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Communication Exercises 交流练习
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版权 © 由 PositivePsychology.com B.V. 所有。保留所有权利。
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未经出版商明确的书面许可，不得以任何商业方式复制、重新标注或使用本电子书或其中的任何部分。
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Welcome 欢迎光临
It is a great pleasure to offer you this compilation of communication tools. During the past years, Positive Psychology has gained an increasing amount of attention, both from helping professionals and researchers. This attention has resulted in many valuable insights in what contributes to a happy, fulfilling life. In addition, positive psychology has given us many tools not only to flourish, but also to cope with difficult times in life.
很高兴能为您提供这本交流工具汇编。在过去的几年里，积极心理学得到了越来越多的关注，包括来自专业人士和研究人员的关注。这种关注为我们提供了许多宝贵的见解，让我们了解什么有助于幸福美满的生活。此外，积极心理学还为我们提供了许多工具，这些工具不仅能让我们的生活更加美好，还能帮助我们应对生活中的困难时期。
很高兴能为您提供这本交流工具汇编。在过去的几年里，积极心理学得到了越来越多的关注，包括来自专业人士和研究人员的关注。这种关注为我们提供了许多宝贵的见解，让我们了解什么有助于幸福美满的生活。此外，积极心理学还为我们提供了许多工具，这些工具不仅能让我们的生活更加美好，还能帮助我们应对生活中的困难时期。
Since 2013, our aim with the Positive Psychology has been to contribute to this field by disseminating the science to psychology practitioners and educators alike.
自 2013 年以来，我们一直致力于通过向心理学从业人员和教育工作者传播积极心理学，为这一领域做出贡献。
自 2013 年以来，我们一直致力于通过向心理学从业人员和教育工作者传播积极心理学，为这一领域做出贡献。
We hope that the tools presented here may inspire you too to increase your own wellbeing and the wellbeing of the people around you. Please feel free to print and share this document with others.
我们希望这里介绍的工具也能激励您提高自己和周围人的健康水平。请随时打印本文件并与他人分享。
我们希望这里介绍的工具也能激励您提高自己和周围人的健康水平。请随时打印本文件并与他人分享。
For those who like what they see, make sure to also check out our online searchable database with all kinds of practical positive psychology tools:
如果您喜欢所看到的内容，请务必查看我们的在线可搜索数据库，其中包含各种实用的积极心理学工具：
如果您喜欢所看到的内容，请务必查看我们的在线可搜索数据库，其中包含各种实用的积极心理学工具：
All the best! 一切顺利
Seph Fontane Pennock
Hugo Alberts, Ph.D. 雨果-阿尔伯茨博士
The Softened Start-Up 软化的启动
(2) Communication (2) 交流
[. Exercise [.练习
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& Client 客户
Пп No Pp No
Interpersonal conflict is an unavoidable part of life. After all, we are unique beings with diverse and sometimes incompatible opinions, needs, and views. While conflict is inevitable, it is also paradoxical in that it is neither inherently good nor inherently bad; instead, it all comes down to how it is managed. How a conflict conversation begins plays a significant role in the trajectory of the entire discussion. Indeed,
人际冲突是生活中不可避免的一部分。毕竟，我们都是独一无二的人，有着不同的意见、需求和观点，有时甚至是互不相容的。虽然冲突不可避免，但它也是矛盾的，因为它既不是天生的好，也不是天生的坏；相反，这一切都取决于如何处理冲突。冲突对话如何开始对整个讨论的轨迹起着重要作用。事实上，
Interpersonal conflict is an unavoidable part of life. After all, we are unique beings with diverse and sometimes incompatible opinions, needs, and views. While conflict is inevitable, it is also paradoxical in that it is neither inherently good nor inherently bad; instead, it all comes down to how it is managed. How a conflict conversation begins plays a significant role in the trajectory of the entire discussion. Indeed,
人际冲突是生活中不可避免的一部分。毕竟，我们都是独一无二的人，有着不同的意见、需求和观点，有时甚至是互不相容的。虽然冲突不可避免，但它也是矛盾的，因为它既不是天生的好，也不是天生的坏；相反，这一切都取决于如何处理冲突。冲突对话如何开始对整个讨论的轨迹起着重要作用。事实上，
A harsh start-up to a conflict involves using criticism and blame to make a point. This kind of start-up is ineffective and may interfere with the supportive functions of relationships, negatively affecting trust and commitment [2] and causing others to question the motives, capabilities, and sincerity of those involved while the real issue remains unresolved [3]. Fortunately, the development of conflict resolution skills helps minimize these detrimental outcomes.
对冲突的严厉开场白包括使用批评和指责来表明观点。这种开场白是无效的，可能会干扰人际关系的支持功能，对信任和承诺产生负面影响[2]，并导致他人质疑相关人员的动机、能力和诚意，而真正的问题仍未解决[3]。幸运的是，发展解决冲突的技能有助于最大限度地减少这些有害结果。
对冲突的严厉开场白包括使用批评和指责来表明观点。这种开场白是无效的，可能会干扰人际关系的支持功能，对信任和承诺产生负面影响[2]，并导致他人质疑相关人员的动机、能力和诚意，而真正的问题仍未解决[3]。幸运的是，发展解决冲突的技能有助于最大限度地减少这些有害结果。
The softened start-up denotes a gentle opening to a conflict conversation. When approached in a non-confrontational manner, conflict can be constructive, improve communication, lead to the resolution of problems, provide opportunities for selfexpression, and refine interpersonal collaboration skills [4].
软化的启动表示冲突对话的温和开场。如果以非对抗性的方式处理冲突，冲突可以是建设性的，可以改善沟通，导致问题的解决，提供自我表达的机会，并完善人际协作技能[4]。
软化的启动表示冲突对话的温和开场。如果以非对抗性的方式处理冲突，冲突可以是建设性的，可以改善沟通，导致问题的解决，提供自我表达的机会，并完善人际协作技能[4]。
A softened start-up is about complaining without blaming and encourages non-judgmental language and facial expressions that convey respect for others [5]. A gentler start-up diffuses tensions, reduces hurfful communication, protects both parties from feeling attacked or defensive [1], and likely induces the same communicative behaviors in the other person [6]. This exercise will help clients approach potential conflict conversations in a non-judgmental and non-confrontational way, preventing tension escalation and potential damage to relationships.
温和的开场白是抱怨而不是指责，鼓励使用不带评判性的语言和面部表情来表达对他人的尊重[5]。温和的开场白可以化解紧张气氛，减少粗暴的交流，保护双方免受攻击感或防御感[1]，并有可能诱导对方做出同样的交流行为[6]。本练习将帮助客户以非评判和非对抗性的方式处理潜在的冲突对话，防止紧张局势升级和对人际关系的潜在破坏。
温和的开场白是抱怨而不是指责，鼓励使用不带评判性的语言和面部表情来表达对他人的尊重[5]。温和的开场白可以化解紧张气氛，减少粗暴的交流，保护双方免受攻击感或防御感[1]，并有可能诱导对方做出同样的交流行为[6]。本练习将帮助客户以非评判和非对抗性的方式处理潜在的冲突对话，防止紧张局势升级和对人际关系的潜在破坏。
Author 作者
This exercise was adapted from the study by Gottman and colleagues [1] by Elaine Houston.
这个练习由伊莱恩-休斯顿根据戈特曼及其同事的研究改编而成[1]。
这个练习由伊莱恩-休斯顿根据戈特曼及其同事的研究改编而成[1]。
Goal 目标
This exercise aims to help clients formulate softened start-ups to conflict conversations. By approaching potential conflict in a non-threatening, non-confrontational way, clients can alter the trajectory of conversations, prevent escalation, and protect both parties from feeling attacked or defensive.
本练习旨在帮助客户制定冲突对话的软化开端。通过以非威胁、非对抗性的方式接近潜在冲突，客户可以改变对话的轨迹，防止冲突升级，并保护双方免受攻击感或防御感。
本练习旨在帮助客户制定冲突对话的软化开端。通过以非威胁、非对抗性的方式接近潜在冲突，客户可以改变对话的轨迹，防止冲突升级，并保护双方免受攻击感或防御感。
Advice 建议
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When formulating softened start-up statements, clients should focus on their feelings, needs, and "I" statements as much as possible. Clients must also be mindful not to turn an "I" statement into a "You" statement that blames the other person. "I" statements must not be used to veil criticism. For instance, a statement like, "I feel like you never help me around the house," is still a harsh start-up because it blames the other person. Clients should focus on the facts of a situation and avoid exaggeration that paints the other person in a negative light.
在制定软化的启动声明时，客户应尽可能将重点放在自己的感受、需求和 "我 "的陈述上。客户还必须注意不要把 "我 "的陈述变成指责对方的 "你 "的陈述。我 "的陈述不能用来掩饰批评。例如，"我觉得你从来不帮我做家务 "这样的陈述仍然是一种严厉的开场白，因为它指责了对方。客户应将注意力集中在实际情况上，避免夸大其词，给对方抹黑。 -
Remind clients that it is not just the words they use that can make someone feel attacked, blamed, or criticized. While mostly unintentional, tutting, body language like eye-rolling, frowning, arms crossing, or looking at a clock during a conversation are not helpful and are unlikely to result in a favorable outcome.
提醒客户，让别人感觉受到攻击、指责或批评的不仅仅是他们使用的语言。啧啧称赞、肢体语言（如翻白眼、皱眉头、双手交叉或在谈话中看表）虽然大多是无意的，但却于事无补，也不太可能产生有利的结果。 -
This exercise is an effective tool when dealing with interpersonal conflicts in the workplace, with friends, family, intimate relationships, and many other situations.
在处理工作场所、朋友、家人、亲密关系以及其他许多情况下的人际冲突时，这个练习是一个有效的工具。 -
Encourage clients to follow a softened start-up with a question like, 'What do you think?' to show that they are open to discussing the issue and to listen to what the other person has to say.
鼓励客户在软化的开场白后提出类似 "你怎么看？"的问题，以表明他们愿意讨论问题并倾听对方的意见。
References 参考资料
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Gottman, J. M., Coan, J., Carrere, S., & Swanson, C. (1998). Predicting marital happiness and stability from newlywed interactions. Journal of Marriage and the Family, 60, 5-22.
Gottman, J. M., Coan, J., Carrere, S., & Swanson, C. (1998).Predicting marital happiness and stability from newlywed interactions.Journal of Marriage and the Family, 60, 5-22. -
Jehn, K. A., Greer, L., Levine, S., & Szulanski, G. (2008). The effects of conflict types, dimensions, and emergent states on group outcomes. Group Decision and Negotiation,
.
Jehn, K. A., Greer, L., Levine, S., & Szulanski, G. (2008).冲突类型、维度和突发状态对团体结果的影响》（The effects of conflict types, dimensions, and emergent states on group outcomes.Group Decision and Negotiation,. -
Donohue, W.A., & Cai, D.A. (2008). The history of interpersonal conflict. In Kurtz, L. (Ed.), Encyclopedia of violence, peace, & conflict (pp. 1073-1084). Academic Press.
Donohue, W.A., & Cai, D.A. (2008).人际冲突的历史。In Kurtz, L. (Ed.), Encyclopedia of violence, peace, & conflict (pp. 1073-1084).学术出版社。 -
Laursen, B., & Hafen, C.A. (2010). Future directions in the study of close relationships: Conflict is bad (except when it's not). Social Development, 19, 858-872.
Laursen, B., & Hafen, C.A. (2010)。亲密关系研究的未来方向：冲突是坏事（除非没有冲突）。社会发展》，19，858-872。 -
Overton, A.R., & Lowry, A.C. (2013). Conflict management: Difficult conversations with difficult people. Clinics in Colon and Rectal Surgery, 26, 259-264.
Overton, A.R., & Lowry, A.C. (2013)。冲突管理：与困难的人进行困难的对话。结肠和直肠外科临床》，26，259-264。 -
Deutsch, M. (2000). Cooperation and competition. In Deutsch, M. & Coleman, P.T. (Eds.), The Handbook of conflict resolution theory and practice (pp. 21-40). Jossey-Bass Publishers.
Deutsch, M. (2000).Cooperation and competition.In Deutsch, M. & Coleman, P.T. (Eds.), The Handbook of conflict resolution theory and practice (pp. 21-40).Jossey-Bass Publishers.
The Softened Start-Up 软化的启动
How a conflict conversation starts determines how the entire interaction plays out. Indeed, you can predict the outcome of a conversation based on the first three minutes. Imagine for a moment that someone approaches you with a complaint: if they do not try to blame you or criticize your actions, you are likely to remain calm and open to what they have to say without feeling defensive.
冲突对话的开始方式决定了整个互动的结果。事实上，你可以根据最初的三分钟来预测对话的结果。试想一下，如果有人向你抱怨：如果他没有试图指责你或批评你的行为，你很可能会保持冷静，敞开心扉倾听他们要说的话，而不会感到防卫。
冲突对话的开始方式决定了整个互动的结果。事实上，你可以根据最初的三分钟来预测对话的结果。试想一下，如果有人向你抱怨：如果他没有试图指责你或批评你的行为，你很可能会保持冷静，敞开心扉倾听他们要说的话，而不会感到防卫。
You can think of conflict 'start-ups' in two ways: harsh and softened.
您可以从两个方面来看待冲突的 "启动"：严厉的和缓和的。
您可以从两个方面来看待冲突的 "启动"：严厉的和缓和的。
Harsh Start-Ups 严酷的创业
A harsh start-up is when someone brings up an issue or complaint using criticism and blame to make their point. This way of approaching potential conflict conversations can be extremely damaging to any relationship, including intimate, workplace, friends, or family relationships, among others. Harsh startups often include "You" statements and language like "always" and "never."
严厉的开场白是指某人在提出问题或抱怨时使用批评和指责来表明自己的观点。这种处理潜在冲突对话的方式会对任何关系造成极大的伤害，包括亲密关系、工作场所关系、朋友关系或家庭关系等等。苛刻的开场白通常包括 "你 "的陈述以及 "总是 "和 "从不 "等语言。
严厉的开场白是指某人在提出问题或抱怨时使用批评和指责来表明自己的观点。这种处理潜在冲突对话的方式会对任何关系造成极大的伤害，包括亲密关系、工作场所关系、朋友关系或家庭关系等等。苛刻的开场白通常包括 "你 "的陈述以及 "总是 "和 "从不 "等语言。
..
Softened Start-Ups 软化的初创企业
A soft start-up is about gently approaching potential conflicts so that the other person is more likely to listen to what you have to say. Softened start-ups tend to use "I" statements that avoid criticism and blame, explain your concerns, and describe what you need while being respectful, non-judgmental, and courteous.
软启动是指温和地处理潜在的冲突，使对方更愿意倾听你的意见。软启动倾向于使用 "我 "的陈述，避免批评和指责，解释你的担忧，描述你的需求，同时保持尊重、非批判性和礼貌。
软启动是指温和地处理潜在的冲突，使对方更愿意倾听你的意见。软启动倾向于使用 "我 "的陈述，避免批评和指责，解释你的担忧，描述你的需求，同时保持尊重、非批判性和礼貌。
This exercise will guide you through the process of formulating softened start-ups to potential conflict conversations.
本练习将指导您制定软化的开头，以应对潜在的冲突对话。
本练习将指导您制定软化的开头，以应对潜在的冲突对话。
Step 1: Understanding harsh and softened start-ups
步骤 1：了解苛刻和软化的初创企业
While conflict is an inevitable part of life, how we choose to approach potential conflict determines how that conversation will play out. If you are critical or judgmental, you will likely receive negativity and defensiveness in return. A harsh start-up can feel like a direct attack on someone's character. For example, "You always spend too much money!", "Why can you never get things are done on time?" or "You never do anything around here."
虽然冲突是生活中不可避免的一部分，但我们选择如何对待潜在的冲突却决定了对话的结果。如果你持批评或评判态度，很可能会换来否定和防卫。苛刻的开场白会让人感觉是对某人性格的直接攻击。例如，"你总是花太多钱了！"、"为什么你总是不能按时完成事情？"或 "你在这里什么都不做"。
虽然冲突是生活中不可避免的一部分，但我们选择如何对待潜在的冲突却决定了对话的结果。如果你持批评或评判态度，很可能会换来否定和防卫。苛刻的开场白会让人感觉是对某人性格的直接攻击。例如，"你总是花太多钱了！"、"为什么你总是不能按时完成事情？"或 "你在这里什么都不做"。
Softening the start of a conversation is crucial to managing and resolving conflicts with your spouse or partner, your children, friends, or coworkers. A softened start-up allows you to voice your concerns and needs without blaming the other person. This makes it more likely they will be receptive to your complaint because your words and tone are not accusatory, judgmental, or negative.
缓和谈话的开头对于处理和解决与配偶或伴侣、子女、朋友或同事之间的冲突至关重要。缓和的开场白可以让你说出自己的担忧和需求，而不会指责对方。这样，对方就更有可能接受你的抱怨，因为你的言辞和语气中没有指责、评判或否定。
缓和谈话的开头对于处理和解决与配偶或伴侣、子女、朋友或同事之间的冲突至关重要。缓和的开场白可以让你说出自己的担忧和需求，而不会指责对方。这样，对方就更有可能接受你的抱怨，因为你的言辞和语气中没有指责、评判或否定。
Using the examples above, softened alternatives include, "I would like to sit down together and work out how we can budget our money better," "We talked about a deadline for the project and agreed on a schedule, please give this all of your attention," and "I like when we work together to get things done."
以上面的例子为例，软化的替代方案包括："我想坐下来一起研究一下如何更好地做好资金预算"、"我们讨论了项目的最后期限，并商定了时间表，请您全神贯注地对待这件事"、"我喜欢我们齐心协力把事情做好"。
以上面的例子为例，软化的替代方案包括："我想坐下来一起研究一下如何更好地做好资金预算"、"我们讨论了项目的最后期限，并商定了时间表，请您全神贯注地对待这件事"、"我喜欢我们齐心协力把事情做好"。
More examples can be found in Appendix.
更多例子见附录。
更多例子见附录。
Golden rules for softening your start-ups:
软化初创企业的黄金法则：
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Complaining is okay but criticizing and blaming are not. When statements start with the word "You" instead of "l," they are more likely to make the other person upset and defensive so try starting your sentence with an "I" statement. Avoid using words like "always" and "never," which can be seen as attacking another person's character.
抱怨是可以的，但批评和指责是不行的。当陈述以 "你 "而不是 "我 "开头时，更有可能让对方感到不安和防卫，因此请尝试以 "我 "开头。避免使用 "总是 "和 "从不 "等词，因为这可能被视为攻击他人的人格。 -
Instead of criticizing, judging, or blaming, describe what is happening using facts.
不要批评、评判或指责，而是用事实描述正在发生的事情。 -
Be clear about what it is that you need and avoid talking about what you do not need.
明确自己需要什么，避免谈论自己不需要什么。 -
Be polite and show appreciation. Use phrases such as "please......" and "I would appreciate it if you would...."
礼貌并表示感谢。使用 "please...... "和 "I would appreciate it if you would...." 等短语。
Step 2: Identify a past conflict
第 2 步：确定过去的冲突
In this step, you will take a moment to think of a conflict you had in the past. This could be with a work colleague, family member, spouse, or partner, for example. Using the space below, describe what happened, including what was said and the outcome of the disagreement.
在这一步中，你要花一点时间想想你过去发生过的冲突。例如，可能是与同事、家人、配偶或伴侣之间的冲突。请在下面的空白处描述所发生的事情，包括所说的话和分歧的结果。
在这一步中，你要花一点时间想想你过去发生过的冲突。例如，可能是与同事、家人、配偶或伴侣之间的冲突。请在下面的空白处描述所发生的事情，包括所说的话和分歧的结果。
Step 3: Forming a softened alternative
步骤 3：形成软化替代品
Now that you have recalled a past conflict, you will think about how you might have approached the conversation in a gentler, non-confrontational way. A useful formula to follow when creating a softened start-up is:
既然你已经回忆起了过去的冲突，那么你就会想一想，你应该如何以一种更温和、非对抗性的方式来进行对话。在软化开场白时，有一个有用的公式可供参考：
1
既然你已经回忆起了过去的冲突，那么你就会想一想，你应该如何以一种更温和、非对抗性的方式来进行对话。在软化开场白时，有一个有用的公式可供参考：
1
Make an "I" statement
发表 "我 "的声明
2
feel ... 感觉 ...
describe how you feel
感受
3
about
describe the situation, be neutral, do not blame
描述情况，保持中立，不要指责
4
I need... 我需要...
explain what you need so that things
解释您的需求，以便
can be improved 有待改进
Take some time to think about this past conflict and, using the formula, write your softened start-up in the corresponding spaces below. If required, additional examples of softened start-ups can be found in Appendix.
花一些时间思考一下过去的冲突，并使用公式在下面相应的空格中写出你的软化启动。如有需要，可在附录中找到软化启动的其他示例。
花一些时间思考一下过去的冲突，并使用公式在下面相应的空格中写出你的软化启动。如有需要，可在附录中找到软化启动的其他示例。
I feel... 我觉得
About... 关于...
I need... 我需要...
Step 4: Reflection 步骤 4：反思
-
What was it like to complete this exercise?
完成这项练习的感觉如何？ -
What did this exercise teach you about conflict?
这次练习让你对冲突有了哪些认识？ -
In what ways has this exercise changed how you think about approaching potential conflict?
这次练习在哪些方面改变了你处理潜在冲突的思维方式？ -
In what ways did you find this exercise to be helpful?
您觉得这项练习在哪些方面对您有帮助？ -
What insights have you gained from this exercise?
你从这次练习中获得了哪些启示？
Appendix: Examples of harsh and softened start-ups
附录：苛刻和软化启动实例
附录：苛刻和软化启动实例
| HARSH START-UPS 苛刻的初创企业 | SOFTENED START-UPS 软化的初创企业 | |||||||
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| You are impossible to deal with! 你真让人难以对付！ |
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| You never want to talk about your day. 你从来不想谈论你的一天。 |
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| You work too much. 你工作太多了。 |
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| You are so irresponsible with our money. 你们对我们的钱太不负责任了。 |
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Positive Gossip 积极的流言蜚语
(2) Communication (2) 交流
ค. Exercise ค.练习
(ㄷ)
Group 组别
Gossiping is a behavior that everyone encounters, contributes to, and intuitively understands [1]. On average, people spend approximately one hour per day engaging in some form of gossip behavior [2]. In evolutionary terms, gossip helped our ancestors collect and share knowledge that was once essential for survival [3], and it continues to have many social functions to this day. For instance, to build and maintain relationships with others, define our social status, and influence the behavior and opinions of others [3]. It is important to note, however, that there are different types of gossip behavior.
流言蜚语是每个人都会遇到、参与和直观理解的行为[1]。人们平均每天要花费大约一小时的时间参与某种形式的闲聊行为[2]。从进化论的角度来看，闲聊帮助我们的祖先收集和分享对生存至关重要的知识[3]，时至今日，闲聊仍具有许多社会功能。例如，建立和维护与他人的关系，确定我们的社会地位，影响他人的行为和观点[3]。但需要注意的是，流言行为有不同的类型。
Negative gossip is sharing information that has potentially damaging effects on an absent third party [4]. This kind of gossip behavior may be detrimental to the gossiper and the victim. For instance, frequent negative gossipers are perceived as more aggressive, less amiable, and less popular [5]. Negative gossip makes it difficult for group members to trust each other or establish healthy cooperative relationships [6]. Indeed, targets of negative gossip exhibit less proactive behavior and heightened emotional exhaustion [7].
负面流言是指分享对不在场的第三方具有潜在破坏性影响的信息[4]。这种八卦行为可能对八卦者和受害者都不利。例如，经常说负面闲话的人被认为更具攻击性、不那么和蔼可亲、不那么受欢迎[5]。负面流言会使群体成员难以相互信任或建立健康的合作关系[6]。事实上，负面流言的目标会表现出更少的主动行为和更强的情绪衰竭[7]。
负面流言是指分享对不在场的第三方具有潜在破坏性影响的信息[4]。这种八卦行为可能对八卦者和受害者都不利。例如，经常说负面闲话的人被认为更具攻击性、不那么和蔼可亲、不那么受欢迎[5]。负面流言会使群体成员难以相互信任或建立健康的合作关系[6]。事实上，负面流言的目标会表现出更少的主动行为和更强的情绪衰竭[7]。
Positive gossip, on the other hand, is a social currency that builds and fortifies relationships. This prosocial behavior includes praising an absent third party or sharing positive information with good intentions [5]. Positive gossip is a low-risk way of demonstrating social support, and unsurprisingly, this kind of behavior builds trust and strengthens social bonds in groups [8]. This group exercise will encourage the use of prosocial, positive gossip about the behavior, accomplishments, and achievements of others.
另一方面，积极的流言蜚语是一种建立和巩固人际关系的社会货币。这种亲社会行为包括赞美不在场的第三方，或出于善意分享正面信息[5]。积极的流言蜚语是一种低风险的社会支持方式，毫不奇怪，这种行为能在群体中建立信任并加强社会纽带[8]。本小组练习将鼓励大家对他人的行为、成就和成绩使用亲社会的、积极的闲聊方式。
另一方面，积极的流言蜚语是一种建立和巩固人际关系的社会货币。这种亲社会行为包括赞美不在场的第三方，或出于善意分享正面信息[5]。积极的流言蜚语是一种低风险的社会支持方式，毫不奇怪，这种行为能在群体中建立信任并加强社会纽带[8]。本小组练习将鼓励大家对他人的行为、成就和成绩使用亲社会的、积极的闲聊方式。
Author 作者
This tool was created by Elaine Houston.
该工具由伊莱恩-休斯顿创建。
该工具由伊莱恩-休斯顿创建。
Goal 目标
This activity aims to create a climate of appreciative personal feedback by encouraging the use of positive gossip that focuses on the behavior, accomplishments, and achievements of others.
这项活动的目的是通过鼓励使用积极的闲话来关注他人的行为、成绩和成就，从而营造一种赞赏式个人反馈的氛围。
这项活动的目的是通过鼓励使用积极的闲话来关注他人的行为、成绩和成就，从而营造一种赞赏式个人反馈的氛围。
Advice 建议
-
For practitioners delivering a workshop: At the start of the day, you can mention that this exercise will be completed at the end of the training. By doing so, participants are more likely to notice the positive traits of other people. This will ensure the exercise is more effective and make the group atmosphere even more positive throughout the day. This activity provides an opportunity to reflect and debrief at the end of the day.
针对举办讲习班的从业人员：在培训开始时，你可以提到这个练习将在培训结束时完成。这样做，参与者更有可能注意到其他人的积极特质。这将确保练习更加有效，并使全天的小组氛围更加积极。这项活动提供了一个在一天结束时进行反思和汇报的机会。 -
For an alternative approach, instead of dividing the participants into smaller groups, you can also do this exercise with all group members simultaneously. For example, you point at someone in the circle, and the rest of the participants take turns to say something positive about that person.
另一种方法是，你可以不把参与者分成小组，而是让所有组员同时做这个练习。例如，你指着圆圈中的某个人，其余参与者轮流说一些关于这个人的积极的话。
References 参考资料
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Foster, E. K. (2004). Research on gossip: Taxonomy, methods, and future directions. Review of General Psychology, 8, 78-99.
Foster, E. K. (2004).关于流言蜚语的研究：分类、方法和未来方向。普通心理学评论》，8，78-99。 -
Robbins, M. L., & Karan, A. (2020). Who gossips and how in everyday life? Social Psychological and Personality Science, 11, 185-195.
Robbins, M. L., & Karan, A. (2020)。日常生活中谁会说闲话以及如何说闲话？社会心理学与人格科学》，11，185-195。 -
Barkow, J. H. (1992). Beneath new culture is old psychology: Gossip and social stratification. In J. H. Barkow, L. Cosmides, & J. Tooby (Eds.), The adapted mind: Evolutionary psychology and the generation of culture (pp. 627-637). Oxford University Press.
Barkow, J. H. (1992).Beneath new culture is old psychology：Gossip and social stratification.In J. H. Barkow, L. Cosmides, & J. Tooby (Eds.), The adapted mind：Evolutionary psychology and the generation of culture (pp. 627-637).牛津大学出版社。 -
Brady, D. L., Brown, D. J., & Liang, L. H. (2017). Moving beyond assumptions of deviance: The reconceptualization and measurement of workplace gossip. Journal of Applied Psychology, 102, 1.
Brady, D. L., Brown, D. J., & Liang, L. H. (2017).超越偏差假设：工作场所流言蜚语的重新概念化与测量》。应用心理学杂志》，102，1。 -
Ellwardt, L., Labianca, G. J., & Wittek, R. (2012). Who are the objects of positive and negative gossip at work? A social network perspective on workplace gossip. Social Networks, 34, 193-205.
Ellwardt, L., Labianca, G. J., & Wittek, R. (2012)。谁是工作中正面和负面流言的对象？从社会网络角度看职场流言。社会网络》，34，193-205。 -
Aquino, K., Thau, S., 2009. Workplace victimization: Aggression from the target's perspective. Annual Review of Psychology 60, 717-741.
Aquino, K., Thau, S., 2009.Workplace victimization：Aggression from the target's perspective.Annual Review of Psychology 60, 717-741. -
Xie, J., Huang, Q., Wang, H., & Shen, M. (2019). Coping with negative workplace gossip: The joint roles of self-monitoring and impression management tactics. Personality and Individual Differences, 151.
Xie, J., Huang, Q., Wang, H., & Shen, M. (2019)。应对职场负面流言：自我监控与印象管理策略的共同作用。人格与个体差异，151。 -
Kniffin, K. M., & Wilson, D. S. (2005). Utilities of gossip across organizational levels. Human Nature, 16, 278-292.
Kniffin, K. M., & Wilson, D. S. (2005).跨组织层面的流言效用。Human Nature, 16, 278-292.
Positive Gossip 积极的流言蜚语
Whether we admit it or not, everyone gossips. It is human nature to do so. In simple terms, gossiping is talking about people who are not present. The average person spends around one hour each day engaging in some form of gossip about work colleagues, friends, family, or other people.
无论我们承认与否，每个人都会说闲话。这是人类的天性。简单地说，说闲话就是谈论不在场的人。平均每个人每天要花大约一个小时的时间，对同事、朋友、家人或其他人进行某种形式的闲聊。
无论我们承认与否，每个人都会说闲话。这是人类的天性。简单地说，说闲话就是谈论不在场的人。平均每个人每天要花大约一个小时的时间，对同事、朋友、家人或其他人进行某种形式的闲聊。
Sometimes, we talk about others solely to share information. This is called neutral gossip and is generally harmless. Other times, perhaps because of our insecurities or to increase our social standing, gossip is used as a weapon against others. This kind of malicious gossip can be damaging to both the gossiper and the target of the gossip. For example, talking negatively about people can make others assume that you will also talk about them in the same way and, as a result, damage existing relationships and weaken trust within the group. Being the focus of negative gossip is hurtful, isolating, and it can undermine a person's abilities and damage their self-esteem.
有时，我们谈论他人只是为了分享信息。这就是所谓的中性闲话，通常是无害的。其他时候，也许是因为我们缺乏安全感，或者是为了提高我们的社会地位，八卦被用作对付他人的武器。这种恶意的流言蜚语对流言蜚语者和流言蜚语的目标都会造成伤害。例如，说别人的坏话会让别人以为你也会以同样的方式说别人，从而破坏现有的人际关系，削弱群体内部的信任。成为负面流言的焦点是一种伤害和孤立，而且会削弱一个人的能力，损害其自尊。
有时，我们谈论他人只是为了分享信息。这就是所谓的中性闲话，通常是无害的。其他时候，也许是因为我们缺乏安全感，或者是为了提高我们的社会地位，八卦被用作对付他人的武器。这种恶意的流言蜚语对流言蜚语者和流言蜚语的目标都会造成伤害。例如，说别人的坏话会让别人以为你也会以同样的方式说别人，从而破坏现有的人际关系，削弱群体内部的信任。成为负面流言的焦点是一种伤害和孤立，而且会削弱一个人的能力，损害其自尊。
However, we can fulfill our need to gossip in a way that benefits us and others. Positive gossip is about sharing the accomplishments of others and celebrating their contributions with no malicious intent. Gossiping in this way can build trust, strengthen relationships, make us feel like part of a team, and provide opportunities to learn from the examples of other people.
然而，我们可以用一种对自己和他人都有益的方式来满足我们的八卦需求。积极的八卦是指分享他人的成就，赞美他们的贡献，而没有恶意。以这种方式闲聊可以建立信任，加强关系，让我们感觉自己是团队的一员，并有机会从其他人的例子中学习。
然而，我们可以用一种对自己和他人都有益的方式来满足我们的八卦需求。积极的八卦是指分享他人的成就，赞美他们的贡献，而没有恶意。以这种方式闲聊可以建立信任，加强关系，让我们感觉自己是团队的一员，并有机会从其他人的例子中学习。
We can all benefit from positive gossip, and this group activity is your opportunity to talk freely about - and celebrate - the behavior, accomplishments, and contributions of others.
我们每个人都能从积极的流言蜚语中获益，而这项小组活动正是您畅所欲言、赞美他人的行为、成就和贡献的机会。
我们每个人都能从积极的流言蜚语中获益，而这项小组活动正是您畅所欲言、赞美他人的行为、成就和贡献的机会。
Step 1: Understanding the roles
步骤 1：了解角色
步骤 1：了解角色
To begin, you will get into groups of three or more people. Each group member will take turns playing one of three roles:
首先，你们将分成三人或多人一组。每个小组成员轮流扮演三个角色中的一个：
首先，你们将分成三人或多人一组。每个小组成员轮流扮演三个角色中的一个：
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The Positive Gossiper will share positive gossip about the recipient's behavior, abilities, accomplishments, or contributions.
积极八卦者会分享关于受话人的行为、能力、成就或贡献的积极八卦。 -
The Recipient will be the focus of the positive gossip.
受助人将成为正面流言的焦点。 -
The Listeners will listen quietly without interrupting the gossiper.
倾听者会安静地倾听，不会打断闲聊者。
Step 2: Sharing positive gossip
步骤 2：分享积极的流言蜚语
步骤 2：分享积极的流言蜚语
Sit in a circle with the rest of your group and select someone at random to play the recipient's role. This can be done alphabetically or by drawing names, for example.
与小组其他成员围成一圈，随机选择一个人扮演受赠者。例如，可以按字母顺序排列，也可以抽签决定。
与小组其他成员围成一圈，随机选择一个人扮演受赠者。例如，可以按字母顺序排列，也可以抽签决定。
The person sitting to the recipient's right will kick off the exercise by standing up and sharing one piece of positive gossip about that person while the other group members listen. Whatever piece of positive gossip is shared, it should be specific and true. Perhaps, it could show appreciation for something they do well. For example, "I like that [recipient's name] listens when you speak," "I think that [recipient's name] is warm and friendly," or "[recipient's name] has incredible management skills."
坐在受话人右边的人将站起来，在其他组员倾听的情况下，分享一段关于受话人的正面流言蜚语，以此拉开练习的序幕。无论分享的是什么正面的闲话，都应该是具体而真实的。或许，可以对他们做得好的地方表示赞赏。例如，"我喜欢[接受者的名字]在你发言时倾听"、"我认为[接受者的名字]热情友好 "或"[接受者的名字]有令人难以置信的管理技能"。
坐在受话人右边的人将站起来，在其他组员倾听的情况下，分享一段关于受话人的正面流言蜚语，以此拉开练习的序幕。无论分享的是什么正面的闲话，都应该是具体而真实的。或许，可以对他们做得好的地方表示赞赏。例如，"我喜欢[接受者的名字]在你发言时倾听"、"我认为[接受者的名字]热情友好 "或"[接受者的名字]有令人难以置信的管理技能"。
When the first gossiper has finished, he/she should sit down, and the person to their right will begin his/her sentence with, "That's right and...," before going on to share their positive gossip about the recipient.
当第一个说闲话的人说完后，他/她应该坐下，而他/她右边的人将以 "没错，而且...... "作为开场白，然后继续分享关于受话人的正面闲话。
当第一个说闲话的人说完后，他/她应该坐下，而他/她右边的人将以 "没错，而且...... "作为开场白，然后继续分享关于受话人的正面闲话。
You will continue to go around the circle in this way until all group members get an opportunity to share their positive gossip about the recipient, at which point someone else will assume the recipient's role.
你将继续以这种方式围成一圈，直到所有小组成员都有机会分享他们关于接受者的正面闲话，这时其他人将扮演接受者的角色。
你将继续以这种方式围成一圈，直到所有小组成员都有机会分享他们关于接受者的正面闲话，这时其他人将扮演接受者的角色。
Repeat the activity as described above until every group member plays the role of the recipient.
重复上述活动，直到每个小组成员都扮演收件人。
重复上述活动，直到每个小组成员都扮演收件人。
Step 3: Reflecting on your experience in each role
第 3 步：反思自己在每个角色中的经历
In this step, you will have the opportunity to reflect on your experience in each of the three roles. When everyone has assumed the recipient's role, take a few moments to consider the questions detailed below and write your responses in the space provided.
在这个步骤中，你将有机会反思自己在三种角色中的体验。当每个人都扮演好接受者的角色后，请花一些时间思考下面详细列出的问题，并在空白处写下您的回答。
在这个步骤中，你将有机会反思自己在三种角色中的体验。当每个人都扮演好接受者的角色后，请花一些时间思考下面详细列出的问题，并在空白处写下您的回答。
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How did it feel to share positive gossip about others?
分享他人的正面八卦感觉如何？ -
How did it feel to listen to your group share positive gossip about others?
听小组成员分享关于他人的正面八卦，感觉如何？ -
How did it feel to hear others share positive gossip about you?
听到别人分享关于你的正面流言蜚语，感觉如何？
Step 4: General reflection questions
步骤 4：一般性思考问题
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How did this exercise change how you think about gossip?
这个练习如何改变了你对流言蜚语的看法？ -
In what ways did this activity help you understand the value of positive gossip?
这项活动在哪些方面帮助你理解了正面流言的价值？ -
Which of the three roles did you enjoy most? What are your reasons for this?
在这三个角色中，您最喜欢哪个？原因是什么？ -
What other groups or situations would benefit from positive gossip?
还有哪些群体或情况会受益于积极的流言蜚语？ -
As the recipient, what piece of positive gossip did you appreciate the most?
作为受话人，您最欣赏哪句正面的闲话？
36 Questions to Increase Closeness
增进亲密关系的 36 个问题
(2) Communication (2) 交流
ค. Exercise ค.练习
(ᄃ)
Group 组别
Interpersonal closeness describes the psychological proximity of two or more people and the related feelings of attachment between them [1]. According to the Social Penetration Theory [2], the reciprocal sharing of personal information underlies the process of getting to know someone. As relationships develop, communication moves from relatively superficial to more profound and personal. Indeed, to develop deep and trusting relationships, some level of reciprocal, personal self-disclosure is required [3]. This information sharing influences interpersonal closeness in numerous ways, including how quickly relationships form and how close those relationships become [2].
人际亲近是指两个或两个以上的人在心理上的接近，以及他们之间相关的依恋感[1]。根据社会渗透理论（Social Penetration Theory）[2]，个人信息的相互分享是了解一个人的基础。随着关系的发展，交流会从相对肤浅变得更加深刻和个人化。事实上，要发展深层次的信任关系，就需要一定程度的互惠、个人自我披露[3]。这种信息共享在许多方面影响着人际关系的亲密程度，包括关系形成的快慢和关系的密切程度[2]。
It is interesting to note that mutual self-disclosure has been shown to foster closeness even between strangers. A study in which unacquainted pairs asked one another 36 questions designed to generate closeness reported an increase in feelings of intimacy [3]. Within just 60 minutes, participants typically said they felt unusually close to their unknown partner. Surprisingly, the level of closeness reported after the activity matched that of their most valued relationships
值得注意的是，即使在陌生人之间，相互自我披露也能促进亲密关系。在一项研究中，一对互不相识的情侣相互提出了 36 个旨在产生亲近感的问题，结果表明他们的亲密感增加了[3]。在短短的 60 分钟内，参与者通常会说，他们感觉与陌生伴侣异常亲密。令人惊讶的是，活动结束后所报告的亲密程度与他们最珍视的关系相吻合
值得注意的是，即使在陌生人之间，相互自我披露也能促进亲密关系。在一项研究中，一对互不相识的情侣相互提出了 36 个旨在产生亲近感的问题，结果表明他们的亲密感增加了[3]。在短短的 60 分钟内，参与者通常会说，他们感觉与陌生伴侣异常亲密。令人惊讶的是，活动结束后所报告的亲密程度与他们最珍视的关系相吻合
Developing closeness and being part of a cohesive group have several benefits. While indifferent and weak connections within teams may cause stress and dissatisfaction [4], strong in-group bonds improve morale, increase motivation [5], and promote trusting, respectful engagement between team members [4]. This exercise will encourage reciprocal self-disclosure among group members to allow new and established teams to generate and increase feelings of closeness.
培养亲和力和成为一个有凝聚力的团体的一员有很多好处。团队中冷漠和薄弱的联系可能会造成压力和不满[4]，而强大的组内纽带则能提高士气、增强动力[5]，并促进团队成员之间相互信任、相互尊重的交往[4]。本练习将鼓励小组成员之间的相互自我披露，让新团队和已建立的团队产生并增加亲近感。
培养亲和力和成为一个有凝聚力的团体的一员有很多好处。团队中冷漠和薄弱的联系可能会造成压力和不满[4]，而强大的组内纽带则能提高士气、增强动力[5]，并促进团队成员之间相互信任、相互尊重的交往[4]。本练习将鼓励小组成员之间的相互自我披露，让新团队和已建立的团队产生并增加亲近感。
Author 作者
This exercise was adapted from the study by Aron and colleagues [3] by Elaine Houston.
这一练习由 Elaine Houston 根据 Aron 及其同事的研究改编而成[3]。
这一练习由 Elaine Houston 根据 Aron 及其同事的研究改编而成[3]。
Goal 目标
This exercise aims to help teams increase feelings of closeness and build lasting relationships through reciprocal self-disclosure.
这项练习旨在帮助团队增强亲近感，并通过对等的自我披露建立持久的关系。
这项练习旨在帮助团队增强亲近感，并通过对等的自我披露建立持久的关系。
Advice 建议
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It is important to note that the 36 questions require individuals to disclose more or less intimate information, and participants may feel uncomfortable responding to questions perceived as too personal. Therefore, they may select questions from the list (Appendix) that resonate with them.
需要注意的是，这 36 个问题或多或少都会要求参与者透露一些隐私信息，因此参与者在回答被认为过于私人的问题时可能会感到不自在。因此，他们可以从列表（附录）中选择能引起他们共鸣的问题。 -
The instructor should ensure that participants have ample time to respond to questions. Please allow at least 45 minutes to complete this activity and be aware that some questions will take longer to answer than others. Depending on the time available to you, you may increase or decrease the allotted time.
指导员应确保参与者有充足的时间回答问题。请至少留出 45 分钟来完成本活动，并注意有些问题的回答时间会比其他问题长。根据您的时间，您可以增加或减少分配的时间。 -
Participants should make eye contact during the exercise, although it may be a source of embarrassment or discomfort at first. Sharing eye contact is a powerful social stimulus that signals their direction of attention, while avoiding eye contact may create a disconnect.
参与者应在练习过程中进行眼神交流，尽管一开始可能会感到尴尬或不适。眼神交流是一种强大的社交刺激，它能向参与者发出关注方向的信号，而避免眼神交流则可能会造成脱节。 -
This activity works best in workshops, team meetings, or other group settings and is effective for new and existing teams. Some adaptations may also be used to generate or increase closeness within any relationship: between romantic partners, colleagues, remote workers, friends, or family, for instance.
这项活动最适合在研讨会、团队会议或其他小组环境中进行，对新团队和现有团队都很有效。经过一些调整后，也可以用于在任何关系中产生或增加亲密感：例如，在恋爱伴侣、同事、远程工作者、朋友或家人之间。
References 参考资料
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Dubois, D., Bonezzi, A., & De Angelis, M. (2016). Sharing with friends versus strangers: How interpersonal closeness influences word-of-mouth valence. Journal of Marketing Research, 53, 712-727.
Dubois, D., Bonezzi, A., & De Angelis, M. (2016)。与朋友分享还是与陌生人分享：人际亲密度如何影响口碑传播价值。营销研究期刊》，53，712-727。 -
Altman, I., & Taylor, D. (1973). Social penetration: The development of interpersonal relationships. Holt, Rinehart & Winston.
Altman, I., & Taylor, D. (1973).社会渗透：The development of interpersonal relationships.Holt, Rinehart & Winston. -
Aron, A., Melinat, E., Aron, E. N., Vallone, R. D., & Bator, R. J. (1997). The experimental generation of interpersonal closeness: A procedure and some preliminary findings. Personality & Social Psychology Bulletin, 23, 363-377.
Aron, A., Melinat, E., Aron, E. N., Vallone, R. D., & Bator, R. J. (1997).人际亲密关系的实验生成：A procedure and some preliminary findings.Personality & Social Psychology Bulletin, 23, 363-377. -
Mastroianni, K., & Storberg-Walker, J. (2014). Do work relationships matter? Characteristics of workplace interactions that enhance or detract from employee perceptions of well-being and health behaviors. Health Psychology & Behavioral Medicine, 2, 798-819.
Mastroianni, K., & Storberg-Walker, J. (2014)。工作关系重要吗？提高或降低员工对幸福感和健康行为认知的工作场所互动特征》（Health Psychology & Behavioring Medicine, 2, 798-819.健康心理学与行为医学》，2，798-819。 -
Basford, T. E., & Offermann, L. R. (2012). Beyond leadership: The impact of coworker relationships on employee motivation and intent to stay. Journal of Management & Organization, 18, 807-817.
Basford, T. E., & Offermann, L. R. (2012).超越领导力：同事关系对员工积极性和留任意愿的影响》。管理与组织期刊》，18，807-817。
36 Questions to Increase Closeness
增进亲密关系的 36 个问题
Closeness within any team is important. When people know each other well, whether in the workplace, a sports team, or any other group setting, they are more likely to trust, respect, and understand one another.
任何团队中的亲密关系都很重要。无论是在工作场所、运动队还是其他任何团体环境中，如果人们彼此熟悉，就更有可能相互信任、尊重和理解。
任何团队中的亲密关系都很重要。无论是在工作场所、运动队还是其他任何团体环境中，如果人们彼此熟悉，就更有可能相互信任、尊重和理解。
The best way to get close to your team is for you to share with them and for them to share with you. You must reveal things about yourself and listen to what others share with you. The feelings of closeness from the mutual sharing of opinions, stories, and experiences help build strong, long-lasting connections.
亲近团队的最佳方式是你与他们分享，他们也与你分享。你必须袒露自己，倾听他人的分享。相互分享意见、故事和经验所产生的亲近感有助于建立牢固、持久的联系。
亲近团队的最佳方式是你与他们分享，他们也与你分享。你必须袒露自己，倾听他人的分享。相互分享意见、故事和经验所产生的亲近感有助于建立牢固、持久的联系。
Sharing personal information can make you feel exposed, but this is not necessarily a bad thing. Allowing yourself to be vulnerable helps build more trusting relationships and encourages others to be open and honest with you in return.
分享个人信息会让你感觉暴露，但这并不一定是坏事。允许自己脆弱，有助于建立更多的信任关系，并鼓励他人以开放和诚实的态度对待你。
分享个人信息会让你感觉暴露，但这并不一定是坏事。允许自己脆弱，有助于建立更多的信任关系，并鼓励他人以开放和诚实的态度对待你。
In this exercise, you will get into pairs and take turns answering questions that are designed to break down barriers, build rapport, and increase the sense of closeness you feel to your allocated partner.
在这个练习中，你们将两人一组，轮流回答问题，这些问题旨在打破隔阂、建立融洽关系，并增加你们与分配到的伙伴的亲近感。
在这个练习中，你们将两人一组，轮流回答问题，这些问题旨在打破隔阂、建立融洽关系，并增加你们与分配到的伙伴的亲近感。
Your instructor will now guide you through the activity step-by-step.
现在，指导老师将逐步指导您完成活动。
现在，指导老师将逐步指导您完成活动。
Step 1: Divide the group into sub-groups
步骤 1：将小组划分为若干分组
步骤 1：将小组划分为若干分组
Divide the group into random pairs. If the group has an odd number of people, one group can have three members. Hand out a copy of the 36 questions to each pair (see Appendix).
将小组随机分成两组。如果小组人数为奇数，一个小组可以有三名成员。向每对学生分发一份 36 个问题的副本（见附录）。
将小组随机分成两组。如果小组人数为奇数，一个小组可以有三名成员。向每对学生分发一份 36 个问题的副本（见附录）。
Step 2: Instruct participants
步骤 2：指导参与者
This activity is most effective when both parties are honest and open, so remind participants that this is a safe space where they can allow themselves to be vulnerable. In pairs, inform participants that they may select questions that resonate with them. Alternatively, pairs may work through all 36 questions in the order they are listed.
当双方都坦诚相待时，这项活动才会最有效，因此要提醒参与者，这是一个安全的空间，他们可以在这里允许自己脆弱。在两人一组的情况下，告知参与者可以选择能引起他们共鸣的问题。或者，两人一组按照列出的顺序完成所有 36 个问题。
当双方都坦诚相待时，这项活动才会最有效，因此要提醒参与者，这是一个安全的空间，他们可以在这里允许自己脆弱。在两人一组的情况下，告知参与者可以选择能引起他们共鸣的问题。或者，两人一组按照列出的顺序完成所有 36 个问题。
Participants will take turns to ask and respond to a question so that the person who answered last should be the first to answer the next question, and so on.
参与者轮流提问和回答问题，这样最后回答问题的人就可以第一个回答下一个问题，以此类推。
参与者轮流提问和回答问题，这样最后回答问题的人就可以第一个回答下一个问题，以此类推。
Step 3: Swap roles
步骤 3：互换角色
Give a verbal signal to remind participants to move on to the next question when it is time to do so. This will ensure participants share responses with their partners promptly. Allow at least 45 minutes for pairs to complete all 36 questions. Please be aware that some questions will take longer to answer than others. Question 11, for instance, has an allotted response time of four minutes.
在时间到时，发出口头信号提醒参与者进入下一个问题。这将确保参与者及时与他们的伙伴分享回答。至少留出 45 分钟的时间让两人一组完成所有 36 个问题。请注意，有些问题的回答时间会比其他问题长。例如，第 11 题的规定回答时间为 4 分钟。
在时间到时，发出口头信号提醒参与者进入下一个问题。这将确保参与者及时与他们的伙伴分享回答。至少留出 45 分钟的时间让两人一组完成所有 36 个问题。请注意，有些问题的回答时间会比其他问题长。例如，第 11 题的规定回答时间为 4 分钟。
Step 4: Reflect 步骤 4：反思
Upon completion, reflect with the whole group on their experience using the following questions:
完成后，使用以下问题与整个小组一起反思他们的经历：
完成后，使用以下问题与整个小组一起反思他们的经历：
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How did it feel to be open and vulnerable with your partner?
与伴侣敞开心扉、坦诚相待的感觉如何？ -
How did it feel to witness your partner's openness and vulnerability?
目睹伴侣的坦诚和脆弱感觉如何？ -
What have you learned about your partner that you did not know before?
您对您的伴侣有了哪些以前不知道的了解？ -
What question did you find most challenging to answer? Why was this challenging?
您认为回答哪个问题最具挑战性？为什么具有挑战性？ -
What was the most enjoyable aspect of this exercise?
这次练习中最令人愉快的是什么？ -
How close did you feel to your partner before completing this activity on a scale of 0-10 (with 0 being not close at all and 10 being very close)?
在完成这项活动之前，您觉得自己与伴侣的关系有多亲密（0 代表完全不亲密，10 代表非常亲密）？ -
How close do you feel to your partner after completing this activity on a scale of 0-10 (with 0 being not close at all and 10 being very close)?
完成这项活动后，您觉得与伴侣的关系有多亲密（0 表示完全不亲密，10 表示非常亲密）？ -
In what ways do you feel a deeper connection with your partner?
您在哪些方面感受到了与伴侣之间更深层次的联系？ -
If you could repeat this exercise with anyone else, who would it be? What steps can you take to make this happen?
如果你可以和其他人一起重复这个练习，你会选谁呢？您可以采取哪些措施来实现这一目标？
Appendix: The 36 questions to increase closeness
附录：增进亲密关系的 36 个问题
附录：增进亲密关系的 36 个问题
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Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest?
如果可以选择世界上的任何一个人，你希望谁作为晚餐的客人？ -
Would you like to be famous? In what way?
你想出名吗？以何种方式？ -
Before making a telephone call, do you ever rehearse what you are going to say? Why?
在打电话之前，您是否排练过要说的话？为什么？ -
What would constitute a "perfect" day for you?
对你来说，什么才是 "完美 "的一天？ -
When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else?
你上一次唱歌是什么时候？对别人唱？ -
If you were able to live to the age of 90 and retain either the mind or body of a 30 -year-old for the last 60 years of your life, which would you want?
如果你能活到 90 岁，并在生命的最后 60 年里保持 30 岁的头脑或身体，你想要哪一个？ -
Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die?
你对自己的死法有什么秘密预感吗？ -
Name three things you and the other person appear to have in common.
说出你和对方的三个共同点。 -
For what in your life do you feel most grateful?
你一生中最感激的是什么？ -
If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be?
如果可以改变你的成长方式，你会怎么做？ -
Take four minutes and tell the other person your life story in as much detail as possible.
用四分钟时间，尽可能详细地向对方讲述你的人生故事。 -
If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability, what would it be?
如果明天醒来，你能获得任何一种品质或能力，你会是什么？ -
If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future, or anything else, what would you want to know?
如果水晶球能告诉你关于你自己、你的生活、未来或其他任何事情的真相，你想知道什么？ -
Is there something that you've dreamed of doing for a long time? Why haven't you done it?
有什么是你梦想已久的事情吗？为什么一直没有去做？ -
What is the greatest accomplishment of your life?
您一生中最大的成就是什么？ -
What do you value most in a friendship?
在友谊中，你最看重什么？ -
What is your most treasured memory?
您最珍贵的记忆是什么？ -
What is your most terrible memory?
你最可怕的记忆是什么？ -
If you knew that you would die suddenly in one year, would you change anything about how you are now living? Why?
如果你知道自己将在一年后突然死亡，你会改变现在的生活方式吗？为什么？ -
What does friendship mean to you?
友谊对你意味着什么？ -
What roles do love and affection play in your life?
爱情和亲情在你的生活中扮演什么角色？ -
With your partner, alternate in sharing something you consider a positive characteristic of the other person. Share a total of five items.
与你的伙伴轮流分享你认为对方的积极特征。总共分享五个项目。 -
How close and warm is your family? Do you feel your childhood was happier than most other people's?
您的家庭有多亲密和温暖？您觉得自己的童年比其他人的童年幸福吗？ -
How do you feel about your relationship with your mother?
您如何看待与母亲的关系？ -
Both of you come up with three true "we" statements. For instance, "We are both in this room feeling..."
你们两个都提出三个真实的 "我们"。例如，"我们都在这个房间里，感觉......" -
Complete this sentence: "I wish I had someone with whom I could share ..."
完成这个句子："我希望能有一个人与我分享......" -
If you were going to become a close friend with the other person, share what would be important for them to know.
如果您要与对方成为亲密朋友，请与对方分享您想让他知道的重要事情。 -
Tell the other person what you like about them; be very honest, saying things that you might not say to someone you've just met.
告诉对方你喜欢他什么；要非常诚实，说一些你可能不会对刚认识的人说的话。 -
Share an embarrassing moment in your life.
分享你生活中的尴尬时刻。 -
When did you last cry in front of another person? By yourself?
你上一次在别人面前哭是什么时候？一个人？ -
Tell the other person something that you like about them already.
告诉对方一些你已经喜欢上的东西。 -
What is too serious to joke about, if anything?
有什么事是不能开玩笑的？ -
If you were to die this evening with no opportunity to communicate with anyone, what would you most regret not having told someone? Why haven't you told them yet?
如果你今晚死去，没有机会与任何人交流，你最后悔没有告诉别人什么？你为什么还没有告诉他们？ -
Your house, containing everything you own, catches fire. After saving your loved ones and pets, you have time to make a final dash to save any one item safely. What would it be? Why?
您的房子着火了，里面有您所有的东西。在救出你的亲人和宠物后，你有时间做最后的冲刺，安全地救出任何一件物品。是什么？为什么？ -
Of all the people in your family, whose death would you find most disturbing? Why?
在您家中所有的人中，您觉得谁的死最令人不安？为什么？ -
Share a personal problem and ask the other person's advice on how he or she might handle it. Additionally, ask your partner to reflect on how you seem to be feeling about your chosen problem.
分享一个个人问题，并就如何处理该问题征求对方的意见。此外，请您的伴侣反思一下您对所选问题的感受。