and it continues to have many social functions to this day. For instance, to build and maintain relationships with others, define our social status, and influence the behavior and opinions of others [3]. It is important to note, however, that there are different types of gossip behavior.
Negative gossip is sharing information that has potentially damaging effects on an absent third party [4]. This kind of gossip behavior may be detrimental to the gossiper and the victim. For instance, frequent negative gossipers are perceived as more aggressive, less amiable, and less popular [5]. Negative gossip makes it difficult for group members to trust each other or establish healthy cooperative relationships [6]. Indeed, targets of negative gossip exhibit less proactive behavior and heightened emotional exhaustion [7].
Positive gossip, on the other hand, is a social currency that builds and fortifies relationships. This prosocial behavior includes praising an absent third party or sharing positive information with good intentions [5]. Positive gossip is a low-risk way of demonstrating social support, and unsurprisingly, this kind of behavior builds trust and strengthens social bonds in groups [8]. This group exercise will encourage the use of prosocial, positive gossip about the behavior, accomplishments, and achievements of others.

Author 作者

This tool was created by Elaine Houston.

Goal 目标

This activity aims to create a climate of appreciative personal feedback by encouraging the use of positive gossip that focuses on the behavior, accomplishments, and achievements of others.

Advice 建议

  • For practitioners delivering a workshop: At the start of the day, you can mention that this exercise will be completed at the end of the training. By doing so, participants are more likely to notice the positive traits of other people. This will ensure the exercise is more effective and make the group atmosphere even more positive throughout the day. This activity provides an opportunity to reflect and debrief at the end of the day.
  • For an alternative approach, instead of dividing the participants into smaller groups, you can also do this exercise with all group members simultaneously. For example, you point at someone in the circle, and the rest of the participants take turns to say something positive about that person.

References 参考资料

  1. Foster, E. K. (2004). Research on gossip: Taxonomy, methods, and future directions. Review of General Psychology, 8, 78-99.
    Foster, E. K. (2004).关于流言蜚语的研究:分类、方法和未来方向。普通心理学评论》,8,78-99。
  2. Robbins, M. L., & Karan, A. (2020). Who gossips and how in everyday life? Social Psychological and Personality Science, 11, 185-195.
    Robbins, M. L., & Karan, A. (2020)。日常生活中谁会说闲话以及如何说闲话?社会心理学与人格科学》,11,185-195。
  3. Barkow, J. H. (1992). Beneath new culture is old psychology: Gossip and social stratification. In J. H. Barkow, L. Cosmides, & J. Tooby (Eds.), The adapted mind: Evolutionary psychology and the generation of culture (pp. 627-637). Oxford University Press.
    Barkow, J. H. (1992).Beneath new culture is old psychology:Gossip and social stratification.In J. H. Barkow, L. Cosmides, & J. Tooby (Eds.), The adapted mind:Evolutionary psychology and the generation of culture (pp. 627-637).牛津大学出版社。
  4. Brady, D. L., Brown, D. J., & Liang, L. H. (2017). Moving beyond assumptions of deviance: The reconceptualization and measurement of workplace gossip. Journal of Applied Psychology, 102, 1.
    Brady, D. L., Brown, D. J., & Liang, L. H. (2017).超越偏差假设:工作场所流言蜚语的重新概念化与测量》。应用心理学杂志》,102,1。
  5. Ellwardt, L., Labianca, G. J., & Wittek, R. (2012). Who are the objects of positive and negative gossip at work? A social network perspective on workplace gossip. Social Networks, 34, 193-205.
    Ellwardt, L., Labianca, G. J., & Wittek, R. (2012)。谁是工作中正面和负面流言的对象?从社会网络角度看职场流言。社会网络》,34,193-205。
  6. Aquino, K., Thau, S., 2009. Workplace victimization: Aggression from the target's perspective. Annual Review of Psychology 60, 717-741.
    Aquino, K., Thau, S., 2009.Workplace victimization:Aggression from the target's perspective.Annual Review of Psychology 60, 717-741.
  7. Xie, J., Huang, Q., Wang, H., & Shen, M. (2019). Coping with negative workplace gossip: The joint roles of self-monitoring and impression management tactics. Personality and Individual Differences, 151.
    Xie, J., Huang, Q., Wang, H., & Shen, M. (2019)。应对职场负面流言:自我监控与印象管理策略的共同作用。人格与个体差异,151。
  8. Kniffin, K. M., & Wilson, D. S. (2005). Utilities of gossip across organizational levels. Human Nature, 16, 278-292.
    Kniffin, K. M., & Wilson, D. S. (2005).跨组织层面的流言效用。Human Nature, 16, 278-292.

Positive Gossip 积极的流言蜚语

Whether we admit it or not, everyone gossips. It is human nature to do so. In simple terms, gossiping is talking about people who are not present. The average person spends around one hour each day engaging in some form of gossip about work colleagues, friends, family, or other people.
Sometimes, we talk about others solely to share information. This is called neutral gossip and is generally harmless. Other times, perhaps because of our insecurities or to increase our social standing, gossip is used as a weapon against others. This kind of malicious gossip can be damaging to both the gossiper and the target of the gossip. For example, talking negatively about people can make others assume that you will also talk about them in the same way and, as a result, damage existing relationships and weaken trust within the group. Being the focus of negative gossip is hurtful, isolating, and it can undermine a person's abilities and damage their self-esteem.
However, we can fulfill our need to gossip in a way that benefits us and others. Positive gossip is about sharing the accomplishments of others and celebrating their contributions with no malicious intent. Gossiping in this way can build trust, strengthen relationships, make us feel like part of a team, and provide opportunities to learn from the examples of other people.
We can all benefit from positive gossip, and this group activity is your opportunity to talk freely about - and celebrate - the behavior, accomplishments, and contributions of others.
Step 1: Understanding the roles
步骤 1:了解角色
To begin, you will get into groups of three or more people. Each group member will take turns playing one of three roles:
  1. The Positive Gossiper will share positive gossip about the recipient's behavior, abilities, accomplishments, or contributions.
  2. The Recipient will be the focus of the positive gossip.
  3. The Listeners will listen quietly without interrupting the gossiper.
Step 2: Sharing positive gossip
步骤 2:分享积极的流言蜚语
Sit in a circle with the rest of your group and select someone at random to play the recipient's role. This can be done alphabetically or by drawing names, for example.
The person sitting to the recipient's right will kick off the exercise by standing up and sharing one piece of positive gossip about that person while the other group members listen. Whatever piece of positive gossip is shared, it should be specific and true. Perhaps, it could show appreciation for something they do well. For example, "I like that [recipient's name] listens when you speak," "I think that [recipient's name] is warm and friendly," or "[recipient's name] has incredible management skills."
坐在受话人右边的人将站起来,在其他组员倾听的情况下,分享一段关于受话人的正面流言蜚语,以此拉开练习的序幕。无论分享的是什么正面的闲话,都应该是具体而真实的。或许,可以对他们做得好的地方表示赞赏。例如,"我喜欢[接受者的名字]在你发言时倾听"、"我认为[接受者的名字]热情友好 "或"[接受者的名字]有令人难以置信的管理技能"。
When the first gossiper has finished, he/she should sit down, and the person to their right will begin his/her sentence with, "That's right and...," before going on to share their positive gossip about the recipient.
当第一个说闲话的人说完后,他/她应该坐下,而他/她右边的人将以 "没错,而且...... "作为开场白,然后继续分享关于受话人的正面闲话。
You will continue to go around the circle in this way until all group members get an opportunity to share their positive gossip about the recipient, at which point someone else will assume the recipient's role.
Repeat the activity as described above until every group member plays the role of the recipient.

Step 3: Reflecting on your experience in each role
第 3 步:反思自己在每个角色中的经历

In this step, you will have the opportunity to reflect on your experience in each of the three roles. When everyone has assumed the recipient's role, take a few moments to consider the questions detailed below and write your responses in the space provided.
  1. How did it feel to share positive gossip about others?
  2. How did it feel to listen to your group share positive gossip about others?
  3. How did it feel to hear others share positive gossip about you?

Step 4: General reflection questions
步骤 4:一般性思考问题

  • How did this exercise change how you think about gossip?
  • In what ways did this activity help you understand the value of positive gossip?
  • Which of the three roles did you enjoy most? What are your reasons for this?
  • What other groups or situations would benefit from positive gossip?
  • As the recipient, what piece of positive gossip did you appreciate the most?

36 Questions to Increase Closeness
增进亲密关系的 36 个问题

(2) Communication (2) 交流
ค. Exercise ค.练习
(ᄃ)  (ᄃ)
Group 组别
Interpersonal closeness describes the psychological proximity of two or more people and the related feelings of attachment between them [1]. According to the Social Penetration Theory [2], the reciprocal sharing of personal information underlies the process of getting to know someone. As relationships develop, communication moves from relatively superficial to more profound and personal. Indeed, to develop deep and trusting relationships, some level of reciprocal, personal self-disclosure is required [3]. This information sharing influences interpersonal closeness in numerous ways, including how quickly relationships form and how close those relationships become [2].
人际亲近是指两个或两个以上的人在心理上的接近,以及他们之间相关的依恋感[1]。根据社会渗透理论(Social Penetration Theory)[2],个人信息的相互分享是了解一个人的基础。随着关系的发展,交流会从相对肤浅变得更加深刻和个人化。事实上,要发展深层次的信任关系,就需要一定程度的互惠、个人自我披露[3]。这种信息共享在许多方面影响着人际关系的亲密程度,包括关系形成的快慢和关系的密切程度[2]。
It is interesting to note that mutual self-disclosure has been shown to foster closeness even between strangers. A study in which unacquainted pairs asked one another 36 questions designed to generate closeness reported an increase in feelings of intimacy [3]. Within just 60 minutes, participants typically said they felt unusually close to their unknown partner. Surprisingly, the level of closeness reported after the activity matched that of their most valued relationships .
值得注意的是,即使在陌生人之间,相互自我披露也能促进亲密关系。在一项研究中,一对互不相识的情侣相互提出了 36 个旨在产生亲近感的问题,结果表明他们的亲密感增加了[3]。在短短的 60 分钟内,参与者通常会说,他们感觉与陌生伴侣异常亲密。令人惊讶的是,活动结束后所报告的亲密程度与他们最珍视的关系相吻合
Developing closeness and being part of a cohesive group have several benefits. While indifferent and weak connections within teams may cause stress and dissatisfaction [4], strong in-group bonds improve morale, increase motivation [5], and promote trusting, respectful engagement between team members [4]. This exercise will encourage reciprocal self-disclosure among group members to allow new and established teams to generate and increase feelings of closeness.

Author 作者

This exercise was adapted from the study by Aron and colleagues [3] by Elaine Houston.
这一练习由 Elaine Houston 根据 Aron 及其同事的研究改编而成[3]。

Goal 目标

This exercise aims to help teams increase feelings of closeness and build lasting relationships through reciprocal self-disclosure.

Advice 建议

  • It is important to note that the 36 questions require individuals to disclose more or less intimate information, and participants may feel uncomfortable responding to questions perceived as too personal. Therefore, they may select questions from the list (Appendix) that resonate with them.
    需要注意的是,这 36 个问题或多或少都会要求参与者透露一些隐私信息,因此参与者在回答被认为过于私人的问题时可能会感到不自在。因此,他们可以从列表(附录)中选择能引起他们共鸣的问题。
  • The instructor should ensure that participants have ample time to respond to questions. Please allow at least 45 minutes to complete this activity and be aware that some questions will take longer to answer than others. Depending on the time available to you, you may increase or decrease the allotted time.
    指导员应确保参与者有充足的时间回答问题。请至少留出 45 分钟来完成本活动,并注意有些问题的回答时间会比其他问题长。根据您的时间,您可以增加或减少分配的时间。
  • Participants should make eye contact during the exercise, although it may be a source of embarrassment or discomfort at first. Sharing eye contact is a powerful social stimulus that signals their direction of attention, while avoiding eye contact may create a disconnect.
  • This activity works best in workshops, team meetings, or other group settings and is effective for new and existing teams. Some adaptations may also be used to generate or increase closeness within any relationship: between romantic partners, colleagues, remote workers, friends, or family, for instance.

References 参考资料

  1. Dubois, D., Bonezzi, A., & De Angelis, M. (2016). Sharing with friends versus strangers: How interpersonal closeness influences word-of-mouth valence. Journal of Marketing Research, 53, 712-727.
    Dubois, D., Bonezzi, A., & De Angelis, M. (2016)。与朋友分享还是与陌生人分享:人际亲密度如何影响口碑传播价值。营销研究期刊》,53,712-727。
  2. Altman, I., & Taylor, D. (1973). Social penetration: The development of interpersonal relationships. Holt, Rinehart & Winston.
    Altman, I., & Taylor, D. (1973).社会渗透:The development of interpersonal relationships.Holt, Rinehart & Winston.
  3. Aron, A., Melinat, E., Aron, E. N., Vallone, R. D., & Bator, R. J. (1997). The experimental generation of interpersonal closeness: A procedure and some preliminary findings. Personality & Social Psychology Bulletin, 23, 363-377.
    Aron, A., Melinat, E., Aron, E. N., Vallone, R. D., & Bator, R. J. (1997).人际亲密关系的实验生成:A procedure and some preliminary findings.Personality & Social Psychology Bulletin, 23, 363-377.
  4. Mastroianni, K., & Storberg-Walker, J. (2014). Do work relationships matter? Characteristics of workplace interactions that enhance or detract from employee perceptions of well-being and health behaviors. Health Psychology & Behavioral Medicine, 2, 798-819.
    Mastroianni, K., & Storberg-Walker, J. (2014)。工作关系重要吗?提高或降低员工对幸福感和健康行为认知的工作场所互动特征》(Health Psychology & Behavioring Medicine, 2, 798-819.健康心理学与行为医学》,2,798-819。
  5. Basford, T. E., & Offermann, L. R. (2012). Beyond leadership: The impact of coworker relationships on employee motivation and intent to stay. Journal of Management & Organization, 18, 807-817.
    Basford, T. E., & Offermann, L. R. (2012).超越领导力:同事关系对员工积极性和留任意愿的影响》。管理与组织期刊》,18,807-817。

36 Questions to Increase Closeness
增进亲密关系的 36 个问题

Closeness within any team is important. When people know each other well, whether in the workplace, a sports team, or any other group setting, they are more likely to trust, respect, and understand one another.
The best way to get close to your team is for you to share with them and for them to share with you. You must reveal things about yourself and listen to what others share with you. The feelings of closeness from the mutual sharing of opinions, stories, and experiences help build strong, long-lasting connections.
Sharing personal information can make you feel exposed, but this is not necessarily a bad thing. Allowing yourself to be vulnerable helps build more trusting relationships and encourages others to be open and honest with you in return.
In this exercise, you will get into pairs and take turns answering questions that are designed to break down barriers, build rapport, and increase the sense of closeness you feel to your allocated partner.
Your instructor will now guide you through the activity step-by-step.
Step 1: Divide the group into sub-groups
步骤 1:将小组划分为若干分组
Divide the group into random pairs. If the group has an odd number of people, one group can have three members. Hand out a copy of the 36 questions to each pair (see Appendix).
将小组随机分成两组。如果小组人数为奇数,一个小组可以有三名成员。向每对学生分发一份 36 个问题的副本(见附录)。

Step 2: Instruct participants
步骤 2:指导参与者

This activity is most effective when both parties are honest and open, so remind participants that this is a safe space where they can allow themselves to be vulnerable. In pairs, inform participants that they may select questions that resonate with them. Alternatively, pairs may work through all 36 questions in the order they are listed.
当双方都坦诚相待时,这项活动才会最有效,因此要提醒参与者,这是一个安全的空间,他们可以在这里允许自己脆弱。在两人一组的情况下,告知参与者可以选择能引起他们共鸣的问题。或者,两人一组按照列出的顺序完成所有 36 个问题。
Participants will take turns to ask and respond to a question so that the person who answered last should be the first to answer the next question, and so on.

Step 3: Swap roles
步骤 3:互换角色

Give a verbal signal to remind participants to move on to the next question when it is time to do so. This will ensure participants share responses with their partners promptly. Allow at least 45 minutes for pairs to complete all 36 questions. Please be aware that some questions will take longer to answer than others. Question 11, for instance, has an allotted response time of four minutes.
在时间到时,发出口头信号提醒参与者进入下一个问题。这将确保参与者及时与他们的伙伴分享回答。至少留出 45 分钟的时间让两人一组完成所有 36 个问题。请注意,有些问题的回答时间会比其他问题长。例如,第 11 题的规定回答时间为 4 分钟。

Step 4: Reflect 步骤 4:反思

Upon completion, reflect with the whole group on their experience using the following questions:
  • How did it feel to be open and vulnerable with your partner?
  • How did it feel to witness your partner's openness and vulnerability?
  • What have you learned about your partner that you did not know before?
  • What question did you find most challenging to answer? Why was this challenging?
  • What was the most enjoyable aspect of this exercise?
  • How close did you feel to your partner before completing this activity on a scale of 0-10 (with 0 being not close at all and 10 being very close)?
    在完成这项活动之前,您觉得自己与伴侣的关系有多亲密(0 代表完全不亲密,10 代表非常亲密)?
  • How close do you feel to your partner after completing this activity on a scale of 0-10 (with 0 being not close at all and 10 being very close)?
    完成这项活动后,您觉得与伴侣的关系有多亲密(0 表示完全不亲密,10 表示非常亲密)?
  • In what ways do you feel a deeper connection with your partner?
  • If you could repeat this exercise with anyone else, who would it be? What steps can you take to make this happen?
Appendix: The 36 questions to increase closeness
附录:增进亲密关系的 36 个问题
  1. Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest?
  2. Would you like to be famous? In what way?
  3. Before making a telephone call, do you ever rehearse what you are going to say? Why?
  4. What would constitute a "perfect" day for you?
    对你来说,什么才是 "完美 "的一天?
  5. When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else?
  6. If you were able to live to the age of 90 and retain either the mind or body of a 30 -year-old for the last 60 years of your life, which would you want?
    如果你能活到 90 岁,并在生命的最后 60 年里保持 30 岁的头脑或身体,你想要哪一个?
  7. Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die?
  8. Name three things you and the other person appear to have in common.
  9. For what in your life do you feel most grateful?
  10. If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be?
  11. Take four minutes and tell the other person your life story in as much detail as possible.
  12. If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability, what would it be?
  13. If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future, or anything else, what would you want to know?
  14. Is there something that you've dreamed of doing for a long time? Why haven't you done it?
  15. What is the greatest accomplishment of your life?
  16. What do you value most in a friendship?
  17. What is your most treasured memory?
  18. What is your most terrible memory?
  19. If you knew that you would die suddenly in one year, would you change anything about how you are now living? Why?
  20. What does friendship mean to you?
  21. What roles do love and affection play in your life?
  22. With your partner, alternate in sharing something you consider a positive characteristic of the other person. Share a total of five items.
  23. How close and warm is your family? Do you feel your childhood was happier than most other people's?
  24. How do you feel about your relationship with your mother?
  25. Both of you come up with three true "we" statements. For instance, "We are both in this room feeling..."
    你们两个都提出三个真实的 "我们"。例如,"我们都在这个房间里,感觉......"
  26. Complete this sentence: "I wish I had someone with whom I could share ..."
  27. If you were going to become a close friend with the other person, share what would be important for them to know.
  28. Tell the other person what you like about them; be very honest, saying things that you might not say to someone you've just met.
  29. Share an embarrassing moment in your life.
  30. When did you last cry in front of another person? By yourself?
  31. Tell the other person something that you like about them already.
  32. What is too serious to joke about, if anything?
  33. If you were to die this evening with no opportunity to communicate with anyone, what would you most regret not having told someone? Why haven't you told them yet?
  34. Your house, containing everything you own, catches fire. After saving your loved ones and pets, you have time to make a final dash to save any one item safely. What would it be? Why?
  35. Of all the people in your family, whose death would you find most disturbing? Why?
  36. Share a personal problem and ask the other person's advice on how he or she might handle it. Additionally, ask your partner to reflect on how you seem to be feeling about your chosen problem.